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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > I've Been Playing "Crisis Clinic" ... Author Post durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/8/2013 4:07:48 PM   ...for a young woman from Russia. She came confidently to the USA, in order to marry a man she had talked with on Skype for a couple of months, and actually met for a few days in Russia. Things went sour for the two of them very quickly. (She arrived in America just 3 or 4 weeks ago.) I just heard from her, that she is on her way to the home of *yet another* American suitor. Only God knows, how things will turn out for her. The fellow who's coming to rescue her (God help him) just returned from abroad last night. I spent much of the last two hours trying to calm her down ("where is he, he was supposed to arrive in the morning"), explaining that the guy is probably just tired and busy. My experience, is that I'm mostly useless the day after I come back from a European trip. As it turned out, he just needed to sleep a long time. Our long Skype calls have meant a certain amount of lost sleep for me in recent weeks. I'm relieved to learn that she knows where she her child will sleep tonight. She's not very sensible (perhaps even as unrealistic as I am!) But I do like her a lot. Anyway, perhaps some of you boys will be interested in a real-life "data point" of a young FSU woman in search of love, and an American life for her child. beemer18 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/8/2013 4:23:32 PM   You know Durak.....going east is what causes me jet lag/time differences, once in Ukraine it takes me about 3 days to finally adjust to new time zone. Yet when I come back home I usually arrive either going straight to work or if later, dinner...some TV and to bed at my regular time and next day I am functions like I never left!!!! durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/8/2013 4:30:30 PM   There are two things that usually aggravate the flight back home for me: 1. Usually, I sleep very little the night before my return, a combination of needing to get everything packed & ready, and (often) needing to head out early to the airport. 2. It's tough for me to sleep on a plane in general, and especially on the return flights which take place in solid daylight. I try to sit on the north side of the plane, but at this time of year, bright sunlight can be streaming in both sides of the plane at different stages of the flight. Typically, by the time I'm back in my house, it's early morning back in Russia, and I've slept a total maybe 4 to 8 hours in the preceding two "days." kaiserdag Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/8/2013 6:39:53 PM   It's true what Beemer18 said.. But for me, the Jet lag mess me up any time I cross the Atlantic. So, I avoid dating or flying to the States if possible, but if get send for business issues, I scheduled a visit to my relatives. A courtesy call, text or email upon arrival is always the best policy for peace of mind; otherwise, is viewed as careless and impolite. lonelyranger1701 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/9/2013 1:33:30 AM   I have to agree with beemer and Kaiser, but everyone is different. I’m wiped after arriving in Kiev, and it takes me a day or 2 to recoup. I also have problems trying to sleep on the planes,,, except one time I slept thru takeoff. I always choose my own seat whenever possible,,, and I no longer need a window seat as I would rather get up for someone than to ask someone to get up for me. For my last trip, I didn’t get a single seat that I had chosen, and had a window seat with the sun in my eyes on every flight. Yes,,, I know the windows have shades! durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/9/2013 8:59:53 AM   Setting to one side, our riveting conversation about jet lag... ...what I thought might be interesting for you men here, about my friend's example, is that she has a "bad case" of the American Dream -- that is, she really wants to live in the USA, if not with one man then with another. In this sense, many of us might put her in the category of Women to Avoid. But at the same time, she very much wants love and romance. She was in love with her Los Angeles guy -- or at least, convinced herself she had, though they knew each other so little -- and has been suffering real heartache after they started fighting. She agonized over whether to give up, or keep trying with him. Part of her circumstance, is her little daughter, whom she adores (the kid is awfully cute). Unless a woman is a complete vampire, she will naturally want to be with a man who will create a loving family environment for her children. It seems to me that a lot of us men like to "classify" women as belonging to one category or another -- basically, the "good girls" vs. the "bad girls". It seems to me that people are more complicated than that, and I think my friend's case offers an example. ____________________ PS The man she gave up on must be rather affluent -- he not only lives in a fancy suburb north of LA, where housing costs run quite high, but it is a big house with a swimming pool (on a small lot, as is usual there). So it would be understandable, to think that she is seeking the gold-plated lifestyle. But she tried for almost 2 years to make with a guy in Brooklyn, whose income was too low to bring her to the US (I mean, below the actual poverty line), hoping all the time that he would get a decent job. She loved him too, and would have been content to live in a small simple apartment with him, if he had gotten his act together. beemer18 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/9/2013 10:26:12 AM   Sorry Durak about deviating from your main point....hmmm I understand your point about this girl, wanting a 'strong family'. Reminds me a little about a girl from Moldova that dreamed her whole life about coming/living in USA. It took her a short while before she knew what she wanted( at one time she wanted to marry to stay in USA), she is still here in LA on her visa and fitting in quite well. lonelyranger1701 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/10/2013 12:23:15 AM   Durak,,, how would that work if she came over with a fiancée visa from one man, and went to marry another?? It’s not just the woman that gets verified and approved for a visa, the groom to be, or sponsor must have a background check for any criminal history and to be approved for financial support. “If” it’s legal for