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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > Newbie here... Question about scams Author Post axavm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/10/2011 8:41:00 PM   Hi all, First time poster here. I hope someone can give me some guidance or advice. I have a close friend who moved to Ukraine last year and married a great girl. I went out for the wedding and was blown away by the amount of gorgeous young ladies over there. I decided I wanted to try to meet some. Well, last month a girl from Donetsk contacted me on a paid site, I had put on my profile I was going to be coming to visit Ukraine again in August. Long story short, I flew her to Kiev where I was in my last 2 days on the trip, rented us an apartment and we had a wonderful time. There was a definite spark there. We had a serious discussion on our last night together where we agreed we would like to find a way to spend more time together to get to know each other. She's a beautiful and super sweet girl. It's been almost a month and we have been skyping almost daily. And it's been fun almost the entire time. In my heart, I feel she is a very genuine person, but I have been told to take things slow and get a true feel for her. When she is happy, she is a wonderful, funny, bubbly person. But she has shared with me some interesting personal problem with her relationship with her father (whom she says has been ill with heart problems). It's really sad to hear talk about it. Essentially, she says he never really cared for her and just today told her he wanted her out of the house. She is 26 btw, and has not been married. She has not told her father about meeting me, only her mother whom she gets along with very well. She has some close supportive friends as well from what I can gather. But clearly she "sounds" depressed about it. (She likes to text more than camera skype because the connection is not so good with a camera.) Obviously, I know I need to get to know her better, but I have friends who are trying to look out for me and so I ask the community here, if this is leading to something that is maybe known to be "phishy"...? I have minimal doubt right now as to her genuineness, but I understand the need to be cautious. Any advice would be appreciated. RodanTsunami Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/11/2011 12:23:56 AM   You have both met her and have friend established in Ukraine. Any advice you might receive from us would be given with less information than you already have. The only thing that I can advise is, if you are closer to her than her father because of the damaged relationship, you need to understand it. You might find that you agree with him on that issue. Unless it is horrific, she will someday reconcile and you will be the blame of the trouble. durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/11/2011 2:40:08 AM   What you describe, does not resemble any scam I know about. It seems to me that serious family problems (divorce etc.) are just about as common in Ukraine and Russia, as they are in the USA (and some other western countries). Her story is unusual, and very sad, but such things sometimes happen in families. You are prudent to be cautious -- I would recommend this to anyone pursuing an international romance. Assuming that she has told you the truth, she must have deep psychological "father wound," which will color her relationships with men. If there is a substantial age difference between the two of you, with will be accentuated. It is an easy mistake to get into "long-distance infatuation." It is when you have spent some serious time together, that you will have a better chance to understand. Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/11/2011 4:12:13 AM   the only advice I can add - the others made perfect sense - is that one day (maybe) she will decide to take out all her anger she has for her father on you. it happened to me - with an american girl. my wife was 13 years my junior. and it all blew up one day. literally, one day. otherwise, you are gambling with any woman from anywhere. so... why not? durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/11/2011 8:37:17 PM   I second danny on this ... when a women makes first contact, the likelihood that she is up to no good is definitely higher. This isn't PROOF of bad intentions, but certainly calls for extra caution. If she is a knockout, obviously getting lots of attention from men anyway, then her initiating contact is more suspicious. And if you are much older than she is (you didn't mention your age), then it looks suspicious indeed. Tread with care! kiwinorth Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/11/2011 10:01:12 PM   you feel shes genuine????? why? the only genuine people around you are those whos close to you, family,, very long time friends. shes already started your relationship with a bit of a mind game process "the sad story" everyone has a sad story, specially time wasting people. this tactic is possibly for your benefit, to make you feel that shes given you something personal of her. now in her eyes you may be primed to help, to love this girl, to finally give what the closest man in her life didnt. you are now this girls prince on that white shiny Humvee( big block V8) they dream of, and i hope you dont fall for this crap. if shes genuine or not thats for time to tell ONLY. for what you have said so far, watch her with somewhat suspicion. mate she could be a genuine manic depressant for all you know. i'm a believer if she was half a person she would never play games with perspective partners really. very personal family stuff is "very personal" and this is a type of game. reality is its a fine line of inonesent games to maybe someone fishing. question is, is it on purpose or not, is it possible immaturity maybe? but this is ukraine. as in the family, her mother would more then likely make massive drama's before he was able to push her out of their lives "think about it" a fine fine daughter to a sick husband who dislikes this womens daughter, her prize of living(possibly he thinks shes not his, who knows). i knows whos on the back foot here, "the sick one" its not his best interest to be making waves. children are gold to most parents one way or the other, these are not western familys of our own weirdness. dude you are wanting answers that can not be given, tread slowly, watch and lean of her mental state and what shes after. and just maybe you might have a nice girl, its a time thing, watch her carefully but dont get sucked into bullshit (real or not). beemer18 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/11/2011 11:16:25 PM   According to you durak..i am swimming upsteam!!! It's not a matter of who contacts who first...it is a matter of just looking at profile and pics and THAT should determine how cautious to be...along with the intial contact.... So be very cautious if that 55 yr old lady contacts you first, she may be up to no good!!! But your second point is more relative.... axavm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/11/2011 11:27:11 PM   I'm only 10 years older, and we talked a little about our experiences on the site. She seemed pretty legit to me. Again, I'll just feel it out, and I have no real reason to suspect she is up to no good. So yes, I will tread with care.... Thanks all. Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/12/2011 3:10:51 AM   I agree and disagree with danny and durak. it is not necessarily so that if she contacts you first she is up to no good. of course I do not have experience from many of the dating sites ass. with the FSU. but think about it. if you put yourself out there ... there are women who are looking. if one is genuine and finds you interesting why should she not make first contact. yes, I agree that the 18 yr old contacting 50+ men is surely phishing. but sometimes it can be said to, "Give the lady a break..." assuming she is within a reasonable age. I know that I have been contacted by genuine ladies. But of course I got many many more of the young things promising eternal love etc. And of course over the years on match.com I have received a lot -- A LOT - of contacts. Just because a woman contacts you by no means is an indication that she is a scammer. It all depends on which sites you use. Always be careful. And yes, I also agree that the mindset of most genuine ladies from FSU is that the man make the first move. But, ... RodanTsunami Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/12/2011 6:57:16 AM   Everyone makes first contact when they post a profile. This entire medium of communication is out of step with tradition. kiwinorth Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/12/2011 9:08:43 PM   i only acted on people who contacted me. i thought theres a good advantage in this, my figuring was their attraction was already in place without having to lead the way(think about it). i met some wonderful people, never used agencys after my first visit. Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/13/2011 5:33:05 AM   good question -- probably not... Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/13/2011 11:32:51 AM   I've just remembered, I know of one: An American friend of mine, the IT guy that I sometimes refer to, his wife made the first contact with him via Elena's Models, she's a Russian from Uzbekistan, their first time together was in Turkey then some months later he travelled to Tashkent, met the family etc, proposed and I'm guessing it's about 8 or 9 years that they've been married now. durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/13/2011 12:02:23 PM   My idea is that if a woman makes first contact, this is a reason to be extra careful, NOT proof that something is wrong. In my experience on elenasmodels (which I consider to be much cleaner than most of the websites), rather more than half of the women who contact me are above my posted upper age limit (though most are still younger than I), and apparently quite genuine. [Though sad to say, there have been a couple who looked very "clean" -- attractive without being "too much," mothers, a bit over 35 -- who were kicked off the site for security reasons. This suggests that some of the scammers have become very smart about not looking like scammers.] Of the women who initiated contact with me, and who were BELOW my upper age limit (and some were below my LOWER age limit), most were later kicked off the site. However, a couple of them appeared to be genuine. On other lower-quality websites I have used, I would estimate that 85% to 95% of women making first contact with me were obvious scammers. Now, I'm not much to look at (just average), and if I were Mr. Handsome, I would probably get more first contacts (at least, within my stated age range) from women with sincere intentions. Maybe you can see why I think that when a woman is the one to reach out, it calls for extra caution. But I'm not surprised by what Ivor just posted -- I'm sure plenty of them are real. I have posted here in the past about a woman I know in Russia, who's really quite cute and in her early 30s, who has several times taken the time to write thoughtful letters to men whose profiles she liked, only to see that the men deleted the letters without ever reading them. (I know how that feels, and it sucks.) She and I both guess that often, this happens because men have gotten suspicious about women who make first contact. As I've written here before, PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING THAT SCAMMERS DO, A GENUINE WOMAN MIGHT DO UNDER SOME CIRCUMSTANCES. So for me, it isn't so much a question of rules (except one rule: if she asks for money before a first meeting, cross her off the list) -- instead, I look at the information I have, and estimate how risky it looks. devilmaycare Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/13/2011 3:06:12 PM   "As I've written here before, PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING THAT SCAMMERS DO, A GENUINE WOMAN MIGHT DO UNDER SOME CIRCUMSTANCES" Except ask for money .... To the op thats the acid test - if her sob story leads to a request for cash then thats it game over. Well even a genuine girl will often expect reasonable travel expenses but thats the only exception I can think of. axavm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/13/2011 5:54:39 PM   Durak, I agree with you on many points... "Except ask for money .... To the op thats the acid test - if her sob story leads to a request for cash then thats it game over. Well even a genuine girl will often expect reasonable travel expenses but thats the only exception I can think of." Yes, I understand the $ thing. No, she hasn't asked for anything. I know she doesn't have much $ from our conversations and I would always offer to cover any travel expenses for her anyway. That's just the way I am. But we continue to have great skype sessions and soon I will make plans to have a return visit so we can have more time to do what we initially said, which is to get to know each other a lot better. And truthfully she is really uncomfortable to even talk about the family issues which is totally understandable considering the nature of our relationship to this point... I guess in the end, time will tell. I still have a good feeling about it. Oh, and being contacted first is not that big a deal as I see it. Remember, they are there to meet people too. Now I consider myself a decent looking guy, and have had a few ladies contact me first, but I don't think it's any different than what happens on American dating sites... RodanTsunami Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/14/2011 5:01:21 PM   A first meeting should be on her ground. If she has reason not to do so , then be cautious. If you are sending money for her to travel, then she should expect to take a train or bus. The cost would be about $20. I think that the only truly reasonable amount of money sent would be for communication. Only after you have established direct communication and she needs money for "Internet Cafe", then $10 would cover a months communication. Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > Newbie here... Question about scams
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