I placed a personal on a LOCAL website. I've gotten a message from this girl in Tomsk, Siberia who says she loves me, wants kids, etc.
I just came off a divorce and (admittedly) am still vulnerable. What is your experiences with these women? I swore I would not get involved too fast with anyone but I feel overwhelmed by these e-mails. She has e-mailed pictures of herself (very attractive). Is it possible she is e-mailing 20 different guys? I don't know what to think.
listen sling, this stinks of scammer to me. genuine girls get to know you, email you, talk to you on the phone and maybe then you meet. If all is well, maybe you fall in love just like in the real world where you spend the reast of you life I hope. You do not fall in love with letters or photos, although some photos are hared to resist. I could right forever about this but others will say something I am sure. One very good peice of advice to finish and I know some will disagree. Send no money to any girl you have never meet face to face, it is just plain stupid. she got by before she contacted you and I am sure she will continue to get by.
You will find all types of women here, just like I am sure you would find in your place of residence. Besides, you said it; you just came out of a divorce. Donít you think you should have a little fun before you go out with a psycho girl who wants to marry you already? She may be for real, or maybe the cold got to her. But, do you really want to get hitched right now? It is tough, you are probably feeling very lonely, and you may be thinking if you do not take this girl, you will miss the boat; but relax. And if in fact you want to get married, just be patient and get to know her better.
I agree with Dax. I took a year off from women after my divorce in 1999. I regressed to my 20s and had a lot of fun and travelled. It gives you time to depart from the damage and baggage of a divorce. Being relatively new to this here, I have found a wealth of information from the people here along with some great comedy relief.
I have received similar emails like you but have brushed them off. I got into another relationship with an American woman in 2002 and it didnt work out. Not her fault, I am a real tradional about family and my views are very conservative and that doesnt work with a lot of women I meet here in the States. I have been in contact with a real sweet lady from the Ukraine. She shares a lot of similar values that I have. Since then I have been paying close attention to Ptichkas posts. She has given me a lot of insight on women in the Ukraine. Ive never personally thanked her for her insight but I will now and she has helped me with the cultural differences I have with the lady Im communicating with now. The people here have given great information that has helped me. Sometimes their humor is coarse and edgy but no malice is really intended so dont take to much here personal. There are thousands of great posts her with information on about anything you want to know, just use the search and you can find it. Good luck my friend and happy hunting.
If without even knowing you, she states she knows you or knows she can make you happy; I would state she is likely either a scammer OR desperate.
In either case, run!
I also agree with Dax and Nasfan. Get used to living by yourself, and remember why you want to be with someone. It should be because you really want to, and not that you feel you need to be with someone (even if it's anyone). If you can't be a whole person by yourself, you can't be a whole person with another.
And Scott there may be another variant, that girl may just have fun, meaning that she is not interested really in finding the man for herself, and just doing that because she is either bored, or just wanted to try herself in this thing, to see the reaction, and to try to find out what can be done and what can't be done.
Thank you nasfan6 for the kind words to me, I'm very glad that my posts were able to help you to understand people from Ukraine in general and what most important your girl:) I will stay here to help you and others in their search:) it's a pleasure for me to help you:)
sling luckily or not but I've never beed married and I don't know how it feels after the divorce, but I guess that having some time for yourself will be a good thing:) Both in having rest, and maybe understanding yourself more:)
Sling- I remember when I was first divorced. Being alone sucked to high heaven. So I jumped on the first relationship that came my way. I spent 5 years with a woman, I usually wouldn't of given the time of day to. It was a painful lesson leaving me feeling even more lonely and isolated. Take everybodys advice and take it slow.
Like the others said; any gal who said she loved you that quick is dangerous to you and your current emotional state. Beware!
"...I took a year off from women after my divorce in 1999..."
"...I remember when I was first divorced. I jumped on the first relationship that came my way..."
PAY ATTENTION, MATE!!!!!
