I'm a newbie here. Have just got back from dating a really nice girl in Kiev for 2 weeks, but am puzzled if she is the real deal
or not.
She is from Lugansk and we agreed to meet in Kiev. I paid for an apartment for her for the 2 weeks, while I stayed
in a hostel. We had a good time and looked around all the sights, visited quite a few restaurants (but only mostly cheap ukrainian ones,
as I told her before we met that I was on a tight budget).
I think it is a good idea to tell them that you are on a budget so you know they are not a gold digger and also they wont take you shopping.
I managed to only get away with having to buy her some new Reebock sneakers.
I got the impression that she genuinely liked me and had a good time. However I'm just not sure if she is serious about having a relationship.
She even told me that she liked me one evening without me even asking her.
During the 2 weeks, all I got was a good bye hug when I said goodbye to her at the train station. Gave her a good night kiss on the street one evening and she disappeared into her taxi as quick as lightning!
Admittedly I asked her about why I wasn't allowed to give her kisses and cuddles and she said that it isn't so normal to display such affection in public.
Is this normal in the Ukraine or is it a pile of crap?
I asked her why things weren't happening faster and she said that she was a difficult woman and not so easy to get in bed with and I have to be patient.
Of course, I tried to google her before I flew to the Ukraine and she definitely wasn't listed anywhere as a scammer. Her letters seem very genuine too.
Hoping to meet her again in January in Lugansk. I guess I can only later meet her again in her hometown and meet her family. Then I'll see if she is the real deal or not.
In my case, my only option is to move to the Ukraine and stay there for 1 - 1 1/2 years. I'm from NZ and the immigration laws are really tough here.
I have to actually live with this girl for 1 year in the same apartment in the Ukraine, before I can bring her to my country to live.
I figure that is she isn't the real deal, then I will just save up and then move to the Ukraine for 2 years and look for a nice girl once I'm actually living there. It is just too expensive for me to be flying to and from NZ to Ukraine every 5-6 months.
I hope you enjoyed your trip out there. I love Kiev around this time of year :) I can tell you that if you've been with a Lugansk girl and have come away with your wallet intact, you did way better than most! (Bit of a reputation, that place!)
It's hard to be certain about things from your description, but IMHO, I don't think it sounds too good, sorry to say :| Ukrainian women are usually more reserved in public, but not to the extent of showing no 'affection' in 2 weeks. After all, you weren't in public the whole time, were you? If she wanted to show you how she felt (and she'd feel the need to do that if she was interested in you), she would have found a time and a place. I'm going to go with your 'pile of crap' hypothesis. I'd say she was either genuine and just not interested in you upon meeting (sorry man, it happens), or she was a scammer who you got the better of.
I think NZ must have the toughest immigration laws I've heard of yet. You seriously have to live with them for over a year first?
Although Ukraine's a place I'm pretty much tied to these days, for finding a wife I'd probably agree with most guys here. Try Russia for a better chance of meeting an honest girl.
As Muzzy advised, FSU women are reserved in public and very vain in appearances. In the west, you can see teens making out in the malls and places of assembly, but rarely in the FSU. Still after 2 weeks without any form of intimacy and something you apparently want, she is either not interested or not affectionate enough for your personality. It could be just how she perceives courting should proceed, but I would not make another trip without in depth discussion and serious discussion. It is interesting that she neither wanted some form of intimacy or showed fear that she may not have given you reason to have you continue to court her. You have nothing to loose at this time. Continue to write her, she may just fade away in the next few days. If you continue to have reservation, write to other women and have other options if you have to take a step back.
mrnick, muzzy and Rt are most likely right, but you can’t be sure. She could have been the opposite of shy, and had her hands all over you,,,, then you might be thinking she is a pro or a working girl?? It’s not much different than any other place,,, there’s just so much hype about the Ukraine and all fsu women,,,, believe only half of it!!
If you are on a budget,,, why on earth would you stay in Kiev??? Apartments are extremely expensive in Kiev. Also,, why would you stay in a hostel?? How did you lock up your belongings??? I have never stayed at one,,, and most likely never will!
I’ve told women that I was not a rich man too,,,, it doesn’t help!! You need to remember; A poor man’s money, is just as good as a rich man’s,,,, he just runs out of it sooner!!!! I think that came from the scammers hand book??!!
Lugansk is cheaper than Kiev, Kharkov, and Odessa, I stayed at an okay hotel for about 40USD! The Lugansk Hotel is the tallest building I could see,, very handy if you are on foot!!! On the 2nd floor they have a simple buffet style restaurant,,, damn good food!! I’ve been tempted to go there, just to enjoy their cooking!!
