Afather is watching his 4 year old daughter play in the back yard when her sees her stop and look into the garden.
Father: what you looking at dear
Daughter: two spiders dady, they are on top of each other. What are they doing.
Father: they are mating dear.
Daughter: whats the one on the top called?
Father: thats a dady long legs
Daughter: Is the other one the mumy long legs?
Father: No, thats a dady long legs too.
with that the little girl raised her foot and killed the 2 spiders
father: why did you do that?
Daughter: I'm not having non of that poofter shit in our garden dady!
Father watching TV, Saturday afternoon, Mum shouts from the kitchen, "Where is little Tommy?" "He is in the garden honey" replies her husband. "Oh !!!" says the wife "Darling I think you left the packet of C-o-n-d-o-m-s on the P-a-t-i-o !!!" Suddenly little Tommy sticks his round the door and asks, "Mummy, whats a patio ?"
;o)
Little Tommy comes home from school to find his Dad standing at the top of the stairs totally naked with a huge erection !!
"What are you doing dad?" he asks.
"Er ! Er !! I'm looking for a mouse your Mum saw"
Oh! Says Tommy, "When you find it are you gonna f*ck it ?"
Policeman doing his rounds comes across a small boy walking through the red light district at dusk.
"What do you think you are doing here at this time of night young man?"
"I'm looking for a hooker !" replies the boy,
"Oh !!" says the friendly cop, "And what would want to find a hooker for ?"
"Because I want to catch the clap !!"
This throws the officer for a second but undaunted he presses on,
"And why would you, a 10 year old boy want to catch the clap ?"
"Because I want to give it to the Au pair !!"
"Why do you want to give it to the Au pair ?"
"Because then my Dad will get it from the Au pair !!"
"OK, so why do you want your Dad to get it too ?"
"Because he will give it to my Mum !!"
"Why your Mum ?!!!"
"Because she will give it to the Milkman !!!"
By this time the cop is getting rather baffled and a little tetchy with all this,
"OK !!! Why do you want the Milkman to catch the clap ?!!!"
"Because he is the bastard who trod on my tortoise !!!!"
A man goes to the doctor not feeling too good, after the examination the doctor tells him,
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news, You are going to die !!"
The man looks shocked but manages to ask the doctor when.
"In 10" replies the doctor,
"What, 10 years, 10 months, 10 weeks 10 hours ? What ?"
The doctor looks at him and says "No, in 10 .. 9 .. 8 .. 7"
A husband tales his wife to see the GP as he is worried about her health.
"I'm a bit concerned about the wife Doc`, wondered if you would give her a check over?"
"Sure" says the Doc`, and takes her away to a room to examine her.
"after 30 minutes the Doc' comes out on his own and takes the husband to one side to talk to him.
"Well we have thoroughly examined your wife and we have narrowed it down to 2 possibilities, its either Aids or Alzheimer's"
"Cant you be more certain Doc' ? I mean its not very specific !! Surely you must be able to do something ? What about more tests ?"
"We have done all the tests we can I'm afraid, but there is one last thing you could try"
"Anything Doc', I need to know whats wrong with her"
"OK" says the Doc', "Take her out in the car to a secluded spot miles form anywhere and drop her off, then go home, if she finds her way home, Don't f*ck her !!!"
A husband who has been complaining to his wife about his constapation, finally goes to see the doctor. He returns home to his other half...
"What did he say?"
"He gave me a suppository, told me if it didn't work in a few hours to take another"
Four hours pass, still no bowel movement.
"Honey?"
"Did you call Jim?"
"I think I need you to help me with this prescription."
Undoing his pants and leaning over the sink, his wife prepares to insert the suppository, first by placing her hand on his shoulder....
"Oh shit! Oh my God!"
"What's wrong?"
"When I was at the doctors, he had both hands on my shoulder!"
im sorry boys, i am a lady and i don't find all these "oh women are only good for cleaning and such" jokes funny.. they are very degrating to women and if any of you are married, engaged, have a girlfriend, or any women has ever spoken to you, im very surprised.. you're all hogs!
