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Mike2001

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	Send: 11/12/2010 6:12:56 AM

Hello. I'm pretty new at this and am looking for some advice. Meet a women on Elena's Models and we've been emailing and talking on skype for a while. We are planning to meet in a third country next month for a week. Hard to believe I'm really planning to do this. Here are the facts. Me - 56 years old, in good shape and look pretty good for my age if I say so myself. I make good money and have the means to travel and have traveled to western europe numerous times. I am a widower by a couple years and we had a great marriage. Two children, a girl 25 years old and a son 18 years old who just started college. I'm looking for a serious relationship hopefully leading to marriage and she know this. Her - 40 years old, divorced with a 14 year old girl. They live in Moscow and she has a business with an associate, so I assume she makes ok money. She's told me that she is looking for marriage also and is open to relocating. She seems great - intelligent, funny, considerate, and very pretty. I am very interested in her but I want to try not to rush things. What do you think of the age difference? It's something I'm concerned about. I'm trying to keep an open mind abut meeting and figure of iut doesn't work at least I'll visit a new country and see some sites. One other thing about the trip. I plan to get one room but separate beds (figure no sense paying for 2 rooms - I'm well off but not rich). Do you think she'll have a problem with this? Any other recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciate. And this is my first time going to meet a women from Russia. Thanks in advance.

Rag'n'Bull

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	Send: 11/12/2010 5:28:07 PM

Mike, Sounds pretty good to me, don't think of years in age differences between you, think of percentages, a 16 year age difference, were she 18 and you 34, both without baggage, then lots of danger signals, 40/56, both with baggage, then I wish you good luck and every happiness.

Harvey

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	Send: 11/12/2010 5:54:11 PM

Mike, why ask us? ask her about the accommodations. if she is cool then you are cool. she is the one that must agree to it.

durak

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	Send: 11/12/2010 7:36:36 PM

1. Age difference -- you're right to be concerned, but it needn't be an obstacle. I would want to have some wide-open conversation how the age difference feels to her ... perhaps, after your meeting. She might not know how it sits for her until you've spent time together. 2. In some ways, Russian women tend to have more conservative social attitudes than is common in the West. I've only made one rendezvous like you are planning (a first meeting not in her city), and proposed an apartment with 2 bedrooms -- she preferred separate hotel rooms, which turned out to be not nearly so expensive as I had expected. 3. Russian women tend to have strict expectations about men's conduct. So be very courteous: opening doors for her, helping her remove and put on her coat (though I'm guessing you two will meet in some very warm climate), etc. She can keep you waiting for a half hour, but you mustn't make her wait for five minutes. Of course, you will pay for everything. Really, this is just the normal code of conduct for American men a couple of generations ago. It sounds to me, like you have started your journey well. Good luck as it unfolds!

Mike2001

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	Send: 11/12/2010 8:13:43 PM

Hi Guys, Thanks for the comments - all are appreciated. Age difference - thanks for the comments. Her profile stated she was open to a guy up to 60, but I've read the RW tend to be pretty broad in their age preference in their profiles but maybe aren't really looking for a guy at the upper limit of their preference - they just want to keep their options open. Turns out she's 41, but that's still a 15 year spread. Trying to go into this with my eyes open. Room - thanks - I'll give here a couple options and go with what she is comfortable with. Paying for everything - that's just what I'd do anyway. Just the way I was brought up. Couple other questions - when we first meet - any dos and dont's? I'd also like to bring some small gifts for her and her daughter - any suggestions? Any other recommendations on what to do and what not to do would be really appreciated. Never done this before and I really want it to go well. Really like her, but know it could be great or go south in the first couple minutes. Thanks in advance.

Harvey

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	Send: 11/12/2010 11:49:52 PM

gifts - keep them small and personal, a scarf, mittens or a token of your homeland. nothing extravagant. let her know you appreciate her meeting you. but for god's sake do not try to overwhelm her. if she is the real deal then it doesn't matter. just be a gentleman. it goes a lot further than a gift. but obviously to show up with nothing... others may say differently. but be sure that a token gift is appreciated and a welcomed (expected) part of the culture. for her daughter -- well I took a gift of costume jewelry to my wife's niece when I first met the family but she was much younger than 14. perhaps music cds or something of that nature. movies - are you american? definitely get something for the 14 yr old even if she is not coming to the meeting. a music cd will be awesome. but they don't say awesome in russian... ;) find out what 14 yr olds are listening to these days. 14 yr olds are the same all over the world. they love american bands.

beemer18

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	Send: 11/13/2010 2:47:19 AM

Question...who brought up meeting in third country? Maybe if you told of which country, someone might have some ideas for you.....

durak

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	Send: 11/13/2010 3:26:07 AM

I like Ralph's suggestion about music; probably the lady can suggest what her daughter would like. A well-chosen movie on DVD might also be a treat for the daughter, being in English is not necessarily a problem. If she likes it, instead of 'awesome' a teenager is likely to say 'klas' (rhymes with floss) or 'klyova' (rhymes with nova). When I made my meeting (the one with the 2 hotel rms), I was guided by my heart about a gift. Though our meeting didn't prove to be fruitful -- we didn't have the chemistry -- I already felt close to her from our many Skype conversations, and brought a small (but quite nice) gold pendant, its design related to her child's name. I believe that she wears it often. I also brought some chocolate (welcomed by most ladies) and some very inexpensive cute earrings that seemed to be in the style she likes to wear. As far as I could see, she liked them all. You've been getting to know this gal -- you can be guided, by what you understand about who she is. Although when I made my meeting, I knew the risk that we wouldn't 'click' (I estimated the odds of success at 1 in 6), I went with the attitude, "I'm meeting the woman I may spend the rest of my life with."