Walking straight out of their front door,, then through the under ground tunnels, take a left and go a few blocks, you will have several other café’s,,, at least one has Wi-Fi ! I just found the name of it,,, “Silver” or in Cyrillic "Lavazzq"?
For your shopping pleasure,, lol,,,, there is a high end shopping mall directly across the street!! The one store I did business with, did not take credit cards,, nor USD!! ATM’s are all over the place!
At that time,,, 2009,,,,, two airline companies flew into and out of Lugansk twice a day,, both at the very same time,,, very -very early in the morning, and late at night, for about 149USD!! I’m sure that has changed by now! The cheapest air fares I have found anywhere are from “eu-fares.com”,,,,, but be sure of your time and dates,,,, changing the day of departure costs almost as mush as a new ticket!
Getting back to their shyness,,,,,, did you spend anytime watching other couples in public?? What were they doing?? During my time in the Ukraine,,, I saw plenty of kissing couples! Kisses on the cheek, or quick hugs don’t do it for me either,,, but I would worry if she was in my bed on the first night. The only thing I can say is;,,, was she just shy,,,, or did she treat you like you had a big wart on you nose??? Lol
I would very much have liked to visit Ukraine in September or October, but everything is too busy...
In my experience, women in Russia or Ukraine are typically rather more reserved (or, one might say, old-fashioned) than in "Western" countries -- but not enough to explain the reserve of the woman you met. She says she's "not so easy to get in bed with," which would be fine by me -- personally, I want someone who is not casual about these things. But there are a lot of simple little steps along the way, like holding hands -- or even pressing close, when sitting side-by-side on a restaurant, or on a bus.
In Ukraine, simple things like kissing on the cheek or walking arm-in-arm are often done between mere friends, and indeed people of the same gender. If she didn't want this kind of touch, that's not about national culture.
In my meetings where, after we had spent a few days together, the woman kept a degree of distance like you describe ... I was confident that she wasn't attracted to me. But I'm curious -- did the two of you make much eye contact? Was she really curious about you, asking lots of questions? Did she ever seem bored or distracted, doing stuff like looking at a magazine or TV when you were together?
If indeed she isn't attracted to you "that way" (and for heaven's sake, don't take it personally if she doesn't), that isn't proof that she's not sincere in her interest -- some people seem to be able to separate romance from marriage. But if that's not what YOU'RE looking for, it seems quite a long shot to me that she would be the one for you.
As Rodan said, it doesn't cost much to continue communicating with her from home. Hopefully, you can get more clarity, if you need that.
I started a thread here not long ago, called 'Taking Time'. You might want to look at the first page (it quickly turned into a garbage dump as often happens). If she happens to be one of those complicated women, with whom it takes a lot of time to work through some of the basic steps ... that's just really tough to do, when your home is so far away. Probably, it's more realistic to leave the tricky cases for some local man to figure out, who doesn't have to pay thousands for each visit.
durak,,, Yes, it did indeed turn into a garbage dump,,,, check who made the 2nd and 3rd posts!!!(Taking Time) I really liked the 3rd post;,,, "have a good time at her expense"!!
I know people do things differently all around the world, but don't people from all around the world have any class???? Any at all???
It's the same story on every thread,, he just dogs everyone!!
2 weeks time is enough even for "shy Ukrainian girls" to show some interest and kiss or hug if she feels like it. so she is definitely not interested in you as in a lover or something more than just a friend. BTW, what's the age difference between you?
We only ever met in public places as she never invited me back to
her apartment. I guess that says everything right?
She has been very slow at answering my Emails, so as you guys predicted
things are not looking so good.
You are right that things don't happen quickly then it isn't probably worth me
going back to the Ukraine in January.
What is the story about going to less well known places in the Ukraine where
most of the tourists and guys looking for girls don't go to?
I mean, places like Slovyansk, Kostyantynivka and Makiyivka that aren't ever
mentioned in my tourist guide book.
Surely, I would have better luck as in theory there would be less competition
from other foreign men and the girls there would be less corrupted.
Am looking at saving up for the next 1- 1 1/2 years and then moving to the Ukraine
to live there for 2 years. Hopefully in that time, I will finally find a nice girl.
Yes, the Immigration laws in NZ are very strict here and living with the girl in the
Ukraine for 1 year is a necessary evil.
The only good thing is that once I get her back to NZ, for once the law is on my side.
