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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > "To pay, or not to pay?" that is the question. Author Post Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/18/2009 11:07:41 PM   Phil, I cannot undo what has been done unless I am a total creep - yeah I know I'm setting myself up for more ridicule by that. I fully expected to be crucified by my post. That was the purpose of it. Yet not to be crucified but to hear honest opinions. I do not in the least think you are being mean. Or anyone else for that matter. From the reponses it seems all have been very kind to me. I set myself up to be blasted out of the water. Yet there has been nothing but meaningful insight and honest criticism. If I wanted get laid once a night I could do that a mile away. As from a discussion I actually had with a lady, "Meaningless sex to me is nothing more than masturbation." So yes, I am serious about finding one true love. As stated much earlier, I went into this with the notion of meeting one good lady. I bought into an idea sold to me as what seemed to be a legitimate way of doing this. I later questioned it. And now suddenly I am discovering - and from you have said - that it may be a reasonable approach. If I wanted to go there just to get laid, I would not have dismissed the many that practically threw themselves at me. I assure you I am not out to buy pussy. It would be a lot cheaper around the corner. If I wanted to just get laid, why would I even consider a lady with a nine year old child to spend a day with? And she is bringing him along. I doubt there will be any hanky-panky going on. Yet this meeting is not confirmed but only discussed as a possibilty. To me spending a day getting to know someone and her impressionable young boy is much more important than cruising the clubs for a quick fix. So Miss Sumy has not confirmed that we will meet. It was brought up the other day. And to tell you the truth, I would have a pretty good day not having to worry about sexual tensions with a woman. Just be with the person. Sex will be better later down the road. This I know to be true. So to be sure, I am not on a sexploitation tour. Now, if Miss Sumy decides that she wishes to meet, then I will surely do so. But from her latest letter, I am doubtful it will be a reality. Which I give her bonus points for. Amazing as it may seem to many, of the many hundreds I have seen and the very few I have considered. I don't think it unreasonable to meet more than one. Maybe a poor analogy, but did pay sticker price for the first car you test drove? durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/19/2009 11:44:35 AM   Julian, You wrote, "I will probably get my ass handed to me. I remember my first freshman football practice. Got my face thrown into the dirt many times. This is all very interesting." By God, I think you've got it about right -- it really is interesting, and you sound like you're a pretty decent guy, so you'll likely be sweating some of the situations and decisions you will face. Some of the men here have pretty strong ideas about "the right way to do it" -- me, I'm clueless, so I am much more likely to offer experience than advice. And I'm very interested in learning from the experiences of others. Maybe the bottom line is that it's a tough process. That's why men come to this forum, right? I had already made 7 trips "over there" before I started searching (just about 12 months ago) to meet a mate in the Russian-speaking world. In my tangled experience of this past year, I have at least learned a lot about myself. Sincerely looking forward to your posts about the trip! Dunromin's comment, "She is Russian, it is her birthright," reminded me of something you might not know about yet, Julian -- I'm sure people will disagree with me, and I don't mean any offense, but there's a personality trait that I see much more over there, than here in America. How do I describe it... Snooty? Demanding? Regal? Haughty? For me, it is a sort of looking down one's nose at some portion of the world. Absolutely, not all women are like this, many are quite easy-going, and down-to-earth (probably, it's more of an issue with women who are younger, childless, or urban). But some of these Ukrainian or Russian women seem clearly to have quite high and specific expectations, and aren't shy about expressing their disapproval of whatever falls short. I have enough of an egalitarian mind-set that these airs of superiority rub my fur the wrong direction. Anyway, this is my personal observation. I think that it's a piece of American culture (that I never really thought about before) that people here often try to "cut a little slack" when they're disappointed with what someone else is doing. (To me, it's like the idea that you treat your neighbors well, even if they're pretty much strangers, because it helps to keep the neighborhood a better place to live.) And most Americans of my experience would be shy about scolding someone they don't know well. (By the way, I live in the NY metropolitan area, where probably some of the snootiest Americans live -- comparing to the midwest or south, the contrast would be even starker). What I'm trying to get at is, there might be a lady or two who will be fully prepared to hand your ass to you, if she is disappointed. My motto: "We come here to learn!" For what it's worth, about making several meetings during your trip: I'm not wealthy, and thanks to the crisis, this year I'm almost broke. Some of my meetings have been very disappointing. I'd hate to spend thousands, just to experience this kind of a no-go. Even more important in my case, I'm an older guy, and to make my dream of a new family into reality, it needs to happen soon, or not at all. Also, many women on the websites have had too much experience with guys who write for extended times but never show up, and are much more interested in meeting than corresponding. I hope to find Miss Right in the next year or so, and I know that dating is a "numbers game" -- I must make a lot of meetings, to have a good chance to make the real connection. I would make a trip specifically to visit one woman, only AFTER I've decided that she is (at least possibly) the one. baron555 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/19/2009 1:32:39 PM   Julian, I do wish you luck. You will have a great time I am sure. I am not a seasoned world traveller and am also not a seasoned RW searcher. I got lucky in my first couple