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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > blended families Author Post Helen.B Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/6/2012 12:18:09 AM   Hello list. I was married in November to American man. I am asking for some advices. I think some of you are from America or maybe Europe. I have 2 daughtrers. One is 16 and one is 18. they are very talented and beautiful. They play piano and paint. My husband from America has 4 children living at his home. These are 18, 20, 22 and 26. this is impossible situation. There are too many people in one home. It is like hostel. I understand that they are all in university. But it doesn’t matter. It is too many people. And my daughters need quiet. How is it possible to give my husband advices to have everyone live in one home? I have given my opinion. There should be 2 homes. I will live with my husband and daughters in one home. The other children should live in another home and finish education. There can be no other way. It is my opinion, but I think it is right. If you agree with me can you please answer? I need to let my America husband understand. durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/6/2012 2:50:09 PM   1. You have a very new marriage. And what you propose, is a very big change for your husband and his children. Eto OCHEN VAZHNIY, chto vy s muzhem rabotaete VMESTE, in a constructive way. Otherwise, brak uzhe zakoncheno. 2. You and daughters are at the beginning, of a long (years) journey, of becoming accustomed to your new country, culture, and situation. Cherez 3 mesets, things will already seem different to you. 3. Unless your husband is very wealthy, a second home may be very difficult, or impossible, to afford. 4. Even if he has the money, he and his children may not be ready for this change. 5. Probably, your daughters are or will be soon in university. It can be very helpful to them, if they learn how to function in a crowd of young people. Not easy, but valuable. 6. This is a good time to be gentle, and patient. If you must have everything you want, right now ... togda u vas budet nepriyatnosti. For example, maybe your husband's older two children would like to move out soon. This wouldn't be exactly what you want, but it would be better. My dear Elena, I know a little about Russian mamas. You take very great care of your daughters. You want the best for them, and would do anything for them. Already, you have brought them to a country where they have better possibilities for health, education, and career. Right now, things are difficult. It is a time of ogromniy acclimatization. Even if the house weren't so crowded, it would still be difficult. So ... ... breathe deeply, and slowly. Hold your husband's hand. Hold your daughters' hands. Think more about what you want for them, and less about one exact way to reach that dream. I guess, that your husband doesn't understand how deeply you are worried about this. Please do your best to help him understand, and be patient if he is slow. Instead of telling him "this is what we must do," ask him "how can we help your new daughters?" Udachi! kiwinorth Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/6/2012 11:43:33 PM   you americans must be nuts if this is normal:) how old are they? 18 to 26 going on 10 what are they doing still at home?? i really find this funny but not overly surprising,, but hey america i guess is just a different world to new zealand?? i really thought as people at grass roots level we were the same:) ) as much as i loved my parents there was no way i would have been under their roof, their rules at 18 or let alone 17. i dont know anyone here that was or is at home after 18,,, i really need to think about this one,,,,, no, send them into the army or nursing school or on their OE to get a life. on a serious note,, Helen i totally agree with you, its madness. as in your 18 year old i think for her it would be a nice idea living around you for the moment. this actually sounds normal to your guy so you really will have difficulty changing his mind, sorry to say, family is family. your question in its self opens up a lot of other questions like why its actually happening, free living? is it his parenting, whos actually the insecure one:) or is it other reasons(and really it is no others business or place to judge really, i find it rather crazy stuff so why not comment) i think he will never cut his nursing strings until those adults decide they are actually adults and you should have been more assertive on what you were getting yourself into when you moved to america under his roof (as horrible as that sounds).. Helen it is nuts and i feel for you and your guy lonelyranger1701 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/7/2012 2:31:39 AM   Durak’s advice is good, but he left out some other thoughts and ideas, perhaps he is too polite?! You have chosen a new path in your lives, one that doesn’t always bring 100% trust among couples. I don’t know how long you’ve known each other, or how happy you both are together, but if he has even the smallest trace of doubt or mistrust, your wanting a new home for your part of the family could have devastating consequences. He could think this is only a grab for property and wealth, and a sign of you wanting to leave him??!! Separating him from his own children is also very bad sign!!! How many rooms does your present home have?? Do you live in the city. Where are all of the kids going to college?? In the same city, or another?? It sounds like he is also paying for a lot of tuition??!! Helen.B Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/7/2012 10:26:21 AM   Thank you, I cannot PM yet. lonelyranger1701 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/8/2012 1:11:01 AM   Danny posted good advice on another thread,,, that's it for this year!!! giss Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 3/23/2012 6:32:29 PM   To me I ask why a 26 year old I'd still getting his education. Even if he went to medical school he should be in his last year of residency and makes plenty for their own place. The 20 and 22 year old can always get a dorm or share a house even if dad needs to send them some money if they can't afford it. That's cheaper than buying a house. If I was the man, now looking at only my 1 18 year old child, let them stay. It would be a hard sell explaining why your 18 year old stays and his must go. If they are both in college, they can both live on campus with a part time job or even a scholarship. So now you are down to one or 3 total children, everyone is treated equally, and all can complete their education. Also the older ones (who should be out if school anyway) learn they can get serious about life or get a job at a gas station. Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > blended families
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