We have been with each other for 3 years now. She lives in Russia and I live in Los Angeles. She has a 10 year old son. She was about to marry me but problems always happen in our relationship. Last November, I visited her , everything was going okay since her dramatic behavior began. She gets very upset very quickly and is very emotional. We were watching a movie together, everything went fine, we were playing around with each other on the bed, her son was on the bed with us. Anyways, I cracked my knuckles for fun, she told me to stop but not in a dramatic way, then I cracked my finger on accident.. She turned over, and I came close to her and asked if she was okay. She told me that she is upset with me. I was surprised because I thought she was playing with me. Then her son protected her and said stop it. I was surprised... The other day, I visited her family. They were fun to be with. I hanged out with her nephew. We got along very well. All of a sudden my girlfriend got upset with me and told me that I don't give her any attention and love. She told me that her son loves her more than me.. Like she is comparing her son to me. I was only showing my respect to her family. We talked about our future life together, She told me that she doesn't want me to hang out with my friends, that we should only be together, and I was like wow... She ask me right away.. Did you find a house yet? Did you look for a school for my son? When we were walking together.. Her son ask.. Why are you not holding my mom? I was like what?? Then she agreed with her son, and started this whole not caring thing again.
She always wants me to write her first and apologize, saying that it is my fault and that I make her cry of pain. After our argument on Skype, I saw her display photo she replaced our photo with her son's photo. I talked to her about this, and she doesn't apologize for her actions. She told me if she wanted to change our photo and put her son's photo, then she will do that. I was surprised. I thought she loved our relationship, and she didn't care how I felt about it.
Having asked the question, you must have your own doubts about it. These problems that keep happening,,, are they problems that she creates,,, and/or ones that keep happening to her? Itís not unheard of for women to pretend to be interested in marriage, just to get someone to help with the bills. When she throws these tantrums of hersí, claiming you have hurt her,,, do you try and make it up to her by buying gifts or giving her money??? If Yes,,,, then you already have your answer!!
Itís been my experience, that problems in a relationship wonít get better during marriage.
She is trying to control how you meet with your friends?? Thatís what a lot of guys try to do with their dates,,,,,, and how does that always turn out???
She sounds very controlling, irrational, moody, and needy, doing what ever she wants and never takes responsibility for her own actions?!!
When you have been at this for a while,,, you come to realize that living alone and even dying alone, doesnít seem so bad?!!!
Its seems he is looking for a direct yes or no from that story and there isn't a direct answer for his situation. Its all about and always has been about one simple thing for men wanting to be with a woman, and that is "Are you willing and able to put up with her bullshit for the rest of your life? Do you love her that much?" If you do great, if you can't then definitely not. If she is talking to you and staying in contact she cares, and if she says yes she will marry you, she cares,...if you do to, you just have to find a way to deal with it.
You guys don't have to be wannabe wise dicks! I'm just asking a question for my situation in my life, and I had a hard 6 weeks with the girl that I thought that really loved me... so please gentlemen put your ego and sarastic remarks in your pants and save it for your childish threads. I see in these threads that you people talking about Russians girls like there are objects.. Get a life gentlemen and understand that logic concurs all. FYI, I posted this thread to other boards and they were very helpful people with good answers. My advice to you, if somebody is in need of help just to talk... Don't be so saracastic.. Help them out... Is this what a board is used for?
And we answered you. Why would you ask a question when you don't like the answer? That is my answer. You want to base your decision of getting married with other people's opinions? Who are you going to blame if the marriage sours? If the other people were so helpful why do you need us?
Devin. You could also answer it this way, If you wouldnt put up with this type of relationship in LA then dont put up with it just because she is Russian.
I swear this girl sounds just like Alla. She would say "You love my son more than me" or "if you cared, you wouldnt do(fill in the blank with a myriad of things). I had to have a perfect pedicure. I had to know what she wanted without asking and do it or she would get mad. Of course her habits and such werent open for discussion. She got mad if I paid more attention to her family than her, got mad when I drank with her sister's husband, got mad if I bought her son something and didnt get her anything even when I did 9 of 10 times. She hated Slavutych Hotel and refused to set foot inside so I bought a nice apartment but then she didnt like it that I liked Russianivka and was a left-sider(Kyiv is left and right side of Dnipro river) Even with that whole dynamic, she said she loved me and we always had good sex without issue. Thats just not good enough for a real relationship, especially long term.
And Devin, Im not implying I know your exact situation because I obviously dont but while I was in the above situation it took the better part of a year in which I spent every other month in Ukraine(more than 180 days) and then her spending 45 days in the US for me to finally realize that it wasnt a healthy relationship and I was doomed to an indefinite number of months/years in purgatory. I was lucky she hated the US and I wasnt gonna marry someone who wasnt willing to stay in US at least 6 months of a year with me. She was a Doctor(trauma surgeon) in Ukraine and could have made over 100k per year after a year of internship and a few classes/certification in the US instead of the 24k she made in Ukraine which was good for a doctor working for a private hospital in Kyiv.
I just dont want to see a guy get in a lose/lose relationship despite how "good" it feels on the occasional good days. Of course Im sure you could question my desire to stay in a relationship with a 22 year old girl Ive been on and off again with since she was barely 18 and almost married a couple months ago. She is your perfect Ukrainian girl that every guy here would give their left nut to have a chance with but still.....
I have seen people with worse problems than you still get married. They want to talk like you do. No matter what anyone tells them, they still get married. What are you looking for? People to talk you out of it? To talk you into it? What you need is a marriage counselor and you are not even married yet.
These kinds of problems that exist even before marriage are almost certain to get worse after marriage. I know it hard after three years, but I think you would be wise to start looking elsewhere. Even if are alone, it is better than all of this drama.
Rick4girl,,, if I had to give a short but accurate description of the woman Iím looking for,,, it would be opposite of your ex-girl Alla. The pretty part is okay though.
Why do so many women act this way? Were they spoilt by their fathers, or is it their way of squeezing every ounce out of a guy? Does anyone believe that they are trying to create the perfect couple, by being so controlling??
Devin, personally if it was me i would give her a miss, unless you would like to go through this for the rest of your life, nothing will change.
it has a extremely high chance you will regret such a move, you are possibly taking on something bigger then the enjoyment of a partner.
we are suppose to enjoy each other not embarrass or dominate in strange ways, its almost sounds like a mental disorder when you think about it, very childish behavior.
not living together yet and this is what you are getting, scary and a little sad for her really.
sometimes Devin(i may be a little out of order here) we need to look at these girls and ask why they are single..
you are in a bit of a predicament, i couldnt marry such a girl, i know i couldnt but maybe you are a bigger person then me.
Really Devin? You ask for an opinion and you get one you do not like and start with name calling, if you read any of my post you would understand that I don't get into all the forum madness, I gave you an honest answer, be a man and deal with your own problems if your to emotionally inept to hear the truth.