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	Create New Topic   My Posts   My forum buddies   Invite friends   Private messages Russian brides > Main Forum > second thoughts Author Post groon Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/10/2004 10:24:40 PM   I'm wondering bout this too. I was not looking for a Russian woman. I got an email from a woman I thought was local. I didn't take a close look at the location I just assumed she lived where I do. Her first reply kind of confused me. Then I went back and saw that she lived in freaking Russia. She seemed nice enough so I figured so I have an online pen pal... so we have been writing each other for a month now. She hasn't asked me for anything. We email as if we lived in the same city. It's a very strange feeling kind of scary too. Here I am emailing a woman that can very easily be anything other than what she portrays herself to be. Then I think to myself, "Are the local girls so bad that I'm actually starting to have feelings for someone I haven't even seen other than in jpeg images and a few voice recordings?" This whole thing has me a bit confused. Then reading about how Lugansk, Ukraine appears to be a hot bed for scammers.... This past week or so she sent me a voice recording asking to know where she stood with me and what my intentions were/are. This girl seems too good to be true. I don't know if I should cut and run or invest more time. I'm starting to feel an emotional attachment to her so I know I have to make a decision soon. Any suggestions or opinions? Besides the obvious signs, what more should I be looking for as a sign of a scam or fake? scottlf Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/10/2004 10:49:49 PM   Most of it is fairly common sense. For the most part, no relationship if you are not willing to make a "leap of faith", so to speak. If she is a scammer, and she is on one more sites, you might find her on a couple of scammer web sites. Nothing to lose by looking around other than some time. Has this person made any remarks that make her intentions suspect? Of course, for warned is for armed. Keep your wits about you. Just as important, if she were not a scammer, what ARE your intentions? If you don't realistically feel you would pursue this to the point of going to meet her, than spare her feelings. She has an investment in this, too. If she hasn't asked for money, she may be legit. She may not be totally honest, either. Have BOTH of you exchanged photos (RECENT PHOTO'S!)? Have you been honest of your lifestyle here? If you suspect her photo's are bogus, you could suggest having a specific pose, like her in front of the Armitage in St. Petersberg (if she lives there). Just some suggestions. If both of you are being reasonably honest with each other, and your are both still interested in eachother; I would say the next step is to talk to her on the phone. Physically seeing here is a different matter, and I think it would be best to wait till you get to that point before discussing it as far as planning. Ultra Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/11/2004 3:12:12 AM   Groon,personally I dont see any signs of scam or fake so far. If she has not asked money, if you are corresponding not through the agency and free of charge…What for she is doing it? Just spends her free time, for fun? Why then she asked about Your intentions? Fake? Again I do not see any reasons…When you come to visit her you will see her anyway and of course if she looks quite different you would be disappointed, frustrated and more likely would leave her at once…and she understands it…So again what for? Scammers are those who ask money either directly or using all their tricks so that you yourself suggest sending money and very happy about it. I suggest you continue communicating (moreover if you like her). Scot is right –call her, you will hear her voice and can understand her relations, feelings towards you. Ask her recent pictures, preferably with her family and friends…Maybe this is your destiny? Wonder happens when you don’t expect it at all… crashnsplash Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/11/2004 9:57:54 AM   Thats basically how it happened to me. I never in a million years thought I would be going to Russia to meet the woman I have always dreamed about all my life(hopefully). I could tell you this, I never would have guessed she may be halfway around the world. Reality is I'll be there next month. My nerves are beginning to get nutty on me. (Don't scoff at me GL! =P) GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/11/2004 12:50:43 PM   Crash, There's a big but subtle difference between having "cold feet" and "travel anxiety".... Cold feet is a type of commitment phobia. Travel anxiety is a combination of fear of the unknown + unticipation excitement. Heck, I get travel anxiety whenever I drive to Baja California (Mexico) or Las vegas....and those are just a few hundred miles from home. You're entitled to a fairly large dose of travel anxiety for stepping on a plane to go to a completely different environment half way around the world to meet entirely strange people speaking a language that doesn't even have the same alphabet as yours... Just don't tell me you are having 'cold feet' about meeting the person(s) that have agreed to meet your ugly ass in person and who are certainly experiencing their own "sit & wait" anxiety feelings. go for it...and good luck, mate! GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/11/2004 1:00:53 PM   Groon, "voice recording asking to know where she stood with me and what my intentions were/are. This girl seems too good to be true." In another of my infamous 'not so humble' opinions, I tell you this:....:) 1. Her asking you what your intentions are is a clear message to you that she knows clearly what she wants...and that if you do not step up to the plate to provide it, she has other options (men) who will... 2. If you're only looking to get laid and screw around, drop the entire FSU woman search immediately. 