That's a very apathetic attitude who cares? That's why we may be in the mess we are. I guess it's just a matter of character with some people. I just happen to value fidelity highly. Maybe that's why I'm not still married. I think we have to have some values or our society tends to fall into pieces. It's not my place to condemn anyone, but I lost a friendship of 20 years because he had an affair on his wife. I just happen personally to take a higher road on the fidelity issue. We do set examples for our children and other people by our character. The world can take alot of things away from a person. It cannot take ones honor and integrity.
"Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap..."
(ACDC)
Nasfan,
The issue of marital fidelity in the US is almost as hard to debate, resolve, justify, prove and most of all REPAIR than religion or politics.
When a spouse (either sex) reneges on her commitment to care and/or provide for his/her partner, nowadays all bets are off.
"If stay fat after giving birth, I'll screw around.."
"If you butch up your hair to look like a man, I'll screw around.."
"If you stop taking care of the house, I'll screw around.."
"If you start wasting the money I earn to support you, I'll screw around.."
"If you deny my sexual needs....I'll screw around.."
"If you start screwing around, lol...I'll screw around.."
And on and on and on....
The list of documented reasons why spouses screw around are almost infinite.
That's not a cynical or sad statement just the truth. What is sad is the adulterer is this case my ex, gets half of everything. We expect everyone to have personal responsibility with the exception of marriage. You can go to jail for walking down the street drunk.
You sure as hell will if you drive a car drunk. Or you can lose millions if someone slips on your driveway because of some bullshit lawyer. But adultery, no way, you still get half. The advent of no fault divorce screwed up this country more than anything else. In civil trials it's just a preponderence of evidence not beyond reasonable doubt. I feel in marriage you screw around you lose. Plain and simple either party no matter who invested the most in the marriage. I like the loser pays philosophy. Everyone in the states is crying for tort reform. Well if you do that, reform the divorce laws. I think it would change many peoples minds about screwing around on their spouses.
I don't know, Mike. I don't even think the state should recognize the religious aspect of marriage.
Marriage should be considered a contract, and penalties incurred depend on the violation of the contract. I certainly don't support the blanket statement of "no fault" other than an excuse to try to keep the court backlogs managed (which they don't appear to have done).
Scott food for thought my friend, we punish for murder, isn't that under the 10 commandments so is murder a religious aspect. Just something to screw with your mind a little bit my friend.
Nasfan,
As usual, I'll take the devil's advocate side of the topic.
Please don't take this as a personal attack, but I canont help wanting to see the reasons, causes and thought process your ex used to justify screwing around.
I once heard a woman scream outloud at her husband at a fancy restaurant: "I'm bored to death with you...for the sake of whatever love we once had, please give me a fair divorce or I'll blow both our heads off..."
It's way too easy to demonize someone for betraying what we think is our trust in them or viceversa.
But in most cases people do not just screw around just for the hell of it. Something led them to finally act out.
As I said earlier, the list of casues is almost infinite...
From being tired of the same boring sex lifestyle to being disgusted of their partners physical appearance to lack of communication between partners to keep the flame going.
Kids, money, jobs, relatives and on and on and on....
Several months ago I posted the parallels between building a successful marriage and the seemingly simple act of making mashed potatos.
1. You choose two potatos that may seem compatible.
2. You carve their eyes out with a sharp poker.
3. You remove their skin with a sharp knife.
4. You drop them unceremoniously in boiling water.
5. You smash them until they no longer resemble anything like what they started out to be when they met each other.
6. You can no longer distinguish one from the other.
Nas,
Given the individualistic nature of our social system, trying to count the amount of measuring notches on the so called 'moral bar' would cure even the most resistant cases of insomnia.
The only thing we can do is seek to interact, relate, date, fall in love and make long term commitments only with those who match it....and still we have no safety that sometime down the road something may cause the 'moral bar' to be dislocated from its perch.....go figure.
So – did everybody had his say?
Then I suppose I may too.
“Sorry to realize but for many people sex means the intercourse only”
It’s time to wipe that smile off your face Bob - because sex IS intercourse.
Yeah, I know, various ways & means, but then we’re talking about oral sex or whatever other kind you’re in to. Suit yourself but I hope you’ll take that in the plural form.
Your addition to the end of your statement, the word “only”, leads me to believe that you in fact want to say something else but sorely miss the point. But don’t feel bad because everyone else seems to do ditto.
You probably mean “making love”, something infinitely far removed from sex although they seem to go hand in hand. And if you take that latter bit as an intended pun then there’s no hope left for you.
Why I post this? Because it’s strange that nobody else seems to acknowledge this difference.
collins concise english dictionary: sex: (3)anything connected with sexual gratification or reproduction. (4) sexual intercourse.
POD: only the sexual intercourse definition.
TD make love (POD) make love (often foll. by to) 1 have sexual intercourse.
So if i want to i can say make love is having sexual intercourse and having sex is sexual gratification (ex oral sex)
"That's a very apathetic attitude who cares? That's why we may be in the mess we are. I guess it's just a matter of character with some people. I just happen to value fidelity highly. Maybe that's why I'm not still married. I think we have to have some values or our society tends to fall into pieces. It's not my place to condemn anyone, but I lost a friendship of 20 years because he had an affair on his wife. I just happen personally to take a higher road on the fidelity issue. We do set examples for our children and other people by our character. The world can take alot of things away from a person. It cannot take ones honor and integrity. "
I feel we care too much about appearances. It's silly. Why the hell should I care what a bunch of strangers think about how live my life? Come on now.... Personally I think pretty poorly of people that have no concept of fidelity. It's a sign of personal weakness. But having said that, why should I care what others think of me or my life? Those that matter I call friends. those that don't I give very little thought to. You may feel it's apathy. It's simply a practical view of things. I'm not gonna waste any energy on things that have no real importance to my life or the lives of those I do care for. Very simple. There are way too many people here in the US that worry way too much about what's happening in someone else's yard and not enough abotu what's happening in their own.
No argument here, All I'm implying is we lead by example and sometimes especially in this country our leadership is poor example for out youth. I'm in total agreement of taking care of one's own yard, that's where it starts. I also don't agree with it being a waste of energy trying to change things that others encourage or endorse as proper. I do worry about what is happening in someone elses yard, especially if that yard is next to mine.
Fidelity is the most important thing in marriage. We can all forgive the sex part of it, terrible as that might make us feel, no the worst part is the disloyalty and the betrayal of trust... I have discussed this with my fiance, I do not mean to appear to make her saintly, however, I am 100% sure, that no matter what the circumstance, she will not cheat on me, or vice versa, now she may well divorce me or leave, but I know for certain that she will not violate her vows while she is with me, and I feel the same way as well......
Trad you are so right. Fidelity is the most important issue to me
also. You also said the key word. Vows. No matter what fidelity is
a character issue and a matter of honor. You don't have to cheat on your mate to divorce them anymore. I would respect a woman to tell me to my face she didn't want to be with me any more for one reason or another, then sneak around behind my back. What is the point?
I agree Nasfan, if things were going wrong, I hope we would work at it, if she has irreconcilable reasons for leaving, well hard as that may be, you would have to respect it, I have no time for adultery, don't take those vows unless you mean them, and that means if things are not going well, then work to get them back how they were, not seek outside distractions or a way out
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