baron - you have no idea what I'm contending with. For now it is much better to placate than to try to reason on the merits of planting some fruit trees. Besides, before these trees become a problem I figure this home will belong to someone else. Remember that song by Cat Stevens, "Hard Headed Woman" ??? Well I found her!
I agree with her. Plant fruit trees. I planted two guava trees on the front yard of my house years back. My now ex protested. But, we and others enjoyed the guavas from those trees. She had them taken down after I left her.
Well RB, we are out in the 87 F heat digging up the grass. It is supposed to reach 95 today - but she is digging and I am supervising :). Two apple trees, two cherry trees, I can't do a whole lot with one arm... We are going to plant six blueberry bushes in a month. I sanctioned that but the trees... I can keep them pruned and relatively small. As long as she's happy I'm happy. And please everyone - I don't need any advice on planting the trees or advice against it. I am positive they won't make it anyway. Call it a hobby for now ;)
Today she passed driving exam. As we were waiting for photo ID she told me the test is much harder in Russia. But she just paid the $50 bribe and got her license. She says everybody does it. Now you know why you have to watch out even on the sidewalks in Russia and Ukraine.
My wife told me all she needs to do is pay some money to get a drivers license. At the same time she was haven't ago at me for not learning Russian. I told her ok then I'll pay a teacher to give me a piece of paper to say I can speak russian and asked if she could find such a person as it would save me a lot of time and hassle.
well FSULover-- it happened last night when getting ready to prep dinner. one squash was getting a bit too 'ripe' in the basket. everything else had to go too. I tossed the whole lot.
I know when something's 'wrong' and with the sullen demeanor at dinner... After saying nothing's wrong too many times... I had to drag it out of her. "Why do we waste money on planting vegetables if we just put them down the garbage disposal?" Once again, experience the failure of doing things improperly before taking advice on how to do it.
Also... I am a pessimist!!!! The discussion of what can go wrong with fruit trees turned into Americans make everything too complicated and difficult. More and more comparisons are being made between the russian way and the american way. A way out example is the movie "12", it is a take on the American flick with Henry Fonda, "Twelve Angry Men". "The Russian version is much better..." (it actually is but with too many distractions). But I heard about it enough already. Purely from the standpoint of the effect of persuasion and logical thinking I believe the American version gets the point across with less theatrics. I was told that "That's how Russians really are." It's a good flick and I recommend it to everyone. "12" Try to see 'Twelve Angry Men" first.
Ralph if you are not going to stay in the house long enough for fruit trees to produce it would also not be long enough for shade trees to grow big enough for shade so why not let her plant what she wants and support her. If you are going to win an argument win it. If not it will do no good to hold a grudge that she got her way.
With my x-wife the house was her domain and especially the kitchen. If she wanted my help there she would let me know otherwise she wanted that to herself. She would allow me to translate a recipe to her and help with it if she did not understand but if she put in the wrong ingredients that was the way it was supposed to be and I got scolded for telling her it was wrong. I must admit it was always delicious.
I could make something special in the kitchen if I got home early and she was with her son at swim practice and she would appreciate that(her son loved cake and I had a recipe for a chocolate cookie with a cream filling he really liked). Also her son always wanted me to make toasted cheese sandwiches for him because she toasted the bread and then put the cheese in instead of cooking them together.
As far as leaving things on the counter, I am sure she did this all her life and it did not hurt her. If it doesn't hurt a 120 lb woman it surely won't hurt me. Most of her cooking was consumed before it had a chance to go bad.
In short the areas she controlled she did a wonderful job with and I was very appreciative how she did it.
I would hope your relationship is as a team. If she does it her way and it goes sour the last thing you need to do is to gloat over it. If she is like my x=wife her relationship skills are not honed, she has a preconceived idea that money grows on trees in the USA, she also has a preconceived idea that Americans have a low intelligence level and FSU ladies have a high one, and materially she is very greedy (her material needs mean everything and yours mean nothing, but considerate about physical needs such as food, cleaning, and sleep), and discussion is not important and takes too much time. If you are going to make it work listen to mini-cooper and never make her mad. It will have to be a very patient leading process. Good luck.
OZ, first of all I have no grudge over the fruit trees, secondly we picked out the shade tree together and put a deposit on it. it is already fifteen feet tall. For the fruit trees I did a lot of research on how, where when etc to plant and care for them. I want it to work. Just as I did for her climbing roses. It is now also my pride on the line caring for these things to get a crop. She brags about her parents apple trees and garden. It was outside of the town like a co-op farm. She loves her cherry tomatoes, her "CANDY". They are so sweet! Amazing we'll probably get 1000 tomatoes from one plant. As for selling the house... If a good deal comes along for ten acres or so out in the country we'll move. But until then we'll stay in this house unless I decide to take a job out west or down south. She refuses to move to Montana - TOO COLD! Everyone around here assumes because she grew up in Russia she's used to cold weather. My sister near Atlanta has more snow and cold than my wife did where she is from. It may snow one time a year and melts away quickly.
Funny thing, I urged her to say hello to a few of the Russian gals working at the shore. She couldn't be bothered with them. She was making sure my eyes didn't wander too much. I will explain it to her - she should start to worry if I don't look. ha-ha-ha As for her thinking money grows on trees. She has the opposite point of view. She thinks I spend too much already and she is starting to squawk about wasting money. Totally committed to a frugal and sensible way of living. She still refuses jewelry and will only wear the same earrings she's had since we first met.
