Newbie here and I'm curious about something. Recently, I began correspondence with a lady and within the second letter she asked for my email address. Should I be concerned that it's someone waiting to spam my email or is this customary for some ladies? Thanks.
This is like many other situations, where we wonder about a woman's intentions -- it can go either way! I get suspicious when a woman wants to go to personal email right away (on the sites I use, messages are free for the ladies, and I have no cost per received message).
It is always possible, that "she" is collecting addresses for spam. But on the other side, it is generally a positive development, to communicate away from the dating site!
In the cases where I'm not sure, I use an "extra" email account, that would not a problem for me to get spammed. But no spam yet...
One very good reason why she might want to use her personal email account, is to keep a record of all of your correspondence. Messages sent on the dating websites are sometimes deleted after some time period.
I wonder why you didn't ask for HER email in the first letter?
If you didn't, then she may think that YOU are a scammer. Yes the real and serious women get all types of letters from all sorts of men, most of them not desirable to them.
Her asking for your email may be a little forward on her part or she just may be trying to weed you out amongst the millions of emails she has to wade through. You are not the only one corresponding with her. I assume you are serious and have real and decent intentions?
seems to me its been the ones who want to have better contact give up an email address and even a phone number pretty quickly. and with a smart phone you can email/chat back and forth on the go.
Thanks for the tips. I ended up getting three letters from ladies asking me for my email address. I decided to go on a limb and give out a secondary email address in case I suspect spam. Well I have received an email from two of the supposed ladies and I'm pretty sure it's spam. Both letters were similar and they both had exactly 3 photos attached. Also, somehow it seems that my email address that I gave to them was used to signup for a Ukraine dating site which I know I didn't do. Also, the site profile of one of the ladies is now deleted.
Using personal email sounds better to me because it is harder to organize letters through the site. I think I will try asking for email addresses instead. Thanks.
It is a little out of place on a first letter, but it might also be that she has a difficult time getting to the agency and it is more convenient to use an internet cafe of possibly her own computer. I was in communication with a woman that lived in a small village near Alushta.I only received a letter every few weeks or even months. I did not completly understand until I was in Alushta and saw what she went through to get to the agency. I believed that she was not serious, but I was wrong. Other times I have gotten E-mails from women that have told me they received my E-mail address from an American dating site I did not have a profile on. They were nearly the same letter. I did not get spammed , but the fact that I did not receive an honest answer when I asked how they received my address caused me to not write. What I am inferring is, it might be real and only communcating with her will you have an idea and knowing will require you make a journey. That is a way off in time.
Regardless of your time-frame (ready for marriage and just being casual), one "trick" that is suggested is that you create for yourself a new email address, like a Yahoo or GMail address, and use this as your "personal" email address.
This way if you do get spammed/scammed, you can easily drop it and create another.
I have read guys say, to the effect, "get her contact info as soon as possible", as if it is a man's right to demand it, but when a lady asks for the same you say it is out of place?
I only say it is out of place in a first letter. Even serious persons contacting each other will find that there is no real chance of a relationship. It is my advice to write a few letters and if you have interest, then make steps to make a personal contact. This is true for the "goose and the gander". If you receive 2 letters and the second has a request to come and visit, better pass on by. It is odd to move too quickly and that was why the posting was created. However writing for months and making a trip without some personal contact is absurd. Every woman that I have met has a mobile phone and has or can get an E-mail address without cost. There are "Internet Cafes" in every town and for 2 hrivnas(25 cents) she can send and receive a message. There is free translation software on the internet and you can translate letters yourself. A few are Prompt, Bing and Onlinetranslator.com. Don't scare the good ones off, but don't get strung along by the scammers either.
One more thing, my lady friend had her agent weiting to me through what I thought was her personal contact information. It was not until I came to meet my lady did she know that our letters were screened and edited. It was the agent trying to maintain control and to try and make all arrangements for travel and accomodations. I had made several trips already and rented an automobile to the disappointment of the agent and my lady had an apartment for me to stay. I have sent gifts to the agent because I believe she did not receive fair compensation for her efforts, but my lady is still angry with the agent. Many of the men here do not understand that it is a service operating an agency and try their best to not pay for that service and many of the agencies market women that are not serious an/or try to keep serious ladies as their assets. Find out who the agent is and call them. Make a business relationship with them so that everyone knows what the other expects. Take control, but be fair. If you find what you are looking for, then it was an agency that made it possible. If you only get scammed, it is quite possibly the same agency. You really can have the agencies represent you as well, but it is like ladies night at the nightclub, the ladies get in free , but you have to pay. Just like a smile, it's the same in every language.