The copy-pasted lines above are not cliches or nonsense advice.
It is the truth of a divorcee's mental state after going through it. You're no different.
You, whether you like it or not, are going through exactly the same process.
Every single one of us who dealt with divorce have had to go through the same thing.
I had enough good friends around me to warn me about the tendencies new divorcees have to leech up to the first person that comes along before, during or after the final divorce papers are drawn.
Unlike Ensata and Nas, after divorce I realized that to get over over the ordeal, I had to get in touch with my "inner a..hole" and proceeded to screw like a rabbit every single available female and their younger/older/twin sister.
The hardest, but healthiest way to come out of divorce is doing what you must do so tomorrow morning you can look in the mirror and start liking yourself a little bit more than you did this morning...whether it means to lose weight, make more money, exercise more, spend more time with your kids/friends/family, get laid more often,etc etc etc.... or a balanced combination of all of the above.
Announcing to the world (and to yourself) that you are 'vulnerable' is useless, detrimental and counterproductive.
Despite how well each of us may wish you in this search, NONE OF US CARES HOW YOU FEEL, WE ONLY CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU DO DO.
Because it is your ACTIONS, not your feelings, that will build your confidence and earn you the respect you seek from your peers and the women you want to attract.
Men need to DO good to feel good.
Women need to FEEL good to do good.
Your woman in question maybe a scammer or not, but you'll be scamming yourself from the get go if you don't get your mental crap in order before jumping into the game again.
You make some excellent points. My situation was because of being bitter. I had a real animosity towards women in general because of the screwing I took in court. I too had to find myself, even if it took being adolescent again. It may have been immature, but damn it was some of the most fun Ive had in 15 years. I also had some excellent friends around me at the time. They even put up with some of my crap. My friends were my safety net and also the ones that told me okay you had your fun time to grow up again. I just did it so I would be bitter toward the female gender as a whole, it wasnt all the other womens fault for my divorce.
Sling take some time for yourself. You can live alone and not be lonely my friend. Ive been there. Yeah it sucked in the begining, but each day got better.
Ptichka, you are very welcome dear. I truly do appreciate your posts. Im looking forward to a trip to Mariupol in November. My new job has postponed me from making a trip sooner.
Its good to see the forums back to normal again. We still need to be ball busters once in a while.
Great points. I am about a year out from my divorce. I cant tell you how on the mark the comments GLTALLTOAD made really are. I have remodled my home, gone on an intense weight lifting regement 3 days a week for an hour. Ive changed almost every aspect of my life.... and I have avoided getting "serious" with ANY woman. Your emotions are raw for a while so its wise to resist the rebound syndrome.
If you take a BIG step back and ask yourself what WOMAN would fall in love with you if you have never met? That just isnt how women are. IMHO the more they profess to love you or dwell on sex the more likely it is you are being set up for a scam job. Women have to feel safe, comfortable and have an emotional connection to want to have sex with a man. A guy needs just a woman who is attractive enough to meet his personal standard.
If she is telling you how much she loves you and you havent meet you are almost certainly getting into something you will regret later
I did the similar thing also with working out and weightlifting. Im still remodeling my home. I think its therapy for a guy to work with his hands and physically remove frustration from his system. Adrenaline has a way of clearing ones mind.
I will disagree on one part. I dont think all guys need a woman who is attractive. I dont know what your defination might be, but I personally will take an average looking woman with brains over a goddess that rattles when she walks.
Sling I think dreamerzz has a good point to help you for now. I subscribe to FitnessRx magazine. A lot of great stuff for the physical and mental health of men. Exercise is a great release for
frustration and also after a few months you see the work pay off and your self confidence rises. I was pretty much a lard ass at 6ft 2in and 245 lbs, but with simple diet change and working out Im down to 211 and that was in four months. I only weigh 11 lbs more that I did in high school playing football. I guess what we are saying is find a diversion for now and dont get sucked into the first woman that winks her eye at you. Youll know when its right, because youll know when your right in the head.
