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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > I'd like to know the truth Author Post Frank Vans Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 5:45:46 PM   Many men go to Porn sites because there are naked woman on the Internet and it is free. The man can look and fantasize about other woman’s bodies. Often it has nothing to do with their relationship with the woman they are with, but rather the man’s ability to fantasize. It is not about you as much as the man getting caught up in the porn and not being able to let it go. I believe your husband when he says he feels guilty afterwards, after all look how unhappy it makes you feel. It may be helpful to share the activity with him and therefore that may help him to end the secondary gains he is getting from sneaking around behind your back and being the “bad boy”. Try it and masturbate him while he is looking at the photos. I will bet that cooperation from you will lead to some wonderful sex between you both. Try reading erotic stories to him, which will allow his fantasy needs to be shared with you both. Move towards the middle by compromise instead of feeling rejected or shaming him. For many men this can be habit forming and your involvement will help break the habit. shaggy47435 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 6:00:50 PM   Housewife, you are doing things right. You seem to care for him very much. Try to support him and let him know you want to help and not hurt. I know it would be hard as I understand you view this as a form of cheating. This has been a debate for a long while. Many here seem to think that is not. I agree though if he is having such feelings of guild there is reason to be concerned but again if the material he is looking at is not out of the ordinary I would not give up yet by any means. There may be ways to reach him and he may be too shy or ashamed to fully express himself. I think the best thing you can do is try to see if you might be able to spice things up a little. Some times two people have those catch 22 feelings and it takes one to go a little farther and give a little more. If it continues you might look for other signs of addiction. Many people that do not want to envolve others in such is similar to other addictions. Sex, internet, drugs all work on the basic pleasure principal. Many are addicted to pleasue and reward just as much as chemical dependancy. For many sex or masturbation is a ready release and fulfills these needs to reward the brain just as gambling or food might do. I know it is religious in nature but there are many good groups and retreats that might help you guys to open your communication and refocus your marriage on each other and why you came together in the first place. Marriage Encounter is one and it is offered as a non denominational retreat that many have claimed to restart and revitalize there relationships. The push is communication and not religion. For worse cases there is something called www.retrouvaille.org. They are hard core about helping save marriages in a positive way. Again I wish you the best of luck. shaggy47435 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 6:07:50 PM   For some men too I think they idolize there love so much that some of there desires might not seem fitting to the own image they have of their partner. His shame might be in his desire to act in away he has thought would be offensive to you and wishes to keep you from these thoughts. It is these taboo and fantasy items that really drive some people. wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 6:20:51 PM   housewife, you've got some very good advice already in the above postings. The problem is psychological, maybe you should tell him to visit together a counselor. This thing sounds it is a habit, sort of an addiction and it's unlikely to go away just like talking to each other. You're right it is sort of cheating, maybe that's why he's feeling guilty. It is the nearest substitute to physically going with someone else. I think you should both visit a family consultant. In fact, even if you were not married, he should be seeing a specialist himself. There's a difference between occasionally browsing naked women's pictures and living off porn sites. What you should be worried is not so much his checking naked women bodies, but the addiction part and the guilt. wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 6:23:11 PM   Also, make sure what sites he visits. Is he in the very weird stuff ("obese women doing horses" - that was a good one) or he's just checking naked female bodies. If he's into child pornography ... you said you have kids, you should definitely convince him to see a family consultant and be very honest about it. Ptichka Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 6:23:27 PM   I heard such an idea, that men go to pornosites because there their sexual fantasies come true, those fantasies their wives deny to make true, I don't speak about triple sex or something like that, but some wives deny even oral sex...I don't tell that you Housewife are that woman, no! I hope that you're happy! But maybe your husband has some fantasies he is a little bit ashamed to share