Two Fridays ago, having just arrived in Kyiv, I was so tired I napped for a while when I reached my flat. By the time I had my bags unpacked and the flat organized, it was near midnight, and I walked up to a cafe I like, where the kitchen works well past midnight.
The weather being very fine, I sat at one of the outdoor tables. A few minutes later, two young women came to the table nearest mine, whom I noticed principally because some of their filthy cigarette smoke was wafting in my direction. After a few minutes, the one nearer me asked whether I needed help with menu (I didn't).
A few minutes after that, she invited me to sit with them, which I politely declined. After a few more such invitations, I explained (Durak strives ever to be courteous) that smoke is uncomfortable for me, to which they replied that they would put their cigarettes away. Well, I suppose it was a combination of my exhaustion, a bit of loneliness, and not wanting to offend ... I shifted to their table.
Skipping past some tedious details, after a bit of chit-chat, with my wondering why two young single gals were sitting at 1 AM at this cafe with such evident boredom, they made sufficiently clear what their business was. After I repeatedly declined their successive solicitations, I at last said (in Russian) "I'm not a sex tourist," to which one of them answered, "I am." In keeping with their characters, they lit up their cigarettes again when it became clear I wouldn't become their customer.
Now, your humble correspondent has never paid such commercial ladies for sex. He prefers to spend much greater sums for sex, by courtship and marriage. So to be in conversation with this pair was something of a novelty, and it was strange enough.
One of them, quite attractive (at least, to my middle-aged eyes) said in answer to my questioning that she teaches elementary students, and her manner reminded me very much of other teachers I have met in the FSU. The other, who was plainly less educated, said she works in a shop and had a small daughter at home. I saw no reason to doubt what they were telling me about themselves, so I suppose their Friday night outing was meant to supplement the income from their day jobs.
We parted with my offering to pay for the varenniki (about $6 total, for which they thanked me graciously) and my wishing them good health (quite sincerely, considering what they do with themselves). I came away feeling more than a little sad ... not particularly sorry for these hard-eyed young women, but rather for the little daughter at home, and the young students at the primary school, who no doubt look up to these women, and perhaps aspire to "be like them when they grow up."
Hey,,,, this is a PM that I received from a "respected" member over a year ago!!! No,,, I didn't send it to myself.
"It was becoming out of control, because one (TINTIN) idiot is allowed to post on the forum as dunny41 he tries it again and again, not only as xxxxx but in the past he has posted under so many different 'Martin' and other identities I've lost count, then that moron from Australia comes along, sees these antics, and starts his own nonsense as Stinky Martin aswell as other identities in the past ..... meanwhile any genuine posts are getting lost amongst all the crap."
sorry Durak what i meant to say from all your travels with your experience which i believe is way beyond mine or a lot on here in general why ukraine, what is it that pulls you back.
when theres so many other options with the knowledge and experiences you hold? do you just have a overall liking for the place or is there no real preferences, its just the way the cooky crumbles at the time.
i guess in my travel i wanted to see as much as i could while i was searching not to waste any trip.
Well kiwi, that's a thoughtful question. My being in Kyiv at that time had to do with a couple of strands that are tangled together.
I fell head-over-heels for a too-young woman who lives in Kyiv, and though by last summer it was plain that she cares very little for me, I'm the kind of fool who doesn't read the writing on the wall, and decided in winter that I'd give it one more go in 2012. The wheels of that train started coming of the rails early enough, and by the time I started my trip, I had officially given up on the project. But until early April, I was still hoping that somehow she would show the signs of caring that had been lacking before.
Because of all this -- and another woman I had some hopes for in 2010 -- I went more than two years, without attempting any new contacts. I only started with some "hello"s when I set out for my trip, in mid-April. And I included Kyiv on my itinerary because I knew it would be chilly and rainy at my northern destination, and wanted some nicer weather ... and because I've grown really fond of Kyiv, which is at its most beautiful in the month of May.
My rushed flurry of contacts on the dating websites was unproductive. As usual, the women whose profiles I was most chuffed about weren't interested. On my trip, I made exactly one "first meeting," which was a thorough waste of time and money. Feeling lonely in Kyiv, I wound up spending a lot of time with that little minx, who while not having any deep feelings about me, likes hanging out together. On our last evening, we went swimming in Blue Lake. So my week in Kyiv turned into an extended and bittersweet goodbye, to this girl I mustn't meet again, if I'm to be serious about searching for a mate.
If I do find a serious prospect (or two), they'll quite likely be in scattered places of the former Soviet map, which will give me a fine reason to explore some new territory.
