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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > Older Kids vs Younger Kids Author Post GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/6/2004 6:30:56 PM   Man, Please let's drop the church debate...it's literally impossible to discuss it without stepping on someone's pro or con oversensitive toes. And it deviates the attention from the foreign child rearing in the west topic. Another one of my not so humble opinions is being that the concept of family nucleus (nucleulus if you ask Bush) is practiced in old fashioned and traditional form in FSU. Individuals, specially women and the young ones living in poor or less developed countries than the industrialist western ones rely on the interdependency and support that a closely knit family provides. If we can bring those practices to our western countries, we'll be making the greatest contribution to our communities. TimH Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/6/2004 7:39:53 PM   ID: You got it way wrong mate !!! If you think you are saving an FSU woman, I would strongly suggest you stop looking for one, until you have been better informed !! Sorry my friend, I dont like to have to be so harsh with people I like, but its important that you understand this, before you make a tit of yourself !! ensata Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/6/2004 8:44:01 PM   There have been a few different women and child friends in the short time that I've been around. There have been a lot of good and heartfelt opinions expressed (I've offered my thoughts and preferences as well). After digesting all of this, here is my opinion (humble and probably not to well informed): (1) If you have a younger child (children)that you are primary responsible for raising (as I do) it seems wise to want a woman who is already a mother. Otherwise will she resnt your child as getting between herself and her new love? You can ,More accurately gage whether she will be a good mother to your child by how she is with hers. (2) If she has a child, but you don't (have one at home), then be painfully honest with yourself. Will you resent her child as being in the way of you and your new love. Are you able to make as strong a committment to that child as you do to her/his mother? I corresponded with a beautuful classy, kind, and successful Russian women who had two children. She married an English man who had no children. They ended up divorsed because he was not prepared for a woman with children. She is greatful to this man for all he did for her. But now she only wants aman with children. Basically If you have a child you are raising choose a woman with a child. If you do not, then choose a woman without children. So that would leave most men in the second category. And a few like me in the first. ensata Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/6/2004 8:45:38 PM   As to the church debate, I really don't see Man 'debating', but merely expressing his opinion in a fairly low key manner. ensata Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/6/2004 8:58:28 PM   I meant "Women and child threads" not "friends". ( I try to proof my stuff, but I miss the obvious - like my brain). GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/6/2004 9:18:01 PM   ensata, we're all entitled to a few grammatical 'brain farts' here and there, lol... About the kids, I disagree with you, (and probably with most here, lol..) After raising my own two monkeys (girl/boy) for ten years as a single papa, I miss what children bring to my household whi;e at the same time, enjoy the peace and quiet of not having them live with me on a daily basis. Six of one and half a dozen of the other, lol... The ideal woman for me would be one under 30 years old with no children to start a family from scratch or one in her early/mid 30s with a teenage boy (no daughters, please). Seeing how my own monkeys turned out, I have all the confident in the world that I can become a positive influence on someone else's kids. ensata Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/6/2004 9:18:16 PM   Regarding a woman with teens. I think that the older a child is, the harder it would be for him/her to adapt to a new father, new culture, new school and friends. A factor may be how long this child has not had a father figure in their life for. Is there a dysfunctional relationship in place with their single mother? If he/she had a good relationship with a grand father, uncle or even father at one time, I would see this as a positive. I did a bit of foster parenting some years ago. Without question the younger the child the easier. The failure rate of adapting to a new family rises exponentially as the age increases. I would not absolutely rule out an older child. But get all the facts, get to know the kid, and understand their relationship with the mother and extended family. More homework would be needed. All just my opinions. GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/6/2004 9:23:39 PM   By the way, Someone earlier said something about FSU teenagers being resentful for having to leave their world behind so their mothers can be with a new man. That potential problem is easily prevented by doing your due diligince on the child in much the same