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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > Excuse the newbie questions, but... Author Post Muzzy Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/25/2009 5:00:54 AM   Hello all, I'm new to the whole FSU dating thing. I've dated internationally before, so this side of things doesn't bother me. I do have the odd question though, which I'm hoping some kind forumer can answer for me... 1: Pretty much as soon as my ad was published, I was written letters by women who've apparently had over a hundred letters written to them. I'm not talking about them responding to my letters, I mean instigated by them. Are they hedging their bets (considerably) or do they get a lot of letters from time wasters? I wrote to one girl who'd had over 700 letters (chancing my arm, granted, but she's a bit of a knockout so thought I'd give it a go). Anyway, she wrote back straight away, friendly and actually REALLY eager to meet. Any suggestions? 2: This may come across as insulting to some - please know it isn't intended to be. Are FSU girls REALLY that into older blokes, or do they just not think they'll get anyone good their own age? I only ask because I'm 35, which puts me at the bottom end of even most 19 year old's age requirements. I've been written to by a few 20 year olds, some of whom have a top age limit of 60?? I know there's a maturity difference here but - seriously? 3: I've come across a lady I'm interested in writing to, but I have pause for concern. She's very pretty, seems to tick all the boxes, but she's been registered since May, with not a single letter written to her. Does everyone else know something I don't? Is there a way to tell if this is a scam? Please excuse the negativity. I'm a suspicious soul by nature (which apparently is a good thing in this area), but I do genuinely want to make something of this, so I'm proceeding cautiously. Any advice or answers would be gratefully received. baron555 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/25/2009 4:25:13 PM   1. Some do scatter shot emails at everyone. Which site? Most of the emails you first get from women are most likely GTGs (Good Time Girls) or scammers, in my opinion. A lot of sites are chock full of scammers. Fiance.com seems to be a good one. I used Elenas Models. How quickly did the one girl write back. Remember the time difference, if it was in the middle of the night her time, do you really think it came from her? Really eager to meet, on the first letter? Big red flag. No real women will want to meet you so quickly on the first letter. Do not fall in love with the pictures. Use your upper head. 2. No, they are not really into older blokes. You must also understand the culture and experiences of the different age groups. 18-25 year old is when most girls first marry. They have no experiences. They never have had their hearts broken. 25-35-40 may have been married and are now divorced. Maybe they have a child. They most likely have had their hearts broken but value and want a husband and a happy family. This is your best chance age group. Older ladies are just that. They have a life full of experiences and are now, for whatever reason, looking to finish their life full of love. 20 year old looking for a 60 year old = Green Card, Nice Life, Money, Money after you die. 3. Can't be a good scammer with no letters written to her. May be a real woman. devilmaycare Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/25/2009 6:30:36 PM   Well age is one of those things that is "relative". Given complete freedom of choice most women prefer a man within 5-10 years of their own age, any experience of European or US dating sites will tell you that. The idea that there is some tradition of young girls with old men in the east is largely a myth created by the so-called marriage agencies. Lets call this the "anastasia myth" - that there are armies of model quality 20 year olds who "just want to beloved" and "are only concerned with your inner beauty". BUT the basic laws of supply and demand mean that there are a lot of eastern European girls who would consider a western man 10-15 years older possibly stretching to 20 years. One thing you can be reasonably sure of is that a girl who lists her maximum age as more than 20 years above her own is probably not serious - is basically trawling for vacations and gifts. As you say though at your age even the youngest girls on the site are fair game. Your problem though is that finding a really attractive serious girl under say 27-28 is a real problem because most of the beautiful childless girls that age still have their sights set on landing a local wealthy businessman or gangster especially those in the main Ukraine cities like kiev and odessa, you will just be a play thing to such girls. Even in my mid 40s I have a little of the same dialemma - if I go for an age difference of more than 15 years or so I'm skirting the "danger zone" of the under 30's. durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/25/2009 8:44:17 PM   1. Could go either way. The ones with the most glamorous pictures may be getting lots of letters from time wasters. 