I am a member on both Anastasia-I & Fiance.com and writing to several ladies on both. I am now in the middle of serious correspondence on both sites. I am very close to going to visit some of these ladies soon in the future. However, since having a curious mind, I have also learn't that ladies on both sites who are writing to me, are also writing to some of my friends also registered on both sites!!! Now being a typical curious guy, after having relations developed into meeting stage, I personally don't like the fact the same women are reaching out to other men! I did confront one lady and she told me to end it with her!!! This is the expectation I got from one girl. She said I was too aggressive. Surely I don't want to book a flight and waste my money & meet someone to find out it is just a correspoendence. Nothing else nothing more. I have been reading everyone's reviews + experiences on these 2 sites specifically and some times I find positive feed while others very negative feedback. Now I am definitely not going to confront anyone else about double standards since I lost the last girl. Sure if I spend on flowers & gifts to get her back she would respond. What is the best way for someone in this situation???
PS:About girls being real from previous posts, I think it is the real deal here otherwise why would anyone tell me to hitch a ride?(surely if it was the agency writing than they would want more business)
One word: Patience. You've experienced something already and learn from this. The majority will drop off in a hurry. I don't subscribe to the rule you have to jump on the first plane to the FSU. Which is different than many others here. Establish communications outside of both fiance and anastasia. Then the real communications will begin. If you can't move on. You will eventually find the right one who will do these things.
why would they want to cut off contact with others when they have never met you. these women get hundreds of men who write them but not many actually make the next move to visit. then they need to find out if you are as they put it a good match. or they just want you to come see them and take then to dinner and if there lucky shopping.
She said I was too aggressive ???
Well – you best rid of her !!! More than likely - you were asking to many questions that would expose her scam intent.
As Nas says above - patience. Keep the communications going and ask the questions that will sort out the $$ wasters, there are plenty, especially in the young and pretty brigade !!!
Look for compatibility. This can be done with letters before any travel and meetings.
I don’t know if it is a gifted trait or it is something one learns from experience, but I find it difficult reading of men’s bad experiences on here – to how they let themselves in for the fall in the 1st place !!!
Communication with letters and then maybe a phone call etc should put you on a track towards someone you MIGHT like to spend the rest of your life with. No one can guarantee anything great and perfect – but you should be able to keep the % of success high if you do the ground work correctly.
Rule NO 1
DONT send ANY $$$ to ANYONE you have not met in person.
Shaz444Shaz444: Double standards? Give me a break!! You are in the middle of serious correspondence on both sites? Why would you be corresponding with only one girl, using two different sites to do so? The answer is you are not. You are playing the “Pot calling the kettle black”.
You confronted her? About what? Writing to another man? You are doing what? What a hide!! Get a clue, men propose and women dispose and she disposed of you in short order. I suspect you have quite a lot of that in front of you yet with your current attitude of double standards as you plan to visit “some of these ladies soon”.
Please don’t try to justify your “Right” to play the field because you are the one with the major expenditure and travel obligations. She / they are not interested. You choose to search abroad, you carry the can. ‘Sway it is.
You are definitely not going to confront other girls because you lost the last one? Fact is, you never had her. Until you front up, you are not much more than another name behind a keyboard. Nasfan pointed you to a method of developing something more via letter. I agree to an extent, but IMO it remains more of an academic level relationship until you meet. Romance requires skin sensations IMO. You are trying to turn this into a turkey shoot by pinning women down to some exclusive commitment whilst you aren’t prepared to do the same. The turkey shoot isn’t going to happen. I suggest you rethink your strategy.
As for me using "double standards" is OK. You are not looking for a car but a wife, one with whom you want to live till the ends of your days and have kids. And you do all these correspondence, use such forums etc only with this purpose. You are about to make one of the most important step in your life. You must not make a mistake. Thus any method is acceptable. Try, check, wait, eximine, control etc. But remember, females have such a right either. Not only you are a "customer". So understand it.
