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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > I'd like to know the truth Author Post wessman Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/16/2004 9:51:36 PM   I have not read all the posts here, did anyone suggest that you surprise him as a fantasy, I mean some role playing, a wig, or a new sexual situation he might enjoy. Even the most loving man, in a manogamous relationship likes a variety, hence the trip to the porn site. Some men desire sex twice a day, we all have different needs, do you talk and share with him your needs or ask about his, lack of congruent communication is often the problem. Try sex in the car, that usually works for me. Wess spirittraveller Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/16/2004 11:02:00 PM   I do not know anything about eastern women,and this is why I am here. I have enjoyed all these postings very much,and am satisfied with a dollar well spent. I do want to say something about therapy though. I was a troubled kid and went to many crackpots. I also went with my significant ex-other to counseling . It turned into an argument about co-dependence,and costed me thousands of dollars. In 2000 I learned that happiness starts with yourself,and is not dependent on anyone else. Your self esteem,confidence,and happiness are addictively pleasing to others. The more I realized this,the more I could open myself to change within myself. I was pissed that I was spending so much on psychotherapy ( and more angry yet when I found out the counselor was going through her own divorce!) until I discovered that it is only me that I can change or help. The whole thing was about me-not solidifying a crumbling relationship-not about my ex. I went in with the attitude that I was going to fix "us". In my situation,the bottom line came out to be -no matter how much you love a woman,it does not mean she is obligated to love you back. So you are stuck inside of yourself,and you have to learn how to treat the hurt,sad,despondent inner child within yourself as if he is your own beloved son ( or daughter ). The old adage of loving what you are and being happy with what you have does not quite work here,because obviously most of us (men) have experienced the 21st century American/western woman,and found them to be wanting. I am not alone,and am never without women`s company if I need it. But I am not happy. I have to reach way back to find the happy childhood moment,perhaps some of you do not have to go so far. I feel that everybody can use an uninvolved ear to vent into,and there are professionals out there who have evolved from California group/shock/shame/grope therapy who really do know some great exercises that help. Not necessarily mental. One that strangely rocked me was the calling-in exercise. I would in a meek voice call myself,and she would urge me over and over again to repeat myself. It seems weird,but I had a tough time with this. The day when I shouted my name so loud that the therapist winced,was the moment I broke down,and broke through. There is a strange energy to this exercise. Another exercise was doing free movement,where you close your eyes,and make your body quietly express itself by crawling,beating the floor,reaching out. Being that sex,sleep,and swimming are the only forms of horizontal movement we make,this experience is surreal,and also quite powerful when you become oblivious to your surroundings-even when it includes other people watching you. Now,as the years have passed,I know that I was addicted to a relationship. I used it as a substitiue for my own happiness. I leaned on it,cajoled it,fed it,begged and pleaded with it until it became the drug of my own choice. It was at this time that I recognized that anything to be gained in a relationship is gained as an individual. Even the satisfying wholeness of mutual growth is reflected inwardly. We all come into this world alone,and we will leave the same way. My happiness,satisfaction,anger,jealousy--these all belong to me. My reluctance to change,or my anxiety at finding a worthy woman-these regrettably are mine too. I am the scratching of the tree branch on the windowpane. I am my own best friend,and a bitter adversary too! shaggy47435 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/16/2004 11:50:12 PM   Thank you John Red Corn...lol. Sorry I could not resist but I bet you have some good headache remedies...:) QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 2:03:01 AM   Housewife Before any other members air their vulnerabilities, conceit, sexual hangups, hatred of all women and amateur psychobabble, I would run like hell from here!! ;-)) Ptichka Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 2:06:43 AM   wtrav02, don't understand that. You like those women who like to see striptease...but you wouldn't like your wife like that...hm...this is a paradox I won't be able to understand, at least in the morning:))) Housewife, I just thought that maybe you could find a job where you will be able to work some hours??? You see more communication with more people never was a mistake, and it never hurt anybody...at least it's to my mind:) shaggy47435 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 2:39:02 AM   Ptichka, Maybe he is trying to say something similar that I mentioned earlier. For some men they have an idealistic view of their wife or partner and though they might find something particularly erotic it may be outside of the activities they would concider decent or fitting for someone of that position in their life. Yes it seems a double standard but at the same time a higher standard that I think we all like to think would be true. The simple truth is that part of fantasy is that it is just that. If your wife was a stripper the fantasy would be the norm and no longer unreacheable. I think both play into wtravs statement. But hey I am sure he will be along to explain it better. Ptichka Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 2:43:00 AM   I think that you explained it very nicely:) But I will be waiting