2. The higher an age gap she puts on her profile, the less likely it is that she is serious. Perhaps surprisingly, younger girls (and I'm not counting scammers here) are more likely to advertise a big age difference than their older counterparts - probably reflecting a lack of life experience and realism about relationships. I'm a lot older than you, but if I were 35 and wanting to get married, I think I would look for women at least 25. After all, most people are still doing a lot of learning and growing during their 20s. 3. Like baron says, could be the real deal. Experienced guys would avoid a profile if it has obvious scammer fingerprints, but if it doesn't, maybe nobody else has yet appreciated her as you do - and of course, maybe the letter counts are a bit behind. Durak's List of Scammer Clues: A. Only one photo, if she is very pretty/young/sexy B. All photos very glamorous or sexy, and very professional dress/background/photography C. Extreme advertised age difference (for example, looking for men aged 18-80, or a 25 year old looking for men up to 50) D. Description (herself / who she's looking for) is either missing, very short, or very generic (a few stock phrases) One one website I look at, a huge percentage of scammer profiles have one too-pretty picture, give the age as 27, and are looking for men up to 50 (or above). Maybe they are all the same scammer :) I consider C (extreme tolerance of age difference) to be a show-stopper, no woman who wants a real marriage is going to do this. The problem with A, B and D is that sometimes real women will have these on their profiles - though an empty (or nearly empty) description is proof that it is not a serious effort. You have use some judgment, but with practice, you get pretty good at it. By the way, I DID meet a woman who met A (one picture, looked like a model), and C (man's age range 18-80), her age being 27. She wasn't a scammer - she was a gold digger (expensive shopping trips), but nevertheless a real person. And the picture looked like a model, because... she is a model. Land of oz Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/26/2009 12:35:58 AM   Depends too on the site you advertised on. Do a google search for scam and that site name and see what is written about it. You may be getting seed letters from the interpreters who are paid by the letter rather than the lady. peteb Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/26/2009 2:18:27 AM   good advice i reckon. i live here in kiev and don't know any girl in their 20's who would consider moving abroad. curious in travelling abroad sure, but not moving away. family is way too important for one thing. i'm not far off your age, i'm 37 and living with a 24 year old. the age gap is certainly not as much of a big deal as back in the uk but as for a 20 year old saying that she'd consider a man in his 50 or 60's... well - something not quite right there... i don't think a girl just being very pretty is a bad sign - hell, this is ukraine after all, most of the girls are very pretty. (not that i notice other girls of course! for fear of my b0ll0cks getting chopped of by a certain irate girlfriend, lol) /pete Muzzy Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/26/2009 2:38:42 AM   Fellas, Thanks so much for the feedback, I'm taking it all in. The '700 letters and counting' girl did ask me to fly out to Kharkiv in her first letter, so I'm guessing that's a warning flag. Of the women that initiated contact, I'm only corresponding seriously with 2. One has a son (I'm guessing not a typical scammers confession) and the other seems to be very genuine. I'll see how that goes. Baron, you mentioned the time difference. I just received a reply from one lady, about 2 days after I initiated. She's 31, has a child, mixture of home-done and studio pics on her profile, but the letter came at 5:48am, and she's down as having no private email. Is it possible that this is the time her agency forwarded her mail to fiance.com? I'm clutching at straws here as she's a bit special, so I'm really hoping this one works out. BTW, as mentioned, I'm using fiance.com. I did a google search before starting, and it came up as pretty clean :) Thanks once again for the help everyone :) Texasdude Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/27/2009 1:08:34 AM   The gals who want to meet right away after 1 letter are usually not for real. A serious lady will want to know more about you as you want to know more about her. durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/27/2009 12:08:48 PM   I have never yet identified a "scammer" profile that showed children. If it says she's a mom, the chances are excellent that she's quite serious. I love children anyway, but I pay special attention to profiles of mothers: the responsibility of raising a child does not mix well with the kinds of game-playing that often goes on. Again, of the women I've met personally through dating sites (more than 15), the 5 who had children impressed me as very genuine, though one of them seemed a little off-balance (I think, probably kind of paranoid after getting messed over by some American(s)), and another was just a very unpleasant personality (to my taste). And by the way, none of these moms expected me to spend money on them at a first meeting. But the 3 shameless gold-diggers I met were all childless. That being said, there are real women (not scammers) who in one way or another have a very ugly agenda, but this is just human reality, not