I'm the opposite. I'm better at writing letters than speaking face to face especially with a women I just met. There is more time for me to convey thoughts in a letter. Otherwise I'm lost for words like a child upon receiving that brand new toy. My specialty isn't words so I have to rely on my other talents such as art, music, creativity & competitiveness. The latter, unfortunately takes time for a women to see what I truly am.
Your fears of an Agency are why one should choose the right agency from the beginning. I used EM and they only required one initial payment. I was always able to separate the lady from the agency within the first email correspondance.
Also you fail to mention that I've consistently stated that one should use all modern forms of communication, letter writing being one of them.
There is a lot more that can be done than just writing endless letters.
You like the social; I personally see them as just blind speed dating, but to each their own.
And here we are again, besides talk of scammers, getting bogged down in discussing, over and over, which is best, socials or communication methods.
I was able to use modern communication means to weed out those women with whom we both were interested in and not have to spend all that money for the social scene and then all the modern communication means that should come after that assuming you meet someone(s) with whom you both agree to communicate with.
Lets compare the cost of a Romance Social to that of another sort of vacation. Surely most of the people here take vacations? And surely they take couple of weeks of so on these things?
What do you spend per night at a hotel when traveling? Between $70 and $90? (Actually most must admit those are pretty cheap rates. I mean - more than at a Motel6 - but FAR less than even a Holiday Inn - and remember that includes a HUGE breakfast).
And what do you spend flying to whatever destination you are going to? If you live in the US and fly to Florida I'm guessing you pay around $400 to $500? Well, there, admitedly a Romance Social will cost you more - $800 in the winter - as much as $1,500 in the summer - but remember you aren;t going to Florida - you are going to Europe for that price.
Add to that the cost of the Romance Social events themselves $350 for one (in this case) $250 for the other - comes to $600.
And there you have it. It costs me maybe $700 to $1,000 more than I would spend in three weeks in Florida (providing I find a really cheap ROOM in FLorida - less than a Holiday Inn and provided I doneat much as the food in Eastern Europe, even with a date - is genrally far less expensive than in a vacation spot in Florida.
Regarding the SPeed Dating thing - no man who has ever taken a Romance Social would compare it to Speed Dating to my knoweldge. Thats not toi say that every man does well at a Romance Social or that they even enjoy the experience (admittedly some don't in both categories). But nobody who has ever taken the time to do the experience would compare it to speed dating.
That logic makes as much sense as saying "I understand that some dinosaurs were big, like busses - so they must have been busses." There is really no logic there to comment on.
I'm STILL free to disagree with you, just as you are free to disagree with me.
So far this entire thread has been on topic. But I am not quite so easy to dominate as a nonEnglish speaker might be.
YOU seem to have the idea, my way or the hiway. Whle I TRY to respecfully disagree, I certainly will disagree ultimately in any way.
I am happy that you have found a lady and I wish you happiness and a wonderful long term relationship with her- but actually a little surprised at your lack of awareness of FSU cultural differences much as I am surprised at your lack of tolerance for disagreement here.
You mention "She's OK now and is studying her English like mad now because she wants to work and contribute to the family. I love her for it. "
I certainly hope that you are more willing to show awareness for her cultural differences and tollerance as well - or it will be difficult to keep her once she is really ready to communicate and fully interact with the ouside world.
There are cultural differences for sure, but she had made a nice life for herself and was able to use all of the modern means of communication available to those there just like to those here.
Yes our backgrounds are different but we are very much alike and similar in our basic beliefs.....that is what I mean when I say that there is a lot less to this "cultural differences" than many would be led to believe.
She has seen a lot of things and lived a lot of ways in her life and I to have seen things and lived different ways....but essentially we are the same and have the same beliefs and interests.
She didn't live in a cave and had no understanding of how life would be or could be or might be living outside of Russia. She likes everything here but there is many things (or "systems" as she describes) that are foreign to her. But she is a big girls and very observant and learns very quickly.
I am totally aware of our differences, but they do not get in our way....we both do not allow them to. We made a pact early on that there would be differences and we made the agreement to recognize those and to understand those and to give each other the freedom or benefit of doubt. We understood our relationship would be and will be challenged and we both welcomed that fact; we have been through quite a bit and our relationship has bested everything thrown at it.
The key? Communication (remember that). We have been communicating ever since the first email; we have communicated more than any other form of relationship. We both had no choice since we couldn't just jump on a plane and be with each other at our every whim. We had no choice but to communicate.
We both got lucky or maybe nature just finally got us together but we are totally compatible; we are best friends, and then all that other lovey dovey stuff we should be also.
