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dma

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	Send: 5/12/2004 6:23:50 PM

My emotions and decisions (as Tim well knows) are up and down like a Yo-Yo with my situation. Feeling cold turkey when apart from my girl, totally assured when together. Complications with my son (6 weeks old) were understood this evening but the presence of an ex-canine makes the situation very awkward especially now we're back in contact, she being uncharacteristically far too nice and expressing she still has 'feelings'. (LOL. Oh please). The Yo-Yo tonight is definitely back in Russia but I know that I'll forfeit my son - but then I know I've lost him already anyway. A triangle whose apex is carrying too much weight that will collapse very soon whatever decisions I make. Sometimes you can't make the right decision, only one that causes the least hurt.

TimH

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	Send: 5/12/2004 7:23:54 PM

" My emotions and decisions (as Tim well knows) are up and down like a Yo-Yo" !!! Daily !! He`s up .....uh oh !! He`s down again !! Its giving me whiplash trying to keep up with him :o)) Feelings for your wallet no dount !! She misses its cuddles, its comfort, its warm tender ten pound notes !! Dont fall for it Del` you are far too smart for that, you escaped the canine once, dont go back into the lair wilingly !! You wont forfeit your son mate !! there are laws about that, and if she cuts up clever and tries to claim he isnt yours, the a DMA test will soon sort that out ;o)) It is Not possible for her to cut you off from him if you dont let her !! YOu cant be happy with his mother, you already know that, so why ruin 4 lives, yours, Olyas, your X`s and your sons by trying to be in something that doesnt work for you !!! I know I havnt answered your email mate, and I appologise , but I really have been feeeling rough these last few days, seeing this post of yours has kicked my arse into saying a few things I wanted to say anyway !! The decision that will cause the least hurt for you and for Olya would be to go for it with Olya. You cant hurt your X only she can hurt you, and you cant hurt your Son because he isnt old enough yet to be hurt, but if you go for the X over Olya, you hurt Olya, and yourself, and in the future your X will hurt you and your son will cop it too when it all goes pear shaped down the road. If there is one thing in life I realy have learned its that you Cannot go back, only forward, and that a realtionship that doesnt work the first time will Not work the second. Having been married at least twice, where things didnt go well, we split and tried again later only to fail again, and numerous relationships exactly the same story, now when realtionship stops, thats the end of the road for me, I move on and dont look back. No second goes as they always end the same way the first one did !!

TimH

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	Send: 5/12/2004 7:24:05 PM

Or worse !!!

dma

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	Send: 5/13/2004 2:56:57 AM

Indeed, I am falling for nothing this time thinking with my head than little fella down below. I was pushed away from the pregnancy (assaulted), ignored at the birth, subsequently the signing of his birth certifcate as well as an order against me for doing nothing than being supportive in addition to the endless string of lies being spun. She's totally unstable and now all of a sudden the jealousy and nicey-nicey is back again using the child as a tool for her own needs (support, financially and emotional). We agreed (I took the lead in her indecision) that I should call today with a view to meeting up this weekend and somehow she thinks that having the baby around now will make me as gullible as husband number #2 who asks 'how high?' when she says jump. It will not. For some reason, she dislikes it if I answer her in Russian. ;) '...and do you love your new Russian woman?" I wish I could have captured her expression when I gave my answer but a situation I found myself because of her bad behaviour. I am well aware that I can enforce PR and a contact order pending no issue with Paternity - pretty much a default outcome for most fathers but I am giving her enough rope to hang herself as one day the child when he can understand will question this past year and the truth will come out; details of which have already (and continue to) been written up and filed away much to her surprise. Having said all that, I am under no illusion that my new girl is a sweet innocent angel. She also has a child where the father is absent and there are moments where I can see how strong-minded she can be (and it's not pleasant) and it certainly takes two to tango. So as lovely as this all seems to many, my guard and awareness for the reality of personality conflicts and selfish needs is never far away looking beyond the honeymoon period and already pushing 'issues' to guage reaction and temperament.