anything special to international dating. Land of oz Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/27/2009 3:50:56 PM   I will make a couple comments on women with kid(s). First if there is a father it will be necessary for him to sign a consent for that child to leave Ukraine. If he does not you will have to force it in court and depending on how influential he is as to how easy or expensive this will be. It is something that should be talked about ahead of time so you are aware of what is involved. Second in my experience an FSU mother will be quite close to her child and will not allow him to stay somewhere without her in a new country. It does not make any difference if you have 5 sound proof walls with locking doors between her and the child you still do not get quality alone time with her until the child is asleep. I get up at 4:30 so I liked to go to bed at a decent time. My step son started going to bed between 9 and 10 and this worked ok. Then his grandfather realized that if he got up at 5:30 to 6 it would be 9:30 to 10 here and he could talk to his grandson on the computer so then I am looking at 12 to 12:30 bed time and I am dragging pretty bad by the end of the week. I would not trade either one of them for the world but be aware of what you are entering. baron555 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/27/2009 4:19:19 PM   JH, get her off the agency email. Get her personal email. If she will not give that to you, then ask for her phone number (so you can talk to each other and hear her lovely voice. If she says her English is not good, say that is OK, we can just laugh together but we will hear each other). It is possible that the time you mentioned is when the agency forwarded the email but it could also be that the agency is doing all the talking and there is no she. Get her off the agency. For me and my Alla, we corresponded via the Elenas Models email for just one round, then we switched to our personal emails. Actually both of us had created new emails on Yahoo and we were both using those for the websites. When our correspondence went exclusive, we gave up the Yahoo emails and went to our personal email addresses. I'd say after about two weeks of heavy correspondence with when you ask for the phone number. And yes Alla is adopting a 2 year old boy and we both know about our need to attend to him first and us afterwards. And we just got our NOA2 for the K-1 and are making plans for the interview!!! Phil beemer18 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/27/2009 6:21:25 PM   I think each of us end up with our own way of correspondence. Each girl I have written to went different directions. Yes to generalize, try to get one on one correspondence and develop it into the different forms of communication. Some girls I had not spoken with before meeting and have never used chatting video or voice with any girl. I figure a short correspondence with what I call very 'in depth' writing to meeting within 3 months. I don't care which type of site you use( monthy fee or pay per letter) I never saw a difference in girls one against the other. Getting a girls phone number or personal e-mail address didn't seem be related to furthering the relationship anymore than just meeting. In fact, girl I am currently with, we still use an agency for our letters. We don't ever have to worry about misunderstanding in letters which is possible when you speak of world economy, history of different countries, current news, our past experiences, what we are looking for in the future, and this girl probably is an 8 in english but she thinks she has a lot of room for improvement. And we never spoke on phone till we met.... she was scared to say wrong thing. She cannot afford a computer( has very young child), supports her child and family, has no time for internet cafe and writes her letters on piece of paper and phones in her letters to be sent to me. She only (mostly) goes to agency to see pics I send her or she sends me. Good luck with your interview Phil and hope you have found the right girl. baron555 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/28/2009 8:26:38 AM   Tnx Beem. Yes she is the right woman. 100% real and genuine. All Green Flags from day one! Muzzy Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/28/2009 3:57:37 PM   The plot thickens... The '700 letter and counting' girl has written back (all model photos, 21yo with 'doesn't matter' age requirements, asked me to travel out in her first letter). Anyway, the letter is a complete copy & paste job, no reference to any of my questions I asked her, and even answering questions I didn't ask (for instance, her profile and first letter assured me she didn't care about age - I never mentioned it, and now she's reassuring me again, apparently in response to a concern someone else must have raised on my behalf without me knowing). Anyway, if anyone's short a red flag, I have a few to spare :) I'm going to keep writing back though. After all, she may just be pants at communicating, or more likely, the scammer (or gold digger) in question will be funny to observe in their attempts get some of my money. I'll update on how it progresses :) Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > Excuse the newbie questions, but...
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