If I bring a girl to my country, she has to stay together with me for 3 years after arriving
here, otherwise the immigration service sends her back to the Ukraine.
If she finds another guy here in NZ, the same thing happens and she gets sent back!
It seems that you just were not suited to each other, for whatever reason. Though you are left confused, the lady did not take advantage of you, nor did she just leave you on your own. she continued to be hospitable and still kept her distance. I think she showed considerable class. If you agree, try sending her a letter to that effect. That should prompt her to tell you how she feels about you,or just tell her to jump as the "Usual Suspects" would advise
Mrnick,,,, only meeting in public places, and avoiding close contact is a bad sign! Not caring about the correspondence afterwards confirms it.
The one problem with going to lesser known places, is that they know less about the western world. Taxi drivers, hotel staff, waitresses will know less English! Do you speak Russian?? I’m very leery about depending on any one company,,,, taxi, tour, interpreter, etc!! You need to research your next city, so you can have options!!
Your laws in NZ are tough,,,, I think that’s good!! The women might be a little more sincere before moving?!!
You should be able to get lucky if you limit yourself to mentally ill, suicidal, sex maniacs that consider McDonald's restaurant fine dining and then present yourself as an ignorant, literate, narcissistic and disrespectful boor
I'd agree with RT on this - she could have behaved much worse than she did. Chalk it up to experience mate!
Regarding living there, just be ready for the culture shock. Living there and holidaying there are two very different things. Kiev has a much higher percentage of English speakers than other cities. In the small towns you mention you'll find pretty much zero. If you want to live there, knowing Russian (spoken and written) is essential. Reading isn't too hard, once you can speak it. You just have to learn the alphabet, as the language is entirely phonetic.
Build up a friend network before you go there. You'll really need local friends before you land. Try mamba.ru or vkontakte.com, and just get friendly with people of both genders and all ages. The more people you know there, the better. Now, facebook is pretty much as good, though. Loads of my VK friends are on facebook, too. There's also the odd guy on here living over there.
It's a massive commitment to 'up sticks' your life like that, although probably a better strategy purely from the point of view of finding a fiancee. By living a 'normal life' there, you'd meet more 'normal' girls (in whatever city) as you go about your business. No agencies necessary.
I've thought about doing it myself, but my life just doesn't allow it. Keep me updated?
(What is the story about going to less well known places in the Ukraine where
most of the tourists and guys looking for girls don't go to?)
MrNick,
Why not try avoiding Ukraine altogether? As another forum member put it, and I 100% agree, Ukraine has become the Wal-Mart (the junk shop) of FSU dating ... there are plenty of other FSU countries and destinations to try!
And it's 'Ukraine', not 'the Ukraine', if you would be taking her from the Ukraine then you would be taking her to the New Zealand. :)
you lot must be becoming overly naive to this game???
she didnt take advantage:)
she took advantage alright, two weeks of apartment moneys, food and shoes..
and all after he said "I'm on a strict budget"
she did well for two weeks of not working.
hey Nick,
just wondering how do you know she stayed at the apartment you supposedly payed for?
who organized the apartment?
who did you give the cash to?
how much?
these girls have many friends in Kiev from lugansk, even ones to help pretend to let apartments.
dont answer these questions if now the hairs on your back are starting to rise.
the way you did this has huge floors for a scamming tart, sorry mate.
and these tarts are rather nice girls, otherwise it wouldnt work for them.
they are nice and but even more nicely shrewd, usually love first timers, and it seems some multi trip americans here:)
they are always very shady with their answers, which always say nothing.
the good ones are straight up, you know exactly where you are with them, and would never not give you an idea where she physically is staying, unless she afraid of you.
they often sort out their own accommodation if need be.
a lugansk girl not been able to find free accommodation in kiev,,, whats a bet she did.
I agree with Ivor. Its not The Ukraine! Yes go to Uzbekistan for example. At least Ivor had the guts to go there although he failed...and failed in Ukraine :) but thats not the point. Hes has the best advise because of it. No one else has been here as long and has the experience of failure as he has. Not even RagingBull.
If he thinks your wrong then you are wrong. Or maybe do the opposite of him and you might be successful?
There are different women all over the world, not just Ukraine. Some are good some are bad, some shy, some not. How can anyone talk about the women they met, the problems they have and even the triumphs when you get comments like this?
"she just aint into you .... fsu girls are sex manic and if she wanted you she would basically have eaten you alive"
"to give this guy hope is just wasting his time ..move on and find one that wants to eat you!"