Rodan: "Many men here do not understand that it is a service operating an agency, and try their best not to pay for that service. And that many of the agencies market women who are not serious, and/or try to keep any serious ladies as their assets."
Correct words indeed, and your efforts at trying to have more control when dealing with an agency is better than allowing THEM to dictate the game, and I truly wish you luck. Yes, agencies are a business, but why even bother using agencies, (or translators) in the first place? You surely wouldn't use this approach when seeking or going on a date in your own country; foreign woman or not. If a meeting involves any financial transaction, whether to an agency or the girl, it casts doubt over motives. Why not just concentrate on one of the thousands of women on many sites with private email and who DON'T use a middle-man to act as broker to any aspect of your dating? Some real and honest women exist in agencies, and a tiny minority of agencies are also honest - but you will never know for sure, and one's letters being 'edited' makes corresponding pointless. Time wasting - in letters, travelling, emotions etc is my major concern, and MINIMISING risk. So I concluded recently that I no longer want anything to do with any agency-girls, agencies; or their manipulative control over meetings. As astutely put by another member (Rick): "they over-charge you for everything, but you get nothing". Who needs them?
I went ahead and replied to those messages based on the feedback given here. But I'm fairly certain that they just wanted my email address to sign it up for stuff. Fortunately, I did not use my primary email so the influx of spam does not bother me. I am just a little disappointed.
Another thing I'm curious about is that I'm corresponding with a lady and she claims the reason why her letters are so short is because her English is bad. I'm talking about letters that is only one sentence. Now I can understand that if they don't feel comfortable communicating in a foriegn language, but I'm wondering how any serious attempts at developing a relationship is even possible with such a huge obstacle?
I don't want my correspondence to be about how she looks in a picture more than getting to know her through communication. If I don't feel like I can continue to communicate with the lady what is the proper way to let her know that I feel like the language barrier is too big and that I don't think we should write anymore? Would they get upset, is there a nice way of saying it?
Good point to have a business relationship with her agent, Rodan. I was successful in some instances in separating the lady from her agency. I knew I didn't owe the agency anything, but I felt somewhat guilty, as I spent less than $20 to meet a lady. For that and other reasons, I still wrote through the agency. But, after I thought I wrote a substantial amount of letters through the agency, they still intervened when I was trying to get accomodations.
it is like paying twice if you use the internet. you pay for letter writing or for a monthly membership then the agency the girl is listed with wants you to pay them also. I have done all of the above in the last 4 years of searching. at one time I did the pay per letter thing and dropped that rather quickly, then I did the monthly membership services. after all that when I went to actually visit the girl I had to pay again just to meet her. I do have to say if it works out I am sure most would agree it would be worth every penny. to save yourself some cash go directly to the agency and just pay there fee or only write to Lady's with there own email and no agency. I am happy to say I have found what I was looking for and will be back in February to see her again and prepare her for visa interview.
It has been stated before on this site. If you are new at this an agency is a good way to get your "feet wet". I am now able go on my own, but it was still a learning experience when I went my first 2 trips. I used the agency to meet my lady friend and made it clear I was able to commute by myself. I rented a car, but now I am fine with taking the bus. In America it is cheaper to rent a car and about the same price in Ukraine, but the bus is dirt cheap and much better service than in America.
They all have an E-mail account or can get one with assistance from friends. If you cannot get it after you have interest and she responds in kind then forget it. As I said, the personal email I wrote to my lady was fake and through her agent, but as it is said, everything starts new when you meet. Then I was in and the agent was out. I also advice having a realtime video chat. They just can't fake that. Though you still can be scammed or stood up.
Hey guys I need some advice from some of you more experienced ones.
I am corresponding with one lady and she basically speaks no English at all. If I speak no Russian and she speaks no English how on earth could this possibly work? Should I just tell her I'm sorry but I cannot understand her well enough and move on?
I'm a little confused because her profile says she has middle level English skills, but she confessed to me she knows none at all. I read an article on another site that says many women will not admit they know no English because they think it will scare Western men away. But my big question is have anyone met and married a lady that did not speak their native language at all and if so how did you make it work?
One other thing that is bothering me. Although we have been exchanging letters for a couple weeks she is already asking me when I am coming to see her. I mean we have not even gotten past hello yet because of the language problem.
Firefox used offer the option of translating any web page you visited. I found it handy to keep tabs on any girl I was corresponding with. The function seems to have been dropped on the latest upgrade.
Anyway..the girls you are corresponding with may have profiles on the site RB mentions or others such as rambler.
One lady I was chatting to set me up with a profile on rambler which allowed me to search. Lo and behold..two former mates and upwards of twenty I "knew" from contact with.