her to marry another man,,, I don’t think she would be any better off,, than a tourist getting married while here on a tourist visa. Part of the process for getting a fiancée visa approved, is the “Love letter” , a letter proclaiming your love for the other person, and the reason why our government should grant entry to a foreign person. What could this woman possibly say?? Oops,,,, I got the men mixed up?? What could the 2nd man say? She seems nice? durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/10/2013 2:27:50 AM   lonely, Without going too much into the gory details, she came on a visitor visa, expecting that she could marry in the US and get her status changed. I REPEATEDLY advised her that this is a risky procedure, that violates the rules of visitor visas and might result in her being banned from the USA. The man she came to marry (that is, the man she has now given up on) claimed that his attorney could "fix" this situation. A few years ago, rb posted that he knows of people who have gotten away with this dodge. My understanding is that it's a shaky plan -- it might work, but it could go badly wrong. If she goes through with her "test" of the system, I'll let you all know how it works out. kiwinorth Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/10/2013 9:22:57 PM   seems to me the guy may and i only say "maybe" a bit of a player (not overly serious, or made sure he had a very easy out) he seemed to have curved her idea how she should come into the USA on what visa. if he had funds or some kind of wealth one would wonder why he didn't travel to her more often to get to know her, a few days of meeting is nothing. when it comes to the states even i know how and what visa is needed for a easy run into the US for marriage, and i know nothing about the ins and outs of your land. nothing is impossible, but why make it so difficult for themselves, so go figure. but saying all this, i wouldn't use a visa for marriage if i only met the the person only once. for her this has to be an advantage now? not having ties to this bloke through the immigration side with old paperwork registered to her. crazy stuff. but this involving a child chills me a little, this is where i have a problem with this guy,, what a tosser doing this to a child. one would hope the guy didn't totally turn his back on them after they found they were not suited. good girl bad girl just doesn't apply here, its just two people naive to what makes a relationship. in NZ she wouldn't have had a shit show getting in here with her child on a tourist visa unless she held wealth. durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/10/2013 11:33:57 PM   @kiwi: I appreciate your thoughtful posts on this forum. One of the many odd things about durak is that I'm kind of resistant to classifying people into the "good guys" and the "bad guys" -- anyway, I don't usually find it helpful. And of course in such a situation, I'm hearing only one side. The two of them got into a few fights, having to do with their respective children (a frequent point of conflict in "blended" families). She was shocked by how angry and cold he seemed when they fought. As you say, he could have been more careful, and could have made the commitment of going for a fiancee visa. He didn't throw her out of his house, but when she reluctantly decided it wasn't going to work, she wanted to get out quickly. I'm confident he would have let them stay in his house -- he had bought her a round-trip ticket, so she still has the option of going back to Russia in a couple of weeks. This man seems to have shown something of his dark side -- and at the same time, my friend was (to my mind) quite unrealistic in thinking she could find her life partner in such a short time. She really did fall for him, and has been mighty sad about losing her dream with him. I hope we all are learning, as we make our life's journeys. moyarishka Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/11/2013 3:05:04 AM   i assume: a guy met a girl, wanted her to come visit him. Girl met a guy and assumed he wanted to marry her in such a short time, when it turned out that he's not ready, her american dream was broken... she didn't love him, she loved the dream of living in US... kiwinorth Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/11/2013 9:15:51 PM   Durak, i think i'm not to bad at not jumping on peoples toes (except for those dam bus's in russia) until i feel some fool is putting the innocent into an unsecure environment. i have always pushed this on here. to me this whole thing wouldnt be a issue if we took the children or child out of the equation. i feel for this child, so far away from home, so far from whats normal, whats secure. her little thoughts wondering what mum's up to, witnessed arguments tension,,, and now the whole new adult seen, interesting.. adults do many a stupid thing, thats fine,, we like to push our luck in what ever it is,,, thats what been human is about. but to put a child or children through rolling waters, for the whim of a adult thing isnt right. this is why my thoughts on him aren't great, she also needs to wear some of this(but she could be blond). at the end of the day he seems to be the one that held the cards, the one in the secure environment. where did he allow or put in place a smooth change over for the little ones needs,,,, there never was.. its seems the little one shouldnt have been there to start with, a lot was still so unknown between the two adults.. relationships are never straight forward when theres more then two people involved we know. a lot more homework is needed, on both sides, and both failed on this dramatically of cause. the thing is Durak he will not loose any sleep over this or should i say his children. nothing changes for them, his children go back to bed in the same sheets pillow and rooms as if nothing has ever happened, safe and secure. his actions(and hers) have consequences, and thats against a child who doesn't have the same pleasure of been equally secure. one of them should have stepped up to the plate here but as far as i'm concerned both failed, he more so in giving someone a silly dream and not sorting out the adult side of this first. played her he did, wheres the seriousness in any of this, couple of days in wonderland smelling roses, now bring your child to the States. anyhow i hope its more of an adventure for this little one and not just plain scary. its good to know they are linked to you in some way how ever it is, i'm sure she or they