Yes surprises all round right:)
I have been a little worried about this since I came back.
A little too keen on the shopping I think and a little too prone to temper tantrums. Neither of which I will tolerate in any shape size or form. So it is all in suspension right now.
No problem she was warned and has nobody to blame but herself.
As for me I couldn't care less I will just move on.
I absolutely can't stand tantrums either. You seem like a decent guy, don't put up with it and get out while it's still easy. If it starts now already, what in 5 years?
On another note, I read about some psych research in the newspaper a year or so ago that one of the biggest predictors of marital success is whether you have compatible conflict resolution styles. Two people prone to tantrums and then afterward making up might work well (I know such couples). But if her way is to throw a tantrum, and your way is to try to be calm and talk things over, it's going to leave you feeling bitter pretty soon.
If you dont like women who shop and who have moods maybe you arent marriage material yourself? And where the hell you got idea that slavic women dont like to shop and arent temperament and moody? From your favourite book Elena Petrova "How to marry girl like me"?
You are very moody person yourself, how can somebody be engaged in one minute and moving on another...
Now start to call me jelaous again , but thank you very much. I prefer reltionship that lasts more that month even if engagement ring is involved.
" If you dont like women who shop and who have moods maybe you arent marriage material yourself?"
That's the biggest nonsense I've heard in a long time. What else? Maybe if a woman isn't willing to put up with domestic abuse, she's not ready for marriage either?
Also, there's a very big difference between being moody and throwing a temper tantrum, although I won't stand for either. I do know plenty of women who are in a good mood almost all of the time, and who resolve conflicts by talking about them, instead of yelling the whole neighborhood together.
Annika, as much as we disagree on things you do make me laugh sometimes. a sincere laugh. First of all I would never would read Elena Petrova's book. That's a bunch of crap and probably a blueprint for disaster.
Women are women and that is a fact of life no matter what country they come from. To promote an edict to anyone that it's my way or the highway is a recipe for disaster. Especially in the relationships that we are trying to undertake. I will only refer to my situation, because that's the only one I have real knowledge of. The key is the ability to adjust to circumstances that will arise between two people from diverse lifestyles and cultures. The meetings, the travel, the visa applications all that stuff is the easy part. The reality will come when she moves to your country, that will be so strange to her and the difficulties that will bring. If you lack patience, and want to promote a dictatorial approach to your relationship, then the search for a woman From Ukraine or where ever is not for you.
Larissa and I have much common ideas and goals, but we are diametrically different on a few issues. We do have a committment to each other to work on the differences to a mutual resolution. Our main committment to each other is not to let a situation arise that cannot be discussed or worked out. Our goal is to make our relationship work and failure is not an option. Larissa likes to spend money and I am more pragmatic with money. She is not reckless with money, but she likes to spend it. We have an agreement on this. If I say no now, it does not mean no forever and I will explain why to her. We have discussed my financial situation, and my personal goals for us in this area, not in exact detail but she sees the overall picture. When we are married she will know everything. It is important to make them an active part in your life and not alienate them. Include her in the decisions that will affect our family life. Saying no is just a temporary objection between two people that the situation is not totally explained or understood. To say no just to be dictatorial and the my way attitude will not accomplish a thing.
As with her future employment when she chooses to do so. I told her she should reward herself weekly with something just for her.
That way working doesn't become a ball and chain just to pay bills or whatever. She asked me what I liked to do with my money, I told her I like making a dollar become two dollars. It all has to do with being able to adjust. If you take a hardline approach without flexibility or negotiation and discussion you are dooming your relationship from the start.
