I did not want to hijack another thread, so I created a new topic to give an update to the friends in the forum. I have been in Kiev for a while now. I am with a girl that I met on this site. She signed up 3 weeks before I did. I was registered on the site for just one month, then we both deactivated our accounts. We had two and a half months of daily correspondence (2-3 emails each day) and several 2-3 hour Skype calls. To make a long story short, I am living the dream. She is everything I thought she might be and much more. She's a precious stone that I cannot believe I got so lucky to find. It's only luck that led me to her. Through correspondence, we shared a lot of information and I mean a lot. Perhaps the fact that we do not speak the same language made us communicate so extensively in writing, but this worked perfect. She has learned a little English now and I have learned very little Russian. I have an electronic translator that we use very often. As I said, nearly everything has been shared through the correspondence, the only part that was missing is the most amazing one. I am very deeply in love with her and it is very mutual. We are staying in a apartment at the center. I have rented a car and we are taking off for a week long trip to western Ukraine, the Karpathians, Kamyanets Podilsky, Uman, etc. We are taking many pictures. She has brought all the documents necessary for the visa process. To sum it up, I will formally ask her to marry me in the next days. Even though we both know it, I'm thinking of ideas how to make the moment memorable. She's my destiny and I cannot believe how lucky I am. Best wishes to all!
However....is it not too soon to talk about marriage? Do you know her well enough? Has she introduced you to 'her' people? etc?
Anyhow, I do not mean to rain on your parade. I hope it works out mainly because it would prove that it can be done.
4re,,, that is the way it’s supposed to happen, well done is right! The time both of you had on the websites was limited, so neither had a bias or jaded opinion, and you got lucky.
The road trip to the west is something I had planned too,,, stay at Truskavets for a few days.
How much time have you spent in the FSU before this trip? If you have spent little or no time there,, then perhaps it is too soon,, plus you don’t have a common language yet.
A question we should all ask now is, do we learn Russian or Ukrainian?
The reason why I asked about how much time you have spent there, is because I was flat out proposed to by a woman from the first city,,, then another calling me several times a day, every day during my stay in Odessa,,, hinting about it.
anyone remember the drama that Irish fella had from doing the same thing.
no maybe i have been here to long......
he gave a real time soap on here.
ordered the full course he did.
all the whistles and bells, this included the Ukrainian lawyer deflated ego and such.
all top notch stuff from speedy marriages.cum.
and dont forget the mother,,,, hell that was funny.
some people are just inclined to be like this i guess
thats one hell of a way to gamble.
K-dag,,, I don’t doubt it at all. For my last trip, I wanted to find a place that had a whirlpool so I could actually get a vacation, because I had a good idea the trip was going to be a bust anyway. I called a few hotels that advertised them,,, but after asking them whether they worked or not,,,, most said No. I would have needed to pay big bucks for a suite with a whirlpool.
I then searched for “legit” health spas in Kyiv,,,, I couldn’t find any,,, just what we call “rub&tugs”. There is no reason to think Truskavets would be any different.
The only complaints that I found on Trip Advisor,, were about the cost of meals. They have good deals on the rooms,,,, but stick it to you on food. I don’t know if it’s only the hotel’s “healthy diet food” or all restaurants in the area?
I have to agree with you on this. This is happening too soon. The girl I have been speaking to -for 10 months now- and I still have no plans for marriage or even a full relationship, and I have met her in her home town and met her sister. In fact, this may not happen, one of the problems being that she still speaks no English and she is not studying it.
However, if you manage to surmount common problems like not meeting the girl's people, the language and not staying with her in her home town, then your feed-back is always useful.
I am concerned that you have just fallen for one of those beautiful Ukrainian girls who, I have to confess, can be irresistible but who am I to tell you waht to do.
I hope it all goes well and you enjoy life to the fullest, I would caution you about driving in Ukraine as it can be expensive paying bribes to police. Personally I dont mind taking the train but car is much faster.
I did bed a stewardess I met on Aeroflot airlines. The sex was fantastic but that was the problem. Our relationship consisted only of sex and we could not speak to each other. She couldn't speak a word of English except yes and no.
