O think the money request was just a test. It states out "i have to start working in peoples homes for extra money doing hair. I know you are having money troubles now fighting in court with your ex." I told her money was not that big of a deal and a few hundred dollars was nothing, it would just take a few days" a couple days later she told me she had gotten money from her brother and it was all fine. To me it seemed like a test. Just to see what i would say. Any way that was the end of it.
Ricl4, that's exactly what this is about. I'm not cheap at all. Took her on a very expensive trip to Nali. She knows this. Right now I'm in the middle of a huge legal battle with my ex over property. Legal fees are huge, but that can only last until December. Then it's done one way or the other also about $2600 in support stops Dec 31. She knows all this. We have talked numbers I've got her ring but she was a little spooked last time with the details so she needed time to think. She also knows I'm making an extra trip back there just to propose again, so she knows I'm not cheap and she also understand why money is tight today.
Is really feast to hear you guys and your opinions. Thanks for the help.
She told me she needed money. When I offered to send her a few hundred she refused it. I think it was a test. She said she got it from her brother who I know is broke.
Tom,, it's a sad truth about websites and agencies! She may not even know about letters from aweb. If you want to test it,,,,, create a fake profile, fake a few letters and fake photos, then ask for a video chat?? Then you will know if it is her scamming you,,, or aweb scamming both of you!!!
I have heard too, that removing profiles is like pulling teeth. Don't get too upset yet!!
I'm in Canada now,,,, about 17 hours of driving,,,,,,zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
re scammers: If a woman cannot leave an agency because she claims not to have home internet and says it is strictly forbidden to use internet facility at work, then how can such a person have an actively used profile on the VKonte(spell?) site?? Is she using an internet cafe and if so why cant she create a hotmail address there as well.....or am I being duped?
Agencies are bad news. I went through AOB, pay per letter one time. I did my homework. A two bedroom in a Kiev apartment was costing $85 per day by internet. I was not about to pay more than $100.
The tone of the letters I received changed insisting I must get the place for $125. I refused although the letter coming in 'from the girl" I was about to visit in a few days vigorously insisted on it. I was ready to forget her and go to Kiev anyway although I already sent her money for train fare and a couple of hundred. On my day of departure, I get an email that she was on her way to Kiev. I got the same apartment anyway for $100 per night.
setting myself up for what Ragingbull?,,, some "expensive" sushi!! if she is that short sighted,it's her loss. I understand the the benefits and ease of communicating private email to email but what are the vast majority of good Ukrainaian women without the wherewithal to fund their own private email, supposed to do? I tried that hard nosed approach but it was tantamount to cruelty; whistling in the dark doesn't work for all of them. just because a girl doesnt have private email, she's not ipso facto a scammer is she??
This is a great blog, came up through my google alert, I commented on one of the topics and wanted to add comments from experience here. Dating, life and marriage, they are all risks, I was married for 18 years and then my wife decided she did not want to be married to me anymore, was she scammer, I do not think so, but it costed me a lot of money lol. Now on the Ukrainian women side, or any women, you could a date a lady in your own country who may stay with you just for the money perks, it may take you a while to figure it out also, you do not know. I have been to Kharkov twice, the first time I set up a meeting with one lady and had several ladies as backups, the one lady I met was interested in someonne taking her out to dinner, buying her a few gifts etc., I eventually found out she was married, she kind of wanted an affair. I was not happy, so I went out with a few other ladies on short notice, the ladies probably were just looking for a dinner out and maybe a gift, Once I returned home we quickly stopped communicating, ironically I continued to communicate with the first lady and still do. So on my second attempt, I was more choosey about the lady I would visit, I corresponded with her for more than 8 months before she agreed to a visit. I went there with only one girl to meet, no back up. She planned a wonderful week, week was well thought out and did not always revolve around fancy dinners or expensive things. Towards the end of the week we did go shopping and I did buy her a nice gift which was expensive, when I paying for it I thought this could be the stupidest thing I have ever done or the best thing - so far it has turned out to be the best thing. As you are so is the lady skeptical of foreign men coming over for some vacation sex etc and never being serious about marrying them either, it works both ways. During this week I also met her daughter, I thought this was a good sign as I would hope no one would go to that extent to scam, but I am sure people have. When I returned back to USA, I thought I could get the sorry but not interested letter, or we would continue. We have continued, I have sent her a few gifts and some money for a computer (for her birthday), she has also sent me a birthday gift also. We continued to communicate and get more intimite in communication, Last week we met in the carribean for 9 days, 24/7 being with each other, I like to think I am a good judge of character, all indications were that we are "in love" She did fly half way around the world to meet me, as I did her. I looked for things of sincerity that a scammer would not be able to fake, I think I saw these things - we had an amazing week - if she is a scammer then she is a great actress - if that is the case than I still had a great week in Kharkov and another 9 days in the carribean - this could happen with a girl from your own country also. We are both home and are continuing to communicate, we are planning a weekend meeting in December in a country where she has friends living. It may be a chance for her to get a free trip to see her friends, or she really wants to see me and and meet her friends, one will never know until you try. I am willing and able to try - on this trip I plan to ask her to move to USA, offer a ring of engagement - I know this may be a mistake as she will have the ring, but it is a risk I am willing to take, at this time also I am asking her to start the process of moving to USA - if she does not then we will know intentions - I believe she will. Ok that is my story, my advice is keep going and analyze everything - you are in deep so what you are pot committed (do you play poker, you will know what that means). If things do not start to progress then you will know to get out - This is a big step for the lady to move and she has a child involved. In the long run you will eventually find out and it may cost you time and money - so did my 1st marriage - she still has the engagement ring and the ten year aniversary ring and the diamond earrings the car etc. If it does not work out this will be better and cheaper. BUt I am positive and think your situation will work out as I believe mine will also!!! I am in the same boat you are and I am sailing forward I am cautious but optimistic!!! The last thing I will say is hope we are not dating the same girl - HA HA - c'mon now that's funny!!!! Good luck sorry for the long winded blog! Sorry for any typos.