Shaz, these girls talk to other men and there is really nothing you can do about it. If you are writing a woman, you should accept right from the get-go that they are doing this. They are probably meeting other guys while they talk to you too. The only thing you can hope for is that you and her will hit it off in letters and talk away from the agencies by phone and email and decide to actually meet. Then if you meet and there is chemistry between you and she is genuine and not just seeing you (and others) for shopping and expensive dinners maybe she will decide she will want to be with you exclusively and will leave the agency. This is all a hard game to play filled with a lot of maybe's and hopefully's unfortunetly. It will be even harder for you because you are using an agency, trying to find a serious girl there is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Good luck.
My opinion only. And a lot is a repeat of already posted.
Until you meet, its all a crapshoot. But you can tell a lot from phone calls and such. You cannot expect a woman to drop everything for a guy she receives a letter from twice a week. Put yourself in their shoes. Would you sit home on Saturday night because a woman on the other side of the world wrote you a nice letter? Besides, do you know how many times these women hear guys promising visits and yet very, very few actually do visit?
Put yourself in her shoes. You meet a great guy. You write for months. You talk on the phone. You like him a lot. He wants to come meet you and your family. You are all excited. Meanwhile, he meets lady in his city and disappears. Or for whatever reason, keeps cancelling plans to visit. Rinse and repeat. after a while, you would probably put very little weight on what is said.
And another thing that makes them somewhat different from Western women. Russian/Ukrainian women want a strong man. A man who knows what he wants and goes and gets it! Western women are all caught up on womens rights and womens empowerment. Not to say thats wrong or that these Russian/Ukrainian women dont want to feel like they have some control. Just understand that Russian society is A LITTLE bit like the Far East society where men talk and women follow. Not saying all do that, and I would say even less in the big cities like Kyiv, but it is a lot different than American culture. In American culture, you decide where you are taking a woman to dinner without running it by her and you look like a control freak.
My suggestion: Write many and get to know them. The ones that respond the most, keep writing and ASK questions. Dont just write about your day or politics or any of that plain crap. Write personal things and ask personal questions. Like what she likes to do, hobbies, family, ask about prior relationships.
I say this because before I met Anya, I wrote to a girl from Eastern Ukraine. Nearly every letter from her was about this holiday or the weather or something completely impersonal like that. Never real info that helped me to decide if I really liked her as a person. It didnt get any better and I decided to let it go.
So write, get responses, narrow down to 2. Then call and see there. Its much easier to like someone through paper than live voice. Maybe she sounds boring. Maybe she doesnt sound real enthused. Maybe she isnt ever available. IF so, move on. Eventually you will get ONE woman who WANTS your calls and WANTS your letter and is willing to walk a mile in the damn snow to an internet cafe to wait on your letter. Think you will get that in America?
Then you go see her. But dont make it real drug out because a woman needs a real man to have and not just a letter and a voice on the other end of the line.
For those guys that go to Ukraine for an agency to set them up...you are wasting your time. What kind of relationship could you possibly have in a week?
Everyone has their own opinions based on their own experiences.
My $.02, correspondence means virtually nothing until you actually meet the girl. The idea of a "serious correspondence" or of a correspondence developing into the "meeting stage" just doesn't make sense to me. Personally, I would use correspondence just to establish basics: does she have kids/want kids/smoke/have an education/want to live in a big city or small town/etc...? Then go and meet her.
One day I was talking to a girl in my apartment building in Odessa. She said that she wanted to speak with me to practice her English. She said the only time she practices English is with an American guy that she's been writing to for a long time from a marriage agency. I said, OK, let's meet this weekend, we will speak English half the time for you, and speak Russian half the time for me to practice. She said, "Oh, I can't this weekend, I'm going to the beach with my boyfriend." In other words, even if the correspondence was "serious" to the guy, to her it was just English practice.
Regarding your argument that if a girl tells you to get lost she must be real, I can't say that I necessarily agree. As I've said before, I know a girl that writes letters for an A-web affiliate. Her job is to keep the correspondence going but to discourage meetings. If she thinks that you are about to come visit, she would very possibly take offense at something and tell you that she doesn't want further communication.
For one more example, I had a profile on agency for a while. When I started living in Odessa, I didn't change my address on my profile, it still said that I lived in the U.S. A number of times, girls would write to me saying how much they wanted to get to know me etc... After one or two letters, when I would say, "well, good luck, I live in Odessa, we can meet for tea this weekend," they would suddenly decide that they didn't like me or that they were too busy to meet. The dishonest agencies want correspondence, not actual meetings.