For those considering pursuing a fiance visa, here has been my experience. It may or may not be universally applied to all Russian women, but then again, here is a warning. First a brief background.
Elena and I met in her home town of Perm. We met again in Spain. While she could speak English at perhaps a 3 on a scale of 5, she still used her translation dictionary. She arrived in the USA and we had to either get married in 4 months or she had to return to Russia; not a very long time to be sure what I was doing. Things were okay at this point and we married. After the marriage I noticed a reduction in her initiating affection and her desire to argue small points increased. She would self-isolate to "Study the English language" she would say. Once she got her Permanent Green Card, all the complaining increased and living with her was more like a housemate. She was unable to resume her Russian profession as a banking executive. No one wanted to hire her at the two year post-marriage mark even though her English was not at a 4 or 4.5. She spent a lot of time on the phone calling Russia or the internet. She would visit Russia annually for 2 or 3 weeks to visit her family and friends. She also would send our $ back to help support her now 27 year old daughter.
At year 4, she pursued the citizenship at the speed as breathing air when underwater. She thought once she got citizenship the employment doors would open up; they did not. Now we are 4 months shy of our 5 year anniversary, and she wants a separation, alimony and eventual divorce so she could move anywhere in the US to get this invisible career. I do believe she is a clever woman who pursued marriage away from Russia as a means to an end (A professional career and fiancial support to her family, not for love and a happy marriage.)
So, if I had read a post like this when I was pursing a Russian wife, I probable would have rationalized that this was an isolated incident of marriage to a bad wife. Well, you have been warned! Beware, Russian woman have a survivor mentality and are very very cleaver. I know other men and their marriage to Russian women that aren't far off from my experience. I've feel like a fool now and how I wish I never pursued a Russian wife. Don't make my mistake, or at minimum get a pre-nup and make sure she is represented by a lawyer so the pre-nup can't be broken (and the process will draw out any possible black motive on her part.) PROTECT YOURSELF and your heart too!
Typo: "No one wanted to hire her at the two year post-marriage mark even though her English was not at a 4 or 4.5." should read "...was NOW at a 4 or 4.5."
the four month thing is deffinetly not long enough to really know a person. to bad your not from Ohio no ala money lol unless married for six years. it sounds like you lasted the average for most people married in the us. it is a good warning for any one wishing to get married no matter where there from.
The four month is a meaningless mark, US Immigration / Fiance Visa related. This sounds more like a troll than a reality since the facts are not correct.
For K-1 visas, they must be married within 90 days or 3 months of her entry. Too bad but your situation is just that, your situation. It has no meaning for any other foreign relationship, except that the petitioner has a lot of work to help the foreigner assimilate and find work. Too bad it just didn't work out for you; we don't know how active you were in preparing her for this reality of finding work or what you did or didn't do once she got here.
sounds like a bad ending but there are a lot of women like that in uk. it is what they can get from a marriage with little effort, the guy is not important just what he has of represents, my cousin was with a girl nearly four years once that ring was on her finger, within weeks lost the house every thing, i must say though russia is more difficult than say ukraine to visit a girl and more difficult to move out on paper anyway
Barron, just to answer your question on what I did to help her find work. First of all she had a Russian master's degree in Finance and an additional 15 credits of post-graduate work in Accounting. We obtained a academic translation/credentialing service to examine her education course-by course to get an American educational equivalent. She took advanced American English classes to improve her language skills. She used an private employment agency to not only assist in finding a relevant position but to coach her interviewing skills as well. A business friend spoke to a banking friend of his on her behalf and the feedback he got was "We will never hire a Russian in our banking business because the public does not trust Russians." Even though this is obvious discrimination, good luck proving it in court. The highest she was ever able to get was a part-time teller job and the bank doesn't have any interest in making it full-time or allowing her promotional opportunities, even though customer feedback regarding her has been very complementary.
Of all the Russians I know, they all say the same thing, their Russian professional life does not translate well in the USA.
We didn't know this when she came to the US, but we found out in the first or second year. If anyone thinks their Russian fiance is going to come to the US and repeat their Russian profession here, they are as naive as we were.
On the second aspect pf your post, you are right it was 90-days not 4 months, I have just forgotten the time frame. Still a ridiculous low amount of time. I just desire others to understand the gamble of marrying a Russian and the high risk they take. My motives are to warn others and hope they don't end up getting screwed as I am getting.
BTW, I found her through this site, not a negative reflection of Fiance.com, just another point.
Sounds to me like the OP's marriage was her means of improving her economic status.
4 years is alot more than some marriages last though.
The most important lessons are learned the hard way.
you are right it was 90-days not 4 months, I have just forgotten the time frame. Still a ridiculous low amount of time. I just desire others to understand the gamble of marrying a Russian and the high risk they take. My motives are to warn others and hope they don't end up getting screwed as I am getting.
The K-1 visa is not a get to know you now visa. You are SUPPOSED to know each other very well and be ready (and have done all the homework) prior to pursuing this visa.
It sounds like you didn't do that. Yes, most advanced Russian degrees are worthless here in the US. That should have been known from the beginning. Sri it didn't work out, but this is only really about your own individual experience and nothing should translate to other relationships except your word of warning to ensure you two know each other and they know what to expect once they come here to the land of milk and honey.
