I'm checking in and want to get some wisdom about determining if women are serious or not. I've read some stories on here about how men will exchange letters, talk on the phone, and other things with women. But when they finally show up in their home country the women are no where to be seen. I'm currently speaking with a couple of ladies and I'm having a difficult time gauging their sincerity and seriousness about wanting to pursue relations. Bear in mind none of these women have asked me for money or to send them gifts or have even hinted at anything of the kind.
One of the ladies I requested to do video chat with me from her local agency. We have been exchanging letters for a few months and I feel that I want to take it to the next step and do live video chat. She tells me she is too busy and that she won't be able to make it to the agency to do live chat with me. Well I'm disappointed in hearing this because I feel like we were hitting it off in letters. I'm thinking if she's not willing to do video chat that either she has something to hide or she just isn't as interested as her letters let on.
Another one I asked the same thing and basically got the response that she would love to do live chat with me and want to arrange something. But her schedule is so busy that she can't promise it will be when I would like for it to be. She mentioned something about how her agency is a couple of towns away from her and it would be difficult for her to make that trip so we could live chat.
Finally, the third one I have not asked to do video chat with yet. However, she told me in the first few letters that she just "bought" a new apartment (with the help of her parents). The thing I'm wondering about this one is that how serious could she be about pursuing something serious with a man not of her country if she just bought a new apartment. I'm not sure if she would be willing to leave that behind any time soon as I'm hoping I will start making trips there some time in 2011.
1. I would never do video chat. What is it $4 a minute, minimum 10 minutes and no contact info given!!!! At least in phone call contact info can be given. I know a girl that asked me one time to do video chat with her, I had already met her, she is sincere but I still haven't done that with her.
Did you get postal addresses for all girls written to? Did you check other sites if girl is there too? For example, on globalladies you can get phone numbers on letters.
To me, first two ladies cannot be bothered to you....whom ever is writing letters is a tossup. Neo- what about girls having laptops at home( from another post?):-)
Third one not sure. It is possible girl makes plan for now, not knowing what will happen in future.
Best reply I ever got about question in re to ....are you willing to relocate to another country?
Not really but if I met the right man I would.
You cannot even be sure if you are writing to the woman pictured. If she resistes "Coming out of the shadows", it is a bad sign. In addition, if you ask to chat or make a video to you personally and does not do so in a timely manner, she is probably a "Phantom". From my perspective, you should have enough correspondence to know her rather than just a picture as a foundation. If you do have similar life expectations, then she should have the same questions about your sincerity. If she resists after you think you are becoming familiar, "Forget it" she is just an agency girl or an agency fabrication. Sometimes there are ladies that live in villages away from the agency. Don't expect that she should get on a bus afte writing two letters, but if she never feels invested enough to take a bus, "Forget it".
I figured video chat would be safe and it's only $1/min with no minimum through this site. I figured during the video chat if things went well I would ask her for her personal information. I have tried with another lady to remove her from the agency. I asked first if I could write to her pesonal email address and her response was "I don't have one". So I dropped her because I felt that maybe she was an agency girl.
I have asked from other women to get their personal information like private email address, or home addres/phone number. The response has always been "I feel better communicating through the site" so I promptly walked away from them. I haven't reached that point with the three I described in my first post, but I figured if they were willing to do video chat then maybe they are genuine.
I think what I will do is just as for postal address/phone number with the first two and see where it goes. Thanks for the advice.
hire a good local independent form the agency interpreter (me) and you will learn a lot, including avoidance from being framed into "schemes".
If she wants you to make video - she gets a chunk from the agency and she does not care about you.
This was first question from scams on the first meetings, - "dude, why did not you want to see my video?" meaning I did not make these few bucks on you...bboom.
I would make a distinction from a generic video and one that is made for you. It costs you $10, but it identifies her as real, though not necessarily sincere. One step closer than traveling there to find she has never even read a letter from you.
Well the only way to be 100% sure would be to make her live leave agency and start communicating with free Email or instant messengers services. (and never send her money for it)
The thing is I you are not in close relationship yet she trust the agency more than she trast you.
For the first 2 ladies I can tell 90% sure they ether scam or barely interested in you. It is only one hour of her time, she has found this time to visit agency once. If she cannot find one hour to do video chat with you it means that there is something more interesting/important for here somewhere else and she spends this hour for it.
Think guys! This is country where wives were going to Siberian banishment with their husband-convicts. You can believe me guys, if she is interested in you she will find time and way to communicate with you. She can go to a friend who has computer and internet, web cam here cost as low as $25.
One of ladies I know actually paid for the guys apartment rent so he could come here and never get those money back! Can you imagine that?! She actually has been scammed for money (well and sex too)!
The first sign woman is not interested in you: She almost never has time for you.
The third lady who has bought an apartment probably just consider as an investment. But.... I do not want to be a troll. But depending on how many there are professional daters in online dating websites I would bet that she is a professional dater.
What are things I should ask for when trying to remove them from the agency?
Email? Home phone? Address?
I guess I need more clarification on the Internet situation there as well. I'm getting mixed signals as to the availibity because the ones I did ask for their private emails would say things like they don't have one or they don't own a computer. I asked one to get on Skype and she said she and a friend tried to set it up but couldn't get it to work.
You are so very close to answering your own question. It is not you that will remove her from the agency,,,,, she will make it possible to correspond with you without the agency. Then if that progresses into a personal relationship, she will remove her profile. It was over a year after our first meeting before my lady removed her profile. I never asked her to remove it, so like a picture, it is worth a thousand words.
As for Skype not working. I have a problem on one computer with the program starting. I have found that if I open Skype "immediately" when starting the computer, it will open before any conflicts with other programs or antivirus software. I keep a "shortcut" on the "desktop" and it's like the "old west" at "high noon"
If they do not use Email (it happens often here in Ukraine) than to contact them without agency you need only her cell phone number and full name.
