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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > Quick Advice Author Post GeminiDreams Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/12/2010 8:24:14 AM   My suggestion for those travelling to meet a girl is buy a sampler pack of perfume in duty free or on a plane. They usually have about 5 perfumes so she is bound to like 2 or 3. They arent costly so buy 3 or 4 packs. If you dont give them all out take them home for your mum or sister. It make a good initial gift, not very expensive and later down the track you can select something more personal. Personally I only did the interpreter meeting once before working out that it is just too hard. All emotion and humour gets lost in translation. devilmaycare Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/12/2010 8:50:24 AM   "Was she after a shopping trip or was she merely hinting that a gift for her, amongst the other gifts he was buying for others, might be appreciated?" She was a pro dater, the attitude sticks out a mile. Durak is right however - these women will not cut you one ounce of slack because bridging the cultural gap is the mans job. But ... the OPs problem is not "cultural difference" its a girl who's clearly on the take. Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/12/2010 10:43:11 AM   Devil, Not to debate this point any longer than may be necessary but, here, we have a guy that has corresponded with a lady, during that correspondence it is apparent that she hadn't asked for anything of monetary value, he travels halfway around the world to occupy some time with her with the view to a prospective future partnership, still she doesn't ask for anything of monetary value until he mentions that he is going shopping for gifts. Bearing in mind language differences, and who knows how she worded it to the interpreter, she's thinking "I have a pig ignorant ass here", so she drops a subtle hint that a gift, she didn't specify any gift in particular, might be a gesture, for his prospective future partner. Still he didn't get it, it hadn't even occurred to him to present her with chocolates or flowers or damn anything, all he cared about was his family back home, she's thinking "Is this the kind of man I want to have a relationship with?" and, being told a flat "no" to any suggestion of a gift for her, she gets the hump. And, you say, it sticks out a mile she's a pro dater? durak Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/12/2010 10:59:12 AM   It was interesting -- and amusing -- to read that this woman, who before struggled to speak a few words of English ... suddenly became so expressive (properly using idiom, no less) in this second language, when she was so offended. When I am very upset, I find it even more difficult to speak in a foreign language. Oh, the mysterious depths of the FSU female! Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/12/2010 11:06:46 AM   And the icing on the cake was, when he did get around to offering her something, him offering her the leftovers from a meal!!! I'd get the frigging hump also. :) Gib Doe Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/12/2010 8:11:50 PM   Guys you know the game! Girls want gifts, dinner etc. Of course sincere or not that's what they want! They also test the guy to see how much he is worth by how much he is willing to spend. Simpleton, you failed the first test and offended the girl. In most countries outside the US people take the leftovers for the dog at home, doggie bag literally! Don't go out with a girl again until you learn some manners! Harvey Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/12/2010 10:49:02 PM   durak, I am reminded of the scene from "Life Of Brian". The two guys passing out crosses couldn't speak intelligibly to the centurion. But when they were alone they spoke eloquently. Part of this whole discussion are the assumptions made. I don't know what kind of correspondence simpleton had before he met up with this gal. I don't know exactly how the interactions that led to her asking to go 'shopping' went. But I do know the translator hinted this gal may not be on the level according to the OP. All the rest is conjecture. However, I do agree that if you are having correspondence with someone and you travel half way around the world to meet her, if you don't have something to present to her then you are a fool. As was said, pick up a simple bottle of perfume or something. devilmaycare Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/13/2010 5:31:44 PM   "but, here, we have a guy that has corresponded with a lady, during that correspondence it is apparent that she hadn't asked for anything of monetary value" Modern pro daters are smart, they wait to spring the trap until your already committed. They know you will give them the benefit of the doubt when youve gone to so much time and expense to get over there. Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/13/2010 6:00:31 PM   Devil, She only suggested going shopping after he had told her that he was going shopping, he said "no" and, rather than try and try again, she made attempt to finish with him, he pursued the point and eventually she agreed to go out with him that evening, still she didn't pursue further the subject of going shopping with him, indeed she didn't even want to converse with him because he wasn't the kind of guy that she was looking for. A pro dater will keep on and on and on for monetary things, they will order the most expensive dishes on menus, they may have their own interpreter in tow, they'll take it upon themselves to invite friends/family to dinner, I'm looking at both sides of the story, Simpleton made some fundamental mistakes, hopefully he will learn from them, and with those mistakes, i.e. no thought towards her, she finished the relationship killing off any further opportunity of a shopping trip. During their time together she made one solitary suggestion of going to the shops, that is NOT a pro dater. Put it this way, would any of you date a lady in your home country and your only suggestion of a gift to her was the leftovers from a meal ..... and expect her to continue the relationship with you? Batman Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/13/2010 