"A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: "Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person."
The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow asked: "Just look at you -- you have no legs!"
The old gent smiled: "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"
"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.
Again, the old man smiled: "Therefore, I can never beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: "Are you still good in bed?"
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
An American and a Russian are talking about their countries. The American starts to brag; "In my country, I can walk into the Oval Office, slam my fist on the president's desk, and say "Mr. President, I don't like the way you're running this country!"
The Russian appears unimpressed and says "We can do that in my country." The American says "Really?" Hmmmm." says the Russian. "I can walk right into the Kremlin, slam my fist on Gorbachev's desk and say "I don't like the way President Reagan is running his country."
I have this neighbor. She has a form of OCD and has done some weird things, which makes some neighbors not like her. But, she doesn't drink, smoke, swear of do lots of the things Martin and I would do. She is on the slim side, but I would not call her skinny.
She is a few years younger than me, not bad looking and could easily pass for ten years younger, as can I. I have asked her out a few times, but she had been busy, and it is verifiable. I have not pushed it, nor have I done silly things such as write poems or get her flowers, as I can see that she can be controlling.
She is worried about her aging dog when she leaves for work, or go anywhere. So, she got this camera placed in her room, and she gave me the password. Then, I can check on her dog now and then, when she asks me to.
The thing is, she sometimes does not turn off the camera, even when she's home. Yes, I have looked. Funny as hell.
Stupid woman. It is times like this that I am glad I stayed single. Because she lives on the other side of the world, one cannot know an FSU woman that well. She could turn out to be just like this woman. She still gets naked in front of the camera. Not as much, but she still does.
About a year ago, a drunk 23 year old ran into her wooden fence. It destroyed about 20 feet of it. A couple of months later, it still wasn't fixed, so I offered to do the work for free. She said no, she already had someone to do it. An obvious lie.
She already had most of the material. She put it up a temporary fix couple of times, but it was uneven and was knocked down a couple of times by the weather. On Christmas, I gave her a modest present. Then, she finally agreed to let me work on the fence.
I am not in construction, but how difficult can it be? Put up a couple of posts and then put the wood together with screws, making sure that it is level.
I looked up on the internet how deep the posts should be. It said 1/3 to 1/2 of the length of the post. An 8 foot post should go on a hole 2 feet 8 inches, to 4 feet deep.
Yesterday, we argued about that. She says 2 feet is enough. I cannot put up a fence that will not stand. I left without starting the project. She did her own research. Last night, she read the piece on how deep that fence should be and told me.
Ready for New Years festivities, she texts me. She was going to start digging herself. So, I took a few hours to go help her. Now, I know why she doesn't want it deep. She wants to get it over with. She kept asking me to measure at 12 - 14 - 16 inches. We settled at 17 inches. She already had another post in place, crooked. I offered to dig that one out and straighten it out. She said no.
“LONDON (AP) -- Anthony Joshua survived the first knockdown of his young career, coming back to drop Wladimir Klitschko twice before stopping him in the 11th round Saturday night to retain his heavyweight titles and stake his claim as the boxing's next star.
Before a boisterous crowd of 90,000 at Wembley Stadium, Joshua and Klitschko traded huge punches in a spectacular fifth round and again in the sixth before Joshua finally found a way to finish the longtime former champion late in the fight.
The biggest heavyweight fight in more than a decade had something for everyone, but in the end it was Joshua who announced himself as the future of the division. He finally turned things around for good with a right uppercut early in the 11th round that spun Klitschko's head around.
He was all over the Ukrainian and dropped him with a left hook, but Klitschko got up only to take even more punishment. Joshua knocked Klitschko down again and was landing punches to his head on the ropes when referee David Fields moved in to stop the bout late in the 11th round.”