Some one a short while ago posted somewhere here about a recent survey done where the rate of divorce for east/west marriages was either 18 or 28%, not sure which one....either one is significantly lower than any west/west divorce stats anywhere in the US, at least.
I'm willing to take a chance at marriage with a much younger, better educated, astronomically more beautiful, considerate, better team player and affectionate woman than anything I could possibly find in the US.
Even if the dovorce rate were compatible, I'd still be ahead of the game...
In America the divorce rate for first marriages is 50% or greater. Second marriages have greater than a 70% rate of divorce. Given that over 70% of second marriages end in divorce between west/west relationships, I am willing to take my chances that an east/west marriage will have a greater statistical chance than those observed today.
I agree with Toad, don't worry about the stats and enjoy the journey.
I have heard survey results and without quoting exact figures (because I cant remember them) the East / West % of success was quite a bit higher.
It is logical when you think about it. Most spend months selecting out of a large pool of potential stock (excuse the expression) and then spend a long timeframe communicating via email and phone before the first meeting. In this timeframe of qualifying each other, respect and trust grows, or the relationship stops without further developments.
Because there is usually a large financial outlay to for fill the relationship, this also probably encourages a more determined and committed effort that makes long term success more inevitable.
It is the old saying – “you get back what you put in” I think the men that are prepared to go through all the hurdles and Red tape and make the trip to that part of the world are a special breed, and they are the type that wont give in or throw the towel in without a fight and having given it their best shot.
Trad and wtravo2
You give me hope, you really do.
As for the numbers. All these numbers are so screwed up that it isn't even funny. The 50% divorce rate for American marriages is inaccurate to begin with. There is a woman on Comcast homepage who had a link to this exact question. It was professional staiticians who had dissected the various surveys to do with this question. The result was that the one where the American divorce rate was 50% or greater was totally inaccurate. So inaccurate to be nonsense when looked at closely. There was no info on east/west relationships.
Nevertheless I know what I see and that is what I base my efforts on.
There are too many men who have come through this forum that are happily married or who are in the process and have someone who is far better quality 'stock' as Maxirat puts it.
If you have 2 people who are willing to turn their lives upside down for one another what are the odds that they are serious? What are the chances that they will try to make it work even during the bad times?
For me this is a serious financial investment. I am stretching myself to the limits. Marina's previous guy could afford to dish out expensive airfares for her and her daughter every 2 months, literally. I can't.
I fight for every plane ticket and the time from work. If I lose my job I lose her. Instantly.
The point is that you are either in or you are out. to hell with the statistics. This is one thing you have to go by the seat of your pants and your gut feeling. As Freebird always says just go. Take a chance, write some letters, makes some phone calls and make your own decision.
Toad asks why Briarfox questions this in the first place. I will tell you why. He has stumbled onto something that he can hardly believe is true and he wants some statistical reassurance before he starts spending hard earned cash on anything.
I can't blame him, I asked the same questions when I first came here. I got a good feeling and jumped in and I am glad I did. It is a natural progression I think. Not at all unreasonable. Not everybody is wealthy. Even the $30 a month for Fiance.com has to be allowed for. Let alone a $2,000 to $5,000 trip to FSU.
I want to go over a 'discussion' as Marina puts it that we had and her viewpoint on internet dating. She always pisses me off until I examine what she says and she is mostly right. I always have a problem with the delivery style:))
She says that internet dating is 99% women who are in financial difficulty and are looking to better their lives by going outside the FSU, coupled with men who can basically get a much better looking woman with a better chance of dedication than in the west. Now I have to tell you that there was much more to this conversation than what I have written but that is the heart of it. The remaining 1% is composed of people that are genuinely looking for love no matter where it takes them or what they have to do.
She is right I think. She is incredibly cynical about this and admits it but bottom line I think she is right.
Incidentally she feels that I fall into the 1% because of the financial stretch and the massive effort that all of this takes for me.
You guys see Izi laughing and joking and pretending that he is soooooo knowledgable and talking like he is some kind of 'old hand'. I am not, I am a newbie. I have visited 1 girl, 1 time in 1 city. I know nothing so feel free to kick my ass anytime.