6:39:51 PM   Ivor wrote: Put it this way, would any of you date a lady in your home country and your only suggestion of a gift to her was the leftovers from a meal ..... and expect her to continue the relationship with you? I wouldn't consider the leftovers a gift especially when he said he had no way of reheating the food and otherwise it would go to waste. However, this whole notion of a gift is a little strange. My understanding is that it's supposed to be something of little value. In my opinion, anything more extravagent and you're in the pro dater arena. Why not give her a fur coat and a car. OK, so I take a girl out, I buy dinner so we can talk and get to know each other. I'm not trying to put a roof over her head and clothe her too. Anything more than a few flowers, a trinket from your town, etc. is just plain wrong at the "just meeting" stage. Look, I just flew across the globe to meet you, to see if we're compatible and if there's any reason to move forward; if you're expecting some grand gift you're not who I'm looking for. Expecting a some expensive gift from a western man because we're meeting the first time is no different than the guy who expects sex because he bought dinner. Both are wrong! franklcsw Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/13/2010 7:08:42 PM   Alright, you didn't know, but you screwed up. It is considered considerate and part of their culture to bring/buy something to give to the girl as a gift. You came across as cheap and impolite. A shopping spree, no, but a small bottle of perfume or inexpensive jewelery was expected. When you visit their family, you are also expected to have small gifts for all the family members. Next time, try to understand their culture better. It doesn't necessary mean she is a scammer. It shows you appreciate her and are thoughtful. She should however, not ask either; just not see you anymore. She may have not wanted you to meet her friends for she would want to have been proud that her foreign man bought something. You embarrassed her. Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/13/2010 7:11:43 PM   But a few floweres, or a trinket, didn't even occur to him Batman, she was already pissed off and when he made the big deal of offering her a doggy bag, well only a very thick skinned persom would not realise such a fundamental mistake. But, as I've said, he was the one that brought up the subject of shopping for gifts and this prompted her to drop a hint that he hadn't offered her flowers or trinket or whatever, it hadn't even occurred to him that he might offer her a token gift. RodanTsunami Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/13/2010 11:24:54 PM   I am shocked! Shocked by the way this woman has reacted. Round up all of the usual subjects. gecko Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/14/2010 2:55:30 AM   if someone flew 3000 miles to see me, i wouldn't be thinking about a gift. i would be thinking about what i could do FOR this person. did she offer to cook a meal for you? this world has been turned upside down. trust me, if a girl really likes you, she will be cooking for you. she will be taking care of you. if a girl is not really into you, then trinkets become more and more important. that being said, offering someone your leftovers was not a good move. gecko Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/14/2010 2:57:18 AM   ivor, is that a cross between igor and ivan? my guess is that you are a female intrepreter. whose business relies on stupid men coming to ukraine. bhro Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/14/2010 3:57:29 AM   Interesting conversation, but I still think that many of you/us should try to read a bit more about the countries vi visit. I used many hours reading about Ukraine and traditions before I visited first time in february -08. Read following link. it might help a little. http://www.ukraine-travel-advisor.com/ukraine-superstitions.htm l Rag'n'Bull Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/14/2010 4:04:36 AM   gecko, You're right about one thing, in this day and age it is the stupid men that only consider travelling to Ukraine when there is a whole former Soviet Union out there! Simpleton Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/14/2010 7:48:55 AM   k, here is the more complete story. I’ll do my best to keep it succinct and without too much commentary. I’m sure I’m opening myself up to be blasted. I appreciate constructive criticism, and it doesn’t take my admission that I did a lot wrong here. Some of the more biting criticism, though valid, could have been made in a more constructive way. I had been contemplating a vacation to Ukraine, and had heard of international dating sites. I decided to check out Anastatia more on a whim than anything serious. I was barraged by tons of introduction letters. After opening just a few, I realized that these were not written by women who had actually viewed my profile. I eventually found the statement in their policies about agencies will often send the introduction letter on a woman’s behalf. One of the introduction letters I opened was from the lady I eventually met, I’ll call her Y. I had opened her letter because I found her both attractive, and appreciated the descriptions in her profile. I received a second letter from Y some days later. This is expressly against the Anastatia policies regarding unsolicited contact. I opened it anyway. The letter spoke very directly to things I had written in my profile, and also was interesting to me so I responded. She was always very prompt in responding when I sent a letter, though I was not. Sometimes a week or two would go by between her letter and my response. I almost always received a response from her a day or two after my letter. My letters were longer with more substance. Her letters tended to be much shorter, less details, but typically addressed most of the questions and points that I had brought up in my last letter. At one point I mentioned I needed to take a vacation, and she hinted about me coming to Ukraine to meet her. She never asked me for anything during our correspondence. Occasionally she would say something like she was sad and she would look at my profile and it would cheer her up and that she “had such