3. If you do not call her or let her go, YES she is too good to be true (but only for you)..she will be perfectly 'just right' for someone else. 4. Make sure you know clearly where you stand before you tell anyone else. Good luck! groon Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/11/2004 7:06:40 PM   GLTALLTOAD, Well, I sent her a reply along with a voice recording version of my reply to her questions. I've opted to continue to pursue this with her. I broke it down for her. Let her know ultimately I am looking for someone to be with and hope she is the one I have been looking for. I let her know I'm not one to rush into anything and if she feels for any reason this is not for her to let me know. I got her reply today. Apparently she was worried I was going to tell her I was not interested in anything serious with her. She says she has been having trouble sleeping worrying about my possibly choosing to end things. She's happy I want to see where this will go. I'm still a bit apprehensive. But this email did ease some of my concerns. She’s asking me for some of my favorite recipes. Her parents are coming to visit her for a week and she wants to cook some of my favorite foods for them and plans on telling them about me. So maybe she isn’t a scam? I still can't believe I am doing this... scottlf Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/11/2004 8:19:01 PM   Groon, Sound interesting. I wish you well in our future endeavor. I whole heartedly agree not to rush into this. I think at some point, actually speaking to her on the phone will be the next step. You haven't made any major commitment other than emotional ones. If you later plan to actually visit her, then you have made a commitment that counts to both parties. Again, keep your eyes open. There are plenty here to offer advice once you get to that stage. groon Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/11/2004 11:01:15 PM   scottlf, Thanks man. This whole thing is still a bit surreal to me. This place is cool. Never knew there were places devoted to this. This place has been an education for sure. Thanks again guys. crashnsplash Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/12/2004 12:21:48 AM   I agree with you GL. Travel anxiety isn't the word. Its an anxiety Ive never felt before, I can tell you that. >Travel anxiety is a combination of fear of the unknown + unticipation excitement. Boy isn't this the truth, I'm almost ready to jump out of my skin! lol I do know one thing. I'm definitly ready to settle with her if this all works out. Ive never committed myself to one woman my whole life, but now is the time. I can definitly tell you there are no doubts towards her. She's the whole reason for this and I can't wait to be with her. Welcome to the club groon. Surreal is a good word to describe all this. I woke up from dreaming a few times in the middle of the night thinking I was in the twilight zone only to realize this I'm in this for real! groon Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/12/2004 12:33:54 AM   So how long did it take for you to get to where you both wanted to meet? crashnsplash Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/12/2004 12:44:33 AM   I have been doing this since last August. I met her the middle of January. It took about a month in a half of writing to eachother a few times a week, exchanging many, many photos and talking a few times on the phone for us both to know we wanted to see eachother more than anything. vihiker Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/12/2004 12:50:11 AM   Groon, just curious, what city in Russia does she live in? groon Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/12/2004 1:04:58 AM   The infamous Lugansk, Ukraine. Which after hearing how a hot bed of scamers this city is I had/have concerns but I will have to wait and see. I do hope I am worried over nothing but I ahve learned to plan for the worst and hope for the best. groon Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/12/2004 1:08:33 AM   Any idea what the average length of time it is for this? I'm trying to guage how long most people seem to think they know enough about eachother to want to go ahead and meet. DaveUK1965 Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/12/2004 1:20:58 AM   Folks, regarding Ukraine. Ukrainian standard of living is half that of Russia. In provincial Russia, a good wage is $75 a month. $500 a month is unheard of riches. Since the Russian economy is in such a downturn, cheap, locally produced goods are not available (or are of such poor quality that they`re useless). Most articles are therefore imports, and ruinously expensive. A shop girl in Russia earns $10-20 a month. A pair of shoes can be 3-4 months wages