dma

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	Send: 5/13/2004 3:15:21 AM

btw: I received my first and totally unexpected call last night on my mobile from my girl having not TXT her in 2 days (As I wrote above - guaging reaction to different situations) after she took the weekend away. Needless to say I called her back straight away but was totally and pleasantly surprised to hear her voice as she was mine. Together, all other problems seem to disappear and difficult decisions become easier to make but there's still a large chasm to cross in terms of being together, properly one where the probability can be guessed but still unknown. Time apart seems to slowly bring back those doubts and insecurities when second thoughts somehow mind their way to the forefront that I believe are a self-protective mechanism.

groon

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	Send: 5/13/2004 6:33:55 PM

It's even harder on someone that didn't set out with something like this in mind. For me it's almost like I'm a pitch black room trying to feel my way around worried my next step will be off an unseen cliff. I've done all kinda of crazy stuff and not once felt fear doing them. I was even in a 6 car accident while on my motorcycle. I was wearing shorts, a tank top, and sandals at the time. The only thing that crossed my mind at that time was "I hope this doesn't hurt." Again no fear. I find it funny that this situation with this seemingly ok girl scares me a bit. Well not scare more like worries me. The horror stories make me pause.

crashnsplash

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	Send: 5/13/2004 7:03:54 PM

I'm the same way. I never expected anything like this. Maybe not as unexpected as you Groon. I started all this not knowing anything. Stick around for a while. I'm leaving for Russia the beginning of next month and I'll be back around the 15th or so. This is the climax of a journey that started for me about 8 or 9 months ago right here on this site. When I get back back I'm sure I will have an interesting story to tell. I'll give you my impression from a person thats never been there and never experienced anything like this. I'm nervous and anxious as hell. Don't have a clue as what to expect when I get there, but I'll say it again... I can't wait to be with her!!! This is going to be one hell of an adventure.

crashnsplash

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	Send: 5/13/2004 7:15:24 PM

wow how did I write two words twice? must be nervous fingers =)

TimH

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	Send: 5/13/2004 8:58:46 PM

Im VERY worried about Jet :o/// Its been almost 2 weeks since anyone heard from him, and he was supposed to be back last weekend Im sure (that would have been him away about 2 weeks at that point !!) JET !! Where are you mate ??? You got it bad Crash :o)) And you dont leave for a few weeks yet :o)) Imagine what state you will be in by the time you go :o)))) (By "what state" I dont mean geographically, I mean mentally, just in case the smart asses jump on that one, yes Del`, Im looking at you mate ;o))) ) Crash, its going to be interesting talking to you when you get back mate :o)) Im always glad when somone who hasnt been before goes, it makes me feel so much more belived when I talk about the FSU, what its like, my experiences with the women, the language and the culture :o)) Groon, Suck it up, bite the bullet and GO !! Shes a gril, how much harm can she really do you ? ;o)) This is not Nam or Iraq we are talking about, where the natives are less than friendly, its eastern Europe, and it is somewhat more civilised. If you never go, you wil psend the rest of your puff thinking, "what if ?" And "Maybe if I had" Get on with it mate :o))

ensata

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	Send: 5/13/2004 9:38:00 PM

Crash I'm feeling for you! I look forward to your return report. I'll be a first timer in July, so I am interested in your impressions and experience there. My x-canine has been weirdly nice to me lately. I know that she has caught scent of what's going down in my love life (with the luscious Lucy). Although she is greatly in the dark. She's not fooling me though. This btch was never genuinely nice to me for a single moment in the past. She threatned to leave for years. I would stay willingly married to her as long as she remained, but made it clear that should she leave that I would go forward with out her. I decide that I would not go playing any Jack -in - the -Box games with her. It would be un-healthy for my kids or me. So I am going forward with out wavering all the way to the God-forsaken FSU. Mean while I have been struck with an unreal case of infatuation with Lil Lu, and it's getting better every day, with nary a bump in the road. Crash, don't look back.. Lot's wife turned into a pillar of salt when she looked back at the destruction of Sodom and Gommorah. (To bad our x-wves couldn't come to a similar fate, and then leave us the (put in Tim's favorite expletative) alone!)

michaelbutler

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	Send: 5/14/2004 12:10:09 AM