Been to marriage counselors before - guess what? total waste of time and money. my ex and I went to one many years ago, we both came out of it looking at each other like, they don't have a clue what they're doing. Incidentally when we did get divorced no-one could understand why because we got along so well and remained friends. Went to a counselor when I was considering marriage to another lady before we even talked about commitment to marriage. What a joke. I went because I was concerned about her fixation and keeping hundreds of old photos of her dead husband everywhere. Sure it's okay to keep old photos. But having a 2.5x3 foot mural of this man overlooking the bed started to take a toll on the sex life. She needed some adjustment training but still didn't get it. You'd think after three years it would be time enough for replacing him with me.
As for my marriage now - no need for anything but many years of good health. You have no idea what my relationship or life is like. Just because I goof now and then doesn't mean anything is bad or amiss. I can tell you fifty good things for every little 'bad' thing. And the 'bad' things are inconsequential. It's just a learning curve.
I have no need to brag about how great it is. I only pass along bits of interesting facts.
Regarding looking at other women, a lady I dated a few years ago - total knockout! - said to me she will point them (hot babes in bikinis) out to me if I do the same (hot men) for her - it doesn't hurt to look! It's called being comfortable and confident with yourself. There are two things in this world I hate, those who lie and those who cheat on their spouses. I am neither. As for what was posted about Russian men, "He has a wife a son... and girlfriend." My wife said the same exact thing to me. "Sure I can be the 'good Russian wife' knowing my husband is out screwing around." But she would rather live alone than to be cheated on by a 'typical Russian man'. These are her own words, not mine. I actually consider myself to be the luckiest man alive today. Monday will be six months together. It seems like it's been years and it is also as fresh as the the very first day we met. And it is getting better every day.
So the answer is NO, I have no need to see a "marriage guidence councelor[sic]."
btw danny, we are having barramundi (sp?) tonight. it's frozen farm raised but I'm sure it will be okay. I just happen to see it in the fish section and picked it up. any suggestions? I was thinking with a salsa -avocado, chopped red onion, sweet red pepper, lime and cilantro and maybe throw in a touch of heat.
Gemini - it seems that Russia/FSU is the scam capital of the world. People get the shake down everywhere. It's the way of life there for many. Border crossing, airport security, local cops, restaurants, hotels, young girls and dating agencies - the list goes on. I crack up every time someone asks why can't they can't regulate and control the dating industry. It's because it seems everyone is on the take. There are much bigger problems there than the thousands of unsuspecting foreigners (stupid men) getting ripped off by agencies and unscrupulous women with few resources to combat them.
During ALL my travels to FSU countries, I NEVER lowered myself to bribing anybody. It is not necessary if you know the rules.
For example, one day in Moscow I was walking with a Russian (girl) friend and the police saw me taking photos near Arbat. They wanted to shake down the "tourist."
They asked me for my passport and registration. When I gave them both, they insisted that I was missing a hotel card. I tried to argue with them that such hotel card was not required and I had ALL necessary documentation, but there was no way I could reason with them.
At this point they threatened to take me with them and didn't want to give me back my documents, so my friend suggested they talk to the hotel ... but they refused, obviously!
Despite their refusal, I used my cell phone to call the hotel and they asked me to give the phone to the officers. After talking on the phone for a minute, the policeman gave me the phone and my documents. They let me go, after telling me "next time you need the hotel card."
When I got back to the hotel I complained and they told me that the head of security had asked the policeman his name and badge number, but the policeman gave false information. It was after such question that the policeman agreed to give me back my documents. He knew that he could get in trouble, so he decided to leave me alone.
No bribing necessary! I knew the rules and did nothing wrong. However, being in the right hotel (with a head of security who knew the drill) helped me a lot. That was the closest I ever was to a shake down. All others I could handle myself.
On this particular date it seems more than appropriate for me to back up your post.
Particularly, since 9/11, sharp objects, imitation firearms etc. have been banned in aircraft cabins and must be checked in within one's 'hold' baggage.
I had an imititation firearm cigarette lighter, having worked in aviation for some 30 years I packed it in my 'hold' suitcase, at Dnepropetrovsk airport all suitcases go thru the x-ray upon which I was summons by the police and subsequently to a side office.
There was the ritual scratching of heads, to the effect that I have committed a criminal offence by concealing it, I argued my corner that having worked in aviation all my career I know my stuff, at that time my flight was boarding, I had a non changeable/non refundable connecting flight to take from Kiev but these idiots didn't give a sh1t that I was about to miss my flight(s), and slowly, but surely, they wrote "$20" on a piece of paper and passed it to me.
My reply was, to the effect, that as an aviation professional if they believe, for one minute, that I am attempting to do a 9/11 then they need to lock me up and throw away the key, to attempt to, on the spot, fine mere a mere $20 for such an offence is an insult to all those people that died and either arrest me or I'm going to catch my flight, and with that I walked out on them, checked in for my flight, and boarded the bus that had needed to return to the terminal especially for me.
Once I was on the bus the police came running after me but only to give my cigarette lighter back to me.
The moral of thia story ..... stand up to the bastards as long as you know you are within your rights!
fsulover, wanker - not all people are a savvy as you and for many, traveling to fsu may be a first time experience. and maybe all they know is what they here on stupid news reports about foreigners getting locked up. so I would guess that more than a few are shaking in their shoes when getting the business from local police. I remember when visiting Rome as a US sailor (dressed in civvies) we were warned of the 'carabinieri police' (I think that's what they called it) how they were corrupt and strict etc. Basically to avoid them and don't look at people funny. I actually have a photo of myself with two of these guys with one of their machine guns slung over my shoulder and holding it a la Al Capone - yes this cop actually handed me his machine gun for a photo!!!! I guess I have a way with people :) My colleagues at the time were shitting their pants... But they took the picture!