I said I was going to post this with with humility and honesty.
day 0 minus 1, Miss Sumy requests $180 USD via western union. I told her I arranged for a driver for me to visit. Miss Sumy no longer corresponds.
Day zero (today). This is the best. Normally it takes 2.5 hrs to drive to JFK from where I live. Misread the shitty directions and ended up going through the Holland tunnel. For those of you not acquainted with NYC you may not get this. If I had not made a wrong turn I would already be at the airport by 4PM. I'm two and a half hours from my flight - gave myself plenty of time - and I find myself at Park Ave and 42nd street at 4 PM. BTW I am 30 minutes or less from the airport with no traffic. I almost felt like abandoning the piece of shit 94 honda civic I drove up there to get on the train to make it on time. In hindsight I would have made out better. Claim the insurance - not much but would have paid for trip. So right now I am in Manhatten. Dropped two hundy on the 'cancelled flight' ouch! Decided to hang out and find another flight. Got one - not as cheap - ouch! I pull into the Waldorf and as the valet is starting to unload my piece of shit car, I find out the Waldorf Astoria doesn't have internet!!!! Unless the guy was clueless. I hadn't eaten all day and needed internet more than food to get a new flight. I call around. Find a place 100 cheaper that has high speed wireless. So if you're in a pinch in NYC go to doubletree at 57th and Lexington. Only 159 for the night. CHEAP!!! Except you have to park yourself a block away. But things are looking up for me. I got a street space right in front of the hotel. And if it gets stolen, better yet.
So far but who is counting, I spent the whole day driving this little car around handing out five dollar bills like it's Halloween to all the toll takers. I miss the flight. And instead of sleeping on the plane dreaming about something that may never happen, I'm sitting here writing this. As for who's counting, add another $700 to this trip for making a left instead of a right. Not including the 13 dollar shot of Jameson and the $9.80 bottle of Stella. Add $15 for the use of the net. Just another day in the life. The agency story is definitley going to be funny. I got an email. A second stringer was substituded without my knowledge. So I suggested scratching a different one for another. They will try to make it happen. These are purely blind dates in a sense I got myself into. So accuse me of window shopping if you must. I didn't know any better when I signed on for this. It will be educational to say the least. Probably a good thing.
One more thing for the laugh. the honda has a manual transmission. Riding the clutch for two fucking hours going 2 MPH!!!
No Julian, what you are doing are just pre-arranged blind dates where both of you have had a little information from both of yours photos and profile information.
Have fun and I am interested. I was right there for 10 days in Feb. We stayed in an apartment behind St. Sophia Cathedral.
Not much consolation for you, but I have missed flights from JFK more than once (one time, I was 60 seconds late to the self-service kiosk). The traffic on the roads to JFK is often horrible, with huge random delays, and there can be more big delays at the Delta terminal.
You're flying out tomorrow afternoon, yes?
I know this is a very emotional not-fun day for you. I hope you'll remind yourself, that you are flying to one of the world's great cities (I'm really fond of Kyiv, dysfunctional though it may be) at its most beautiful time of year. No matter what happens, you'll have adventure and learn a lot, and you will always remember some of the impressions you're about to take in.
Still at airport. Packing it in in a few minutes as soon as I receive an email from Yuri who is going to provide me with a private tour of Chernobyl. Me+ 1. Phone calls and emails going back and forth for the past 45 minutes. A private tour of Chernobly #4 for 250 per. $500+ that does not go toward the total cost of russian lovesky. Correct above $700 for wrong turn. Turned into 850. But who's counting?
Julian: Candid account! Kudos. Missed flights and all, have a laugh at my expense. I was in a South East Asian country for about 3 months quite a few years ago and the flight home was on a Royal Brunei plane. I packed all Thursday night for my Friday am flight and finally got around to checking my ticket, yes of course a Muslim Country’s national airline would be flying Friday! Not! My flight left on the Wednesday! Idiot! Internet checking (I had to be home on the Sunday) revealed flights available for about $750 USD. The original round ticket was $600 USD. Annoyed, I called the airline at around 2 in the morning, struck someone either bored or helpful, they checked me on the Saturday am flight, never cost me a cracker.