feel better for it and so do i. is it me or am i just an oddity taking a child's well been or for that matter any close family members circumstances over a suitor before any relationship?:) blu_craze Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/11/2013 10:06:21 PM   I know a Ukrainian girl who lived in Virgina and South Carolina illegally for at least a year, I think longer. She got married and hasnhad no problem staying in America, she went to a University, and has been working full time the entire time, it is very possible, especially in the U.S. my ex was an illegal from Mexico, I didn't know at first, she moved here when she was 15, an was 23, she owned her own insurance company, anything is possible! durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/12/2013 7:30:21 AM   @kiwi: Well, I was alarmed from the first when my friend told me about her plan, which seemed so impulsive to me, and especially that she was taking her tot along for the ride (as is often the case in Russia, she had a quite reasonable option to leave her daughter with her parents for a while). I haven't met the little one, only seen her on Skype video. My heart melts each time I see her, or hear her voice -- she's about 30 months. The drama must have reached her in some ways, especially seeing her mama so sad. Fortunately, she seems to be eternally busy (typical for her age), constantly playing, exploring her new environments, and in general seeing her experiences as exciting new adventures. In other words, I hope she's alright, in spite of the turbulence. The man involved (who, by the way, is from the FSU) certainly earned the "prick" award. In her last week at his house, he was away on a business trip. She had only a little cash, and no car or friends to get her to a grocery -- there wasn't enough of what her girl likes to eat (milk, for example). I suggested that she knock on neighbors' doors, explain that her host was away and she needed a quick trip to the grocery to get some things for her toddler. How many people were going to say no? I don't the details, but she did manage to get the shopping done. My friend has calmed considerably now that she's out of her "fiance's" house. I tried to be a bit of an anchor during the storm (a la "ground control to Major Tom"). And most importantly, she has kept in touch with her mom through it all. Of course, her parents were even more anxious about her scheme than I was. They already sent her enough money to fly home immediately, when things started to go wrong. I often make decisions that reflect "more balls than brains" -- that's how I earned the name durak. One of the reasons I like this young woman so much is that we're more than a little alike in that regard; her American adventure was based more on moxie, than good sense. I like to imagine that God keeps a special watch out for the fools of his Creation. Anyway, He has kept me alive so far! kaiserdag Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/12/2013 1:22:10 PM   @Moya The American Dream is different to everyone, freedom, business, better quality < insert a your opinion or joke here> I have met green card chasers in Germany, Spain and here in the UK. “Girl met a guy and assumed he wanted to marry her in such a short time”, or vice versa! Can anyone give, a realistic and practical opinion of a – “such a short time”? Taking in consideration the maturity of the individuals involved. Rick4girl Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/13/2013 11:33:00 AM   I married my ex after knowing her 4 months. stayed together 15 years. Probably would have married her after the first month. anything is possible. ragingbull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/15/2013 9:53:45 PM   "A few years ago, rb posted that he knows of people who have gotten away with this dodge. My understanding is that it's a shaky plan -- it might work, but it could go badly wrong." I don't recall making such a statement. I did say I was offered several times money for marriage which I declined. It is one thing to pretend to be married, but to do such a thing requires at least two years of pretending. That is, commingling of funds in a bank account and keeping the same residences, among other things. durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/17/2013 2:53:50 AM   @rb: What you wrote (long ago) was "It is hard to believe, though that the State Department takes a dim view of foreigners with non fiance visas marrying citizens. Durak did not state it as fact, he just said he read it. I have heard of many foreigners getting married to citizens and getting their green cards." And a little later on the same thread, you wrote "My first marriage was to a visitor." I took those to refer to foreigners marrying in the US, who were there on non-fiance visas -- perhaps I misinterpreted. The visajourney website has stated (at least, it did a few years ago) that "If your fiance/fiancee came to the US on a tourist visa with the intent of immigration and marriage, and you are not yet married, then he/she should return to his/her home abroad, and the K-1 visa should be filed (using an I-129f) instead of the I-130 to avoid a denial, deportation, or even being banned from re-entry to the US. ... The above conditions are serious and can result in the separation of families for many years if not taken seriously." The critical factor seems to be INTENT. In the case of my friend, she clearly would have been on the wrong side of the line. Shane Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 6/17/2013 7:36:27 AM   @ Durak - why do you call yourself that. Do you know its meaning? To all the others and Durak, "Hi" I am a foreigner living Ukraine and know of nearly all the scams the girls and agencies pull on foreigners. I sit in a local cafe that is frequented by foreigners and listen to their horror stories and offer help where i can. I also sit and think what idiots they are by letting themselves be conned/scammed the way they do. If its you first time and you get scammed then its shame on them but 2nd, 3rd & more then its shame on you. To all the guys that are old (50+) and you are chasing skirt that is 18-25 then you will get scammed. You need to be realistic about the age you are after. If anyone needs assistance with anything Ukraine the please feel free to ask me. I like this country and I wnt others to enjoy it too. Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > I've Been Playing "Crisis Clinic" ...
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