Hang in there chief tomorrows another day and it gets better.
Yeah, I'm thinking that this isn't a good idea. I've not sent her any money (nor have I ever told her in my e-mails that I would ever be anything more than an occasional pen-pal) yet she keeps sending me these loooooooooooong e-mails.
One thing that bothers me is that she never answers questions about Russia (I have many), her culture, etc. She only wants to tell me how close she feels to me and how much she wants kids.
dreamerzz35, nasfan6 the weight training thing must be a fad! and good post divorce therapy. I have had a great time working out as well. Anyone here use NO - Nitric Acid supplement (I started NO2), it's supposed to be safe, quick and give great results) I have made good strides without it, and wil give it a month try.
sling438, I think the guys give good advise above (although the rabbit pro-creational activity is not for me). I have hear a number of times that cutting lose in this way is cathartic, and re-orienting. For me I simply asked myself if I would be content with a future spouce who also did the rabbit thing after her divorce. If you have no problem with a highly sexually active woman when she was divorced than go for it. If you would want a woman with a more modest style, than be more modest. (This was my rational anyhow).
sling438, regarding how long to wait before a new relationship, the above advice is good. Although everyone is different in the timing. How long have you been seperated then divorced for? Important factors include how tumultous and emotional your divorce was, how are you coping now, are you looking for a crutch or are you really ready for a new relationship, and how about your kids? In my situation my x-swine had left me emotionally and was rarely home for a long time before she actually left for good. It was of course hard, but I was prepared for it and had little anger. I was not looking for someone right away.
Why don't you forget the above mentioned woman. Start fresh with a bunch of correspondances with Fiance.com gals. Take your time, be honest with them, keep your antennas up for non-legit women, and ask all the questions and read all you can here. The forum and guys here have been an inspiration, a corrective, informative and fun.
It may sound like endorsing, but after having used free weights for most of my adult life, a month ago I gave up and bought a Bowflex. and all that I have to say is if you want to look good, that machine kicks ass once you get used to it. It is good to feel good about your self-esteem; and it makes you a lot less vulnerable. It is my belief that women can easily read guys with low self-esteem, and they usually take advantage of them. But also remember, it is not all about looks. Looks fade away, and in the end all is left is the person.
I may have to try Bowflex, I've used Soloflex in the past but I don't seem to get the same burn as I do with free weights. I'm still kind of old school. I also agree looks fade away, but your health still benefits from it.
ensata, it wasn't a fad for me, I just got tired of being a lard ass and lacking energy at the end of the day. Also the myth of the six pack abs. If it isn't in your genetic displacement, forget about it, it's not going to happen. It's not in mine. I also haven't tried any type of supplements.
Maybe we should all get together and start a new thread, divorce and excerise for the divorced male. The head and health benefits.
Okay, guys. I'd been licking my post divorce wounds for nearly 7 years, when I came across a young lady in Belarus (through an agency). She was shy, quiet, and good looking. i spent the next two years writing, emailing, phoning, and travelling to see her and getting her here to see me. In May this year she treated me like s**t when I went to visit her. She wouldn't tell me why. When I got home I found her on a website advertising itself as a sex and swingers site. Well I hope someone is getting it, because I sure didn't!!!! Actually, one lady with whom I'm friendly says that Russian (I use that as a generalisation) women don't know what a gentleman is, and cannot understand it when you treat them as a lady. I quote "Probably they have not understood your gentlemanly behaviour...our men no nothing of kindness and care. Such treatment from our men made me decide to search for a husband for me in another country." BEWARE!!!!!!
I have found that the women on Fiance.com are thinking women, they are curious about our customs and behaviour - they want foreign husband - but they are trying very hard to appreciate how things are done correctly in the West (I mean UK) before making any decisins. Get a thinker, not a raver!!!