DMA wow!! I went through almost word for word as to what you said with my X wife as far as using our child as a weapon for her needs.That was a very hard time.She will try to kill you with guilt trust me.Of course she says she has feelings for you again because your moving on and shes not.Are you going to let her take that away for you? Your child will love you if you love your child.Fight for your child as I did and it will work out some way.I have my son now and never thought I would we have a perfect relationship and after a long fight me and his mother can be cival.Now I am here trying to find the rest of my famaily-My future wife. So go be with your lady and dont compare her to the canine. You have not lost your son fight for him as you would your Russian bride to be.I couldn't amagine do both at the same time.You must be an emotional wreck.I feel for you friend I have been there. TIMH If there is one thing in life I realy have learned its that you Cannot go back, only forward, and that a realtionship that doesnt work the first time will Not work the second. Right on the nose couldn't have said it better

crashnsplash

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	Send: 5/14/2004 12:36:57 AM

lol Tim, Yes I guess you can say that. Just wait till I'm a few days away, you guys will be getting a good laugh out of me I'm sure. I'm looking forward to joining the ranks of the experienced, lol Thanks for your thoughts Ensata, all you guys are definitly a big help for me. Never looking back, always forward.

TimH

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	Send: 5/14/2004 3:03:16 PM

LOL Ens !!! If only they would have turned to salt !!!! Bucket of water and they are disolved :o)) Thanks Michael ;o)) I know ist right as I have experienced it so many times through my life its not funny !! Go get her Crash, and enjoy your time with her, we can wait till you get back to hear your news, so dont waste a minute of the time you two have trying to look in on us !! :o)

crashnsplash

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	Send: 5/16/2004 6:13:22 AM

=)) If I have a chance I will post something, but all my attention will be with her.

nasfan6

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	Send: 5/16/2004 7:20:15 AM

Crash put the hammer down and go for it!!!!Remember buddy, second place is first loser!!!!!!! Good luck and Godspeed!!!!!!!!

TimH

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	Send: 5/16/2004 10:46:17 AM

As it should be crash !! have a blinding time :o))

crashnsplash

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	Send: 5/17/2004 4:56:42 PM

Oh I will guys, and thanks. 23 days and counting

dma

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	Send: 5/19/2004 2:12:38 AM

At the eleventh hour with my visa likely arriving next week, my second thoughts had become an ultimatum. Some thoughts that still had been unanswered, some questions evaded until we met with real issues in my life that needed to be resolved quickly. My ex is now back in contact with our new born son, recognizing, wanting and actively making amends for our difficulties last year. However the choice is simple, I continue as I am having moved on 4 1/2 months after splitting or consider the possibility of trying again and get to see my son or not as the case may be if I leave. As much as I had moved on and there would be a strong chance of a fairy tale with my Russian sweetheart, I can't forfeit my son - it's a no brainer decision; a promise I made to myself after my father left us as children that I would always try to be as close and supportive as was possible - that option once removed has now been replaced. Old feelings have equally resurfaced from a situation that blew out of proportion as expecation and demands were high this Christmas past. It was a difficult decision to reject Olya after 3 months of intense relations with whom we grew very close to each other but she understood from my very first letters this was a real possibility and accepts it as a parent even if she doesn't like it. I can't write more as this is a public forum other than it's not as a straight forward as you may think, so think twice before pre-judging. My intentions were very real and if things remained as they were, I would be visiting 26th June but I am not. I want to thank everyone here for their help, information and humour over the past few months and wish you all every success in finding your happiness, where ever it may be.

Man

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	Send: 5/19/2004 2:33:30 AM

I hope you have better luck with your ex than I did with mine. I wasted 4 years, letting mine bounce be back and forth like a yo yo, and I still lost my kids in the end. But like you say..... it's never straight forward as you think......

crashnsplash

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	Send: 5/19/2004 5:17:42 AM

I kind of figured you were backing out with some posts you made in the past. I understand since you do have a newborn to think of. I hope you made the right choice and I wish you luck. I also think theres a lady in Russia with a broken heart. Good luck dma..

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