for wtrav to explain his words more clear:) As for what you say, you know it seams a little bit strange for me anyway...with whom then to enjoy erotic fantasies and sexual activity then with not your partner? :))) shaggy47435 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 3:04:50 AM   You are correct that is what is meant for us all we hope but I think maybe I left out that for some it is the thrill of it being outside there normal set of values or morals...you know dirty...lol :)) I must agree with you though it is always more fun with someone special! QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 5:20:32 AM   spirittraveller I can empathise completely with you and have had a very similar journey.. Efforts to fit into someone else's model, of how we ought to be, can wreak havoc on our minds and our sense of self and create confusion. Throw away the self-help books! Someone sent me this... "...There's a race of men that don't fit in, a race that can't stand still; so they break the hearts of kith and kin, and roam the world at will- ..." Fancy joining me to get laid in Rio? ;-)) Ptichka Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 7:16:24 AM   shaggy47435, when somebody wants to go out without his partner, I think it is normal to do with his or her own friends. But there shouldn't be a situation when a husband goes out a lot, and a wife sits at home, or vice versa. After all, I think that we all sometimes need rest on our own:) What do you think??:) shaggy47435 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 10:27:23 AM   I agree with you that of course we need our own space now and then it should not be that often. In the 15 years of my marriage I can cound on my fingers the number of times I went out without my wife. I do not count hunting as she was invited but did not want to particiapate. But hardly ever did I go out on the town with out her. I believe as you that focus should be on the couple. I would say once or twice a month should be plenty to go it alone but of course that is different for different people. We also had kids so when we were younger maybe once a week she would go it alone. I never minded her going with me because we all had the same friends and did much together anyway. QC you may want to clarify that request a little...lol QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 11:05:17 AM   lol shaggy :-)) I know where YOUR mind is. ;-)) Ptichka Space is important to the health of a marriage. There are very few couples who can tolerate each other 24x7. But this requirement for space is met mostly... by men sitting in front of the computer looking at porn sites while her indoors is watching the daytime soaps! :-) If the man is out nearly every night... clearly, he doesn't want to be with his wife! wtrav02 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 11:19:33 AM   When the thread is about sex, it goes a long way, 4 pages, 70 responses already. shaggy47435, marriage and family are very important to me. I was looking for a particular type of girl, specifically not the one who has socialized with half the male population in her city. I would never marry the girl who likes to see other women getting naked. I mean why in the name of God would I want this? I have been with such girls and I've slept with up to three girls together, so I've had my adventures well beyond the norm. The happiness that I find with my wife is not in the strange type of sex, it is at another level that the two of us understand and don't have to explain. Ptichka, I knew a guy from Greece many years ago, major womanizer, but with incredible style. We're talking about numbers in the many hundreds maybe thousands of women. The guy was a womanizer before and after he got married and had two kids. What is impressive is that when he would hit on a woman, he would wear his wedding band and he would make a statement that he's married and he's interested in nothing more than an affair, sex. He was always successful, once I witnessed him pick up a married woman while her husband went for a leake. His wife and family was his treasure, she never knew, she never found out. He loved his wife like nothing else and as far as I know they had frequent sex that they both enjoyed very much. He had a convenient profession that required him being away from his home frequently. The parallel between the man described above and the man who sees naked women in perplex sexual encounters on the internet are similar in what satisfies them. Simply the man described above cheated with real women while the man who uses Internet has found a more convenient, more easily reachable and doable substitute. shaggy47435 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 11:53:40 AM   wtrav, that is my understanding as well. I was trying to say that as well that we just hold higher standards for our wifes. Hard to justify in all cases but I believe your are correct. It is our nature to do so. I think the key here is communication. If you cannot clearly communicate your expectations and feelings the understanding part will always be just out of grasp. I think housewife is doing well to find information that will help her to clarify her own feelings and expectations and then find a way to communicate those effectively with her husband. No harm in that. I think there is a place for help as well but again you must know what you are seeking to know the best avenue of help. Not all mental health professionals are quacks. My experience is the more liberal ones centered on individuals are not as helpful in marriatal issues but maybe seek someone willing to treat the couple and not the individual first. I think the biggest issues I have encountered through my experience is that many feel that to treat the couple the individual must first be well. I think maybe the problem many have with their experience is that when one person is treated then the whole of the issue is not addressed. Most cases the problem is in communication and not that one is totally unfair or evil. Many just do not understand their issues other than