But back to the cynicism. I said to her that what does it matter. In this sense since I have gone I now agree with Bagira. She just was misunderstood by myself included. What is wrong with a woman trying to better herself by finding a western man? Nothing if it is coupled with emotions. Same with the guy. If he is just looking for a little darling that he has no way to get at home (like Marina's previous guy, IMHO) then absolutely no. However if this practicality is joined with eventual true love and affection then everybody wins, especially children.
After all it isn't like you are going to pluck her out of Odessa, St Pete or Eburg in 5 minutes. It takes a lot of time and they aren't going to go with just anybody no matter how poor they are.
These stories about murders and live-in maids are just as well known over there as they are here. They also have big time investigative reporters just like here. They are up to their elbows in Phil Donahues. This brings me to another subject.
Anyway that is our (Marina and my) viewoint. Numbers mean nothing this is an experience thing, jump in, be aware of the realities of the situation. There is nothing wrong with any of it.
We have been together for over one year, I travelled to her 5 times, were together now for 2 weeks and getting married next month. She changed her life for me to be here and her family is very wealthy, so shes not here to "get out of Russia". She had a very very good life in St. Pete. Our age difference is 11 years.
I feel the same way. Marina doesn't need me, her life is complete there. I am 12 years older. By Russian standard she is well off. Doesn't even like Americans or America. Both of us are a 1% situation.
Damn, I better jump in and also declare myself a card carrying member of the 1% club before they close membership due to saturation..:)))
Lena not only doesn't need me, she has it so sweet in western Siberia that I ended up pissing her off once a few months ago with my Why Why Why questions.
She ended the questioning with a "Why can't you get it through your oak head that I think you're the best man I have found since I started looking?"
She has a secure position in one of the largest companies in this oil/gas region region of russia. She earns almost US$500 per month and showed me offers from western companies offering her salaries of up to $1000 to represent them there.
She's traveled with her company and on her own enough times to western and other countries, including the US as an exchange student twice, to know that life in the west with it's conveniences, milder weather patterns and
loads of financial opportunities for prosperity are important factors for an improved quality of life.
But at the same time, she's refused to do it with any man who does not meet her 'toadish picky list of compatible goals and traits'....I guess that's where I come in...:)))
Izi, I agree with her. I was born here and I don't even like 95% of the people I meet. There a bunch of cocky overweight bastards. If I wasn't making a killing in the real estate market I would consider getting the hell out of here. Natasha can't believe all the old and fat people here and I agree with her. The last few days she has been running a fever, the 70 degree temp change is wreaking havoc on her =(
She did meet a Ukrainian girl living with her mom here, and we crossed paths with a few Russian people already. I was a little surprised as I never seen any Russians here. Found a nice little Russian store off Alico and 41. Also switching to satellite and getting her those 5 Russian stations was a big plus. She was jumping up and down when she seen she found out she can still see her soap on tv =)
We are not like the rest of the bozo's marrying FSU women!!
Just be good to her, and make sure to have sex at least 3 times a day.. lol
Serious, it is just numbers, figures, or whatever you call it in english...
Each and one of us will have to do our best to keep our new family together.
It can happen, of course it can, may be she was a ho and not a princess...
Maybe you are a sh!thead and a bastard and not the galant gentleman you pretended to be, or may be you just didn't click together.. It can happen..
Is the chance of this happening bigger with a foreign bride?
I think (personally without looking at statistics) that it has all to do with who you are, and what you do with your life and relationship.
Just put your lead-ass down on a chair with your playstation all day, and I can promise you will be divorced pretty quick. Be gentle and creative, take her out for some surprises now and then (eg. picnik?), be helpful in the house if you have the opportunity, just be nice to her, and maybe it will last... Don't give up on someone just because of statistics...
Bottomline is that it can happen if she is from USA, Sweden, Germany, France, Africa... any where... It is all what the two of you do about it, and how you work out the problems, because there will be some problems.. They are still females, and you are a man...
Satellite tuner is a must if you have a foreign wife I think...
I wouldn't stand to live in a country and never see the news from my own country, I guess it is the same for them... Regarding soap.. hmm.. I can live without them.. LOL