of months of corresponding of meeting a handful of very nice and very real women; all of whom could have been the one. Unfortunately we can only have one wife, so I had to decide on which one to concentrate on. Actually the decision was automatic and not so involved. We then decided to meet and everything clicked and was confirmed from our extensive correspondence and Skyping. If the women are wiling to meet you for a day, then go for it. I would suggest you leave some time open later in the trip for any repeat visits. If you do click with one, I would suggest you tell the others thank you and concentrate on the one. Expect that you will need to return again to be with this one person. The FSU women can be grouped by ages and certain basic personalities and expectations can be generalized. Yes single women with children will be more "serious" than young single hotties. The age groupings tells a lot of their backgrounds and therefore their life expectations, i.e. there is a big difference between women in the following age groups, 35-45, 25-35, 18-25 gecko Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/19/2009 6:44:52 PM   you said, 'Gecko, would you take two weeks to fly to another country you have never visited in the hopes that one lady you have corresponded with will turn out to be your one and only?' I've done it several times. the women appreciate it. this is assuming that you have been on the phone with her for a total of more than 20 hours. Listen, I can only tell you what i would do. If you and this girls really hit it off, you need to cancel the other meetings and make sure she knows about it. She says its ok but its not. Also, if a girl says she needs to go because of some emergency, it means she is not that into you. on the other hand, if you know within a day or two that you do not like her, end it quickly. Then go to the local marriage agencies and meet new people. the girls know it when your meeting many people. they think you are a player. they won't tell it to your face. they never do. Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/19/2009 10:09:01 PM   I thought I would not even look here tonight as I have so much to do. But Durak, Thanks. Baron, I'm just a pup at this, what do I know? DK, interesting analogy to the snooty women folk from nyc. And relating it to other regions. I know, I lived in so cal, BH and the like. I can already tell that most of these women may not like me. Or rather, I will not put up with any shit from them. One thing for sure is, I am a true gentleman. I am a nice guy. I am a chivalrous man. And by my nature I would expect the same in return. Yet over the years I have grown a thick skin when it comes to bullshit from a woman. I wlll treat a woman with respect and admiration. I will gladly see to her comfort and hold her in high esteem. Yet, at the lightest inkling of "what can you do for me because my pussy is so pretty". Have a nice day. I see I am committed to keep a journal. To bad I won't be making it to Belmont this year. We could have had a beer and shared a story or two. I love the train ride back to Manhatten. All who have sent me you insight, criticism, doubts and good wishes, You have been very helpful. Thanks. TINTIN "RIN" Sorry, but you do sound like an ass. All the same, I'd like to meet you for a drink in KEEV. Perhaps I could use some guidance to meet a mature woman. I'm off!!!! What is the line on me these days? ragingbull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/20/2009 4:59:56 PM   TINTIN "RIN" Sorry, but you do sound like an ass. That's funny, Julian. You almost always sound respectful and have apologized for many of the things you wrote that may be insulting. Now, you apologize and insult in the same sentence. Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/20/2009 5:24:12 PM   At least Julian got something right :) Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/20/2009 9:01:36 PM   RB, I had the two shittiest days at work. And because I overpaid for a sixer of heineken on the way home I decided to drink them all. Very over rated beer. And during my ranting I laid into you somewhere as well. "Sorry, but" , is not really apologizing but more of an acknowledgment of something quite obvious. Thanks Martin. If I only got one thing right here I'm doing okay. Because it sounds as though there have been people playing "the game" for years and still didn't get it right. I appreciate your candor. Guys, I don't have a f'in clue what it is like there. And I admit I'll probably get flushed down the toilet by these women. So what. I remember the first time I rode (tried) a two wheeler. I still have a scar on my knee from it. I am not so smug to think I can just go over there and conquer some lady just because "I dress for success!" So I decided to unpack my suitcase and say to hell with it. Sorry, I know you were all waiting to hear my crash and burn stories. But you will not. Because I am repacking my suitcase with striped bell bottom pants, puffed sleeve shirts with ruffles and my gold chains. I hope they like tall men because I am taking my white patent leather platform soled shoes and matching belt. Show me to the nearest disco and I will show you a man with three ladies every night. And if things go slow, I know turning my belt inside out has helped when I get into a slump. Batman Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/20/2009 9:59:13 PM   Julian35 wrote: RB, I had the two shittiest days at work. And because I overpaid for a sixer of heineken on the way home I decided to drink them all. Very over rated beer. And during my ranting I laid into you somewhere as well. "Sorry, but" , is not really apologizing but more of an acknowledgment of something quite obvious. Thanks Martin. If I only got one thing right here I'm doing okay. Because it sounds as though there have been people playing "the game" for years and still didn't get it right. I appreciate your candor. Guys, I don't have a f'in clue what it is like there. And I admit I'll probably get flushed down the toilet by these women. So what. I remember the first time I rode (tried) a two wheeler. I still have a scar on my knee from it. I am not so smug to think I can just go over there and conquer some lady just because "I dress for success!" So I decided to unpack my suitcase and say to hell with it. Sorry, I know you were all waiting to hear my crash and burn stories. But you will not. Because I am repacking my suitcase with striped bell bottom pants, puffed