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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > Another "Need Advice post" Author Post benz Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/11/2010 9:01:53 AM   Hello everyone, I would appreciate it if you could weigh in on my dilemma. I have been corresponding with a lady for about 5 months now. Shes 21 but I don't consider it to be a problem as I'm only 27 myself. I would describe her as very intelligent and mature and responsible. It started out as most relations on these sites do - messages to each other introductions, interests etc... our letters to each other are interesting, relevant with just the smallest glimmer of romance but mostly just getting to know one another To sum it up the first few weeks were great then came the phone calls which were really good we had no problem communicating, her English is very good. But after 3 or 4 calls she began to be "busy" every time I would call, it was always a bad time so I gave her the option to sms me when shes free and I will call her. It has never happened. Just to clarify money is not her agenda she has neither asked nor have I offered any kind of "assistance" But the letters continue back and forth between us at least twice a week, no longer as detailed or intimate but still there. I have given up calling as she's always busy, Whenever I mention I would like to talk to her on the phone she ignores the request? Due to circumstances there was no possible way to visit Ukraine when we first made contact with each other and I made this very clear to her and let her know roughly when I would be able to travel. She didn't seem to have a problem with this. Now I am a week away from visiting Ukraine and before I leave I would like your thoughts on the situation is she just playing it cool not willing to invest in the phone calls and emotional attachment until she knows I'm honest in words and actions Or is this just too little effort on her part warning flags should be up and I'm not to take her seriously, or perhaps there's a boyfriend around and me calling is a little dangerous for her? I will still want to visit as I would love to see Ukraine and I have the time, opportunity and money to do so now. I just want some input in case I'm not thinking this through clearly or reading to much into it. Thanks in advance for any replies. baron555 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/11/2010 1:42:38 PM   Think clearly as you have answered your own questions. Just one question first? Do you pay to write her letters? If so, then scammer and you are being taken. For your answer, a question to pose: If she was interested in you but has no time to talk on the phone, how is it that she has time to write letters? In case you need help, yes she is not interested in you, especially after 5 months. Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/11/2010 1:54:51 PM   Benz, Are you emailing with her directly or via an agency, is there an agency involved that could be writing her letters? Are you paying any fee for letters? Which city is she from? durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/11/2010 2:11:39 PM   Unfortunately, the most likely explanation for her behavior is that she is not much interested. Perhaps she met a man she is interested in, etc. If you go ahead with your trip, I suggest you focus on exploring and enjoying the new territory. If you meet her at all, it may be disappointing, so I hope you will have plans to do things you enjoy. If you don't mind 'gambling' you can try to arrange some meetings at the last minute. I have many times emailed gals with interesting profiles on the dating sites (I never use pay-per-letter), "I'll be in your town for a few days, would you like to meet?" Because so many men write but never arrive, there is a surprisingly good response rate to these messages. Probably not the best way to find your future wife, but I've had some very pleasant meetings this way (and a couple of quite unpleasant ones too). Good luck, and please post how it all goes for you. Dream_on Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/11/2010 2:48:23 PM   benz, while you've been in correspondence, have you been talking about a meeting irl ? did you suggest it, or maybe she hinted or told you directly ?... Armin(Bonddd) Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/11/2010 2:57:43 PM   5 months for a 21 years old pretty girl is a long time. Every day she discovers something new, meets new people, has new feelings. She could really be interested in you at first, but than she could meet another one, two, three, four. At this age they can go out with a new one every week. If she doesn't answer your calls she probably has no interest any more, or just has a boyfriend. But she still wants to meet you just for some fun. Another variant is that she is working for an agency. It is usual to lose interest for those who are coming to visit soon. They are used materials. And there is a tiny chance that she is real and honest, you'd better check her profile, intentions and identity before visiting her. It will save your time and money. benz Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/11/2010 11:08:57 PM   Thank you all for your advice In answer to Baron and Smart Martin - No messages are free the agency does not charge for letters, plus I have her address for the odd occasion I send flowers and such. This is what gets me confused its a major pain in the ass to go the agency and write letters so there is some effort on her part. Durak Thanks for the advise I will be going to Ukraine for about 6 weeks mostly in Mariupol but I'm hesitating to travel all the way to Odessa for someone I am not certain of. Would using an agency be a good Idea if I wanted to meet a few lady'? Can anyone recommend any in the Mariupol, Donetsk area? Dream On - I think I suggested meeting she went with it and never objected to it simply said when you know what your plans are tell me. I thought she was sold on the Idea. Armin - yes I agree 5 months for a 21 year old is an eternity but like I said she is not your typical 21 year old as in she's intelligent mature and responsible she does not work for the agency I am certain there is no monetary angle involved. Thank you all for your input, I will go see her... if only to keep my promise and I will post back to let you know if it was a fools errand or not. Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/12/2010 2:12:18 PM   Benz, One might smell a rat, you say that by telephone you communicated very well, her English is very good, then why is she going to an agency rather than an internet cafe? She could type the letters herself at a cafe, an agency type the letters for her, they do not do this for free, if you are not paying for it then either she is paying for it or something is amiss. ragingbull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/12/2010 2:56:10 PM   Sometimes it's hard to separate the girl from the agency, Martin. I mentioned earlier that the agency took 10% of what I sent my girl. I think that took a lot of nerve. I don't know if it is a verbal or a written contract, but once they put you two together, they give you a sense of obligation. It is an authoritative relationship because they know what to do in most situations. It is also a friendship. I talked with an agency representative and she said my girl was her best friend (She is not). Whenever I talked sh*t about the agency, my girl said if it wasn't for them, she would not have found me. The last I heard of the agency almost a year ago, my girl had a hard time getting a hold of them to take her name of the list. Two girls, including mine have told me that to get her name off the list, she needs to pay them. It might have been minimal or even bullsh*t because I was never asked to pay for it. Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/12/2010 3:01:28 PM   RB, But why are Benz's agency in the picture, he says that he is not paying them money, he makes no mention if his lady is paying them money, so why are the agency in the picture if it's not for money? She could go to the internet cafe and the agency wouldn't be any the wiser, something is amiss! ragingbull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/12/2010 3:10:14 PM   I agree. She should go to the internet cafe. My point is the agency might have perceived hold on her, imaginary or otherwise. baron555 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/12/2010 3:31:47 PM   I would agree. If she is so wise and English knowledgeable (and believe me gents, Ukraine is very modern and the women there know ALL ABOUT the modern world and how it works, etc.), then why does she have to go to the agency. Something is stinky about this situation. She used to talk on the phone but now has no time for it but still has time to go to the agency to write letters? Doesn't anyone else see the problem here? Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/12/2010 3:32:24 PM   So, it seems, Benz is writing with an agency, there is a middle person(s) between him and the lady, thus he shouldn't 100% believe anything that is written and was he actually talking to the lady by phone or an agency interpreter? Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/13/2010 8:41:40 AM   I must be slipping in my old age. I seem to have forgotten that I was going to be civil. But raging bull is an idiot. Some of the shit this guy comes up with is way out there. Way out there. Here we go again... If he were a better man than I, he would not reply to this or attempt to attack me. It would prove that I am the loser between us. And that I have no life or sense of reality and reasonable thinking. That I am just a nit picking clown. ragingbull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/13/2010 11:57:50 AM   Ralph, one thing we can do without are the generalities or the name calling. Instead of calling me an idiot, how about telling me why what I posted doesn't make sense? I certainly have not lied. I probably just interpret things different than you do. Why that sets you off, I don't know. There are others here that I'm sure you don't agree with. I am not out to prove that you are the loser or I am the winner. If you noticed, I have purposely not posted on your threads. What is happening here is not that big of a deal and I am not prepared to argue or explain something that is not that big of a deal. I even conceded the point to the others. But if you have any questions, I will answer them. ragingbull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/13/2010 1:40:17 PM   I do have one question, Ralph. Assuming I did make a very idiotic statement, why is it that you are ready to being not civil? benz Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/14/2010 7:46:10 AM   Sorry guys just to set you all straight I said in my previous post "... messages are free the agency does not charge for letters" I should have specified that I do however pay a set monthly fee to avoid paying per letter. So they don't get any more from me if she sends one letter a week or 50, and there have been noticeable breaks in our communication when she was busy or out of town and I was travelling or unavailable so I don't think there's much influence from the agency in our communication her written English is also quite good as she uses it daily in her work so she does not rely on the agency for translation. I did ask her to consider a internet cafe and she said its more convenient to use the agency as its closer to her work ( Plus the internet cafe would charge her) and she also mentioned that the amount of teens in there playing computer games, and making noise pisses her off. I just wanted your opinion on all this as I'm new to on-line dating period. Never mind the different language, cultural stuff thrown in the mix. I also considered that she may not be 100% into me and wants to keep her options open? Thanks again for your input several of you have certainly mentioned a few things that I had not even considered. Forewarned, is forearmed; to be prepared is half the victory. Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 1/14/2010 8:22:44 AM   I was tired and just having a little fun for old time sake. I'm done. But you replied. :) You should have ignored me. Happy New Year! Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > Another "Need Advice post"
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