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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > Newbie looking for advice Author Post Mike2001 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/11/2009 12:13:12 PM   I'm new at this and hoping to get some advice from guys on this forum. I meet a women from Ukraine on one of the dating websites. After a short email or two she gave me her mail.ru email address (is this a good thing?) and we've been corresponding daily for about 2 weeks. We've told each other about our children (she has a 17 year old daughter and I a 23 year old daughter and 17 year old son) our jobs, traveling, likes, etc. We've also exchanged photos several times and when I email her she responds the same day. I told her right from the start that I was interested in meeting someone for marriage (again, was this the right thing to say?) and she responded she was also looking for the same. No questions about money other than once she asked me how important money was to me (not sure if that was a red flag or not). I'm very interested in her and she sounds sincere, but with some much about scammers and gold diggers not sure. As background, I'm not rich, but pretty well off. Questions. 1, Age difference. I'm 55 (look younger than that) and she is 38 and divorced. What do you think about the difference in age? 2. She has said she would relocate to where her husband is, but guess everyone says that. How often do Ukrainian women actually relocate successfully? 3. I'd like to meet her but right now it would be hard to get away. What about her coming here for a visit assuming I paid, and if she agreed to visit how could I arrange it so I don't send money to her for the trip (I read numerous times don't send money)? How difficult is it to arrange a visit visa-wise? Any thoughts or suggestions on whether this may be real or next steps and where to go from here to make it a relationship would be appreciated. Thanks. Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/11/2009 10:22:27 PM   I am relatively new to this. Big question -- where did you meet? An agency? Which one? Guys are going to ask you many questions regarding the nature of your meeting. My initial thoughts (I am new to this) is that she is most likely okay. Questions that need to be asked. What about 17 yr old daughter. Is it a package deal? How is English? How do your children feel about the idea? Are they prepared to accept another teenager into their lives? You must not only get to know the woman, you must also understand the intentions of her and her daughter. Does the girl speak English? An older child is much more complicated than a younger one. What about college? Does the Mother and Child intend for her to get a secondary education? Look at the big picture. Understand the affect to your own children and for hers and to be able to integrate. You have a chore ahead of you. Five lives and personalities to consider. Good luck. Hopefully she is genuine and you have considered the consequences and what a monumental task it will be. Go for it. Very carefully. Do not send $$$. But being able to travel is important. Letters for six months --- ??? Yes to question of ..."is this the right thing to say?" Be honest in your intentions. Land of oz Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/11/2009 10:57:02 PM   Age difference not a problem. If she is serious about marriage and you also it is important for her to know. Giving you her email address is definitely a good thing. Agencies do not always represent your and her best interests but represent what benefits them the most. I do not know where you are but it may be almost impossible for her to get a visa to visit you if you live in the states. Most ladies will not fall in love during correspondence even if their letters are very warm your relationship starts when you meet face to face. If you are serious it is very important for you to visit her fairly soon as Julian35 indicated. And also as he indicated if she asks for money for any reason before you meet it is not a good sign. Other than that if she communicates straight forward I do not hear any red flags from you yet. A 17 year old daughter, If a woman has a child the father will have to sign consent for the child to leave ukraine. However when she turns 18 she can leave on her own so if the father will not sign consent it will soon not be necessary. Women are very attached to their children there so alone time for you may be difficult even after marriage but that can be worked out. Ultimately it is your decision. Good luck. durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/12/2009 4:30:33 AM   Hey Mike, My impression as you described your correspondence, is that all sounds A-OK. Absolutely none of the signals that make me suspicious: it's what I would expect from someone genuine. Age difference: it is not unusual for a 38-yo FSU woman to accept a man your age, especially when she is a mother. Relocation: most of the men here use dating websites where the women are specifically interested in meeting foreign men. The women know that it is very unlikely that a foreign man will come to live in their country, so they have mostly already made the decision: they are willing to relocate, if they find the right man. How often this is successful, I don't have statistics, but I know some personally. To start a new life in another part of the world, she needs to be strong... and you need to be prepared to help her with a huge adjustment. Visit: as oz said, if you are in the U.S., and she hasn't come to the U.S. before, it is practically impossible. If she had