As to the question of Ukraine vs. elsewhere, I believe that the foreign dating industry, which is generally an ugly proposition all over the FSU, is distinctly worse in Ukraine. I maintain an unlimited entry Russian visa, so I can plan a trip there any time my business commitments (and bank book) allow.
ahh i see so it was a bit of that.
i often wonder who else ends up falling for this place.
i sure did,, i cannot explain why but it has a feeling of its own no other city there comes close to.
every time i see it on our early morning tv news(live camera feeds of different city's of the world) it draws me in, it is or was the one city i wanted to revisit.
it just never happened due to those changing circumstances that arise doing this stuff and i ended up becoming further and further from this place to end on the shores of eastern russia.
not that i'm complaining, but i felt cheated and unfinished with that city.
i actually posted a short question missing the point of my question" why the "sorry" it must of got lost in cyber world as i was lost in the thoughts this place.
hey Durak i often go back to a fishing posy to be sure its no good, its human nature isn't it)
“Feeling lonely in Kyiv,” Durak,,,,,, you promised you would never tell???? Lol
Sorry,,,, I saw that and couldn’t resist!!! At least you spelled my first name correctly!!
Now to be serious,, I read about your time in Ukraine, and Kiev, and thought about my own time there. The stories are almost a complete match. ( I don't like Kiev )
I have my own sweetheart there (ex),,,, and to put her in the past would be the best thing for me too! But it’s not easy.
If you ever find the formula for success, don’t forget to share it with us!!
Over the years now, the posts that your profile provides, have been some of the very few, where there is no boasting, no ill will, modest, informational, yet honest with no over inflated ego stroking, or agendas to sell!! Something that has taken over the forum this week!!
Hey durak....some more humor.....I saw the title to thread...and then saw the author.....and thought, hmmmm maybe 'our humble correspondent' finally has opened up to the idea of prostitutes!!!!!! ;-))
As far as feeling a bit sad for these ladies.....they do what they have to do in life.....in life we are dealt a hand of cards...some are lucky with flushes or straights, others lucky to have one pair if not a terrible hand.....you were sad because you saw their 'hand!!!!
I, for one think we come into judgment to fast in labeling people. It is easy to label the women Mr Durak had dinner as prostitutes as it was rather direct that they wanted sex for money. How about those who are not direct? When we pay for everything for the evening and the whole visit, and we get sex, does that make them prostitutes?
Nasfan, did you not contribute in fowling up the thread with your post? Rather than greeting your friends and calling your enemies names, tell us your words of wisdom. By the way, Rag'n'Bull is your old buddy, Martin.
Durak,,,, it really does start in the home doesn’t it?? The role of “Mother” has a long lasting effect on a family, and it begins with who we choose to be our wife!!
When I chose my first wife,,,, I guess I wasn’t thinking at all. Everyone told me that she was no good,,, “she will be just like her mother”!! Her younger brother was only a half brother, and everyone knew it,,,, even me! Her father,,, the one everybody in her family seemed to hate,, was the best person in her family. He raised another man’s son?
My 1st wife had a child with her 3rd husband,, they were together for 5 to 7 years,,, he was given full custody of their daughter. She is out of school now I believe,, or in jail? She spent a lot of time in Juvenal hall or detention. It was in the 8th grade that she told the school administrator to,,,, grow a pair!!
Her 4th husband was institutionalized with mental problems after their marriage,,, or during,, I’m not sure anymore. After he was released, he moved to Barrow or Nome, Alaska!! The furthest place he could go, and still be in the US!!
I’m not sure if she married a 5th time, but I’m sure there were plenty of guys in between.
She told me all of this a couple of years ago! She was lonely and looking for companionship , she told me about how she had perfected certain,,,,, techniques?!! I’d bet she was sure I would hop into the car and meet her!! NO!
I listened to her on the phone for hours,,, I could almost say everything she was going to say minutes in advance! When she wants something,,,,,,, 1st give compliments, stroke his ego! 2nd,,, make him jealous, tell stories of other men!! 3rd,, insult him,,,, and make him feel bad! No, no, and no!
But I was her only true soul mate??? I wonder how bad I made her feel? I didn’t say anything mean or hurtful,,, other than; No!
At that time, I had been writing to someone from Nikolaev, one of my closer online relationships! She was one of the very few, who ever spoke of past relations with other men. She would take vacations very often,,, it seemed kind of strange for an accountant. She would talk about the fun she had during her trips,,,,, and sometimes about other men. This is starting to get a little familiar,,, and I slowly faded away. Perhaps I can thank my ex-wife for something??
Finding anyone is not a success!
Not finding someone is not a failure!
Making hasty decisions is just plain stupid!
Hurrying the process,,,, and perhaps make another mistake, because arrogant, ignorant, self-absorbed Prxxks are taunting us, because we haven’t found the right person yet, would be the most stupid thing to do!!!
I don’t feel bad about taking my “good old sweet time” looking for the most important person in my life!!!