for her. A detective earns $100 a month and can only survive by being corrupt and taking bribes and backhanders. University lecturers get $50-60 a month. Nurses - $25 a month. Divide these wages by two and then ask yourself why so many Ukranian girls are on dating sites. "This is our Soviet reality". I`m afraid you all don`t seem to understand what Russian poverty really means. Let me ask you this question- wages in some parts of Russia are just slightly more than in Africa - if we were talking about the pure merits of African women, just looking for love and not trying to escape poverty with a foreigner - any foreigner- what would your response be ? Exactly. This site exists - like all dating sites - to make a profit. All dating sites repeat the same lies and half truths. One great truth about the whole fiancee process - any doubts, get out. Quickly. groon Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/12/2004 2:48:01 AM   Dave, I find what you have to say VERY interesting. Unlike most of the people on here I have no idea what this is all about. This girl emailed me and I replied w/o knowing what I was getting into. I have never been outside the US and only see what is on TV which is not much. I would be very greatful if you can point me to some good sources of the info you just posted. I know things are bad over there but I had no idea they were that bad. It add another layer of doubt for me. Seriously if you can give me any sources of real info please let me know. dma Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/12/2004 4:37:50 AM   Nice to read your posts groon & dave. The whole point of the thread (difficult for guys sometimes) is to express the legitimate concerns and "feelings" they're having with the situation we have found ourselves in respect the situation they have found themselves in also. I have also made a "commitment" to visit (next month) more an intention than a promise but sorry guys...nothing is ever laid in stone and if that is broken it doesn't mean you're a p*ssy or similar derogatory term. Life is complicated sometimes that any decisions made are likely very difficult; ones that can be life changing and have impact on more people than just yourself so need careful thought. And not just an impulse knee jerk reaction of going to see if you're compatible but looking forwards at potential future conflicts and seeing if the original thought was a viable one. Only this week have I got to see my little boy who is now 6 weeks old for the first time and I feel torn between doing what's right for him and what's right for me. The two don't seem to be mutually compatible and I am not open to any canine dictatorship either. I'm under no "illusion" that all or the majority of Russian women are "angels" and we're somehow "not worthy" (GLT) and IMO anyone that is has a rather naive perspective. I still can't help but think that in many ways, it's still pot luck. Sure, you may get lucky but does the initial flood of responses and interest truly reflect a genuine interest in you? GLTALLTOAD Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/12/2004 2:40:23 PM   Groon, I would strongly suggest you patiently invest some time getting ALL the pertinent information about your girl's family as well as hers, including full names, photos, addresses, phone numbers, etc, etc.... Due diligence means you do the best possible job proving your woman is an honest person. Remember that honest persons and scammers in FSU are equally affected by what the poor economic conditions DaveUK describes. good luck! TimH Member send PM   block PM add to buddies Send: 5/12/2004 4:06:14 PM   Groon: for me, I try to get there and meet my lady within 2 months of first contact. My reasons for this: I will know she is real and genuine much faster. And would you walk up to a pretty girl in the street and ask her if she would like to email you for a few weeks, and talk on the phone, to decide if you would like to go out on a date together, maybe in 6 months time ? No you wouldnt !! So why make an FSU woman wait 4, 5 or 6 months for that first date ? Its bullshit to say, "but you should get to know them better before you go there" thats procrastinating bullshit and I am not buying it !! If you are serious about finding a Russian lady, then get you butt over there and meet some :o)) Dave: "Ukrainian standard of living is half that of Russia. In provincial Russia, a good wage is $75 a month." There Im going to make you wrong mate !! Ukraine is not all bad, Kiev has some very well paid work, to genralise that Russia has it twice as good is neither correct or informed. I know areas of Russia that are 100% worse than Ukraine, and places where life is Much much harder. Please do Not make such sweeping statements about places I doubt you have seen with your own eyes, as I have !! The only sure way to know if a woman is real GLT, is go there and stand in front of her !! All the checking and questioning doesnt mean a thing if you dont go there and see for yourself !! "I have never been outside the US and only see what is on TV which is not much." Scary isnt it groon ? US news never seems to report much that happens outside the US, its almost as if the powers that be there dont aknoledge the existance of this other huge continent on earth :o)) Russian brides > Main Forum > second thoughts
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