previously been to the U.S., a visa is possible (I've seen one or two profiles where the women said they had open U.S. visitor visas). Again, if you are American, you (practically) could not marry a Russian/Ukrainian woman you had not visited outside the U.S. (it's the rules). When the point comes where you think that she (or any woman) may be the one, the best thing to do is make the trip. Vsevo dobrovo (all the best)! baron555 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/12/2009 5:03:02 AM   I agree with Julian and Ozzie. Everything seems very normal and real and proper. If you are in the US, there is a 99.9999% chance she will not be granted a visitor's visa. And that is something she has to petition for. All you can do is send her an invitation letter stating the details and emphasizing that she will return. You will need to make the trip. If you are serious about her and your future, then you will find a way. And yes the teenager coming will be a big deal. Does she speak your language? The transition for her can be the most dramatic. Tringa 3 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/12/2009 7:43:18 AM   Most guys insist on looking for someone with no children. The fact that you are showing interest in someone with a daughter is a big plus factor on your side, inasmuch as the age difference will be less important or relevant to this lady. Also, there is in my opinion, much less chance that a scammer would advertise herself as having children, or give you her private e-mail address. These are all good signs. Best of luck. Kirkland Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/12/2009 3:50:05 PM   A 38 year old woman with kid is a better bet than a woman 10 years younger. Remember if she re-locates, she'll prolly want the daughter to come too. This may be an important factor in her decision to live with you. Instant family is a formidable challenge for most men. I always admired how a good friend married a woman with 2 young sons. It was a rough road, but he was a good stepfather. My advice would be to get on the boat as soon as you can. Land of oz Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/12/2009 4:54:49 PM   My wife's son adjusted very well to school here. He was 12 when they came. He had about 1 or 2 months of private English lessons before he came. The school tried to find a russian para with no luck here. I went to school with him the first day to translate for him and make sure things would go ok. The kids bent over backwards to get a chance to help him find the next class and explain what was going on. The school said they would give him a chance to adjust and he would just shadow as they termed it the other kids for the first few weeks and work into subjects as he was able. His grades were more than presentable when school ended. However the school has still not started testing him in English because they said it would be too much for him. He was on the basket ball team and started the baseball team until he went to ukraine for the summer with his grandfather. I understand that his uncle and grandfather had no choice but to learn how to play American baseball. My wife came with an international drivers license although I think she had never driven a car before. We rolled the car on the 2nd day she drove and she told me had I been a Ukrainian I would have beat her. She drives much better now if you do not count the number of cars along her path that mysteriously wound up in the ditch rather than to face her car (just kidding about that she drives fine now). I had purchased a garmin navigator and if she has an address she does not have trouble finding her way. We both agreed that had we not been in the rural midwest adjustment for her son and driving (on roads that had very little traffic on them) may have been much more difficult. Mike2001 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/16/2009 6:15:02 AM   Thanks for all the advice. Everything does seem on the up and up, but haven't done this sort of thing before. She and I continue to email back & forth each day and we've exchanged more photos. She's sending snapshots of her and her daughter not glamour shots, so I thought that is probably a good thing. I'm trying to keep this in prespective and recognize she could be emailing 10 other guys at the same time (though if she is she's doing a great job juggling everyone) but she seems genuine. Question. If I travel to meet her I can't do it before mid-September to October(work). Know there are no rules for this but generally how long should it be that we communicate via email before I ask her if I can visit her in Kiev? Also, if I went there for a week or so on dates that would work for her, I would want to spend the time with her (assuming we hit it off). Should I assume she understands that? I understand that if anything serious developed that she and her daughter are probably a package deal. Wouldn't want to ask her to ultimately relocate and leave her child behind; wouldn't be right. Her daughter understands English but she has basic English skills. I recognize that's another challenge. Thanks again for the info. If this progresses, being a newbie, will have a lot of other questions. durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/16/2009 11:18:06 AM   Your questions are all welcome, that's the purpose of this forum. Has your correspondence progressed to the point that you are seriously interested in her, and you think she is seriously interested in you? If it already has, I would write to her about visiting now. Or if you haven't reached that point yet, I would bring up visiting as soon