feelings” for me. She never said love or anything stronger that what I stated. At one point I told her I wanted to know more about her, but that her letters were somewhat short and lacking in-depth detail. She did not address that, nor did her letters change. She graduated from higher(?) college this summer (my understanding was something like a Masters in the US, I think they call it a Specialist degree) and I sent her some flowers for graduation. She never mentioned it, not even a thank you, in her letters until some point later when I brought it up. Me bringing it up came about due to a conversation about a book called the 5 Love Languages (I recommend it to everyone by the way). She said she likes books about relationships, so this book came up. One of the languages specified in it, and one I am absolutely horrible at, even though I try, is Gifts. I told her directly that I am bad about gifting, and asked about the importance of gifts in Slavic culture. She said it was kinda important, but she had heard that women in the US may get offended if a man gives them a gift. It was during that discussion that I brought up the flowers for her graduation, and only after I mentioned it did she say anything about it (I did get a photo confirmation of her with the flowers). Even up to this point, I don’t think we had had a *lot* of correspondence. When all was said and done and the grand total letter count is something like 23 from her, and 19 from me. It was probably around my 12th letter or so I started seriously planning the trip to Ukraine. Like I said, I had an interest in going there anyway, not in a meet a wife kind of way. So, I decided to book a flight and spoke openly with her about it to let her know I was serious about coming. She offered some minor assistance i.e. getting me a hotel room or flat, having an interpreter meet me at the airport etc. I booked the flight and began doing a lot more research into the country. I had already started trying to learn as much Russian as I could, though I am horrible at languages. I started with Rosetta Stone and made it through 1 of the 3 sets of lessons, but didn’t think it was very good for actually communicating, i.e. survival Russian. So I started the Simon & Schuester Pimsluer language CDs. I made it through about 13 lessons before I came (I think there is like 90 lessons for all 3 levels of the comprehensive set). It was during that research that I came across this forum. There is a lot of good advice interspersed with the garbage as you all know. It was at that point I started to Google her profile and found her on *tons* of other sites. Most were pretty much the same, though I noticed a couple where it said she smoked and her English was Intermediate whereas on Anastatia she did not smoke and her English was Beginner. I already had the tickets and had told her about it, so taking advice from here I attempted to get her personal information. This was somewhat practical as well. I wanted to be able to let her know of anything while in transit like delayed/canceled flights, etc. Though, she had said on several occasions she would meet me at the airport, and then others that an interpreter would meet me. Anastatia does not allow that information to be sent through normal correspondence, so I found her on another site that does, Mermaladies. I signed up there and sent her a “wink” to make sure that profile was actually watched. My profile was almost exactly the same as Anastatia. I received an introductory letter from here on that site. That did not surprise me too much. My response was additional information about the trip, my phone and email address, and I asked her for her personal information. She wouldn’t give it to me. So, going by what I have read here, that is a Very Bad Sign. Additionally, it seemed like a different per kiwinorth Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/14/2010 8:51:02 AM   interesting,,,, Simpleton,, you did nothing wrong,, actually you did more right, it showed who this person actually is. but you should have put her in her place, don't be so soft:) really who cares about a gift?? why would you give something to such a horrible person,,, I thought we give gifts to people we like, people who deserve such? she's definitely done the mileage there many a time if it is how you explained. the trouble is so many stupid men with more money then brains have created most of these ignorant superficial complaining cows.. the girls I've had time with there, minus some agency girls would never and I mean never begrudge a person for trying to do something with left over food or be pissed because of no gift. this is laughable, come on you lot, dont make excuses for such people or make people believe a gift is vital even for such cheeky cows,, look at what type of women such lovely thoughts have made,, great stuff. any girl with half a heart would have treated you different Simpleton,,, stay away from those horrible agency's. there are people there that know what you are doing isn't so easy and will give you respect for it.. yeah there's the whole soviet union, but Ukraine is a good start for new people when first starting this search, its the easiest of getting around and quickest in learning its in's and outs. ha, seems some of you guys are proud to have dated ignorant bitch's from hell:) Rick4girl Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 9/14/2010 9:07:48 AM   "gecko, You're right about one thing, in this day and age it is the stupid men that only consider travelling to Ukraine when there is a whole former Soviet Union out there! " Im not so sure that is stupid idea. As for myself, I prefer Ukraine as I am comfortable there and know specific culture and traditions as well as political and social situation. I have been to Romania, Moldova, Czech Rep, Russia and Belarus also to name a few. Russia and Belarus can be complicated for Western men and I have noticed Romanian and Belorussian women can be very desperate, more than even the poor Ukrainian women In regards to Russia, it is very big place and one can easily find themselves spending more time in travel than spend time with lady. Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > Quick Advice
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