When we are together, there is no need or feeling to act in a certain way. It all comes naturally and easily. We both have no problem discussing our backgrounds or views or opinions; there is no worry of being embarassed or saying the wrong thing. We continue to communicate; a successful marriage must be "worked" at. We both totally enjoy the task!
I have a very good friend who met a nonEnglish speaker in Odessa in 2006. They wrote translated letters, communicated by every "modern means" available including video calls on Skype etc. etc.
He was convinced that they were made for each other and brought her back to the US.
Absolutely dependant on him she didn't do much as she studied English. Eventually as she learned to speak pretty well she got a job working as a check out girl in a grocery store (A Little annoyed she was that American checkout attendants are required to stand up all day. They sit down in Eastern Europe.) As her language skills improved and she was able to more actively communicate with him and the people around them - they discovered something - and that was that they didn't particularly like one another.
He stays with her now, because he has lost his job and frankly he is dependent of her income to support them. She resents this role. There are numberous problems in their relationship that I am not at liberty to discuss, but suffice it to say that he wishes he had made another decision. At the very least he wishes he had found an english speaker so that they could have gotten to know each other a little better BEFORE getting married.
Yes that's too bad but an invaluable lesson; if you both do not have a common language (and don't need to use translations for everything) then HOW can you learn about each other.
How can you talk on the phone? How can you Skype? Both of these are invaluable other forms of modern communication that one can use besides writing letters (and to me must and should use) before one ever thinks about jetting on over.
Luckily my wife does speak English (she's studying because she thinks that she needs to improve, and wants to) but we have always had good communications (in English). For us the translations and dictionary are there for when we get a little stuck or just to expand the vocabulary (and I too use my side of the dictionary as I learn more Russian).
there are many ways to proceed on looking for a women and everyone should use best way for themselves
based on what they read, heard or decided to attempt. There is talk of scammers and agencies but most important of all is the GUY, it is HE who decides what to do and what not to do. Reality should be #1 fact followed by chemistry and compatability. If you are an older guy and you are looking for a PYT, then you reality is very low.......a low percentage of finding someone for yourself at that age. If you want a POT, your chances are very high in finding someone. I really don't care if a 50-60 year old guy is looking for a 20 something chick....just don't go around talking about getting scammed by the girl..it is YOUR fault.
Let me put it this way, Searching in FSU for a partner is akin to going to Vegas....odds are against you but it is possible for you to 'win' but mostly all don't......just consider the time as a learning experience. Why is it that people who go to Vegas don't come home and talk about getting scammed? Because they went there knowing there is a good chance they will not 'win'.....but had a great time hanging around all those beautiful girls(either place)......
There is a place for these marriage/agencies...it is just a tool to be used in the beginning, it doesn't matter if it is PPL or unlimited or even free sites just use your brain, it will work either way.
I've used all three with best luck with PPL followed by free sites....I've met quite a few girls...or should I say real girls...in person.....nothing you can do over letter writing or phone or chatting or skype can replace a meeting..face to face..... IMHO
I agree with beemer. If you are working with the marriage agencies, the odds are stacked against you, just like vegas. consider this, a company, without morals, without regulation, able to operate freely and is most successful when you DON'T succeed. This is most marriage agencies in ukraine. Hey, life is tough in ukraine and these people need money. Our happiness isn't their primary concern.
as wifi becomes more and more prevalent, I think the free dating sites are the future. I certainly have lined up some meetings ahead of my travel next week. I will report on my findings in the 'gecko journey' thread...
When I was in the beginning stages of making use of the Dating sites,(whatever you want to call them) I came upon this forum and in a short time actually built up a lot of good advice and eye opening. But not without a lot of flaming and just plain crap. Yes even PM'd Olga about, asking why let a good forum go down the toilet by just a few. Tell you the truth, most of it is so childishly immature I think we've got a couple kids staying up late nights in their pj's & flaming old farts looking for women. A big step up from calling homes and farting on the phone.
Obviously I'm still checking in. I haven't found anything better. Once I caught on to the trend of which people were actually trying to give advice and help, agreeing or disagreeing,I learned quite a bit here that saves some pain of learning yourself. A clever man learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others.
Everybody who actually gives a flip has either posted for more moderation or actually PM'd. So that's not gonna happen. SO I scan the posts. Immediately jump over the 1s I know are going to add frustration to my day I can do without. And with some effort you/I can still find much.
Guess the village idiots are thrown in just to prove the maxim that nothing good, or even 1/2 way decent these days, comes easy.
PS - the next step was to learn the tricks it takes to actually get a freakin' post onto this page!! Wrong Image Code!