I had a habit that drove her crazy, being american it isn't customary to wear slippers in the house. I haven't since I was a child. This drives her insane. She was always on my ass about Tahpkey, Tahpkey! To me this seems insignificant to get upset with, but if it's your customs and culture there is a reason to get upset. So now each night I come home, I take off my shoes and put on my slippers. It's becoming habit now for me. Now I have adverted one tantrum. Just because she is coming to America in January, doesn't mean I want to change her customs or her culture. She is Ukrainian, and I fell in love with a Ukrainian woman and I respect her culture and customs even if they are different than mine. I want her to adapt to a new way of life, but I don't want to change what she is as a person. Hell I had one friend tell me he won't come over if he has to wear slippers in our house. I told him then don't come over or come in to the house, I have a large shop we can talk in.
There is nothing set in stone here. There are going to be bumps in the road along the way the first few years. The most important thing will be the ability to resolve the differences without taking this is the way it's going to be approach. That will lead to distancing and alienating each other.
Sorry Im just stupid forigner I saw word tantrum in dictionary and I thaught its moody!
How can somebody in so short time show herself as shopper and bad tempered person? In hes previous posts that woman was described like angel, who knows what to do in bedroom and kitchen, and of curse she was SLIM! And her character was so good that common language wasnt even needed? And WHY the hell he gave her ring?
Izi can make me in hes posts very angry and nervous too so maybe here is problem in hes personality not wumem?
"She asked me what I liked to do with my money, I told her I like making a dollar become two dollars. It all has to do with being able to adjust. If you take a hardline approach without flexibility or negotiation and discussion you are dooming your relationship from the start."
Nasfy, just a hunch, I believe she was asking what do you like to do for fun if you have any::)) not likely looking for negotiating wearing slippers in the bedroom:)
Are you sure you don't just have buyers remorse? It can be common all the way from buying a car to getting engaged. The second thoughts tell you that you made a mistake. I would give it a week or so to settle before you started saying anything drastic to your fiance.
Oooo I have started a hornets nest again. How interesting:))
Once again I find myself pretty much in agreement with the usual suspects :))
First of all a temper tantrum is a childish display of anger to get your own way. Not something usual with intelligent adults who can talk things through and compromise.
I was subjected to a couple of beauties. One of which was actually quite charming when I found out what had caused it but nevertheless an awkward, unpleasant pain in the butt. Something I could definitely do without.
Worldtraveler has a very good point. Frankly engagements come and go - the wedding is the real thing although as Annika says perhaps everybody should wait a year after that to start congratulating one another.
Regarding spending sprees this is a little more complicated and I am sympathetic to the woman in some ways. She has nothing basically and then suddenly this man appears who 'seems' to have a lot of money. So the gloves are off live for today to hell with tommorrow. However there are so many ladies in Kherson that are looking for a man to get married to you would think that it would be a good idea to attempt to demonstrate to this guy that you would make a great partner and wife. That you are prudent with money not spending on cosmetics and clothes as if it grew on trees.
It was an interesting experience walking behind this lady handing out cash from my wallet as if I was some kind of Bill Gates:))
In the end I made a face or two and was then accused of being mean with money. Actually I never refused her anything and even gave more than she was expecting. Damned if you do and damned if you don't:))
Trust me you had to be there.
Now the question is does a person want to take this lady who can speak no English and whisk her off to the equivalent of shoppers paradise (USA) when she has already demonstaretd that she is pretty much focussed on the wallet? Bearing in mind that you are going to set up a joint bank account and credit card. Hmmm let me think about that.
As to SD's advice I agree completely I am in waiting mode but it don't look good my friend. I am not looking for perfection but I think I can do better it is not buyers remorse.
What happened was that we got engaged, I posted it on the forum when all was well and within another 2 days she decided to push some buttons. That is when the rot set in. You sort have got to look at the chronology of it all then it makes sense.
Basically in September I met a sweet woman and when she got exclusive rights she showed her true self. A bit like you Annika.
P.S (or in Annika's case PMS)
I have never said she was an angel or swore by Elena's Petrova's book. That thing is crap as Nas says. It was Wess who thought that it was the be all and end all.
It has one or two good points but I wouldn't recomend it to anybody.