"she wants a separation, alimony and eventual divorce so she could move anywhere in the US to get this invisible career."
Of course, she can't get the alimony until you get divorced. I know a lifetime alimony in California is a marriage of over ten years. She won't get that much on alimony, can she? If she does, it probably won't last that long.
Well you all heard the original poster. get out stop now and run for your life!!!!!!!!!!!! Because his experience will be all of ours.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Why don`t you just all live with them? what is this obsession with marriage anyway? if you love each other enough what does a piece of paper prove. If you can`t do it in america then go somewhere else, and live together. I am sure if you won 20 million on the lottery you would`nt worry about it. The important thing is being together. If she won`t live with you then she does`nt love you, so move on.
Gee, guys, the lack of compassion in some of these replies was stunning.
BTW, in North Carolina alimony begins with the separation agreement, not necessarily with the divorce.
Yes, you will never see marriage in my future, there is nothing marriage can give that a POA can provide except SS death benefits.
She is not interested in salvaging a marriage, she is interested in pursuing the invisible professional career. I really don't think anymore she will reach her goal with or without me.
Many have found to their cost that compassion (and in many cases, basic human decency) is often not in the understanding of many users of this forum (there's been posts to this effect from various people recently). Try not to let it get you down - I always try to stick to an old saying: "Never argue with an idiot - they drag you down to their level then beat you with experience."
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and I wish you the best. I'm sure many others do, but won't post for fear of being shot down in flames.
I hope you don't mind too much, my putting my spoke in here. I shall presume a bit on your professional knowledge and skills. I would value a lot, learning your thoughts, if you look at your own experience in some different frames:
[1] Immigration -- People's sense of well-being in a new country seems to vary a lot with temperament (I've seen some of this close up). If I understand your story aright, Elena came to America with a fairly rigid "program" to which she was strongly attached. Do you think American life would have been a poor fit for her, no matter how she got here? In other words, was this predetermined to be an unhappy journey for her? Turning the question upside down, if she had the kind of flexibility, adaptability, and commitment to a new homeland that (in my opinion) helps people to thrive in a new country, do you think your marriage might have fared better?
[2] Intimacy -- As is typical in such marriages, you spent little time together before marrying. At the time of your wedding, how deeply did you think that you knew her? Did you understand "what makes her tick?" Could you see what was behind her eyes? Did you now what brings her the deepest joy? Her deepest fears? No criticism intended here -- lots of couples spend decades together, without knowing each other very well. I'm curious to know, was she (at that time) an attractive pleasant companion, or someone you felt a soul-connection with?
[3] The Really Big Picture -- If you could set to one side the circumstances (including the cultural and international dimensions), what did you learn about yourself, relationships in general, and romance that you might wish to teach to others for their benefit?
[4] Culture -- Turning 180 degrees, if you had known more about gender roles in Russia during the past 60 years; the brutally hard life that her mother and grandmothers probably lived -- and what they taught her in the hopes of repeating their miseries; the holocausts that devastated Russia in the generations before her birth: do you suppose you might have seen Elena, and understood her, differently?
[5] Network -- Before you marriage, how much were you acquainted with her family, and friends? Do you think you understood her connections to her nearest and dearest, and the importance she attached to them? If not, what did you learn about this since your marriage?
Lots of personal questions, and surely none of my business -- but you generously posted here, in order to offer us the potential benefit of your experience. If you decide to add to that, I'll read with much interest!
By the way, in the last sentence of your original post, you used the word 'heart'. This must have hurt like hell, over the years during which your marriage has decayed. I wish the best to all of the men who've suffered broken hearts, while attempting to do a good thing. I often think about Land of Oz (for those who don't know, perhaps the kindest of men on this forum).
I think we all know that this can happen. and what the op says about a woman maintaining her professtion in america is very true. my first wife spoke, i thought, flawless english but wasn't able to get a simple job in a call center. I think this is especially true for people in the medical profession. and unless your willing to put a doctor through 2 to 4 years of school, i would avoid dating one.
but i also know of successful marriages. so should i come on this site and say that all international marriages are successful. that would be idiotic. and to judge russian women from your one experience is ridiculous.
i divorced my first russian wife. but it hasn't soured me. what sours me is the games the marriage agencies play. its humiliating. thank god for the free dating sites. for me, i think this is the only way to go.
the thing is, if this women was in love with this man, she may have put her career on hold. probably looking back, she gave him clues to her real intentions. sometimes thouth, we don't want to look. love certainly is blind.
well said centaur, it does not matter where you live poor country or rich being together is most important, i personaly am learning russian as i think it is important it is not for the girl to learn english and move here away from her family
I think most fsu woemn would bale out of the relationship if you said you were coming to live with her in her country.
The whole point of them marrying you is to get out of the country....isn't it?
Depends on the woman. I've read advice from others that asking this question is a way to spot the gold diggers, but I don't think it's that simple. I'm writing to a few just for friendly correspondence (we give each other advice and such, but there's nothing romantic), and a few have told me they're actually pretty happy with their lives, and will only move as a necessity. I think there's a fair few who wouldn't mind a guy moving there.
Having said that, I've also met a few "have passport, will marry anyone" types. I guess it takes all kinds to make the world go round