they are not happy. I can say that modern medicine cost me my wife. Her situation is different so I will not go into it but be cautious and choose wisely as there are some serious pitfalls in modern mental health. Remeber that the issues are between two people and fixing one is very rarely the answer. I am a strong supporter of self help but again know your limits and always remember the golden rule. "First do no further harm". GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 12:06:59 PM   Frank, Anyone who honestly feels the calling to service, help or heal his fellow man is a saint in my book. However, the reality of everyday practices by the therapy/counseling industry in this country is far removed from its basic mission. Your claim of millions having been healed is vague. Anyone could make the same claim about how many have been fleeced or trapped into a vicious cycle of dependency not created by their condition or situation, but by the individual therapist or the state's cookie cutter guidelines of treatment. And when you add the 'dumbing effect' caused to the general population by daytime TV pseudo counseling shows like Dr. Phil and others one can only laugh in frustration at the whole damn situation. toad GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 12:15:30 PM   I somehow suspected in the very beginning of this thread that the topic would bring out the weirdest reports of sexual (mis)behavior....hehehehehe. Very entertaining so far, indeed...:) Let's hope it does not turn into a brawl, ok mates? QuietCharm Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 12:20:33 PM   wtrav02 Good post. The impression that might be taken from reading some of these submissions is that most men are viewing porn sites. I do not believe this. It is like a drinker pointing to other drinkers saying... "See! see! It's normal!" Men will always justify their behaviour. 'The wife never found out'... unlike the lady who started this thread. Most FSU ladies I have met have been highly moral. They would be hurt… as ‘housewife’ is… by the fact that ‘Virtual Valerie’ has seduced their husband. Just because the U.S. is awash with this stuff, doesn’t make it okay. When I was in the Far East, the asian men I met all thought American women were whores, simply because of pornographic images. My wife was groped several times in crowds by the little fellas. To a woman, infidelity in the mind is just as much a ‘sin’ to them as infidelity in reality. Sex, devoid of love, is just animal and if that’s the level you want to be at.. fine. But how does it enrich a marriage? How does it honour your partner? Ok, if you live on your own… guys need release but when you are married and view sites, it seems to me you are just chipping away at it’s integrity… and your own. It’s called Russian Roulette. ;-)) GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 12:32:24 PM   "...Just because the U.S. is awash with this stuff, doesn’t make it okay..." Yes, it does, QC... Call it cultural differences, lesser society libido self discipline, massive media marketing or just plain libertine hedonistic preferences...maybe a bit of it everything all put together in one giant horny salad. It is what it is and unless each person or couple wants to devote their lives to change the system or the whole culture, all we're going to be able to change or define is how we lead our own lives, marriages and family lifestyles... What is amoral to you or anyone else is nothing more than pleasure and harmless sexual entertainment to just as many others who have absolutely no obligation to subscribe to your or my set of self chosen moral values. toad Housewife Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 12:47:39 PM   It was very interesting to read so many opinions about husband-wife bonds and needs. I think I realized something and I found it in wtrav02 post. I remember my husband’s comments about women men want to have sex with and the one they will marry. Reading the posts I’ve realized that we have plenty of our personal space but don’t have enough of togetherness. I believe it can be fixed. And I know my better half is always open for suggestions. And thanks for the practical advise “how to spice up our sex life”. But many of you are missing the point: we have young children (can you imagine Mom in a sexy garment is waiting for Dad? Or get spontaneous and get into the car to have sex leaving kids alone? ), no grandparents around the corner and it’s not our problem at this point. As for joining my husband in his “sin trips” I’d say if he would be an alcoholic not too many of you would recommend me to start drinking with him? I believe in self-help and communication. I’ve tried to read books like: “The women are from Vines and .. ” and I even tried to do it as a couple reading. My husband said it’s a BS. Later I had to agree with him. But I found more help with books like “The power of your subconscious mind” and “Mind Power”. I REALLY appreciate all replies and posts. Thanks to all. GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 12/17/2004 1:14:41 PM   Keep reading, Wife...and keep talking to hubby about what you read. I'm willing to bet you will find something he DOES NOT think is BS. Regarding wearing sexy outfits in wait for your husband to come from work...are you aware that bedroom closets and duct tape can effectively be used to 'neutralize' children? (kidding) If the idea of surprising him in a sexy manner appeals to you, there are many ways to make it happen. Do the children have any friends in the neighborhood or form their school whose parents would be willing to keep them overnight or until after dinner hours? When I raise kids as a single parent I sometimes 'traded' free time with other single parents who wanted or needed time off during the week or weekend. Need is the mother of invention. Get creative. Good luck, toad Your Reply: Your name:   New Registration Password:   Forgot password?   refresh Code:   Russian brides > Main Forum > I'd like to know the truth
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