There is no reason why they can't fund their own email, Go East. There are many internet cafe's there. It is cheap. I believe it was $1 an hour. It is also rare that they do not own have their own cell phone.
Business is done differently in Ukraine. Since they introduced you, the agencies think they own your relationship. AOB required the agencies to provide their phone numbers if you ask it. I made it a point to ask it on the very first letter. I could have met this lady for less than $20. But, I felt guilty so I sent her a few more letters through AOB.
Her English was limited although we were able to carry a decent conversation. She was honest enough. She used the money I sent her to pay for a few days for the apartment plus a little extra for meals and travel. The problem was, to make sure she got the proper numbers from Moneygram, I used the agency to interpret my letter to her regarding it.
I was not able to separate her completely from the agency until after we left the apartment in Kiev and went to Yalta. She told me afterwards that the agency took 10% from the money I sent her. Further, the agency accompanied her to go to the bank so they can make sure they took their "proper" percentage. Further, I bought her some clothes and other things for her in Kiev. She told me not to tell the agency. They will also take 10% from that.
My complaints to AOB when I got back to the US was fruitless. They wanted receipts as proof. I suppose I could have pushed it and asked the lady for the receipts, but I did not.
go east. if you feel like the relationship is really going somewhere and you want to enable good communication links without spending vast sums of money then I suggest the following:
1. buy a decent used computer. if you look around, you can find one no more than 3 years old for about $100-150 bucks. if you need help finding one, pm me. I bring laptops to Ukraine several times per year for my orphanage project and to set up internet places for kids to use free so Im always finding good deals.
2. buy a magic jack and set it up with a US based number BEFORE you go (39.99)
3. buy a cheap phone to connect to the magic jack (10 bucks)
4. when at her apartment, get her to call and sign up for a local broadband service. they cost about 12-15 bucks/mo so pay for 3 months till you return again to pay again.
while you may spend $200 up front, you will then be able to call her, email her and skype all for no huge bills!
This is something Ive been doing for 3-4 years now and while Ive "lost" a few computers along the way, it pales in comparison to agency fees, international long distance fees and the like. My girl has a 17" laptop and a netbook I bought and she uses my netflix and hulu accounts and we can talk or skype anytime. we talk every day.
why netflix and hulu? helps her to get better understanding english, keeps her entertained as she loves American movies in english
I do hear you Ragingbull on the internet cafe puzzle, but I'm prepared to let that slide for now. More concerning is my request for a contactable number to which she replies "later"......what's the protocol in this situation with them,,,how long(its been 4 weeks) before they feel secure enough to chat on the phone?? Another possible issue is she's Muslim. FSU style Muslim, will that make my task easier or that much harder? I'd appreciate any insights...
that's a wise blue print Rick and a very charitable gesture re your time. I'm still sh*t testing a few women at his point but that's definitely the plan going forward....not sure I would risk giving any woman anything used though. Have you ever come across or dated any FSU Muslims? They surely couldn't be scammers??
Ragingbull I'm still in the preparation phase prior to visiting FSU so not met any lady yet. I'm stretching them far and wide via the emails and shedding the driftwood as I go,it's working better than expected so far. I am not setting anything in stone before I meet them and I honestly dont care about this scam stuff,,it will make me laugh if it happens..if they're that desperate for money I will fill a taxi full of groceries and take it to the nearest orphanage and count my blessings while doing it
"Have you ever come across or dated any FSU Muslims? They surely couldn't be scammers??"
Go_East poses an interesting question, one I haven't seen before... it seems to take as its premise, that an observant Muslim wouldn't stoop to scamming. I don't think that a faithful follower of any major religion would willingly participate in fraud, provided they aren't mentally ill or deficient, or involved in cultism or some such madness.
My personal contact with Muslims in Russia has mostly been the men from central Asia (former Soviet republics outside of Russia) who go north looking for work -- but Russia also has a large native-born Muslim population, with the percentage varying dramatically depending on the region. The only native Muslims I have met were from Tatarstan (the region in which Kazan is located).
But I do notice a modest percentage of profiles on dating websites listing Muslim as religious affiliation, and it seems to me from their photos and descriptions of themselves (for example, occasionally drinking alcohol) that they aren't observant in the sense one associates with much of the middle east.
Perhaps these women are like the majority of Jews in the USA, for whom Jewishness is an important (but by no means dominant) part of ethnic and cultural identity, but whose religious participation, usually limited to a few holidays each year, is small enough that they are classified as "non-observant Jews."
Or to turn the question the other way round, a woman who is a highly observant Muslim along traditional lines is probably not likely to be found on any of the dating websites or social networking connections we would find.