Harvey

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	Send: 11/13/2010 8:06:24 AM

I disagree with you danny41 on 'nothing' for the daughter. just a simple little thing would be a nice gesture. and I do agree with you that no-one should show up like father christmas. a man showing up with lavish gifts reeks of desperation. and the woman will know it. like I said, just being a gentleman is gift enough.

durak

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	Send: 11/13/2010 1:55:25 PM

"jewelery is something special from the heart to someone you love becouse you love them" I already did love her, and felt truly close to her ... as a friend. Over 7 months of correspondence, we had already had serious discussions about the possibilities of making a life together. Usually when I make a first meeting, I bring a small bunch of flowers, or if the logistics of meeting would make flowers awkward to carry around (more often than not), I come empty handed. When I tell stories about what I have done, they are not recommendations! I can tell about my experiences, and how they seemed to work out. Whether my decisions were best, and whether what was OK in one situation would be in another ... the readers will judge. For those of you who don't know Russian, my forum name means 'fool'. I will faithfully tell my mistakes here, in the hope that others may avoid them. Probably in the back of my mind was my experience of Russians/Ukrainians being extraordinarily generous to their guests. Their traditions about gifts are quite different from what I'm used to at home. More than once, when making first meetings with mothers, I have brought a little something for her child. One woman I met in Moscow had told me a lot (by email) about her small daughter (who had just turned 3). I have a 'knack' when it comes to small children -- in a Moscow shop I found two small gifts for the daughter; Olga seemed really moved because they were things she knew her daughter would like very much. I love children quite a lot, so this is quite natural and pleasant for me. On another level, I'm not meeting a woman on the other side of the world because I love cafes. We are beginning an interview process for open positions of spouse. If she is a mother, I am proposing myself as a candidate to be the man who will help to raise her child. Now, she may not be thinking in these terms at all -- probably uppermost in her mind, "is this guy attractive?" But to me, becoming a stepfather (something I have done before) is a Big F*cking Deal ... it is not something I approach casually. In the meeting I've already written about with the gold pendant, I also brought 2 things for her daughter. One I had doubts about -- it was a soft toy (stuffed animal), and the girl was already 10, so I worried perhaps she was past the age of enjoying such things. Well, afterward the lady told me that her daughter had the soft toy with her in bed every night. If there was any point to my previous post, I guess it was that I chose to be guided by my heart -- not any rules, guidelines, or principles. (That's what I did, NOT advice to anybody else.) I didn't think about what kind of impression I would make (like Ralph wrote about "reeking of desperation"), whether good, bad or indifferent. I'm sure this is a mistake I make over and over, I focus on being true to who I am, and have only a dim awareness of the impression I leave with others. It wasn't my intention to have her think, "wow this guy is so generous" or whatever. They gifts were expressions of my genuine affection. Probably, I will leave "playing it cool" to the cool guys.

Harvey

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	Send: 11/13/2010 2:29:52 PM

totally misunderstood durak. you are in a far more advanced category than most if not all. what I am talking about is some guy who barely knows a lady, decides to travel to meet her and shows up with a bunch of lavish gifts. you have no need to defend yourself. I wasn't even thinking of you when I posted about big gifting. I was thinking about those who know no better and may be under the delusion that trying to impress a Russian woman with gifts would be in their favor. trust me, I already know a few Russian women and understand how they think. The point I was hoping to make is that they are not idiots, by no means desperate and that they are just regular people hoping to meet someone - dismissing the scammers of course. the thought that trying to impress these women with gifts is a futile measure. for the average joe who barely knows a lady who shows up with a bunch of gifts - well she probably is thinking, "Must be a loser." Or else she is thinking, "This one paid off. I hope I can string him along for a while until the next one comes my way."

ragingbull

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	Send: 11/13/2010 8:14:07 PM

"If there was any point to my previous post, I guess it was that I chose to be guided by my heart -- not any rules, guidelines, or principles." You missed the point, Ralph. That is because you don't know what "guided by my heart" means. You have no clue. And you're married? It means she might be thinking what you say, but you will give her gifts anyway because of your love.

durak

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	Send: 11/14/2010 8:49:03 PM

