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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > Divorced .....One Child Author Post geriatrix Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/10/2004 11:22:31 PM   Divorced .....One Child seems to be the 'norm' (apart from the girls in their early twenties). I am still trying to figure out all the ramifications. (One smart alec remark: 'Been there, done that, but want to try again', probably does not cover the whole truth). QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/11/2004 12:31:22 AM   Ramifications? You get a great woman, that you may not otherwise have been able to attract, who, because of her desire to provide a future for the child , is motivated to go that extra mile to ensure the success of the marriage. Yet, taking on a child, solely for the love of the mother, is no guarantee that the child will love you, be content with its new environment and not experience an adjustment reaction. The wisdom of Solomon and patience of a Saint may be required!! All the problems that can happen when taking on another man's child can be magnified when adding language and cultural differences. I recently read a post from one FSU lady who is suffering greatly. Her husband changed once they were on American soil. He now 'hated' her daughter, aged 18, who is on anti-depressants... and is trying to drive the child away. He is unrealistic to believe the mother will abandon her daughter. Why this happened is speculation. The point is... Think this through carefully. Do you have the will, the emotional resources and strength of character to take on another man's child? QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/11/2004 1:45:17 AM   Must add.. if you do, then it could be a marriage (and family) made in heaven. Since I love children, I, for one, think its worth the effort. Dale E Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/11/2004 2:12:39 AM   I happen to agree with you also QC. I, myself , have no problems with a woman that has a child. two children is another matter though. I tend to believe that any woman would expect to have their child college educated and two would be impossible for someone as I who earns a meagerly wage. idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/11/2004 4:01:40 AM   QC-You get a great woman, that you may not otherwise have been able to attract, who, because of her desire to provide a future for the child , is motivated to go that extra mile to ensure the success of the marriage. On the other hand you may attract her (a pretty girl) for the wrong reasons. She wants out of Russia. Get her home and in time she relises she can do better. Thats not always true but something to consider. If the child is young you should have no problem winning there love, but its no guarentee that the mother will love you 100% for the treatment you give her child. I know, I have been though it but I am sure there are good mothers around but I do not think it is a good way to get a prettier girl jmoluv Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/11/2004 4:20:20 AM   dale, my ukrainian lady in kyiv is loaded with old proverbs and sayings. she said once walking down Kreschatyk strt. to me that two wonderful children is much better than one terrible child. LOL, they have a way of coining frases over there. idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/11/2004 4:24:35 AM   what about 2 terriable children jmo? Dale E Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/11/2004 4:28:39 AM   Simple arithmetic ID, it would be better to have four wonderful children than two terrible children! LOL! idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/11/2004 4:30:28 AM   still, what dose the proverb realy mean if you do not know the children idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/11/2004 4:31:54 AM   its a nice thought but all children can be terrable at times :o) QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/11/2004 5:13:37 AM   You have a point ID and I have been there too. :-( There are no guarantees and many factors in choosing a suitable life partner. Not just a pretty face and not only love... which in some cultures is considered a stupid reason to marry! For me, the woman's desire for material security is an acknowledged part of the 'contract' and I have no problem with it. Some people here seem to think that analyzing a mate's suitability, to the nth degree will ensure a sound union. If it was simply a matter of reason and logic it would be a walk in the park but life's not like that. When you've got some angel's legs wrapped around your neck, how many men's brains turn to mush?? Ideally, the intellect moderates the emotions and saves us from our own swirling juices but let's face it... when cupid's arrow strikes.. we are helpless. I know many women who would give their eye teeth to experience a moment of romantic love. It isn't all cynicism. Thank God! idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/11/2004 5:32:36 AM   well qc I just thought it worth a mention as you seemed to indicate that you could get a woman that you could not normally attract this way. I guessed you ment better looking and I thought that it was a bad line of thought, but your last post is more agreeable to me GEMACH Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/11/2004 10:50:00 AM   You all may think I am stupied, but I am sure to adopt the child of my love on the occasion of our marriage. Although I know about the risks, it is in my opinion the only way to start a stable future for all members of the new family. In my eyes it is impossible to marry the mother and leave her child besides. Not to think about all the over troubles of such a decision ... QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/11/2004 11:38:29 AM   Stupid? Yes. In assuming that everyone would think you stupid. I can hear the doom-mongers now... divorce... child support... conflict with the father... blah, blah. The pessimist is right.. from HIS standpoint. The optimist, too, is right, from HIS standpoint. They are both right. But who is happier? As you say...you know the risks. Then it's your decision. I would adopt too. GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/11/2004 8:10:16 PM   As for my not so humble opinion....:) A woman in her early 30s with one child age 12 or older (preferably a boy) is the optimum ideal situation for moi. I laready raised one daughter and a son. Don't have the stomach to dea lwith any more gallopping "puberty female hormone attacks". A teenager or even a preteen only has a hadnful of High School years to go through. Most teenagers grwoing up in US develop their own social life, drive and work long before they graduate from HS, which gradually teaches and enocurages them to live independently from parent at an earlier age than in any other country. college education costs and ways to pay for it should be discussed and or provided long before either of you fall in love (more prenup fuel, lol) For many of us who already have lived with or raised children as a single parent the idea of 'cutting more umbilical cords" and spend a couple of years watching or helping change diapers simple STINKS...(pun intended) On the other hand, the potential, though imperfect option of 'instant family lifestyle' with what would be considered definite term limits is a most welcome situation. I understand why ID sounds somewhat bitter to the idea. His experience did not work out all that well. But everyone will experience something different. Just be careful and evaluate all your options before letting your heart, or worse, your dick lead you t osign on the dotted line. toad jmoluv Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/11/2004 9:53:00 PM   toad, what if you married a woman with a 12 year old and he or she loved you and your house so much they dont want to leave the nest!!!! idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/12/2004 6:50:14 AM   glad, I am not bitter on the idea for everyone. Just if someone is thinking about it, they should hear cons as well as pros I think. If every one just posted good news her we would all go off to be scammed. Information should be about both possabilities but I still think saying you can get a prettier girl with a child is a mistake jetmba. Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/12/2004 7:31:09 AM   Women with children are off my radar screen. It might sound bad but thats the way it is. Similarly women who cannot speak English are off the screen too. I look at it this way. The FSU is like a big apple tree with millions of beautiful apples to choose from. Wit all of them to choose from - why should I look for a green one or one with holes? Neonred Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/12/2004 8:30:01 AM   I'm with Toad on this one. My own kids are just starting college now, and I am NOT about to start over with the diapers and all that goes with it. I figure there aren't many women that won't eventually want children so I looked for ladies that already had a child, preferably a teenager. Worked for me. jetmba. Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/12/2004 8:36:16 AM   My children are grown - they are ages 20 and 27 both. Money was tight back then as it tends to be when you are already married and a father at 19. My ex and I both alternated between attending college and working to put food on the table. We figured that the ONLY way to get ahead was with that sheepskin. It may or may not have been the right thing to do. Times are diFferent now. I am willing to have children again and to do all the things we missed the first time around. That is why I have the opinion that I have. Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > Divorced .....One Child
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