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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > Are Russian men so Bad? Author Post durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/6/2010 12:03:22 PM   Websites, agencies, and many of the Russian-speaking women themselves tell stories about the unsatisfactory behavior of Russian (also Ukrainian, etc.) men as husbands. The leading complaints are alcoholism and infidelity. I will add to this list, abandonment after baby arrives: I personally have heard this from several women; it happens so often, that there is even an expression for this that translates to "crisis of the firstborn." These stories are important, because they are one answer to the question, "why is she willing to consider married life to a foreign man, in a foreign land?" And those answers are important, because we wonder whether the main motivation could be economic/lifestyle (which could leave us as discarded stepping-stones on the way to her life in some land of milk and honey). In this forum, the men sometimes debate whether such stories about Russian men are accurate, with us foreign men taking positions on both sides: some say the story is true, others that it is a myth, or greatly exaggerated. There's a related story about Russian men, that those who make the best husbands marry young and stay married, and that because of this women who are single or divorced past their mid to late 20s have dim and fading prospects for finding a GOOD husband. When we discuss such topics, I usually say, it doesn't much matter what the objective truth is -- what matters is WHAT WOMEN BELIEVE. Because even if these beliefs are mistaken, they will guide women's thinking and choices. I just found an article, about the casual attitude of Russian men toward adultery (THEIR adultery of course, not necessarily their wives'): http://www.slate.com/id/2276071 As usual, remove any spaces that may show in the web address. If you take time to read the comments from Russians and foreigners who live or have lived in Russia, you will see that they range from general agreement to strong criticism. Making generalizations about millions of people is a sloppy business! The author, Julia Ioffe, is a Russian-born author and blogger who lives in Moscow. Some have accused her of being anti-Russian (whatever that means). But an interesting picture I got from the article, and one this is confirmed by at least some of the commenters: those Russian husbands who have mistresses, rather than being ashamed or secretive about it, are quite open, and not at all bothered that their wives know their infidelity. More than that: philandering not only lacks stigma, it is actually a badge of male status! According to this picture, a man with ONLY a wife but no mistress is less than successful. One commenter tells of a man she knows who is faithful to his wife, and worries that men look down upon him for it. Savvy69 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/6/2010 12:35:37 PM   I want to move to Russia :) Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/6/2010 5:54:57 PM   now, I have to comment on this. when I questioned my wife - then just getting to know her 2 yrs ago - why she would consider being with a foreigner, she spouted at length WHAT IS WRONG WITH RUSSIAN MEN. one thing she did say is, "I could be the "GOOD RUSSIAN WIFE" and stay at home while my husband is out with other women. But I do not want this." She also talked about hiring contractors to do work. she would pay them and, "They get drunk and never come back to finish job." She was adamant about the fact that Russian men did not care about their wives as friends, lovers or whatever. The fact is that a wife is someone to cook, clean the house and stay at home while the men do whatever they please (not always 100% true - her sister had a good man). I'm sure there will be many responses defending the russian men. But to hear her talk about it then, I knew she was not kidding. And I'll say this. Thank goodness for that. Because I am with the most incredible woman ever. No American woman I was ever with or met compares to her!!! THAT'S A FACT JACK! Oh, by the way, my wife is not anti-Russian. She is very proud of her heritage and often compares our society to hers - hers is usually better. beemer18 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/6/2010 7:05:39 PM   @Durak, while my experiences are far more about Ukrainian girls myths/facts about their men, there are some similarities...where they come from is another topic....maybe from the agencies/internet sites. Many girls I meet from marriage sites have same aspect about men from their country, drink too much, spend much time with friends, don't work enough and adultery. I get a different response from girls NOT on marriage sites/agencies. They are just curious about foreigners, most speak little english and are just looking for a partner and have no problem having kids without marriage. Definately never thought of leaving their country and most likely never will. There is something that makes them unhappy......it