Knowing her full name and city where she is living you can find her at Russian social network vkontakte[dot]ru. It has English option and looks like Facebook so you not suppose to have problems to learn how to use it.
As for Skype it would cost her not more than $20 to get Skype installed by a computer master at her house.
after so long of watching and digesting the comments about removing the woman from the agency etc. etc.
my wife lived in a new building in a newer part of the city - still didn't have local mail delivery. heck when I was there after 2 yrs in her place the cab drivers never heard of it and had to be given street by street directions to it. didn't have internet at first. then got a dial up internet service that was slooooooooooow and unreliable. days at a time no internet. it was much easier for her to go to an internet cafe and correspond through EM for a while. so, sometimes it can not be expected that a woman has easy access to remove herself from an 'agency' immediately. but it is easy to tell that she is only corresponding with you. after a couple months she was able to get a high speed connection at her apartment. she made the effort and made it happen - all the while working 12 hour days. and it was still not reliable.
she was not able to use skype until then and we intermixed our correspondance through the agency and personal email accounts. it was not long until we both removed our profiles from the site. but we could still use it for correspondence.
so to those of you who keep hearing 'separate her from the agency' keep in mind that it is not always a slam dunk to do so. I am speaking of russia - not ukraine. of course there is also those who insist on using the agency - move away from these for sure. with a little thinking it should be easy to distinguish a sincere lady from an agency money maker.
All FSU women have their own cell phones, usually more than one . If you can not at least get that far, move on and keep searching.
I corresponded with one woman who lived in Kazackistn (sp) and she had to use a cafe fir her Internet, so there was always a two or three day lag between our emails.
If she is serious about being setious she WILL find a way . If she only has excuses , then move on.
You have to follow your plan exactly, no private email or phone number or address within one week of correspondence? Move on.
Stop looking at the photos.
baron - I am throwing the flag. You continually spout on about a "master plan". I did not have a master plan. I looked into this more out of curiosity. But I sure as hell had my wits about me. The more you speak of your "master plan" the more you sound like someone going to Macy's, or perhaps wal-mart?. To limit a woman to one week is, well, WEAK! Why do you insist on spouting on about the "master plan" and one week to get her away from an agency and correspondence through some other means? As McCoy (from Star Trek)would say, "My God man!" I am curious now. Does your wife know she was a part in a master plan? Does she know that of the many you contacted she was the only one who decided to meet you? Was your master plan to fall onto your knees for the first woman who decided to give you a shot? I don't know. But the more you ingratiate yourself to yourself the more you lose credibility. Stop bragging about bagging the first woman you met already. Congratulations on your first anniversary. I hope you have thirty+ more with the same woman. But give us a break.
Hi, baron and Ralph!
The agencies are bad news, and it would be great to have the girl all to yourself!!! But,,, pull too hard on the rope,,, and it will break, or she will just let go!!
They don't all have internet, and may not even know where to find it nearby! If they do have a computer and internet at home,,,,, it makes me start to wonder; how they paid for it???
Maybe few people on here know,, but I have been through this before, married, and all of the INS-BS! I have met, then corresponded, and corresponded first then met!! There isn't any silver bullet for this!!! If a girl has a cell phone, but won't give you her number, even after saying how much she likes you and wants to meet you,,,, drop her!!!!
Same story for email, if she has it, but won't give you her address after a reasonable amount of time,,,, drop her!!!!
Oh, Ralph,, I'll give you one chance to guess where the "1701" in my nickname comes from??!! lol
For those with a hard line drop her if she doesn't give her personal contact information in the first week, because she is obviously "not serious", show her how serious you are and send her a Money-gram so she can use the "Internet Cafe" and prove you are "serious". Or is that ridiculous? For the cost of 3 Starbucks coffees, she could write everyday for a month at the "Internet Cafe". I wouldn't advise either extreme, if you are indeed serious. There is good advice buried in this Forum as to how to identify the scammers and take control of your travels when you choose to go. As I have written before, you will know when a woman is serious about you. It is when she is waiting for your return after meeting and she has become your advocate.
I know a girl who works in Ukraine at an agency as a letter writer/chatter. She has told me some funny stories. There are western guys who pay for a girls apartment for a year (but enough money for three apartments ))) ), all the while the girl has a boyfriend and has no intention of leaving her country.
The other funny one that comes to mind is all of the guys who work in the office doing the same job as my friend. )))
lonelyranger- ah, the starship enterprise - just now taking my wife through these movies and at the same time trying to explain the premise behind the main characters and their "accents". she laughs at chekov's accent. "Is he supposed to be Russian?"
Well obviously some of you have no clue because you totally do not understand the master plan I speak of. I'll outline a few parts.
Serious introspection of who you are, what you want , what is your criteria in a woman , and what you have to offer.
Nice introduction letter professionally translated.
Predetermined rules of engagement:
I will not look ST photos first
I will look for this or that profile only.
I will not engage in any PPL or PPC except the initial offering.
After do many correspondences, if we haven't taken it private I move on.
I will take a trip within three months of good correspondence.
I will send no money until we meet including any gifts.
I will be decisive.
I will follow the plan.
There were other women besides my wife that we were planning to meet.
Another plan part: I will only meet one woman at a time.
There were other men that were planning yo also meet eventually doth my wife.
We were the first that each had actually met.
All the stars aligned for us and we both were decisive enough Nd mature enough to understand that if you really do meet someone who meets all your criteria there is no need to continue searching.
The usual folks take about two or three trips before they decide.
But....the most successful will reiterate they had some semblance of the plan elements listed above.