Hello folks. Been a while. Been married a week. Now the difficult part of dealing with homeland security and aos. Had planned to wed a little later but she couldn't get a fishing license. Needed id card for fishing license. Needed marriage certificate for id card. Now she has a fishing license. : ))))))) And a new kayak.
Life couldn't be better - except she has to go through the whole process of a learners permit to get a PA driver's license. This state doesn't recognize a Russian driver's credentials. Good thing too - have you seen them drive?!!!!! For the first time in my life a woman ironed my t-shirts! We share all the household chores and rotate cooking etc. Except I have never ironed a t-shirt in my life! My new favorite dish is the favorite Russian salad. I had no idea what a great cook she was. I always assumed I would do the cooking - WRONG! Good thing too. Only one mistake so far - funny one. I went to return the netflix bluray disc and couldn't find the envelope. I asked her where it was and she replied that she sent it back yesterday. Of course since I was holding the movie in my hand... Took a couple days to realize she mailed back the PS3 disc - I hope. It is missing so it makes sense. It is cool to come home from work to music playing while she is out working in the garden. And hearing some discs I haven't played in a long time. She is going through the music library and treating me every day to "new" music. Stuff I hadn't heard in years. She hasn't discovered Frank Zappa yet :o But I'm sure she will appreciate his musical genius.
Well, just got back from home depot - have some flowers to plant and later, wall paper to remove - a woman's prerogative to redesign the bedroom. So far it is inexplicable how much better it is than I imagined. She is a wonderful woman and a wonderful person. All my friends are impressed with her. Tomorrow we go to Mother's Day dinner with my mom. Mom loves her too. She is a dream.
Almost two months in the states and has shared quite a few observations with me. A very interesting perspective she has. Actually very astute observations. An anology would be from the "Blues Brothers" movie when Jake asks Elwood how often the train passes. "So often you don't even notice it." An outsider sees things that most of us don't notice in day-to-day living. Very interesting to have your society criticized and realize it is 'spot on' criticism.
I got her a new fly rod and waders for a wedding present. lol - kidding. Well I did get her those things.
She spends hours a day studying English. Has a bigger vocabulary than most Americans. And I'm learning new words too! ha-ha-ha
Oops. Correction on one mistake. I had a list of things to go over with her. Where to shut off the water, gas etc. A whole page checklist. Kind of like a qual manual. I thought I covered the microwave oven until I came home from work and discovered a black scar in the back of the oven. Poor thing probably didn't even see the fireworks or thought it was normal. A three quart aluminum pot for two minutes in a high powered microwave oven! It still works but I can't get the black scars off the back panel.
Later
To durak -- Iceland has blown again. Flights are once again being canceled.
'Hello folks. Been a while. Been married a week. Now the difficult part of dealing with homeland security and aos. Had ..'
Ralph, i have been through the process too. its not difficult if you hire someone to help you through it. in my case i hired a former employee.
'Very interesting to have your society criticized and realize it is 'spot on' criticism. '
when you were in ukraine and called her country a miserable slum with no morals did she find that interesting and tell her mother what a keen and astute observer you were....of course not, because your mother taught you not to hurt peoples feelings.
its human nature to critize, it makes us feel better about ourselves, how quick is she with the complements? she left her country, family and friends to be in your country. so i guess that makes her country a total shithole, right? the next time she puts down your country you should remind her of that
Glad everything is going well; all is super well here also.
My wife has many observations and virtually all of them are very positive (and never poo-pooing her country just questioning why it can't be like this there).
Her only criticism is the US Medical system; which we all know is grossly screwed up/
Hello Baron,
My wife never said anything bad about her place of origin, never said anything bad about America - just some of the people. For those of you who get silly email jokes about the 'people of wal-mart' you will get it. She had her first experience with our medical system -- more like our insurance debacle. Could not see the "family" doctor for 'five weeks out' because she is a new patient. Had to go to a clinic/urgent care facility. She was aghast at what I had to go through to get her to see a doctor.
I have just started reading some of the forum lately. Still pretty much the same. If people are serious about finding a wife in 'other than 'merica', they should be listening to what you have to say. My journey almost parallels yours exactly. We met our wives on the same service, EM. And we met on my first visit out of the country. I find it reassuring how worried her family was (is) and that her sister constantly updates her on news about women being kidnapped and sold to the sex industry or about the guy in Michigan who killed his Russian wife. She is in constant contact with her family - skype is awesome. Now her sister indicates she wants to go on EM to look for a man. When I asked her if her sister wanted an American man too. She said NO emphatically. I remember my wife not wanting an American man. Just a good man. Truth is it is difficult for a single(widowed)mom in her early thirties to work full time supporting a 9yo girl and trying to find a good man in her home town. The odds are stacked against her. All of the good ones are already taken.