is their husbands fooling around with younger women and this is much more prevelent with successful guys. Seems many girls want things such as clothes, jewelery, phones, cosmetics and get these from married guys or the foolish foreigners. There is NO way they can afford such things, if anyone ever thought about this. I was surprised about how many girls still stay in marriage knowing hubby is fooling around....almost like it is a given. Of the millions of girls in FSU ......maybe a few thousand leave for marriage, does this mean the bulk of women don't think their men are so bad?? @Ralph.....ever think your women has a self esteem problem? Open minded people that are accepting of new things as opposed to ones that put down things to make themselves look better? I knew of such a girl in odessa...she considered herself russian....living in ukraine. Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/6/2010 7:15:41 PM   (she considered herself russian....living in ukraine.) Beemer, So many living in Ukraine, and the other countries, are actually Russian by birth/hereditary, under the USSR Russians etc. were free to move between these different countries and come the end of the USSR it was, kind of, 'check mate' ... where the pieces fall! beemer18 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/6/2010 7:29:54 PM   yes I know Ivor...but this girl's ancesters have always been in southern ukraine area. She is just pro-russian. beemer18 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/6/2010 7:31:39 PM   In fact, her great-great grandfather owned much land and a castle that was taken from him by the russian government. Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/6/2010 7:43:40 PM   Sorry Beemer, A tad busy at the moment enjoying the Poms thrashing the Aussies in 'The Ashes' at the moment whilst sitting here in minus 4 degrees freezing fog conditions! lonelyranger1701 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/7/2010 1:27:13 AM   Hi guys,,, how can you reply to each other with only a few minutes in between post??? Mine take 2 days or more to be approved?? Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/7/2010 5:51:27 AM   beemer, my 'gf' has no esteem problems. in fact quite the opposite. but she is just a regular gal. FSULover Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/7/2010 7:26:17 AM   I asked my wife: am I different from Russian men? She said: "Yes! Very different!" But she did not want to specify in which way, or whether better or worse. One thing though, she wants to be with me. However, we have had conversations about this before and she swears that there are plenty of "good" Russian men available, whatever good means for her. I personally do not believe the bad stories about Russian men. In fact, I know many cases that are completely the opposite. We, foreigners, are just another option for a lonely woman. Sad to admit that many times we are not a very good option either, if you look at the bulk of men looking for love abroad. One woman writer I once read called these men (looking for love abroad - myself included) MISFITS! Make your own conclusion! baron555 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/7/2010 9:15:53 AM   One really needs to classify the women into three categories: (Note: This is not set in stone, there are exceptions.) 1. Young (20-30) single women 2. 30-40 single women 3. Women with child(ren) Group one have everything and most likely will not be interested in leaving their country. Group two may yield an interested woman since she has direct competition for local men from group one. These may consider leaving but most do not. Group three will have the highest that will consider leaving; most local men do not want to be burdened with the problems of the child and in fact might be a reason that they left their local woman in the first place. bowhunter Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/7/2010 9:50:03 AM   An interesting thread for sure. Here is some thing I have seen in a few places. When a woman finds a new husband the children from the previous marriage or relationship are sent to live with family. I wonder how common this is. Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/7/2010 1:06:06 PM   why are so many coming to the defense of russian men regarding their treatment of women? WHO CARES WHY A RUSSIAN LADY MIGHT CONSIDER MARRYING A FOREIGNER? JUST BE GLAD ABOUT IT. assuming of course it's for the right reasons. and let's just assume that russian women do have ill feelings (in general) toward the local men. HOORAY FOR US! sure there are bad apples everywhere. but the fact that it is even discussed or debated means there is something behind it. or, as I am sure someone will point out, it is a myth created by the dating agencies to give american men a false sense of value to these women. thereby cashing in on the thousands of lonely hearts thinking it is a slam dunk to find a woman and have her pack up and come to be with them. there are just as many gold diggers in the us of a as anywhere. the feminist movement brain washed these women