manner you'd do with your woman. It's not like the kid will be hidden in a locked box while you and his/her mother spend time courting everytime you visit her. YES, it is more work in the beginning, but I am a firm believer that any man who devotes himself to treat a woman's child as his own, earns twice the merits with the woman he loves and lives with. idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/7/2004 12:27:27 AM   Tim I am refering to women with children, not all of them. It is very difficult to raise a child alone in Russia. No social sercurity there. They realy do need help, I have met more than 1 with a child. That is my point, do not save anyone. Look for you true love who is looking for her true love. I understand Tim, maybe you should read it again as this tread is about woman with children. I have seen many woman with childern beging for money in the street in Russia, now would you not call that desparate? Not that I am saying they are all that desparate, just that it can get that bad and there is no one to pick you up besides friends and family there, and if you do not have good ones, what then? idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/7/2004 12:29:04 AM   I do not think I am making a tit of myself Tim, sorry to disagree back with someone I like. ensata Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/7/2004 3:08:18 AM   GT I applaud your attitude towards teens. I am eternally optomistic about how well a person will respond to genuine love and an investment of time and effort. "YES, it is more work in the beginning, but I am a firm believer that any man who devotes himself to treat a woman's child as his own, earns twice the merits with the woman he loves and lives with." Your girl must have been tougher on you than your boy. My oldest two (20, 18) are girls, I really enjoyed (enjoy) them. My 15 year old son and I have a great relationship. At this point I would not want a woman w/ a boy age 7 and above as I have a gorgeous 8 year old daughter. (would be no problems now, but in a few years?) TimH Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/7/2004 1:57:03 PM   ID: Its OK mate, I just want to be sure that you are not going to the FSU with the attitude that you are doing some girl a favour because you are rescuing her thats all !! These women who need help are Not the right women to be pursuing, because for one main reason, how will you Ever know for sure why she is with you ? If you take one of these "desperate women" and marry her, and take her home, unless you are Very lucky, and unless there is genuine love there, she wont stay with you !! She might stay long enough to have a child by you, but that will be to strengthen her hand for the divorce that will follow. Unless the woman you marry loves you, then you will be wasting your time and money and gaining a lot of heart pain. Trust me when I say I know what I am talking about, because it happened to me personally !!!! I dont mean the rescuing bit, I mean that no matter what reason she decides to come to you and marry you, you need to know as sure as you can that its love, and not just a meal ticket or a route to the USA !!! Desperate women, they will do desperate things !! GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/7/2004 2:00:17 PM   Ensata, lol you're righ on the money... Raising my now 18 year old daughter from age 5 to 15 1/2 took out my entire supply for female teen "galloping hormone" attacks. She's grown into a superbly well adjusted young woman. But I do not trust myself to face the same ordeal with someone else's daughter. Boys are much easier to deal with, for me at least. Her brother, who is one year younger, was a breeze to deal with.. I simply took a few pages from Bill Cosby's comedy book on parenting, lol....."You better behave or I'll take you out. And don't think I'll miss you, because I can turn around and make another just like you".... GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/7/2004 2:18:37 PM   TimH, The last nasty bit you're describing does not come out of desperation, but from cold blooded premeditation. It sounds that particular woman adapted too well to the western women standards , lol...to the point of becoming what most of us here are running away from. If we look at it objectively the one of the few ways to prevent it is by living in their countries, not ours....(not very practical for most of us) I personally prefer to fight fire with fire. So in order to prevent any future misunderstanding or potential changes of mind and intentions on my new wife's part, I have had my attorney draw the closest thing to an iron claw pre-nup contract. Anyone with anything to lose if things go sour should have one to protect both the western man and the foreign wife, as well...The potential for abuse, deceit or simple marriage failure is a two way street. The risk for the man to lose material things he has or will achieved is no greater than the risk for the foreign woman to be abandoned, abused, cheated and or neglected. And the risk is higher if there are children involved. I sort of surprises me that this subject does not get covered by any of the agencies that do so much to pronote east/west marriages. In fact, when I asked about it regarding the services they provide, some agencies responded as if I was covered in fecal matter.....