1st trip anguish

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Scooter

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	Send: 5/15/2004 7:08:15 AM

Hi folks, Though a relative newbie I've been lurking here for some months picking up valuable tips from all you great guys. I've wrote many, wittled it down and am now planning to visit Volgograd to meet one girl. Now, this is my anguish: Everything seems cool and very genuine with this girl (done all the red-flag checking you guys have mentioned), only she's written asking if she can pick me up at the airport on my arrival (Ok, nice gesture what with me not knowing any russian) and then stay with me in my apartment for the duration of my visit. Now, my reservations here are that (heeding the advice to have a backup plan) - I would rather have some time to spend on my own, going to a local agency perhaps, to see what else I can see. All this as well as spend, the majority, of my time with the girl I've come to visit. How can I plan this without upsetting the girl? I'm a true gent when it comes to relations of the heart and don't want to upset anyone. How do I play this? Also, talking of being a true gent, another question I really hope you can answer: When you guys go 'over there' do you actually sleep with the girl, having just met for the first time perhaps days (or hours!) earlier? I mean, I'm as red-blooded as the next guy, but I'm definitely not looking for a sex trip. I understand these things are best played by ear but, if things go really well with personal chemistry and everything, is it acceptable to play hide the sausage before returning home? Yours confused, Scooter Ps. Any tips / addresses / advice for my trip to Volgograd in June would be greatly appreciated.

Neonred

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	Send: 5/15/2004 7:35:03 AM

Scooter I had almost the same offer/experience as you, except my girl asked me to stay in her apartment. Of course I did not visit any agencies or other women. If I had or had planned to (and not been staying in her apartment) I know she would have been very unhappy. Before I visited she asked me if I was planning to visit other women before I returned home. I had made the decision I would not because I felt it would not be fair to her....my overwelming sense of morality?? For me, it worked out great. And if you don't speak much Russian it will be a tremendous help to have her with you all the time....she speaks some English I hope! As for sleeping with her...you'll have to play it by ear. I hope you two have written enough and talked enough to know each other fairly well. Meet, enjoy each others company, and see where the relationship goes. If you two are a good match, then be safe! Try no to be so surprised when you find how big and dirty the city is. It's a lot different than what you are used to. Have fun on your trip!

ensata

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	Send: 5/15/2004 8:15:46 AM

Scooter I am on a somewhat similar path as you. Followed the same route regarding letters, narrowing it all down, phone calls. I will be going in July. Lucy invited me to help me find an apartment, stay with her sister and brother in law, or to stay with her in her apartment. I have decided to stay with her . I had decided that I would go to visit only her. So I really want to spend all my time with her to see if things go as well in person as they have by letter and phone. I have no back up plan as I am very serious about her. My back up plan is to start over when I get back to the states should it not work out. But here my situation may be different then yours, in that Lucy and I have a fantastic connection. I mean we have really fallen for each other, and are already talking about the possibility of marriage. Of course we won't know for sure until we are together. Wheras Scooter you and your girl may not be at the same place that Lu and I. So you may want to have a back up plan. However, if you think that she may really be the one, then just take the risk of going to see her alone, without the safety net. If you two may be serious then don't take the greater risk of losing her trust and confidence by arousing suspision. Be honest with her whatever your plans may be. If you are just in earlier stages of dating and still playing the field, let her know. As far as sex goes, I also am not looking for a sex trip either. And I think that Neon has the right approach. Good luck, and keep us posted! We are all in this journey together. When and where are you going?