First time in Russia, many, many years ago, city called Krasnoyarsk in southern Siberia. Fortunately I had taken good note of the route (and had something of a map) from the airport to the city which was about 20 odd miles around the roads IIRC and a little shorter if you cut across some fields, which I did, on foot because I couldn’t make myself understood to a taxi or bus driver. I estimate about 16 mile walk, raining and black soil underfoot didn’t make for a pretty sight by the time I arrived. I did catch my flight to UFA but had a hard time getting the hotel receptionist to take me seriously when I arrived, in part due to lack of Russian language at the time and in part due to my tramp like condition. The UFA taxi driver was more sympathetic and we formed quite a friendship as he spoke some English, understood all, laughed his head off for the entire drive from the airport into the city as I related my adventures and he refused to take a ruble from me for the effort. We had dinner together (with others) several times over the next week or so.
It got much worse. The room was top floor, very good 4 1/2 star by any standard, however, there were renovations taking place on the top floor which meant no hot water. Yes, that will be fine I managed to somehow articulate. I then learned how cold early spring Russian water can really be. I can handle a cold shower, but that was too much, so a bath? Yes this will work, particularly if I boil some water in the coffee maker (Several times) and add to the bath. Being a naïve tourist, I did manage to ask for some milk to be delivered to my room. I left the door unlocked as there was nobody else on my level and settled into my bath, still very cold. Someone rang the door chime and I yelled that it was open, idiot, of course I was thinking it was the milk delivery. The next thing I knew was there was rather a, well, let’s say, not the most attractive Russian woman I have ever seen, standing, smiling (if you could call it that) down at me, saying, good, you ready, $200 please. I guess you’ve been around enough to figure it all out, but to stand up out of a cold bath doesn’t leave a guy looking or feeling the most “manly” (Like you now need a hair dryer to take a pee). Clearly “Room Service” still thought we could “do business” and was happy to proceed as she again referred to the $200, however the demeanor changed markedly when I made it quite clear she was unwelcome. What I learned over the next day or two was that I had the first of several offers from the resident hookers who are bold to say the least.
The milk (and some) arrived later carried by something much more 5’2”ish, 100 poundish and C/D cupish, suffice to say we ended up (not immediately) doing “the business” and it didn’t cost a cracker.
I hope your first trip to the FSU areas turns out to be as much fun as mine was years ago despite the diversions along the way. Keep your story coming.
"Sorry, I know you were all waiting to hear my crash and burn stories. But you will not."
Julian...something you said a couple days ago.....
Too bad your trip(including minus 1)got off to a rocky start but $h*t happens.....
I do hope you had your back up plans, girls are famous for backing out at end or never showing up to meet. I enjoy reading stories of guys on their trips so let us know how things turn out.
Day zero +1. Wake up and realize if I don't move my car very soon prking will not be free. Grabbed a bagel and coffee next door. $13 checked a few things showered and was out the door. Driving like a pro in NYC morning traffic. Made it to the airport 7 hours early. Made sure I was on the flight etc... Then I decide what to do. I figure there is a McDonalds and got an all american egg-a-muffin. I sit down and this gorgeous looking sweet young thing strikes upa conversation with me. We cahtted for 30 minutes and shared breakfast together. Turns out she is an actress who works on a day time soap opera. Suweet! She was heading to Toronto for the weekend home. She was melt in your mouth goodness. Anyway as I am killing time I discover "Runway Fashion". Sure as shit there is a lacoste store. I went in to check out the hats. First thing I see is this pwder blue baseball hat with LACOSTE and the gator on it. $30. I decided to wait until I turn gay and put it back on the shelf. This couldn't be too coincidental. Adjoining the Lacoste store, actually on the other side of the isle is the BOSS store. I couldn't help myself. I tried on a pair of jeans. It was the cut but I was thinking same as with hat. Made it into Kiev and the driver showed up a few minutes late. The plane was way early due to 300km tail winds most of the way.
Well Julian....will we find out if you 'out kicked your coverage'??????? :-)
Did you fly in on Delta? I think it comes in around 9am, once it was almost an hour early due to jetstream winds, unfortunately, it was another hour wait for connecting flight. I am sure if I had a short connection, the flight would have been late.
Having a shit load of trouble. Smart as I am - ? - I took care of everything except the fact the the cord to my computer power supply is three pronged - grounded. I walk all over Kiev this morning. After two days in the dark. finally I'm talking to guy at the agency _ another loser like me - and he says there is a tool box there. I cut the ground prong off the computer plug. Plug it in. It WORKS!!! I go next store and come back ---- I fried my fucking computer.... I just figure out how to make the phone I "rented" ring. A lady is pissed because I didn't answer yesterday and she sent me an email I could get. Now I can tell there are already daggers aimed at me. I spent the whole day with Miss Universe yesterday. I'll get back to the story. Unless I fork out the bucks for a new computer the story will have to wait. But it's a winner - no shit. I wish I could narrate daily my adventures. No remorse the. Not worth everypenny but fun just the same.
