Thanks for the kind sentiment, Rick -- I did my best to plan a little romantic getaway to Yalta, but just got the news from her that she can't manage the time away from Kyiv. Her home life is very odd (to me, at least) -- her parents treat her like a teen, and give her hell if she isn't home by 11 PM. And she is only months away from turning 30! So I suppose I'll see her a couple of times more, but it won't be anything like I dreamed...
I choose to interpret this as an reminder from life, to return my focus to searching for a life partner. On to the next task...
I didn't realize you were in Kiev. I know someone who fits the bill. Smart and not goofy at all. Quite charming and an engaging person. Likes sushi. But wants kids...
even though my last 2 trips to ukraine has been to spend more time with same 2 girls i still like to spend time on my own. its still my favorite place to just get away and know i can do whatever my heart desires;)
Hey, Ralph -- THAT redhead didn't answer my letters. The red-haired girl in question is the one with the breathless flow of flowery English... The hell of it is, I DO want kids, and it's mainly because this young lady doesn't that I have thought about our togetherness as a fling.
And while I was philosophical about it when I posted yesterday, as the hours passed I realized how deeply I had my heart set on our excursion. What's a fellow to do? Cherchez la femme ...
well, I suppose he could make up stories about his gf and live in a fantasy world.
or he could just take life one day at a time. why must we measure life according to a calendar? why are deadlines, hopes and renewals based on the changing of the date to so many? how about at the end of 2010 celebrate a great year of traveling and meeting new people. and raise a glass to yourself that you actually have the means and ability to travel to such places and experience something most people couldn't even fathom. then look forward to a 'new year' with no expectations other than there is some chance that the law of percentages works in your favor. most overnight successes are people who have spent many years preparing and paying their dues.
and usually those 'overnight' successes are not just one hit wonders
good words, Ralph. most Americans will never leave North America and will never experience the things many of us have. Many of us have also traveled to alot of other places and when put in perspective havent we still had rewarding lives even if the "numbers" havent worked out?
who knows, maybe things will go to hell in a handbasket with my two flames now but i sure have enjoyed the time i spent with them.
These Eastern European women may seem younger and more attractive to you and also the grass on the other like often looks greener. But you should look around and see the many women in your own country , single women who actually have alot more in common with than women half a world away with different beliefs. Why the obsession with these women? You would be far better off with a woman you could connect with, the same values same language
and upbringing. A Cross cultural marriage if a very difficult thing. If you have problems meeting women in your area or country, try some dating coaching or relationship advice, look at how you dress your hair your conversation. I find when you go a date with a woman its good to act like a brother joke and laugh. She dosnt see you as a boyfriend to begin with but maybe after a while. It actually can be great fun to date ,go to some speed dating events or other dating events ,hone your dating skills. And btw you can still be doing this and
chatting to your online russian girls.
colin, what I find very interesting is that the woman I am now with lived very much the same life as I did growing up. we both had parents that did things with their children. She ran track in school and did all of the traditional things we did growing up. except for language and a few cultural differences we are basically the same. sure, there is the soviet mindset or call it oppression if you like. but basically after being exposed to the real world they discover there is no difference between people in general.
you surely must recall all of the discussions on why some men choose to look to the FSU for a woman??? not all are looking for something they cannot get in America (whatever their country) as far as being physically attractive. there is much more than that. and some believe that traditional family values still exist and that a good percentage of these women want nothing more than a traditional monogamous relationship with a man who can support that. he doesn't have to be rich. he just has to be a good man with sensible values and living a responsible life.
Believe it or not, a cross cultural marriage is a couple from Wisconsin/California or Buffalo, NY/Macon, GA.
I am glad your method works for you. It did didn't it?
I was fascinated with Eastern European women and I still like them but you cant compare their mindset with ours at all, they are totally different and see things very differently. I dated 1 Ukran (married), 1 latvian/Russian
lived with, A American girl (lived with)
1 Nigerian (lived with). But now just give me someone I can understand and get on with, you havnt lived with a Russian if you think you have a similar mindset. And I dont belive in all that traditional values mumbo jumbo
either do you think that will keep them at home more and be a better wife, not a chance, many will just use you as a excuse to get a better life for themselves, you are only a stepping stone. Your the big rich foreigner they are only interested in what you can give, as stated before there is plenty of good men there as well.