Fortunately for me she said yes... :-)
But we couldn't even go to a restaurant or café together because people thought it was weird that two people couldn't speak to each other.
All comments are well received at my end. She is not a travel girl or a scammer. I had made this conclusion before my trip to Ukraine. She never asked for anything (presents or travel), not even her transportation expenses or the expenses for translations, etc. By the way, travel girls have international passport and she does not. I suggested that we meet outside Ukraine and she said that she believes the man must visit the woman first. The reason we met in Kiev was that her relative who lives in that city could translate for us. However, we did not need translation. She has no parents and only has two relatives. I already met one of the relatives and she asked me what my intentions are. I said that I intend to marry her.
That said, we are in the process of learning each other. We have had a couple of misunderstandings, but we were able to resolve them quickly. I think by the end of my trip I will have a better view of the future. Most likely, a second trip may be needed and plenty of communication in-between before I reach any final conclusions. However, if this works out, it will be the windfall of my life. She's a very naturally beautiful, extremely tender and very honest girl. Thanks for all the comments and I wish everyone the best.
Fine, make another trip but I suggest you go to her home town and see her in her environment: work, home, friends and relatives.
I do not care a fig what people in public places, or even friends and realtives, think or say about my relationship with a girl.
About the English, it is fine if the girl speaks little English and is very willing to learn or is already studying, but mine is not and that is likely to mean the end of the relationship.
Also, there are people who are gifted in learning foreign languages: A FB Ukrainian friend of mine is a girl of only 23. She speak Ukrainian and Russian, plus English, some Spanish and is learning Arabic and she is not even looking for a foreign husband or travelled to English speaking countries.
Others can never learn: A Ukrainian woman, who married a British man I know, speaks English like she arrived in the country a few weeks ago. I asked how long she had been in the UK and I was told 10 years!
A lady who does not learn your language will simply be a burden for years to come.
For what it's worth, a friend I met through this forum had only one week together with his Russian lady (but LOTS of correspondence about interests, activities, priorities and the like) when they decided to marry.
And at the time of their meeting, she spoke hardly a word of English.
If I'm counting the years correctly, they celebrated their third anniversary about a month ago, and are deeply satisfied with their life together.
@kiwi: Last I heard from the "Irish fella," he was married to a woman from one of the Baltic former Soviet Republics, and they were expecting a child.
"I do not care a fig what people in public places, or even friends and realtives, think or say about my relationship with a girl. "
But SHE is going to care. If she feels uncomfortable in a public situation this will transfer to the relationship.
It's for this reason you don't want to choose someone young enough to be your daughter or grand daughter for that matter. I mean these things are fine if your just looking for a fling or whatever but if you're looking for a long term relationship all these can be a factor as to whether the relationship will work or not.
@kiwi: Last I heard from the "Irish fella," he was married to a woman from one of the Baltic former Soviet Republics, and they were expecting a child.
well thats good news,, it shows been to quick will not change the end result but make it a unneeded hell of a ride.
this is one thing i dont agree with in our visa angles also, having to make quicker decisions on marriage to work in with visa applications for the possible fiancee.
even NZ, one is semi pressurized into speeding up the process of gods given learning period, or telling white lies, or just marriage to please the higher powers of supposedly more substance to a relationship that is still only in its beginnings.
why aren't people just given a probation period visa by our powers of be, in basic form and terms?
maybe its some weird human rights issue?
i find the thought of quick marriages reckless, it takes at least 2 years to know a person, what ever the relationship..
often its no fault of the persons but sadly the system forcing it.
people also often are lead by example(from the lucky ones) it worked for they so why not me.
his run was a true roller coaster and nightmare, i think it also changed him for a time,, and not in a good way are my thoughts,, empathy comes to mind.
anyhow good on him,, i'm sure he is a wiser man for it.
It's all about perception: difference of opinions are considered but the individual will be accountable for his/ her own actions...
