Congratulations with a nice joke TimH!!!:)))) I really liked it:)))
What can I say??? A person with good humor will never get angry at jokes, he will just laugh at them or not, it depends if he likes a joke or not. Though me and my boyfriend, we make jokes at each other, and at women and men in general, we never offend at each other.
I just want to say that life without humor would be so gray...and dull...and I don't really want to think about life without humor:))))
ressurecting the joke thread guys....and girls hope you like it!!
A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
and a true story from an unnamed american airline operator:
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?" .........:)))))))
Guy driving his flash BMW down the road, he looks in his mirror and sees a guy on a bicycle trying to get by him !! So he accelerates !!
A few 100 yards later he looks in the mirror again and there is the same guy on the bike still there trying to pass him and waving frantically !!
Bugger this thinks the driver and floors it !!!
1 mile later he looks again and there is the same guy, red faced and panting but still frantically signalling to him and trying to get by !!
He pulls over, and the guy on the bike rolls up to the drivers window, the driver rolls the window down and the guy on the bike says,
"Thank f*ck you finally stopped, at the last set of lights when you shut your door properly, you caught my boot lace in your door !!!!!"
and one for the vegetarians amongst you..............
Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail. Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need". "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the Wilmington Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson. He just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said,
Little boy lost in big shopping mall goes up to uniformed police officer and says " I've lost my Daddy". Polceman reples, "What's he like?". Boy says, " Beer and women with big tits"
Here are some I'm told many Russians appreciate more than we.
A bellhop has just finished helpling a gentleman and his lady check into their motel room.
"Is there anything else can I do for you, sir?" asks the bellhop.
"Thank you, I don't need anything" answers the man.
"Does your wife needs anything?" the bellhop replies.
The gentleman responds "Oh, thanks for reminding me! Please bring me a postcard."
A soldier is being marched to his place of execution during a freezing rain.
"Some bad weather we`re having" he says to a soldier.
The soldier replies "Look who`s complaining, you don't have to march back!"
Gladiator, I have also heard this said about some airline landing experiences:
Another Flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "we ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
You can substitue about any country you wish, but this is not bad, either.
During his visit to the USSR, Nixon was intrigued by a new telephone capable of connecting him with hell. He spoke briefly with the devil, and the call cost him 27 cents. When he came back home, he found out that this same service was now available in the US, too. He tried it again and received a bill for $12,000. Nixon was understandably distressed.
Nixon called the telephone company and asked why a call to hell in Moscow only cost him 27 cents, while the same length call from the White House in Washington, D.C. cost him $12,000.
The response was "In Moscow, Hell is a local call."
Alright, I have been searching for others. This is good, too.
Poruchik Rzhevsky is dancing with Natasha at a grand ball. Suddenly he gets an urge to pee. As a well educated young gentleman he cannot say where he`s going to his lady, so he says "Natasha, I beg your gracious beauty to please excuse my five minute absence to check if my horse is being properly fed on the yard near the palace."
When he returns, he is wet from boots to head.
"Is it rainy?" she asks?
Exasperated, he responds "No, windy."
I have A Question? about having to get the Fathers permission to let his child leave to go to the USA, does that enclude a couple who got married, do they still have to get permission? if so, would my adopting the child change that? My Girlfriend lives in Ukraine, she has a 4 year old child.
According to the law even if you are married the permission is still required. Moreover to be able to adopt a child you still need the permission from his father (his father has to permit you to adopt his child)
There are cases of exception:
- if the parent has no rights on the child any more (was deprived)
-if the parent is unknown or missing
-if the parent has not been taking part in his child’s upbringing for more than 6 months
All this has to be proved in the court.
Well, it is not easy, hope that there will not be problems with the child's father. Wish you good luck!