Yes I agree. My young blond Russian hottie MOB now has her Green Card and is furiously studying English and will soon enter community college to earn her Certified Nursing Assistant certification so that she can do something she has always wanted to do and to contribute to the family financially. In the meantime she wants to redecorate some of the house, but one thing at a time since she knows that I am not that rich and all the while she tells me that she loves me and she is very happy and she shows it to me many time a days besides when we go to bed at night (or during the day also!). She is just using me, for sure. I so can not understand her and she and I can only talk about everything all the time. She pretends to be my best friend and we do and enjoy doing everything together but as you state, that is all part of her game. I know many many couples who are in the exact same predicament.
I am so glad you are able to paint everyone with such a broad brush. Your insight is very insightfull.
Obviously since you are not able, neither should anyone else.
I guess I'm one of those post-modern thinkers, I don't try to classify people into the 'good guys' and 'bad guys'. We all have light and shadow, as far as I can see.
I read a post here saying that everyone in this international dating game is looking for a "better deal" -- we hope to find women we can be happier with than those at home, and the women are looking for a better life than than they expect to find at home.
The Big Deal in my mind is, How much of her better life is about the right husband (namely, me), versus having a particular standard of living, being in a better country, etc? People being what we are, it's quite natural that someone thinking of becoming an expatriate will care about where she is going! I wouldn't expect a woman to be indifferent to this.
It happens that I have had the privilege of getting to know Ralph, and have even met his bride. I am confident they will be a strong couple many years into the future.
Colin (some of you will remember) got hammered flat, by an breath-takingly cynical and self-serving operator from Ukraine. There are some very selfish and calculating people out there. I hope (maybe I flatter myself) that when I have spent enough time with someone, I can have some good idea how caring they may be. But God knows, I am often enough mistaken.
A very precious quality, is Compassion. I tend to forget this, when I am infatuated with a girl ... but it is great to be loved by a compassionate person, and I think that it is difficult for a cold person to convincingly fake. Time will tell!
Yes you did. I can only state from my very smallish circle that I know more successful US-FSU couples than those that met/meet only scammers and have nothing at this time to show for their troubles. The consensus opinion amongst us is that those men either did/have no master plan, didn't/can't heed the warning signs or have/are just not desirable men to begin with.
What I read here, all the time, is all about the scammers and the women being the bad ones.......never is it the mans fault. And none of the unsuccessful are willing to admit they need to change or are keen to doing it.
I was a complete newbie when I set out on my journey, never even considered forums as a resource at the time, and I had lots of good luck.
I find it very hard why nearly anyone can not at least get off of first base; when viewed from afar, it is clear where the real improvement is needed.
My wife had a very hard time convincing herself that her love for me (and mine for her) was worth leaving her nice life she had carved out for herself. The MOB and the woman just dying to leave the FSU is not the reality; you really need to be worth it in terms of emotional love and committment before most of these women will consider leaving their country. I think a lot of men think otherwise and that is unfortunate for them.
What baron says is true. My wife had a very difficult decision to make over a year ago. She was offered a very lucrative position in a firm. We discussed at length whether she should take the job - it required a long term commitment - or find a 'temporary' job. After much deliberation and soul searching WE decided she should take the temp job based on the assumption of her coming to America in six months. Her temp job was a director position at a large bank that only paid just over $1000 month. Long hours and constant pressure for 1k/month. She could have stayed and earned a better living with her experience, plus she had other business interests. She chose life with someone over being well off and hoping to find a mate. She did not have very nice things to say about most of the men there. Her only goal was to find someone to grow old with.
We are celebrating my mother's 90 birthday today. My wife is accepted as a member of the family and is treated as such by everyone. Today everyone will be together for the first time (coming in from out of state etc.) - new family portrait. That is what it is all about for me.