Many, Mant details to follow. I scheduled a meeting with Lady 1 today. The one that had her purse stolen last night waiting for a cab - OH! you didn''t hear THAT STORY YET??? Miss Unhappy is pissed because I didn't answer the phone yesterday. I FORGOT, ON OLD FRIEND CAME IN FROM OUT OF TOWN, THERE WAS A FIRE ETC... BABY IT WASN'T MY FAULT! Miss Ubniverse had me out all day from noon until eleven, went to the monestary etc. I just now cancelled date with her. But we can't get a hold of her. ----- are you ready sports fans???? ARE YOU SURE??? There are two ladies meeting me at the same time and place. One is pissed because I missed her yesterday. One is gonna be fired up mad. WTF am I doing???
I have a friend - interpretor - on the side who is helping me out. But still no connection with Miss Universe. She is ready to move to the states with me. Somebody told me don't expect women to have big tatas. Did I find the only drop dead gorgeous, thin woman with big tits? Today we decided to skip the interpretor and just use body language. We have a lot to talk about, nudge-nudge-, wink-wink. Then I decide to blow her off for someone to meet Miss America. All American - the Ukranien next door. HOT!!! though. Her legs go all the way up to her ass!!!! All 5'9" of her.
Gotta run.
What do you need the computer for? Internet? Find an internet cafe. There should be one nearby. Two ladies meeting you at once? I can't wait to hear the results.
Found the interent cafe. I walked a mile to get here. Then realize some asshole left his reading glasses at the 'aprtment'. By the way I have a nice place. My interpretor is very impressed with the apartment. She told me is the best apartment she has seen. She still refuses my advances. In between all the conversing with Miss Universe I keep asking her if she if going to spend the night with me. I know she is in love with me as much as I am with her. But very wise for a 21 yr old and talles me the age difference would eventually turn into a problem. She is sharp good looking and has an ass that can sit on my face any time ---I'mn getting kicked out place is closing.
Let's reset.... today...day 4 I think... finally found the inet cafe, only had twenty minutes and they kicked everyone out, went to McDonalds of all places... these fucking people don't understand english!!! I decided to venture about and not even attempt to pretend I can fake the language--some young hotty came to my rescue at McDs. I was doing pretty good for a couple days using sign language. Apparently it is the same as in America - the folks who work at McDonalds aren't the sharpest. On my way back here I am stopped on the street by a film crew. Yep, random guy walking down the street in Kiev and I get interviewed by 1+1 news. I tried to avoid the camera but the guy chased me down. Did I have Americansky written all over me???? Don't know. The guy was actually surprised I was an out of towner. But he was just as amazed as I over the whole thing. We did five minutes. I did all of the talking. And the sorriest part of the whole thing is I'm holding a fucking McDonalds coffee in my hand. If had known I would be on the evening news I would hace ditched the McD cup. How embarrassing!!! You'll have to tune in at eleven to catch the interview.
A few observations::::::::: The city is fantastic. The buildings and architecture -- I could spend a week here just photographing the buildings and city. It is an amazing place and I have barely scratched the surface. It puts NYC to shame. There is no shortage of fine ass everywhere. Not all women are beautiful. Common courtesy in uncommon here. Hold the door for a person and they look at you with suspicion. Once you get past the grandure (sp) and the overwhelming presence of the size and shape of the building, the fact that very few understand your language and just walk around, the people look like everyone everywhere.
There are a few stark contrasts to USA. Men dig pointy black shoes. Young women where their jeans low cut - barely above the pubus. Yesterday I swear I could have stroke this young girls clit with little effort to remove clothinging. And try to find a cup of coffee. It is definitely not America folks. Back to the trip....
Okay -- day 1
Arrive early - good tail wind.
Driver picks me up. Takes me to apartment/agency I rented from. The girl starts giving me the run around from the start. I emailed these clowns from the airport and told them I missed the flight that I would be a day late --- don't change anything!!! These fucking clowns sold the aprtment from under me. Then I get you will stay here tonight and move tomorrow etc. Young Zoya is acting very weasely - is that a word? - and I tell them I need to make a phone call. Use the interet etc.. She is trying to get me to fill out paperwork and I am basically telling her to stick it up her ass - in nicer words of course. So rather than cause trouble I tell them I need to visit someone. She tells me to come back at one when my apartment will be ready - the one I already paid for for last night. Someone is sleeping in my bed said the little bear. ???? WTF!!!