Hoping for better clarity ... I didn't take anything danny or ralph said as personal criticism, or even criticism. No offense taken! The were explaining their thoughts about the original poster's very sincere question about bringing gifts for the child of the woman he is meeting. Rather than reading this as criticism, I started asking myself, "Durak, in that particular situation, how did you decide to handle things the way you did?" Because I wasn't really conscious about it, at the time. In other words, at the time I wasn't thinking about how I was thinking (did that make any sense at all?) So I started thinking about it now ;) I believe that many men have a lot more social awareness and know-how than I do, and can put this know-how to work in ways that help them to be popular with women, in ways that I never was. I don't resent their success (though I did when I was younger). More power to them! For myself, I don't seem to be clever in that way. This story may seem screwy, but it has a point: I once read about sailboat racing, and a young man who became really successful. Sailboats go fastest into the wind, so the guys who race them focus almost all their effort on sailing as fast as possible to windward. But in most races, you have to return to the starting point, so you cover about half of the distance downwind. This particular young man decided that he didn't have the knack to sail into the wind as fast as the best racers ... so he decided to concentrate on sailing faster downwind (the slow part that the other guys didn't focus on). So his boat never matched the top speed of his best rivals, but because he went faster on the slow legs, he won a lot of events. So if you see Durak messing about, trying to rig his flying spinnaker ... he's doing his best, to make use of his strengths :) Thanks deeply for the very kind words, gentlemen. Ralph already found his treasure at the end of the rainbow; to danny and the other men, I'll be mighty pleased to learn that you have found the woman who's right for you. PS to ralph: I don't think that I often get defensive about my actions. When they are mistakes (very often), defending them is a waste of time. If I am really comfortable that something I did was well thought out -- and worked the way I hoped it would -- then it's not very important to me how others might agree or disagree with it.

Harvey

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	Send: 11/15/2010 5:07:29 AM

durak, using the spinnaker is an absolute necessity at times. but if you can't tack the spinnaker is useless.

Mike2001

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	Send: 11/15/2010 6:17:27 AM

Thanks for the info - any other suggestions/recommendations would be appreciated As far as where we are meeting it will be Spain. Beemer (and others)- question for you. You asked whose idea it was to meet in a third country. She was open to meeting in Russia, but we thought somewhere not so cold might be better (at least I think it was mutual - hard to remember whose idea it was as it's been a couple weeks). Should I be concerned? I've read there are a lot of RW who will meet anyone who will pay for their trip to a third country, but at the same time I'm trying not to let the fear of being scammed mess up a potentially good meeting before it even happens. I don't want to question her on her motives or intentions - she might take that as an insult. She hasn't been back on the site since I suggested we meet, so I'm taking that as a good sign. She does seem sincere in her emails and on skype. Thoughts?

durak

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	Send: 11/16/2010 12:55:49 AM

Mike, It seems to me that you are striking the right balance -- "trying not to let the fear of being scammed mess up a potentially good meeting". It's possible to project bad intentions on everybody. And personally, I'd much prefer to make a meeting in a comfortable setting. I do have a practical question, though. To enter Spain, a Russian citizen must obtain a Spanish visa while still in Russia. Has she checked out whether it is practical for her to get such a visa, and if so how much time and money is required? Turkey and Egypt are popular vacation destinations for Russians -- they can get visas on arrival for a modest fee. If you don't like scorching heat, winter is perhaps the best time of year to see Egypt.

bowhunter

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	Send: 11/16/2010 6:24:41 AM

sounds like you are going to have a great adventure and meet a beautiful woman in the process.

beemer18

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	Send: 11/16/2010 6:46:45 PM

Mike..... Spain??? Hopefully to Barcelona because Madrid is brrrrrrrr. Not so cold??.....do you consider highs in 50's and low in upper 30's cold? You know December is one of Spain's wettest months, right? As far as getting a visa, it is feasible if girl can show $$$ in bank and good job, just some xtra work, maybe 1-1 1/2 months time. If you wanted warmer temps, as Durak mentioned, egypt should be nice......upper 70's (60's in Cairo)and visa easily obtained at airport for $30. Either Sharm el Sheikh or Hurghada are the places to stay. I stayed in Sharm and if was FULL of russian tourists....so much that many egyptians workers spoke russian. Have to wonder if this russian girl likes to take holidays trips on a guys dime.......

Harvey

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	Send: 11/17/2010 12:02:37 PM

mike - why not suggest sochi or one of the resort towns along the black sea coast in southern russia? it's no colder than spain, she doesn't need a visa to leave the country. there is plenty to do and see. even though it is winter it doesn't get cold unless you head up into the mountains. here's another idea -- why not meet in ukraine? neither of you will need a visa, kiev is a cool place to visit. you won't run out of things to do. if she is for real it should not matter to her - should it? she can take the train there. everyone seems to forget - or ignore - the fact that russians traveling to/from ukraine is like americans passing back and forth through canada. I met my wife in ukraine the first time - she took the train. so why not find out how sincere she is. if she is just a 'traveler' she will insist on spain or wherever.

baron555

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	Send: 11/17/2010 12:27:32 PM

My wife also suggested meeting in Kiev, one because it was easier for me to get to (no visa required vs to visit in Russia) and both of us had never been there. We met in February and didn't do all that much sightseeing because we were there to meet each other and not to be tourists.

Russian brides > Main Forum > Newbie looking for some advice