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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > English Humour Author Post sanchopanza Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/28/2004 3:13:58 PM   WANTED Tamer Lion by Lion Tamer wessman Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/28/2004 3:49:24 PM   Faux Brittish Humor A knockout young Britt decided she wanted to get rich quick, so she proceeded to find herself a rich 75-year-old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. The first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a condom to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of nose plugs. Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?" The elderly groom replied, "There are two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber." gladiatorUK Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/29/2004 3:43:31 PM   My little contribution for this evening: 1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, Thyroid problem? 2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized, God doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. 3) My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father. 4) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. 5) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder. 6) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. 7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may Break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way. 8) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade. 9) S ( e ) x is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. 10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.' 11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat? 12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. 13) You know that look women get when they want s ( e ) x? Me neither. Enjoy ladies and gentleman..........:)))))) gladiatorUK Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/29/2004 3:48:57 PM   Food for thought??? 1. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed? 2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? 3. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? 4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your ar ( s ) e? 5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'? 7. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? 8. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date? 9. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat? 10. Is French kissing in France just called kissing? 11. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'? 12. What do people in China call their good plates? 13. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their cr ( o ) tch when they ask where the bathroom is? 14. What do you call male ballerinas? 15. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'? 16. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? 17. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? 18. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure? 19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? 20. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the window? :))) the gladiator!!! wessman Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/29/2004 3:49:11 PM   idid gladiatorUK Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/29/2004 3:51:28 PM   which one wess........not all of them surely????........:)) wessman Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/29/2004 3:56:07 PM   oph there was only one list last time!!1 let's see then wessman Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/29/2004 3:57:15 PM   answer to one. it gets harder each time? gladiatorUK Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/29/2004 3:59:20 PM   if you answer to more than one wess consider yourself an honorary Brit.....:)) an award not given lightly either!!!!!.....LOL wessman Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/29/2004 4:03:24 PM   20 the dog , brush your teeth with meat pie and gravey! the dog will have a much improved attitude wessman Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/29/2004 4:06:21 PM   Our biggest visitor to our beach resort are the Britt's, the jack flys here in my corner of the world we have english pubs and diners here too. gladiatorUK Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/29/2004 4:18:46 PM   sounds good Wess,....alhough I'm not into a beer discussion,I remember the last time that subject came up it made for some pretty heated debate!!.....:) wessman Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 8/29/2004 4:38:07 PM   I'm a leg man not a beer man geriatrix Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/4/2004 8:58:50 AM   with French Letters and Dutch Courage he felt ready to invite her to a dance. nasfan6 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/4/2004 7:24:09 PM   I am now afraid of beer after reading the date rape memo in another post, and I think I will give up golf also. Maybe I will take up Bridge I didn't know that game could be so erotic! Maybe would could play a new version of Russian roulette, write 8 girls from one agency and see how long it takes the translator to rat you out and how long it takes before one of them kicks your ass! As far as English Humor Benny Hill will always be king!! Later Mike gladiatorUK Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/4/2004 8:14:30 PM   Mike: if you are giving up golf for those above mentioned reasons.........please enlighten the other members why???....we are all waiting with baited breath..........lol. NOT A HOLE IN ONE SURELY............LOL!!!!!! scottlf Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/4/2004 10:44:40 PM   Mike, Sounds like you never had to disarm a Kamakazi Scotsman. nasfan6 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/5/2004 6:16:50 AM   Glad I think the hole in one you are referencing and I could be wrong, That game requires many strokes to be successful, in which the competition might consider less strokes to be an extreme handicap. I must check the rules on your game, can you putt with your tongue????Still in your game I think course management is still a highly value skill. Scott I'm afraid to ask what the hell a kamakazi Scotsman is? I hope it's the same as a pissed off Ukrainian Woman, because if it is I want no part of it thank you! Later Mike scottlf Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/5/2004 8:36:10 AM   Monty Python reference. nasfan6 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 10/5/2004 8:32:57 PM   Scott I see, I tried Monty but guess I didn't get it. Maybe because Benny Hill took up too much of my time. Later Mike Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > English Humour
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