The 'agency' - for future reference 'agency' refers to an agency I corresponded with that is hooking me up with 5 - count em - 5 ladies. Different from the agency above that sold my fucking room. I wait until someone shows up. I ask for the head cheese and he will arrive shortly. I explain my situation and ask if he has an apartment avaible. It just so happens that someone had a death in the family and there is a place open for the next two weeks. $110 a nite. He walks with me to the other place and we pick up my luggage - yep they were holding it for ransom. To think I am so pissed that I leave almost $1000 in camera and video equipment behind to walk around aimlessly in Kiev. He shows me the apartment - nice place. Nice guy but definitely a business man. "Eleven hundred dollars." I try to make small talk ---- "Eleven hundred dollars." I try to interject... "Eleven hundreds dollars."
So I peel off eleven hundies. He hands me the keys and tells me a few incindentals about the area. Buy water with "no gas" for example.
I go to the office. I find out I am meeting a lady at 5 PM. Wait a minute. I've had a bout three hours sleep in the past 24 and you tell me I have a date in four hours??? It is amazing what missing a plane does to your schedule. The lady I truly wanted to meet was bumped. We'll refer to her as Miss America. They had me set up with lady 2 and lady three for day 2 - which actually is now day 1. First two ladies got bumped. Lady 3 - "Miss Universe" is anxiously awaiting my arrival. She does not speak a word of english and doesn't even care. My interpretor -- my first true love in Kiev - is very cool. Miss Universe shows up at agency, Off we go. Oh yeah, why miss universe?? This lady looks like some beautiful alien you on star trek that men instantly fall in love with - kind of a secret weapon gorgeous fucking lady. So I call her miss universe. FUCKING HOT!!!!! Nice tits too.
Anyway, I forget what happened. BTW she is dressed for the red carpet. I shit you not. This lady is zsa-zsa gabore. And to think a few days afo I was joking about green acres, why can't I remember where we went.
Anyway, interpretor is impressed. She tells me she has been doing this for just over a year and me and Miss Universe are a natural couple. This lady is already nuts about me. My little brain declares war! We agree to have another date the next day. She is worried about me being in Kiev and wants to make sure I know a place to have breakfast. Very cool lady. I'm already thinking I might become Mr Universe.
DAY 2
After being so tired from the night before -- stayed out late and took interpretor home with me - ; )
Nothing happened!!!! She told me age difference -- finally Julian reveals he just turned 50. Interpretor is 21 - still is in love with me but knows it wouldn't work. I keep telling her I have to have her... She is a good sport about it.
I wake up at 530 AM. I proceed to walk about with camera in hand. Sunday morning and the city is still asleep. I make it up the hill And there are these two Russian Orthodox Churches. One on the left - the green one - and one on the right - blue one. I forget the names. I spent thrity minutes alone just walking the grounds of the blue one taking pictures. I make it to the park overlooking the river and just spend the morning getting oriented and taking picutes. I find the DOUBLE COFFEE. Have a good breakfast. Had 2 glasses of fresh squoze orange juice - it's my word so don't critique the spelling and word use from here out.
The agency opens at noon. Yesterday I told them do not make any plans for me -"free day" as they say.
I meet interpretor at cafe in square. Miss Universe is a few minutes late. She brought her seven yr old boy along. Kid is wired to the max. We walk to metro and get on a car. Ride the subway for a few stops and get out. Just went back in time. The subway here is like the 'way back machine' for those familiar with Peadody and Sherman.
We arrive at some monestary. Mr Universe is taking picutes of everything. We spend the day walking inside this place, Paid for a tour and got the whole deal. Then went into the "caves" where there are the remains of dead monks from years agoa. VERY VERY religious place. Miss Universe was genuflecting and kissing the coffins of these monks. BTW, She is dressed in a satin looking bronze sksirt - form fitting SWEET!- a top that is kind of a jacked but frilly and as it opens occaassionallt for the guy next to her it reveals a perfect pair of the most wonderful tits supported by a half bra --- I'm thinking snakc time all day long... And she is wearing high heeled shoes. Not just any shoes. gold color to match the skirt with two jeweled bows on each. NOW-- we are walking up and down hills mostly cobblestone and through narrow stairways etc. She insists she is very comfortable the whole time.