with you, maybe he wants to ask you to do something but is ashamed or afraid??? Maybe this is the problem??? I true hope that you will solve this problem and there won't be any bad things in your marriage!:) And you know...if he doesn't spend there much time, just a short look, I wouldn't worry. It is the same like looking on pretty girls on the street:) Like my boyfriend said "If I'm on a diet, I still can read the menu". And you also can go to pornosites with handsome men:) I would try that and then see te reaction:))) But maybe I'm too bad!:))) Housewife Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 7:01:51 PM   Thanks, Many good thoughts and many worrisome. Maybe I am a little overreacting. It’s not that easy to open your mind to EVERYTHING and incorporate it in your life especially when it’s against your believes. Ptichka Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 7:06:20 PM   Housewife, I hope that you will pick up all good thoughts and the peace in your family will be back again!:) And you know it's not that easy to speak about the situation, it's for me especially, not knowing your beliefs...I can speak about general cases...maybe I would pick something else.. But of course nobody can make you open them here...I just hope you will be happy again!:) shaggy47435 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 8:31:16 PM   We want to thank you housewife (and of course Ptichka as well) for sharing with us. Especially on such a delicate subject. Many people here I think assume that sex is more liberal there as it is in some european countries. Many will never know the many issues of our different cultures until they too are in those same situations. We honestly do appreciate your openess and hope we have helped in some way. Again the best bet is that you find a way to work it out together. Those are the best laid plans when they are shared between the two. spirittraveller Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 8:39:51 PM   Hi out there fine peoples!!My humble opinion: When things ain`t changing,they always stay the same until nature or time,like erosion,forces the change. Men are in rut,conquesting. The glow of a new romance-the"strange" is an alluring fresh start for a man who feels the spark is ebbing low. If it is true that a man needs sexual appreciation and a woman needs emotional intimacy,then there are ways to make the 2 different worlds come together. Be strange and different! Plan an activity or outing which provides new stimulus.Do something new to both of you. If you are unfamiliar with the stage activities--go see "Phantom of the Opera",or Handel`s "Messiah" Purposefully decide to agree to each persons activity wish-like it or not. He wants to bowl--go for it. She wants to watch " chick flicks"--do it! Go see Sponge Bob or whatever gets you alone and next to each other. Create a set time each day for a non-sexual physical encounter ( take turns massaging each other--if it turns into sex,all the better) Read the Playboy Forum together. Try out some sexy lingerie,or surprise the hell out of him by wearing a French Maid costume,or nurse outfit. Brandish a feather duster!! Experiment with flavors. Tell him in no small detail how you want him to please you,and that you love to pleasure him too. Here`s a different one--vent out verbally. This really works when done without malice,and ends up in great foreplay. Tell him he is a fuckerface, while you are tickling him,then laugh about it. Be original though,and avoid aggression. You might play slap or spank each others butts in the process. Remember some words really do hurt. If you are sensitive to your weight,you might not like being called a cattle cootchie,so remember to be creative,and witty with your responses. It really is a lot of fun,and in my experience,it helps defuse strained emotions especially,and makes light.Relations are too damned serious--lighten up! Enjoy each other. Play!! this is all in my humble opinion anyway. Hope it helps. spirittraveller Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 8:39:57 PM   Hi out there fine peoples!!My humble opinion: When things ain`t changing,they always stay the same until nature or time,like erosion,forces the change. Men are in rut,conquesting. The glow of a new romance-the"strange" is an alluring fresh start for a man who feels the spark is ebbing low. If it is true that a man needs sexual appreciation and a woman needs emotional intimacy,then there are ways to make the 2 different worlds come together. Be strange and different! Plan an activity or outing which provides new stimulus.Do something new to both of you. If you are unfamiliar with the stage activities--go see "Phantom of the Opera",or Handel`s "Messiah" Purposefully decide to agree to each persons activity wish-like it or not. He wants to bowl--go for it. She wants to watch " chick flicks"--do it! Go see Sponge Bob or whatever gets you alone and next to each other. Create a set time each day for a non-sexual physical encounter ( take turns massaging each other--if it turns into sex,all the better) Read the Playboy Forum together. Try out some sexy lingerie,or surprise the hell out of him by wearing a French Maid costume,or nurse outfit. Brandish a feather duster!! Experiment