into thinking they don't need a man for anything - except of course unless he is loaded. as un-politically correct as it is, I smile to myself when my wife openly displays her disgust when two men or two women flaunt their alternative lifestyle in public. and she sure damn well does not want to share me with other women. this I know she would not tolerate. she would most likely pull a Lorena Bobbit on me for sure. hmmmmmm? I wonder, L-O-R-E-N-A, has a Russian sound to it. I wonder if she was a Russian gal. ??? bowhunter Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/7/2010 1:48:34 PM   it makes for good reading and entertainment Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/7/2010 2:22:25 PM   as does most of what's posted on this forum. any news on the K-1 front? ragingbull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/7/2010 3:27:50 PM   The Ukrainian man on the train was chivalrous to his wife, saying things like, "Anything for you, my dear." I thought about it afterwards and the woman knew almost no English. The man said that for my benefit, to show that Ukrainian men do love their wives. bowhunter Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/7/2010 5:33:49 PM   well at this time of year it takes a while, I don't expect to hear anything until March or April. Mini Cooper Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/7/2010 7:24:35 PM   Bow hunter if you sent your K-1 application to the California service center then you should receive a response in five months from the time they received it. I just received my approval notice from them; it took 5 monts and 1 week. lonelyranger1701 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/8/2010 2:19:06 AM   I don’t think there is any doubt, that their men; cheat, abuse, abandon , and drink, more than men from other countries! But,, is this the driving force behind all of the women joining the marriage agencies?? I don’t think so??!!!! And the reason I say this is; Why aren’t the women a little more serious in their correspondence and meetings?? If their men are so bad,,, why aren’t they a little more eager to meet someone?? I have wrote to many women on several sites, and they all want to meet us, but when it is time to show up at the airport, or at the hotel, or restaurant, 30 to 40% are a no show!! The agency will always say; that the girl is sick!! What else can they say?? She is in the mountains with her lover??!! How many days would I stay in that city?? None!!! The women that I went to meet, were from the ages of 22 to 30,, at the time. None were serious, some I had wrote to for a year, and when we did finally meet, one didn’t know my name!!??!! Others didn’t know simple things about me, like; my age, my siblings, my work, are my parents still alive???? I went to Nikolaev to meet the 30 year old lady,, I almost didn’t go to meet her! She was so,,,, conservative in her letters. I told a very mild joke in one letter,,,, wow, did she ever blow up!! I started to think of her as more of a nun, than a foreign bride!! She was waiting for me at her agency???? I wasn’t sure it was her,,,,,, she showed up!! ,,,, before me???? She was very, very happy to meet me too!!! On the way out of the building,, she told me about her fantasy, wanting to have a “threesome” with a man and another woman!! You just can’t depend on those darn nuns!! Lol At the dinner table we were having a nice conversation,, when she stands up suddenly!! She looks at me in disbelief and says; You’re serious?? Yes, I said! She says again; You’re serious???? Yeah! I reply! She grabs her drink and slams it,,, then sits down! She then told me about all of the men who came to meet her, before me,,, how all of them were only interested in: Fun and games!! (she was very happy to meet me) She then talked about how at her age (30) she thought of herself as being; (un-marry-able)! I told her, that I thought that was silly, and how in the US, women are actually marrying men younger than themselves!! She’s really starting to like me,,, but, the girl is not a good drinker!! After two drinks, I’m holding her up,,, she ordered eight that night! She is very fascinated with my back pocket,,,, and between my fronts pockets!! From 8:30pm to 2:30 am,,, I felt very much like a Yo-Yo!!! I was ready to leave long before 2:30,,,,,, (with or without her) but I could not get her to leave! I considered putting her over my shoulder and carrying her back to the hotel?? I wasn’t sure what the hotel staff might think,,,,,, I could not put her into a taxi in her condition! And I never abandoned a date yet! She literally drank herself out of consideration!! I could never bring her home. The question is;,,, was she that happy to find someone,,, or, just likes being in that club??!! (Storm) Out of all the women I went to meet, the one I have come to call; The Date From Hell!! Was the only one, that “might” have been serious!!??!! After several months,,,, I have not thought about her so harshly,,,, as it was the only fun on that trip!!! And No,,, I don’t have her number!! 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