"......And what is the problem with the woman working??? Well personally I, find sitting at home and doing just the things about the house a boring thing actually......"
Pitchka, Pitchka Pitchka....
I doubt any of the men here want to find, love, marry, finance and support a woman intent on developing her personality via having and independent social life and/or career.
Those goals are in direct and complete contradiction to those who want a family, children and the joys of family life and the "team" work it takes to make a success out of it.
You're young and still seeking to develop "your personality".
I understand that. it's perfectly reasonable.
Please understand most of us want a woman who not only has one already, but one with values that are compatible with ours.
Toad, I think that it's possible to combine having and enjoying the family life, having children, and developing oneself...only one should want that, and I realize that if a person wants something then he will do anything to achieve that, right???:)
Really, try to see do you think that it would be enough for a woman to do the things about the house, care about children, her husband and not even meeting with her friends, friends with whom she can chat about anything...I think that it's not correct to make the woman leave everything for the family life. I mean I realize that when a woman wants to get married with a foreigner she leaves her country and everything there. But in her new mother land she can make friends, right??:) And I still think that a woman should have the opportunity to meet with her friends at least, what do you think??:)
There are two choices to be made by FSU that comes here. Work or don't work. Many want to start a family and maybe later they would choose to work. I personally think that if a woman wants children, she should raise them herself instead of working and sending them to a daycare center. If a woman wants to just work, I see no problem in that also. Like many others have stated earlier,here, it will be her choice as to what she to do. Also many women have been working for awhile and simply would enjoy taking care of the house though that's another job in itself. A woman that has educated herself in college such as Ptichka would be wasting her education if she does not seek employment. She is trying to better herself and at her age has plenty of time to have children later if she chooses. Yes, she is young but is smart enough to know what she wants.
I do like Pitchka, whether I agree with her limited knowledge of family life or not.
But I never agree with anyone just because I may like them...even a LOT, lol.
NO, I do not believe it's possible to combine everything.
If a woman wants a career, she seeks a level of independence that makes me think: "why is the world does she want to be married and have kids?"
You cannot do both (carrer and family) and still perform efficiently at either of them.
You may find a large number of men willing to share their lives under those circumstances. I am not one of them.
Earlier in the thread that Olga started about what men want for their ideal woman, I listed about a dozen reasons that cause the vast amount of divorces in the US.
One of the most populars ones given by men who are divorced or in the process is that their wives paid more attention to outsiders, and followed the advice of their friends or people outside the family than they did to their husbands...and in many cases the woman's outside relationships with those people were direct causes for the marriage break-up.
You need to define what is more important...your friends or your marriage to your husband. And exactly how much you are going to allow those outsiders to influence you or to interfere with your responsibilities to your husband, home and family.
Otherwise you'll become another divorce statistic.
:) I know many many examples here when 2 parents worked all the time and raised many good children. And they didn't get divorced. My parents are living together for 25 years already and they both worked all the time, and they never came up to the line of divorce. And I know many of their friends.
So if I'm correct you say that a woman should choose...and do you allow even some degree of meeting with friends??? Or do you say that a woman should see her husband and her children and nobody else??:) Funny for me:) My mom at first did concentrate on the family and didn't communicate with friends at all...that caused to a very bad period in the life of my family, but when she returned to communicating with friends, going out without my father sometimes...everything became great!!:)
I never said or implied a wife or a husband should not have friends. Although it usually works best if both have common friends who are 'friends of the marriage' not just the individual.
That's why many friendships die after a person marries. Nothing worng with that. Just the evolution of the social species, as I call it.
My exact words were:
"....You need to define what is more important...your friends or your marriage to your husband. And exactly how much you are going to allow those outsiders to influence you or to interfere with your responsibilities to your husband, home and family.
Otherwise you'll become another divorce statistic...."
Also, I'm glad you have parents that managed to work and take care of their family.
However, I know the environment my future wife will become part of and the conflicts this situation brings to a marriage.
If I have future children, my wife will raise them, not a daycare center or a nanny.
Any woman willing to have children with me should also be willing to do the work to raise them. That means staying home to provide for them until they graduate from High School, at least.
No part-time job.
If my future wife wants any of these things she should not want to have children.
Thunder&nas, thanks for your long essays! It seems to me I'm dealing here with Pulitzer Prize winners. You certainly deserve Literature Awards for fiction&nonfiction.
Sanch, those beliefs don't apply to the vast majority of women and men of the FSU&the States.
Do the they apply to you?
if you prefer a Nebula Award winner - read Larry Niven.
What applies to Sanch is a mystery, but Gnomes and Herrings from the Red Sea don't. I think he's a Lumberjack chopping away in some Finnish forest, equipped with a Nokia headset whilst operating his Husqvarna chainsaw, and he saves for a Volvo.
Piticka, in some degree if agree with Toad. One of the problems with modern western culture is the working mother, or the super mum. It puts a lot of pressure on the relationship and it realy dose tend to push people into having individual friends. Friends are good of coasre but it is one reason not to spend time together and people can drift apart. In my opinion, a mother should stay home at least untill all children start atending school, it free daycare in a way and hopefully a woman can get some part time work at first and develope from there. Small children realy do need there mother, it is very impotant I think.
I would permanently delete anyone from ours lives that would ever dare to refer to my future wife in such derogatory manner.
You're obviously not even aware that in some countries, some men and women still believe that the role of housewife is one of prestige, merit and deserving of the outmost cherishing on the part of the husband.
Toad, I wonder if you are able to cherish somebody after all that really derogatory stuff you wrote about "Kleenex". Are you already planning to get rid of her in couple of years? Look at all those models!
I get sick to my stomach every day. The graduates our school system is putting out are illiterate as far as I am concerned. I'm not really an English teacher. My father was, but it was really drilled into me and has altered my DNA. I proofread everything unconsciously.
Now let's move onto my degree: psychology. Now what do you think I think about the intellectual posts?