I am new to international dating and I have been chatting with a 22 year old girl from Ukraine. Yesterday she said she wants to get English lessons so we can communicate better when we meet. The lessons would be paid for through an agency. I am skeptical and don't want to be scammed. By the way I am 34 years old. Her reason for wanting English lessons sounds logical and she has never asked me to buy or pay for anything before. any opinions?
If you read around this site, you will notice that SOME of the participants will (and do) argue about anything and everything.
But the one thing about which almost EVERYBODY agrees, about people you are "acquainted" with from a dating/social agency or website:
*** NEVER send money (directly or otherwise) to anybody you haven't met. ***
I seem to recall that even the US State Department website gives this advice.
This "girl" is 99.99% guaranteed to be a scammer, but even if it weren't so obvious, the rule applies. If you paid for her "lessons," almost all of the money would be pocketed by the agency (I'm guessing this runs to hundreds of dollars, no?)
Having said all that, I did once buy a plane ticket for a Russian woman to meet me in a city far from her home. But I was consistent with the rule -- if she hadn't made the flight for any reason, I could get a full refund for the ticket; and there was no way for her to do anything with the ticket, except make the trip we had planned.
I have read some of this site and have noticed that most threads turn into pissing matches between the same 3 or 4 people.
She probably is a scammer and that stinks because I really like her (or at least who I think she is). Today she sent me some pics from her work and had some hand written notes addressed to me comenting on things we talked about. And tonight while chatting she suggested if I come to visit that I use the bus instead of a taxi to travel from the airport since this will not cost as much. She didn't mention the english lessons again.
This weekend she is says she is going to visit her family, so I asked her to send me pics of her family and I think I will have some flowers delivered to her on valentines day. I will use an independent flower shop that is not affiliated with the agency and ask for a picture of the delivery. Are there any other tricks to help weed out the scammers? Thanks for the help
Muskrat, are you going to visit? Is the amount of money being asked for significant? Why are you worried about being scammed? There are a lot of skint losers who post on this column who probably take home not much more than these girls after tax and expenses yet dream of getting a stunning looking girl without ever having the means to travel to the Ukraine so for them $100 is a gig deal. If its a big deal for you then dont waste your time.
That being said Im not advocating sending lots of money to her but why send her flowers when you could send her money for lessons? The latter is much more useful. The thing is it is expensive to travel to the Ukraine and time consuming so it is sometimes worth sending a couple of hundred dollars to find out about a person rather than $3 or 4k on a wasted trip. Some people think this is being scammed I think it is part of the cost of doing the business as long as you learn something from it after all I regularly spend more on a restaurant meal.
If she is serious about saving money which believe me is a national obsession with genuine ladies then she will be chatting with you through skype, using on line translators and circumventing the agency gouging for you. If she isnt prepared to do that move on. If yes then why not send some money and see how well the English improves.
Personally I think the chances of finding a genuine girl through an agency are low, developing a relationship with a girl who doesnt speak some English nigh on impossible and if you travel there and need an interpreter then you have no chance of success. Finally if you are serious learn some Russian and learn the alphabet it helps a lot to find your way around and understand some of the basics there.
I smell agency. Interpreting is an agency function. Was the communication for this interpreting done through the agency? Even if it isn't seem to, Ukrainians have a different set of ethics. It is not necessarily bad, just different. When the agency provides the communication and the girl gets a benefit, the agency sometimes sees fit to get a percentage. I say that from experience.
Well I just don't know what to think. She has some red flags. Actually so far just this one. We talk about 3-4 hours daily. She sends me pics with personalized notes. We do use video chat. And after avoiding the whole english lesson thing she asked if I think she should sell her gold medallion that her parents gave her as a gift. She says she wants to sell it and use the money for the lessons. I told her that was up to her especially since it was a gift from her parents. She says she wants to sell it and sees it as an investment in our future. By the way I have her personal contact info and we communicate with out the agency now.
I just don't know what to think. I am planning a trip. I just don't want to spend thousands to go see her for nothing. I guess I will have to take a chance and see what happens. as far as the trip she did suggest I use the bus to get from the airport to her town. She said a taxi is much more expensive and a waste of money.
The red flags I have just seem so legit. Why wouldn't she want to learn english if she wants to be with me? If she is eventually going to move here with me she will need to know english. And it just seems to make sense that I would help her with this. The other red flag is she said her phone was stolen last summer and she is saving to buy another one. I will play this out and see if she buys one. To this point I have not sent any money and have not agreed to send any. The only thing I sent her was a box of chocolates.
Muskrat I like Ukraine, go there with a plan to enjoy yourself and maybe end up with someone you care about you wont be disappointed. Go there with the only objective to woo some girl then disappointment is guaranteed.
I agree with GeminiDreams, dont go just to meet a girl. go with a plan to have fun. Lots of "man stuff" to do,
especially in summer. Chornobyl excursions, tank driving/shooting and throwing hand grenades, plane flying, skydiving, visiting abandoned ICBM sites,
visit submarine base in Crimea....I CAN go on. If youre even feeling charitable I can tell you where to help kids in need.
Point is, Ukraine is simply a great place to visit and live. only $24,000/yr is definitely middle-class here so that a good plus for
someone with rental/dividend/401k income. Lots of business opportunities too. For a price, I can tell you/show you how to make at least that much
a year even with Ukraine's economy. I know, Im sounding like I actually like the place,lol
muskrat, this girl is playing you in one way or the other.
the personal touch involving parents gift money and your guys investment of your future is to simplistic.
who in their right mind would sell a personal gift, gold at that for someone they dont know, as in someone they have never met..
if she is, its possible shes a wacko living in ferry-tale land.
her parents would die seven deaths if they actually new this to be true,, this is ukraine, where lies and money are the same, and gold isn't given away lightly,, even if its only a few hundred dollars worth.
the suggestion of english lessons heightens her dodgy-ness.
money money money seems to be the rhythm of your guys chat, suggestions of such is not good, to me thats softening you up for the future.
do you know the saying "how it starts is how it ends"
you have every right to be concerned.
as gemini and rick said, you go there for yourself, dont get pulled into their bull or racket,,,, once you meet, if you meet and it seems sound then maybe start thinking of that word called future.