with flavors. Tell him in no small detail how you want him to please you,and that you love to pleasure him too. Here`s a different one--vent out verbally. This really works when done without malice,and ends up in great foreplay. Tell him he is a fuckerface, while you are tickling him,then laugh about it. Be original though,and avoid aggression. You might play slap or spank each others butts in the process. Remember some words really do hurt. If you are sensitive to your weight,you might not like being called a cattle cootchie,so remember to be creative,and witty with your responses. It really is a lot of fun,and in my experience,it helps defuse strained emotions especially,and makes light.Relations are too damned serious--lighten up! Enjoy each other. Play!! this is all in my humble opinion anyway. Hope it helps. wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 8:52:33 PM   That's good, practical advice spirittraveler. She needs to emphasize what you said about being original when trying to horny him up because let's be honest not every woman can be all things and if it's not in a woman's nature, if it doesn't come effortless, it's not going to be very effective. But, as you said, there's a million different things to try that she may be comfortable doing and she should know her husband's hot buttons more than anybody else. But, he has to be cooperative also, in all the discussions above the focus was what she might want to do, but he's got to make some effort also. GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 9:01:21 PM   Housewife, As you can see, everyone here is willing to help you through this dilemma...regardless of the variety and differences of opinions. I apologize to you if my initial comments sounded raw and dismissive, at first I thought you were another western woman complaining about her neglected husband. Once again I want to encourage you to do everything in your power to open up the communication with your husband and find a way for him to share exactly everything he does regarding his search and enjoyment of pornography. It will help you, because once you learn the details it will no longer seem like a big mysterious threat to your marriage, your needs and your feelings. It will help him because he will find acceptance and understanding from the woman he loves about something that is kinky, exciting but not approved of by most sanctimonious main streams in society. That's why most men do in private and do not share openly with anyone because it is not exactly a topic of conversation at the office of the dinner table. Imagine the improvement you can achieve to your relationship if you take the big step of letting him know you understand and trust his fantasy kinks will not develop into anything that will damage your family life. Have you asked him if his pronography search and enjoyment started recently. I suspect, however, he's been doing it for years, long before you met him. If so I think you'll have to learn to live with it. If he is forced to quit doing it to apease you, he will resent you for it. What is worse for you, the illness or the medicine? Men, this is one of those little tiny itsy bitsy but monumental things you MUST discuss with the women you want to marry. Grow some cojones, damn it instead of hiding the dirty laundry hoping she will not notice. Good luck, housewife....:) toad Housewife Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 10:16:39 PM   Thanks everyone I feel a little easier however some particular advises about what should be done are not easy to read from strangers. But it is definitely better than to boil my brain and grow monsters from tiny doubts. And I’d love to spice up our love life but as somebody has noticed it’s not the effortless thing due to different circumstances. It was not easy for me to make my post and I appreciate your support and help. But only future will show us our true colors. Bagira Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/15/2004 10:58:47 PM   Why do American variant of women magazine Cosmopolitan is actually porno journal for woman? May be all America is like this? Thunderdome Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/16/2004 3:53:16 AM   No Bagira, Penthouse is porn, Cosmo hardly. But the fact that they use the female shape as a luring object, and keep in mind that this mag is aimed at women(!), just goes to show that this practise works AND is accepted. It also is done across the globe, and salesfigures simply don't lie. And that means that there is nothing wrong with this principle, it is ingrained in just about any culture, it apparently even works for women - so I suppose it, in fact, is something 'natural', not worth arguing about unless you start pushing the boundaries of feminism. This you have a leniency for, but please refrain from expanding upon in this thread. Housewife, in all of the above there's a wealth of info, however keep one thing in mind: Predominantly males have responded here (sorry Birdie), and they involuntarily (I presume) are biased. Take Wtrav's opinion, a (sorry mate) surprising one at that: he says HE needs counseling! I don't think so Housewife, I think the both of you do. You mentioned that your sexlife was hardly thrilling, and