Well, boys ... I turned 53 yesterday. The birthdays come mighty quick, lately.
During the winter I decided, and wrote to a friend: if in 2010 I didn't find the woman to create a family with me, then I would let my dream go.
So far this year, I spent more than 5 months pursuing a divorced mother, with whom I saw good possibilities. I had the highest hopes with her, of anyone so far (I gave it 1 in 6 odds). I spent another few weeks in the shadows, when it all fell through. I made a very entertaining, but irresponsible liaison with a girl who is even younger in maturity than she is by the calendar...
And a f*cking awful mess-up at my workplace completely consumed the past 2 months. Without going into details, the crisis included a "field trip" to one of the world's truly infernal work sites.
As 2010 enters its waning months, I am making of a mighty barrage of attempted new contacts. I will keep you all posted, how things develop. With the exception of a small number of guys who sincerely despise each other, most of the men here wish each other well, and show a lot of kindness when someone is really in trouble.
Something that has happened for me before ... I find a rare profile (less than percent of the ones that meet my search standars) that I have a really strong feeling about: a woman who is especially attractive and interesting (not necessarily by photos), who I am not only strongly drawn to -- but I think that I'm probably a really good fit, for who she is looking for. So far, each time I've written one of these women, she didn't even read my letter :( This happened again twice in the last few days. I ain't gonna lie to you, it stings every time.
I always had a 'game plan' going into this, but as Napoleon said, "no battle plan survives contact with the enemy". Although I count myself as having a fair percentage of success with replies, it still kicks me in the nuts every time I've received a 'no thanks' or worse, the whole 'unread/deleted' bit. Been there - not nice!
Don't give up yet, and certainly don't consider success or failure because of missed deadlines. Any woman knows a good man's like a Ferrari. Doesn't even get lively till it hits 55 :)
In years I am not very far behind you, rather than call it 'quits' at a particular age/date why not think positively ..... "perhaps I (you) have been flogging a dead horse for all these years" and revaluate the situation and try a new venture in life?
Don't place too much on a first letter or even many. You were alone when you wrote them and she reads them alone. You have no relationship. As it has been stated before, when you find a woman to meet in person, everything begins anew. The positive thing about being turned down, she is likely real and not just scamming anyone that writes to her, it just leaves you "out of the car".
One more thing Durak. I have worked with expectations of deadlines being met. I do not worry about them. If they are realistic they will be met, if not, then there is tomorrow. Many people and myself included write and speak of building a life together. In reality, it is spending a life together. There is no minimum wage or odometer to equate how well you have proceeded. It's just faith in each other and damn luck. If you do not have mutual faith in each other, then you are lucky already, but there is tomorrow and any deadline is unrealistic. So just keep plodding along at work and in your search.
You and I are the same age. On the rare occasion that I have tried to write someone (generally using a free site like lovefoto.ru) and tried to set up some possibilities in the city I am expecting to attend a Romance Social in, my age (the number) seems to disqualify me from finding the women who truly appeal to me. (I must confess I am looking for a woman who is in her late 20's or early 30's, never married and childless).
When I meet them in person though I am often approached by ladies in the age group I seek and even younger. When we get around to discussing age they seem legitimately surprised that I am as old as I am and claim that I look much younger.
THIS is why I urge you, before you give up, to try an AFA Romance Social trip. I don't recall if you ever mentioned if you have - but trust me - if you can get away fro such an event it can change your life. And thats not an overstatement. (And I don't work for AFA).
To those of you who know something about travel in Ukraine - those who can book your own flights and hotel room and get yourselves around. An AFA tour as a "Socials Only" participant can be a real bargain. Okay - you don't get to participate in usint the Hospitality Center - so AFA will not set you up with anyone you don't meet at the Social (though if you really want that, you can get it for a little extra).
AFA charges $350 for one Romance Social event, $250 for the second event and $200 for the third. I recommend attending three at $800 total. The Socials start at 5:00 pm and generally go to 11:00 or so. And you will be blown away by the experience. It is the best money you will ever spend on this quest. And you will know that you re talking to a real live girl - NOT getting letters written by an agency (something that occurs far more than you even think it does).
I happen to meet a man who owns a legitimate marriage agency in a small Ukrainian city on this trip. He has perhaps 200 women listed with his agency and he and his wife work there along wth one full time assistant. He told me he knows of smaller agencies with hald as many women and as many as seven full time assistants. He asked me "Why do you suppose such a small agency would need so many full time women on computers all day? Because they are answering letters for the girls listed themselves. Its their job."
His fees are a little high - he charges $50 for the first meeting with any girl - and nothing after that. (He recommends writing to them in advance - 6 letters or so - to make sure their is really mutual interest). But he says there is no way he or any other agency could possibly enmploy seven full times UNLESS they were scamming by writing letters for the ladies and of course he refuses to do that.
you guys are seriously amazing ..
i wish you all the best of luck ..
Durak man just loosen up ... i have come to realize you cannot plan love .. besides u guys are Western residents (US UK Etc ) if girls dont want to be with you that doesnt leave us much choice now does it :)
a teacher once told me .. Good luck is when preperation meets up with oppertunity
either be prepared and never have the oppertunity ..
either have the oppertunity and not be prepared..
Look at the bright side Durak....you could be over 70 with deep wrinkly skin, sometimes needing o2 tank and a wheelchair to get around BUT the FSU girls still are interested.......maybe you just need to have a heatbeat!!!!! My heatbeat is just fine......
Ever thought you were trying TOO hard to make it work...putting on too much pressure....
A couple years ago I slightly changed/adjusted what I was looking for in a girl...I opened it up to girls with a child and met my 2 past gf's...they didn't work out but it opened up some 'other' processes.
Why not just adjust your dream, Mr. Durak. I don't know what you are looking for, but if you are looking for a woman in their early or mid forties, how about changing it to late thirties or early forties?
I am a few months older than you, Mr. Durak. We have talked about Mary Ann and Ginger in this forum. To me, in the past few years, Mrs. Howell is getting more and more attractive.
ragingbull, I especially enjoyed (a) your pointing out that I haven't blamed the women, and (b) your wry humor -- Mrs. Howell indeed!
I'm on the Far Side at the moment. This may sound crazy, but I'm not planning to meet anyone on this trip -- my primary purpose in traveling was to get some rest. The only way I could think of, to get out of the "project from hell" (see above) was to be in a different hemisphere from my workplace.
Before coming, I didn't find the time to make any worthwhile correspondence, and I'm not planning to go for any more of my hastily arranged-at-the-last-minute meetings. What I AM doing, is visiting again with that too-young flighty girl ...
If I end up living out my years alone, I will have only myself to blame. But she is such a character, and makes me laugh ...
good thought,Durak. just going and spending a good time with a young hottie with no expectations
can really be an uplifting vacation! if you enjoy spending time together why not? who says you must be in pursuit of your match every time you go?