as you do reach that point. In my opinion, it is better to be explicit that you want to be able to spend plenty of time together during your visit. It might be a big project for her to plan around her work schedule, so the more advance notice, the better. One more opinion... if you have the feeling that she could be "the one," and you get from your emails with her that you have a good sympatico, don't worry about whether you will "hit it off." Just plan for spending some days together. If you come to it with a positive attitude, and it turns out that you are friends and not more, it will still be a great visit. baron555 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/16/2009 11:48:09 AM   There is no set time limit, it is more about the content of your correspondence. Usually 2-3 months is when folks go to meet. Are you talking on the phone? You should be. Also what about Skype video conferencing, that would be the next step. She might be corresponding with other men but that should not stop you nor should you ask about it. She will tell you when she is corresponding with you exclusively. You can in a casual way mention it, like, "I know you write to millions of other men, but you are very interesting to me and I want to know everything about you." Of course, you tell her everything about you at the same time. Going to meet only one person is best for a meeting. And you can tell her this. If she is interested in you, she will make the time. Mike2001 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/18/2009 12:47:32 PM   Had my first phone call with her today. Considering she has limited English guess it went ok. She asked me to get Skype. Can anyone give me a quick rundown on Skype? Understand it has video capability. Soon after the phone call I received an email from her and she asked me to visit her. I was a little surprised she asked, but I get the feeling she has more experience in all of this than I do (but that wouldn't take much). Told her I'd like to visit and I'd be visiting only her, and asked her if there was a week or so during a 6 week period in the early fall that she would be able to spend some time together. What do you think? How is this going? She is going to Bulgaria for 2 weeks soon. She can't make a lot of money in her job, so I probably don't want to know why she is going to Bulgaria for 2 weeks and didn't ask. If she responds favorably to visiting in the fall, guess I'll begin to make arrangements - will probably have a lot of questions for guys on this forum if that happens. Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/18/2009 1:38:45 PM   Mike, It is important to express your thoughts and desires. Ask - although it should be a given - about her 17 yr old. Express interest in not only her but her daughter as well. I'm sure as a Father you alreay know this. Realize you are not just courting a woman. You are also courting a 17 yr old. If she is a woman worth her weight, I'm sure she discusses this with her daughter. Wouldn't you ?? Although you have correspondance with the lady, be sure to include daughter in your conversations. It is important for you (and her) and it will also endear you to her. After all,you already know it will include a 17 yr old daughter. If you do not know this then you need to, immediately. Also consider time frame. It is much different getting visa for over 18 as opposed to under 18. Yet as long as under 19 it will not be to big a hassle. But if you are serious -- and have made a real connection -- time spent together -- and both are convinced, you should not waste time. look into visa process. It does not mean to start filing papers. Get educated. 17 years is on the cusp of being very difficult to get visa entry into usa. figure six months until you are positive. Then filing and process. I have heard much about visa process. Do not expect it to be less than seven months. 10 months could be a possibility. things, they are a changing in the US. So by the time you and she are convinced that this is going to be a reality, it could be six months. Daughter will be 18. Visa process is looking at 19 yr old. Just a thought. If you know - don't waste time. But be certain you know. Land of oz Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 7/18/2009 2:16:06 PM   Mike you may have become close to her through letters. This seems normal for a man. But most women over there will not become close until you have spent some time together. When you first meet in person is when she will start forming opinions about you. This may determine how much time she spends with you. Writing is an expression of interest. If another man comes to her first that she clicks with you are history. My wife had another man writing to her seriously but she told me that he did not matter because he had not visited her and she liked me. On our 3rd date she trusted me to meet her son. After spending a few weeks with her two more times she came home with me. September or October is fine but buy the tickets and give her a hard date. That in itself will be a gift for her. If you give her a copy of your ticket she will know you are serious enough to put your money where your mouth is. Chances are that unless she is one of the glamor girls she is not seriously writing many other men. I would not even hint or ask how many. It doesn't matter. She will end other relations and correspondence because she no longer wants them not because you told her to. She is not yours until you have won her heart. Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > Newbie looking for advice
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