inbetween the lines I seem to read this, and his surfing behaviour, is going on for quite some time already. Sex is the glue of a marriage, the better the stronger the bond, for it is the best strain-relief imaginable. If it lacks then yes, there's a problem in your marriage, and BOTH have to work on this. Not you pleasing him only by doing whatever is suggested, but he surely should give something as well. He won't give up his habit I tell you, and quite likely he also will not like you peeking over his shoulder. This for a variety of reasons I, an amateur, could tell you, but you (two!) better hear them from somebody who's trained & experienced in this. Talk to him, say what bothers you, make him understand you're unhappy with the current situation, and use the fact that he feels ashamed sometimes - which basically makes two of you. Then also mention that your sexlife was better earlier on (I bet it was?), and suggest you two go see a counsellor. Yeah, walk into his room blushing from ear to ear, but do it and spill the beans there. He's bound by professional confidentiality, don't for a second think you're an exception, and he will tell you all kinds of things you may never even have through of. Abstinence for instance, both of you, is sure to be suggested, in an aim to revitalize the relationship, basically an effort to rediscover the basics of your attraction. All what has been mentioned above touches this same thing, a re-start of a relationship which has for some reasons become a bit of a rut. Believe me this really has the potential of working also, especially when both love each other still. But both have to want to work on it, not one only, so start opening up to him, discuss what bothers you, and let him tell you what bothers him. See that specialist together, and also prepare yourself (both of you) for some individual sessions with him (or her). They are specialists Housewife, realize they make a living out of their job, you really are not the only one's. And a good luck wished from my side. Thunderdome Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/16/2004 4:12:52 AM   Sorry Wtrav, missed your 'together'. As said, you surprised me, but I think our opinions are alike here. wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/16/2004 8:35:19 AM   Hey Thunderdome, your points are always well thought and welcome even if they are different :) Bagira, you have a lot of bitterness in your words all along about western men. You never elaborated on the experiences that caused you pain. Maybe if you would be willing to discuss your story on this anonymous forum, we could understand your side better. Many American women are extremely pretentious (especially the feminists) and I'm not trying to take a brush and paint all women because there are many exceptions as well, but mostly you will find a lot of hypocricy. You will also find a lot of misery, a lot of denial of what a woman's nature truly is. Seemingly American women are emancipated and independent, but in essence all they have accomplished is to force a competitive relationship with the other sex that spans from the workplace to the family dinner table and they have put themselves in a cycle where in order to compete with men, they have to look and act more like men. I don't need to tell you that this process results in unhappy people from both sexes, unhappy marriages and quite a bit of misery. jetmba. Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/16/2004 10:09:26 AM   While visiting my first Russian lady (here in the States) I happened to see a Russian version copy of Cosmopolitan - - she also had an American copy from the same month. They looked very different. I asked if the text and subject matter was the same and she said that they were totally different. The Russian version was more oriented toward pleasing and uplifteing your man - domestic tranquility (as was my understanding) while the American version tends to be a little more self oriented and more sexual. Housewife Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/16/2004 12:24:53 PM   Well, I feel like that I’ve got my portion of counseling here. Hypocrisy and denial – these are two words make me think a lot. Unfortunately, counseling is not an option as my Darling doesn’t see THIS AS A PROBLEM. For him it’s something like “missed a step while we were marching together”. I sense that he is NOT going to quit. The only thing I hope – he’ll either TALK to me or TELL me something I don’t know. I don’t peek over his shoulder – I was looking for something and found his “adventure map” in the HISTORY. I get jealous only when he gives me reason. He works with lots of women, he carpools with his female colleague - it doesn’t bother me. I know were I stand (of course it is impossible to compete with XXX hotties). And I know that he adores our kids and they’ll suffer the most if anything will happen. I want to thank you ALL even for a chance to let me talk and feel more tranquil. I’m confident that we’ll find the solution that fits us both. And I hope My General won’t f.... up as it is easier to fix than to re-build. Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > I'd like to know the truth
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