TimH

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	Send: 5/15/2004 11:06:37 AM

Scooter: Does the expression, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" mean anything to you ? Do you want her ? Does she attract you ? Are you serious about her? If you can honestly answer yes to the above, then you would be a damn fool not to accept her offer !!! If any answers to those three are No then you are going for the wrong reasons !! Because if she has offered you what she has offered you, then it pretty safe to guess she can answer Yes to all three, and if you cant you are going to hurt her !! If you turn her down you Will offend her !! But better to turn her down now, than to go there and disrespect her by looking for and meeting other women when you have gone there to see her !!! "I would rather have some time to spend on my own, going to a local agency perhaps, to see what else I can see." I'm sorry mate, but thats Not moral gentlemanly thinking !! If you are thinking this way you shouldn't be visiting this lady at all !! You will hurt her, and she does Not deserve that !!! If you truly think this way, then Yes you are going on a pulling holiday, not a relationship visit !!! "The grass is greener on the other side of the fence" is another useful phrase here, but "A bird in the hand, is worth two in the bush" is also very apt !! Don't play western women type games with FSU women, ultimately You Will lose If you like each other, are attracted to each other and both want it, then of course its OK to sleep together !! For goodness sake, these are red blooded women, not machines, if they want it they will take it, so if you wanna save your virtue for the wedding day you are looking in the wrong place, try a nunnery !!! Neon: "Try no to be so surprised when you find how big and dirty the city is." The whole country is a lot different to anything we are used to mate :o))) But when you have been as many times as me, its like a second home :o)) Ens: "I have decided to stay with her" Delighted to hear it :o)) Its the right thing to do, if the lady offers, accept, or you will offend her wish to make you comfortable !! When I went to be with Natash` we couldn't stay at her place as she lives with her parents and doesn't have an apartment of her own, but she stayed with me in the rented one the whole time I was there, it meant we had all the time in the world to be together, I could cook for her and generally find out what she is like to live with and it was wonderful :o)) I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, neither would she thankfully :o))) "My back up plan is to start over when I get back to the states should it not work out." Now Thats how a Gentleman thinks !! Not: "if this doesn't work out I can go on a trim hunt while I'm there and find some more" !!!! "If you are just in earlier stages of dating and still playing the field, let her know. " If thats the stage anyone here is at, then they should NOT be going to the FSU to meet Anyone specific yet, look at the mess Jet has found himself in going to meet 2 women at the same time !!! These unsure guys should be booking a tour with meat markets and doing that instead !!. As regards "sex trips" if its to meet one girl, and it clicks for you both, then there is Nothing wrong with making love together, provided you have intentions of going back to her again and you are not using her !!! Or that you have already asked her and she has accepted your proposal of wedded bliss :o)) You are both consenting adults, and if its what you both want then I see No harm in it whatsoever. One last thing, Please don't be upset that I am being hard on you Scooter, I know you haven't been there yet, and you haven't experienced what Russian women are like, and until you have you cannot fully understand why I have said many of the things I have said, but once you get there you will realise I am right. Russian women are far far deeper than our superficial women, they need treating with a hell of a lot more respect and care, but the biggest difference is that unlike our women, Russian women will give that care and respect back to you !!! Now is that really worth losing for greed ?? Tim Chairman of the "Keepin it real" department :o))

Scooter

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	Send: 5/15/2004 6:55:00 PM

Hi guys, Big thanks for all the great advice. And thanks Tim for being so blunt - it has kinda made things clearer for me in understanding how these ladies differ to those in the 'developed' west. It is because I think with my heart that I have posted on here for help, only as you say I have never been over there before, and only have western dating experience. To clear things up, I have been corresponding with this girl since December and had made it clear to her that I would rather meet up than write letters for a year (I live in London and, without seeming immodest, the travel expense is not really an issue). The reason I want to go is to soak up the whole 'vibe' (if thats the right word) for life over there and the opportunities for meeting a soulmate. I would be more than happy if it all pans out with her but, believe me, I have definitely not led her on a merry dance thinking it's a done deal between us - this as you rightly point out is something that I can find out when we share the apartment whilst on my trip... ... which leads me to my conclusion: They say you don't really know someone until you live with them - what better way than to spend the 10 days in June with this person (who I am highly attracted to inside and out). So there you go guys, I will forego the back-up plan and honour the little lady with my full undivided attention. Thanks again. Regards, Scooter