(I shower twice a day, damn it!!) Olga, what's your input on this one? idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/9/2004 3:22:50 AM   Tim thankyou for reading properly this time. If you remember I have done it too so I also know what I am talking about. By the way, its Australia not the USA. The main reason I said what I said was because I seen someone write, although I cannot recall who, that in there experience if you do do this child thing and are good to the child, that usually the woman would be very gratefull. In my opinion, sure it is possible but to be thinking in this manner is a mistake. All that is important is how you and you girl are, everything else is secondary. Also, a lot of people were in this thead just singing happy songs about all the good things that they can give this child, also a misguided way of thinking. Every topic has multiple ways to view it, I do not always say what I believe 100%, but do try to offer a different angle so people can see all the colours, not just the nicer ones, therefore making a decicion based on all possible outcomes. idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/9/2004 3:30:33 AM   ensata good comment but again everyone is differnt. married a woman with a child and I really did love that child, and she truely loved me. A childs love is not decetfull. The problem was, I was dady when it suited my wife but not when it did not suit her. She would even say that I was not dady to her child when she was ill tempered. Just triing to point out that although what you say is true that the opposite can also be true. Also she would often accuss me of not loving her child, which was crazy. In my opinion, there are to many pit fall with women with children, and although everyone will do as they please, it is my advice to find a girl and start your own family. At the very least, do not deliberately seek out these woman. ensata Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/9/2004 6:52:26 AM   ID I have people like you on my church board! Good people who are not afaid to offer up a somewhat contrarian view of things. It sure is more comfortable when we can allsing happy songs in harmony. But sometimes it is the one singing off key to the others thats got the song right. In the bible no one liked the prophets because they were not saying what everyone wanted them to say - so they were generally stoned, or sometimes stuffed in logs and sawed in into pieces. Hey, what the heck, it is Sunday a.m. here and I'm getting my message tuned up for church. Any how my stone s won't reach you from here. Your points are well made. And your experience valuable. I think that there are really no rules. That we need common sense, good judgement, when getting to know these women; to hear and read what they say, and also what they don't say. While my limited knoweledge and experience tells me that many FSU women have more traditional views of marriage and family, I still operate understanding that human nature is human nature, and women are women whereever they live. So as I have expressed before, in general, I beleive that it is hard to parent someone elses child if you have not had children. (applies both ways). And to marry a women with a child is a serious committment to the child. And as in my case I look for and would expect a serious commitment from a new wife to my children. My personal preference is that a mother with a child in the same basic age range as mine, would be the best mother for mine. And I want to thouroughly understand her attitude taowards my children, and I want her to know mine. I want to make sure we have parenting compatibility, as well as compatibility in our relationship with each other. I still think that it is probably better to amrry a womna with out children if you do not have a younger child now. Although there really are no rules. And there are are a lot of lovely and good, relatively overlooked, women with children at thsi site! Well, I'm off to call my lovely and luscious Lucy right now! idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/9/2004 7:00:42 AM   All agreed ensata. Your situation is your own and to my mind, if I were in your situation I would possiblely look for the same thing. Just to mention, I did correspond with a very nive looking young lady from St petes, good english, nice style of a girl who had no children and said she was happy to marry a man with children. She seemed genuin, maybe you should try her?? idiotdetector Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/9/2004 7:03:39 AM   Also,thanks for that little story about contraversial points of view, glad to see that my comments are being taking seriously by someone, not just getting up peoples noses. dma Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/9/2004 7:22:35 AM   I agree id; how the woman can one minute see you as a caring father figure but in moments of a bad mood, use the child against you even though you or the child have done no wrong. There will always be a bond that you cannont break but only cross when she allows you to, pushed back when she says so. Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > Older Kids vs Younger Kids
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