"I would not pay for the English lesons until she is here with me but in the case of my (ex) girl, she is not willing to learn and that would mean money down the drain."
If I were a guy I wouldn't, either.
Yes I did see cases with guys going that with only positive consequences - but these are rather in minority/an exception.
Re the story of your (ex) girl. Dating an English speaker and not being willing to learn English does not sound too serious. Especially in the light of an English test now being COMPULSORY for non-Eu partners of British nationals before they relocate...
"I was simply not willing to do too much before marriage and especially during a first meeting. I wanted to first see proof of what she wrote in her letters and I did not see anything. In fact, I was very disappointed."
Wanting to see proof of words is natural. However, what I observed:
Different people assign different weight to words (including these in writing). For some folk, words are binding just because/right after they were said. A word of commitment said = deed to be undertaken. And vice versa: if they are not planning to commit, they will take care not to say anything that would make you to think they do.
When these folk need to verbalize feelings/emotions, they will tread carefully as well. They might even come across as reserved/chary of emotional expression - but it is them being responsible, in their own way.
Another group is folk for whom words are true at the moment they are said (like in the state of emotional "high")- but can easily be re-evaluated/taken back later, no bother at all. Because we are no longer in that moment, are we.
Yet another group of folk rate words no higher than air. They might say whatever (sort of "words do not oblige you if you had good reasons for them at the moment).
But if they do not act up to it and you'd wish to "hold them liable", they will be genuinely surprised.
I am not attempting to categorize who have you met - just food for thought.
Wifeseeker: Just a friendly piece of advice, don't be presumptuous when you do not know someone in person. For the last time, I was not a sex tourist. If I were, I would have nor problem to admit it. In fact, after it's all said and done, what pisses me off is that I could have had more fun had I known upfront what this "relationship" is about, but I would have probably chosen a different girl or multiple girls. Yes, I will say it again that going over there to find a woman to marry is for jokes (no offense, just saying my own view). That said, I wish you find what you are looking for.
I realize that staying for too long in a forum like this usually ends up in some sort of pissing contest with people who do not believe you or have an appetite for offending others. I really do not have the time or desire to engage in these sorts of "conversations". Therefore, this is my last post. I have moved on and away from this dating scene. I thank everyone for their good comments and support. In return, I have shared enough for everyone to make their own conclusions.
-“The paper holds anything written on it and subject to interpretation.” (e.g., the Holy Scriptures)……So reading letters and profiles translated by Google or written with poor English is tricky or totally deceiving ; however, that shouldn’t deter from using intelligence and virtues to look for compatibility, capacity and commitment.
Don’t worry about your typos, many people here are smart and only know English.
I should have stressed that my statement regarding dating USA women is based on office discussions from female coworkers who talk about their dates with men. I, myself, do not have much of a track record with dating women. The female office workers would talk about going to restaurants eating a nice dinner, scheduling meetings and trips with their dates, going to some concert or event, etc. The women would talk about it openly to other female coworkers. I only overhear the conversation because it is an open office setting where I work.
As for dating people who you meet online locally, the first thing that is stressed is that it be done in a public and open setting. While that setting could be a fancy restaurant, high class shopping mall, or a fancy resort location, usually those kind of first dates are at a less impressive location because the informality of the meeting since these are a form of "blind dates". With the coworker dates, they knew each other before the "official" first date.
@selkie- No editing allowed. What you write is set in stone, unless it gets rejected. ;)
Sometimes the hand is quicker than the eye.
Re the 2 ladies that I am corresponding with. The late 20's lady is familiar with English (having spent some here in the USA), so English courses is not necessary. The mid-30s lady is not familiar with English, but has said that she will enroll in courses if she finds a foreign man who she feels comfortable with. She does not expect any type of financial help and has not asked for any.
4re_geo I may want to backtrack somewhat when I said that I wouldn't report her as a scammer.
You've got a serious scammer on your hands or some kind of escort.
Escorts are now putting themselves into dating agencies to drum up business.
Only they don't want a one time payment for services. They want sponsorship or the income stream we talked about.
She "sealed the deal" by offering you sex. When she saw you were not going to provide her the residual income she desired, she cut you lose. Although taking a last payment from you with a casual, "I love you and thank you." Now on to her next victim.
You owe it to other men to get her into the scammer databases so that they will not be duped by her.
kiwi, you're funny, i like that ;)
no i've never been registered to any agency and don't want to. I believe that to find a good american wife you have to deal with more risks, that's why you all guys looking in the "third world", you (by "you" i don't mean you Kiwi, you're not like them no no no) just think that you can open a web-site, and click! You have a wife 30 years younger than you.