4re...,,if you are living the dream, enjoy it ,,, to bad for the hater or those with lack of faith at this venture...On another note...If I spent hundreds and countless days to met a woman that should be perceived as a serous intention even if that encounter fail to materialized. Let's be real...what are the odds of closing the deal after one meeting??? I had never respond with " I intend to marry her. " like WS said "I do not care a fig what people in public places, or even friends and realtives, think or say about my relationship with a girl." I don't read minds neither, I do care if I am treated respectfully and cordially...that will be a good sign.
OAN... congrats USA team... Now I am rooting for the Russian team: up by 1
A few more notes about the marriage of my forum friend:
1. She applied herself to the study of English with the tremendous work ethic common among Russian women, and made terrific progress. Of course, this was essential (he never learned more than a few words of Russian). [People who have spent serious time over there will know what I mean -- a disproportionate amount of work is done by women! She is of the generation that finished their pre-university education before the collapse of the communist bloc; about younger women, you can make your own conclusions.]
2. Neither he, nor she, got much (or even any) support from friends and relatives. The feedback was generally skepticism of this whole international dating and marriage thing.
3. Both of them are clear-eyed and relatively unsentimental. They thought about the process of finding a mate and making an international marriage in terms of practical needs and challenges.
What would be dead wrong in a relationship is either of you caring what other people say. Negative people will ALWAYS find something to say about others. The best proof of a real commitment is both of you saying: "sod the world, we have each other and that is all we need". Nasty people will always be saying: "one is ugly the other is pretty, one is tall the other is a shorty, one is old the other is young, one is black the other is white..." I could go on.
And who are the ones who say these things? yep, the nasty, jealous and envious ones. You care what they say? So what do you say when they say you were used by a poor foreigner to get a visa in your country and live off you? How are you going to get out of that?
You need to marry somebody exactly like you, from your block, but wearing a dress if you want to avoid other people talking about you both.
Thanks for pointing this out, I will talk to my chosen girl and make sure she does not care a fig, the same as me.
I am approaching the end of my trip. I have everything I need to file for her visa but I am not so sure about it. In the beginning, it was a fairy tale, but aside from the first days, this has been a boring trip. After the passion of the first days, it is normal to want to communicate at a deeper level, but it is very difficult given the language barrier. I am also concerned that even if we spoke the same language, it might still be a boring relationship. I can picture us as a married couple. She would watch TV and take care of the house and kids and I would do my own hobbies. I mean it does not sound horrible, but it does not sound terribly interesting either. I am trying to figure what do I really want. She loves me and I love her, too. However, I feel worn out and bored. At this moment, I am looking forward to going back home.
Regarding going to her hometown and seeing "her people", there are no "people". She does not have a circle of friends. I have seen everything I need to see. She is a true homemaker, she can be a very good mother, she is a family girl. She is the type of girl that puts the man at the center of her life. All these are good and positive. The question I am trying to answer is whether they are enough. In our hundreds of emails, I pictured a relationship that would be very interesting and passionate all the time. Maybe I imagined too much.
Regarding my trip to Western Ukraine: if you are thinking about it, don't. It is a very highly overrated and uninteresting place. The roads are very very very bad. There are pot holes all over, drivers are horrible. The highly overrated Lviv is not worth a visit, old buildings and snobbish attitudes. We went there and stayed a couple days, then to Uzhorod, which is alright if you do no mind the mosquitoes, then Rakhiv and the Karpathians, which are very dull, then Kamyanets-Podilsky and then back to Kiev. I was pulled over by police four times. I managed to avoid paying any bribes, but frankly it was a stressful trip. I would very strongly advise against it. If I were to do it again, I would have insisted meeting the girl outside Ukraine - period. I have been twice to Crimea a long time ago, and frankly it is the only place in this country that is worth a visit or two.
Regarding the girls: in Kiev, they are fantastic and I am constantly getting the looks. In Lviv, they are also fantastic, but they could not care less about foreigners. Lviv is a very closed society, everyone speaks Ukrainian. Elsewhere in Western Ukraine, both Rusian and Ukrainian is spoken. The girl I am dating speaks Russian fluently and her Ukrainian is alright but not very good. She had trouble speaking in Lviv, asking for directions, etc. To answer the question "do we learn Russian or Ukrainian": Russian 100%.