Dear Me- (no I'm not writing to myself) Sorry you didn't enjoy our little thread of jokes. Jokes are jokes. Nothing to take seriously. Have you ever laughed at jokes about a man or you would never do that?Has your man ever laughed at joke about a woman? I'll take a wild guess and say he has. If not, he's a liar or has the personality of a tree. If you would check out most other threads, you will find we have a high respect for women.(unless you're from the U.S. or U.K.) If you are,I wouldn't go there. And to call us men pigs!, I find that highly offensive and very degrating! before I forget - Two dumb blondes walk in a bar....................
G'day, ME,...... sounds like you don't know men very well, if you're surprized that we ever had a girlfriend before. You probably don't even know women very well either. You know, I'll bet you're one of those "liberated" ladies by the way you sound...........I think I'll let you take me out on a date....you'll probably want to pay for everything!!.....
By the way, none of us really belive that a woman is only good for cooking and cleaning......far from it. You only have to read through these threads to realize that the guys here are serious about finding a good woman that they will cherish and respect. We just happen to have still have a sense of humour and a lot of women I know do also.
....Why don't you post a joke about men and see for yourself?
Two guys go to the beach to try to pick up some women. 1st guy goes home with ten and 2nd guy goes home empty handed. Next day the same story, 1st goes home with ten,2nd guy none.3rd day the 2nd guy asks the 1st" what's your secret?" 1st guy says "I stick a potato down my swim trunks" So next day 2nd guy is walking around the beach with potato down his pants only to find the women running from him. At the end of the day he's leaving empty handed again and runs into his friend. 2nd guy says "I thought you said putting a potato down my shorts would work?" 1st guy says "The potato goes in the front".
As to my mind some jokes are funny, some are not. But not because they are about women, but because they didn't make me laugh. It just depends on my reaction...oh how good I know such girls who sit on the kitchen in a group of 5-6 girls, and complain and complain, that life is bad, men are pigs, and are not faithful....that's such an old story that I just got tired of it. Sorry Me (that girl above) if I hurt you, but that's already an old story...
What I wanna know is who let the uptight, man hating, bra burning "Me", who is Obviously a western woman !! Into this bloody forum ???
I thought we came here to get away from these women, not have the buggers follow us like shadows !!!!
"Me" Go and play in the excite chat rooms, or friend finder.com and harange the men there, or take a leaf out of Ptichka`s book and accept jokes for what they are, Jokes, before you stick you self opinionated nose in here again !!! If you dont like the jokes DONT read them !!! Then you wont have your fragile feelings dented !!
Didnt see you moaning about the one Tony wrote about the doctor, so its Ok for men to be the butt of jokes you read I guess !!!
Jeeeeezzz I cant even get away from western women on my own PC these days !!!
I had been back in the UK a full 10 minutes yesterday when I witnessed an English female (I wont say lady or woman because she most certainly was Not) bitching and whining at her downtrodden husband/boyfriend about something or other, right in the main airport corridor in front of 100 + people, and it simply made me feel very glad about where I had just come from and why I went there in the first place !!!!
TimH I'm very sorry but Me will never take my point of view, if I'm correct with the type of a woman she is. Why I'm so sure??? Just because here some of my friends come up to me and ask "Please talk with my wife/girlfriend, and try to make her take you point of view not only about attitude to men in general, but about some other things". Have to admit that it's not possible to convince another girl to take another point of view, if she is so sure that her own is the most correct one. As far as I know it comes from the attitude of the mother, if her mother is sure that men "are pigs and the worst part of the humanity" then her daughter will think the same way....there is nothing one can do about the physology of the person......
Amen to that Ptichka.
Its just a shame that some people have such narrow views and cannot accept that not everyone is so small minded as to be offfended by something as simple and stand alone as a job.
I am sure you will agree that even if a man does laugh at such jokes it doesnt mean he is a bad man, it just means he has a sense of humour, just as any woman who would laugh at a joke against men woulndt be a bad woman, just have a broad mind and a sense of humour too, like yourself :o))
"Women have many faults, Men have only two, everything they say, and everything they do" :o))