So guys stop dreaming, international dating is as hard as inside of your/mine country dating. lotta girls think that if they register on the dating site they'll find a husband in a minute, and they're looking for years, cos there're lots of girls-scammers, but there are lots of guys-scammers also...
what i've learned from my experience is that words worth nothing! I was dating a guy who wrote me poems every day, every day tons of "love" and blah blah blah kinda sh!t, he cheated me the same day we slept for our first time... well it was our first and the last time of course :)
after that i should've probably say: "I'll never date ukrainian guys any more!" (4re's logics) :)))
With the quick relationship and visit with 4re_geo's story, I just came across an article about MOB business between Vietnam and Korea. Women in Vietnam are looking for a better life and men in Korea are taking trips to meet with the ladies through marriage agency brokers. There are language barriers and the women are given brief language classes and introduction to Korean culture. The women talk about the age difference (one lady who is 19 marrying somone who is 42) and other aspects between the two countries. The article focuses on a Korean man (36) who marries a Vietnamese lady (20) after just 18 hours from their first meeting with each other in a coffee shop. He interviewed about 20 ladies before deciding on her. She decided to look outside of Vietnam because her last boyfriend was abusive and a drunk and she felt that there was no future in her country. When she flew to Korea after getting her visa, they did not recognize each other at the airport. They cannot really communciate that well with each other and she talks more with the other Vietnamese people in Korea. The article ends with the statement that she is pregnant. Do you think that FSU ladies will put up with this type of "fast track" marriage? I don't think so.
The article does say that quite a number of the marriages are breaking apart and the government is trying to regulate it by providing bride orientation classes in Vietnam so the ladies will get a better picture of how life is like over there. Korean TV programming often depicts a nation of heiresses and Casanovas and a life of luxury and happiness.
@selkie - Without commitment, everything else is just "noise". As for candy, FSU ladies appear like "eye candy" to the western man. However, you have to be careful, if the candy should have some "poison". :)
@WIFESEEKER - Yes, I agree for both parties. But, Korea is high tech and upper mobile country, unlike the FSU countries where money is concentrated in a few. As for western countries, they have too many other priorities for Government spending to bother with dealing with foreign based marriages. They are only concerned with the criminal (human trafficking) and abusive part of it, so they make laws like IMBRA. Otherwise, you are on your own.
Looking back on 4re's experience I can understand that having such a disastrous first encounter with a scammer would put you off this FSU game altogether.
So, for others who are just starting, the quesion is: did 4re not listen to advice from more experienced people or was he just unlucky or is it entirely his fault by treating this situation literally like its detractors call it: MOB - you can buy any girl your want in the FSU?
Maybe all of them.
He will deny it every time, but he went there to buy a girl and he ended up buying sex only.
as dcguy and I were discussing about induction courses, I did not think they should be paid for by the government. People who spend up to £20,000 before they find the girl of their dreams could save a lot of money, time and heartache by buying a £1000 course.
For the price of one scammer you could buy yourself a lot of knowledge.
WS - I think part of the problem is that people are not completely honest about themselves. When you read the profiles, all you read are positive descriptions (that sound like a broken record). Nobody mentions negative things. People say that nobody is perfect, so why do you not disclose your imperfections? I guess if you are a drug addict, hooker, professional dater, drunk, have a chronic illness, etc., you do not want to be ignored by nearly everyone who uses the dating site. It is very hard to get a complete picture of the other person unless you either hire an investigator (like the "cheaters" TV show) or you live there with that person to see it firsthand. Of course the same can be said for people in your local area as well.
As for me, I do not expect sex until commitment is made (no matter how sexy and enticing the other person is). I also do not want to contract HIV/AIDS, STD, Herpes, Hepatitis, etc. from what is really a perfect stranger. But that is just my personal morals. If the other person is that nonchalant about her sexuality (maybe they all are in the FSU area), then I guess I need to keep looking elsewhere.
The name of myh course will be: If you want to be a sex tourists, like TomZ, save yourself a lot of money (like £1000 on every trip) and use your prostitutes ar home. And please do not give us serious men a bad name in the FSU
I usually ask the girls I chat to about their previous experiences with Western men, especially the bad ones, so as to learn from it. There is often a TomZ mentioned in them "Just because he came all the way to see me, the moron thought that it entitled him to sex"