TimH

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	Send: 5/16/2004 5:42:53 AM

Great to hear it :o) And if you wil be there in June we shall be there about the same time, though I wil be in Omck, Siberia. I know what you mean about the ravel costs being no issue !! Last time I went it was 245 pounds with AeroFlot, including a flight change at Moscow ! One word of caution however regarding AeroFlot if you use them, the ticket prices are not expensive, but watch your baggage weights very carefully ! They like to rake a good prfit in from "excess baggage charges" in all, my trip to Omsk cost me as much again in excess charges as my ticket cost me !! And at each airport it was a different weight, the worst was at Moscow comeing home when they hit me for $120+ !! (Out ragious when you consider on the way out from London I was carrying more weight and only got charged 30 pounds !!) Its a real rip off, so be careful to stay under your weight. 10 Days is a prfect first meeting period, not too long if things dont work out, and long enough to be able to change your ticket and come back a week later if you get on great and want to stay a bit longer :o)) Unfortunately I couldnt stay longer last time due to commitments here (house sale) but next time Im going for definate 2 weeks and may extend it to 3, or 4 if I dont need to get back here for buying the new house that is :o))

TimH

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	Send: 5/16/2004 5:45:00 AM

One last thing :o) Dont tar FSU women with the same brush as our slappers mate, they are Very different in mahy ways, and they are far deeper than ours too, thats the most important thing to remember. Many may be blondes, but they do Not have the blonde mentality ours have :o)

PaulM

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	Send: 5/16/2004 7:59:18 PM

Scooter I think you made the best decision, some women are just not part of this visit to see numerous women. If you went and did not dedicate your visit to her she could strike you out! they are not all desperate, no matter what you read. You go and if it works good, if not plan on moving her out of you apartment (difficult) and using back up plan, or alternatively making another visit. But telling her in advance you may want to meet other women? if she is desperate is ok, but if she is good, she'll kick you in to touch, remember the good ones have choices, many of them, like if you are good so do you, so if you believe in yourself believe in her. Best of luck, let us know how you get on.

disastronaut

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	Send: 5/19/2004 7:11:20 PM

Hello all! This June I'm going to Saint Petersburg to visit a woman I met on fiance.com. Tomorrow I'm going to the Russian consulate to pick up my visa. I hope getting it goes smoothly. Now I'm trying to book a hotel. This is turning out to be an adventure in itself! My dilemma: The hotel that sent me an invitation and will be named on my visa doesn't have a room for me! Does anyone know if I'll have a problem getting my visa stamped by a different hotel? I include this question in e-mails to hotels, but I haven't received replys yet.

Mindwire

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	Send: 5/20/2004 1:04:49 AM

Neonred Try no to be so surprised when you find how big and dirty the city is? It's a lot different than what you are used to? What's that about? Sounds like a place to avoid.

Marsh

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	Send: 5/20/2004 10:13:10 AM

I think it sounds like not being a Chicago or Paris. And what? If you are adventurous enough every place is worth seeing. At least you will have your own judgment.

GLTALLTOAD

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	Send: 5/21/2004 12:31:45 AM

Scooter's first comment remided me of the differences between GOOD girls and NICE girls, lol... GOOD girls go home to bed...:( NICE girls go to bed then go home....:) The girl I want wants to go to bed....(and she wants to stay up all night making WOOPPIE) Toad

TimH

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	Send: 5/21/2004 5:57:30 PM

My Mum used to tell me "Son if you are not tucked up in bed by 11pm, come home" ;o)) The difference between a woman and lady, "A woman will show you her knickers, a lady will help you remove them" ;o)

idiotdetector

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	Send: 5/24/2004 5:28:55 AM

What is the problem here scooter. This girl is the reason you are going, if you want to shop around why did you write to anyone, you could have just gone on a tour. Let her stay with you and if it does not work out, tell her to go and then visit an agency to meet othewr girls. I would think that we all go hopeing thing go well with the girl we are corresponding with. If things do go well these other so called problems will fade away.

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