sleeve shirts with ruffles and my gold chains. I hope they like tall men because I am taking my white patent leather platform soled shoes and matching belt. Show me to the nearest disco and I will show you a man with three ladies every night. And if things go slow, I know turning my belt inside out has helped when I get into a slump. Julian, I think you meant to post this on the "I dress to impress" thread. :-) Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/22/2009 12:11:15 AM   Batman, I stand corrected. I was just ranting and it all mixed over. I'm sure there will be a sigh of relief. I knew it was coming. I knew it from the beginning and had dismissed this lady. Bit I did decide to contact her again as I became doubtful over my original plans. Miss Sumy finally provided her complete fully spelled out name - and "be sure to sms me the confirmation code or whatever.' She only asked me to wire her $180. Not a bad amount to start with, so I give her credit for easing me in on the money wiring thing. I told her I already had arranged a driver for me to visit her. Haven't heard a word since. I'm surprised whe waited as long as she did. From all I have read about, I knew she was eventually going to show her true colors. But I did play it up. Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/22/2009 12:19:01 AM   CouteusM - that was one of the "sincere" ladies. Well not really. My guess is that many are sincere. But Martin will tell you, they are sincerely interested if you have the goods. Funny thing as I storde around Manhatten tonight. A story for another thread. In the hour I was just lazing around I saw 50 hot women in skirts that were about six inches below the waist. Tune in to another channel. But this lady sweet talked about a life and what is measured in a loving relationshp etc. She had it down. Almost as if she was trained to say some of the thigs she said. It was definitely scripted but I played along. And of of course there were times I was thinking, could be real. NYET! Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/22/2009 1:52:33 AM   "Hi,Julian/ We can meet only in Kijev. Sent me SmS with cod for take money. Yuliya.(+38050856xxxx)" Notice the operative word there, "take" I stand corrected that she stopped writing to me. durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/22/2009 11:20:59 AM   Hey Julian, Love your latest post. So Yuliya = Miss Sumy? It would make the posts easier to read if we use names, and because almost all Russian women have one of about 10 names, it doesn't give much away ;) The Big Question that hangs over all this is, "how (or more important, how soon) does a man figure out a woman's intentions?" I very much look forward, to reading about your experiences Over There. I hope you will give us a sort of two-column assessment: what you were expecting each lady to be, and then what you found. Because of course, I want to get a little smarter, about "decoding" what's going on with some of these females... And the counterpart to this Big Question is another Big Question: how does a russian woman who looks seriously for love, figure out a foreign man's intentions? One of the women I met in Kyiv said over and over, "you don't know what you want!" And indeed being there, I've had to look in the mirror, and wonder in my heart of hearts, how serious am I? A lot of this thread has been about the "shopping trip" question. I see over and over in ladies profiles, either (A) no long correspondence, meet in person, or (B) looking for a man who knows what he wants. I assume that women write this in their profiles because they've had lots of emails from men who never materialized, and correspondence/meetings with men who didn't seem at all serious... and when I try to imagine it, these experiences must be deeply disappointing, and sometimes hurtful for them. We're like jet jockeys in a dogfight where all the planes are the same design, and have no markings. baron555 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/22/2009 12:09:24 PM   Durak, you are totally correct in your posting. The first thing is the man MUST be totally serious about being serious. He must be prepared to move along the process quickly once the opportunity arises. The real women, when they post their profile, have also made up their minds of finding their soul mate outside their country. the fact that they have place their profile, the real women, indicates that they are serious for the process. So after two meet online and correspond and move along the process and both are satisfied that the other meets their criteria and are serious, then they should meet. When they do meet physically(this may need to happen on more than one meeting), both must be ready to accept one of two things, either there is a match or there is not. Folks who think that they can go and meet up with a woman and then go back and just keep corresponding with them are really showing to the woman that they do not know what they want. They may be shopping for something better assuming the first woman will allow herself to be strung along. And I am sure there are some relationships where both the man and woman agree to continue to correspond rather than move along the process; this really depends on the age of the two. Younger folks may be more hesitant than older folks. ragingbull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/22/2009 12:28:33 PM   durak wrote.. The Big Question that hangs over all this is, "how (or more important, how soon) does a man figure out a woman's intentions?" I think Kirkland said it best and Pete put it in his blog the answer... The preparation, cost, time limitations and general hassle of getting fsu countries is too much. Even when you have gone through all of this, you're still not sure if you're going to get ripped off or not. For that matter, even with an American woman. ragingbull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/22/2009 5:37:52 PM   As Kirkland said in that post - The trick is knowing what you want. That's just half of it. The other half is to tell it to your lady over and over again. Do not be monotonous. Tell her details. She may not believe it at first, but repetion will make her believe it, and respect you for it. FSU ladies also want you to take charge. I am not an expert after three visits, but this is my observation. Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > "To pay, or not to pay?" that is the question.
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