Still a lot of work to do here. Will be passing through Ill July 3 on way to Omaha. Heading back through on July 22 spending a night near Peoria. She finally got the climbing roses to plant. Now I have to build an arbor. She was a bit overzealous about planting some things - her planting season starts a little sooner than ours. Every day I acknowledge to myself how fortunate I am to have met her.
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Other have said it many times. If you are serious about finding a good woman and have the ability and real desire, look in the small towns of the Russian Federation. I cannot speak for other countries, but there is no comparison between my Russian wife and the American women I have wasted too many years with.
Congratulations Ralph and I hope you both have a long and happy life together.
As for this forum, I occasionally drop by in the hope that someone decent like yourself has found his wife and is willing to share help and advice.
This forum seems so intent on flame wars and slagging off with each other that newcomers like me are embarrassed and put off with some of the ridiculous antics of a few of the members here. Some of the comments are offensive and I certainly would not like to leave my laptop open when my children are around.
Can I offer you some advice? Unless as a member you have something useful to say about dating/finding a wife in the FSA, don't post and certainly do not post some of the offensive drivel that appears against other members. Otherwise this forum will not attract the attention of decent people who are new to dating and therefore it serves no purpose.
My wife's family is not worried about her; many of her friends did try to talk her out of it during the visa process and she read all sorts of horrible movie stories about other Russians' lives while in the US. But she had made up her mind and we both had a previous agreement that if by the 60th day of her entry, she wanted to go back and stop it all, she could by her word alone. By the 30th day she decided and I too, to be married.
Now it's all a happy movie (except for the medical and pharmacy arrangements). She does understand the intention of the US medical system and ALSO understands the money involved and how that factors into it (doctors and insurance companies and FDA and pharmaceutical companies all coniving together).
She too has planted a ton of flowers and loves to tend to the gardens (she never did any of this since she lived in apartments her entire life, but did visit other folks dachas and understood the work involved and the beauty to be had). On nice days, she'll sit out on the deck, under the Wisteria providing shade with the laptop studying English amongst her flowers and the birds feeding at th feeder. She says it's like heaven.
And, our love continues to grow. She loves grilling (only healthy stuff even though we have had "gamburgers" a couple of times) and can't believe the cheap cost for clothes and the selection of produce. And yes the Russian salads are wonderful.
As you stated, yes these forums are very much the same as before, 95% same drivel), rarely does the conversation move beyond visits, socials or scammers, and the same old same old characters.
And yes, if you are really serious AND you are a decent person (many here have a hard time and I am of the belief they are the real problem and not the women) and are ready to really work at it, you can find a real woman. I try not to make comparisons between "Russian" women and "American" women but will just leave it at they both come from similar but different backgrounds and each approaches life and their views of the family, husband and wife, and living life differently.
It is refreshing to hear about the grace you have found and with ladies that have been teased by adversity. I think I understand the contentment you receive in sharing the joy that your ladies have found. It will likely come to pass that those that do not understand, will find their kind of relations as well.
In my experience the real test will come in about 1.5 to 2 years from the time they arrive. My previous Russian wife became homesick after the "puppy love" wore off… don't be fooled to think it will always be roses and honey! The initial infatuation with each other will diminish after several months and you will settle into the routine of life. To make it you had better have cultivated a good friendship (relationship) with her rather than only passion. The most difficult thing for her will be dependence on you for virtually everything while she contemplates how to get a job and become somewhat productive. The most difficult thing for you will be providing the almost constant and unending support for her during this time. I’m talking about everything from adjusting to our arcane measurement system to the most trivial arguments that will certainly arise over simple cultural differences. The task is feasible but it is not an easy one… it takes much patience and understanding. I have been down this road before and now I start again with my Ukrainian lover, only this time I have acquire valuable knowledge to help me succeed.
Having a two year old in the family is the GREAT EQUALIZER. We don't have much time for passion. She has become homesick on a few occasions but again, the two year old's needs always trump your feelings or wants.
Being able to email/phone call/Skype with her family and friends on a very regular, weekly basis helps.
And I think these "cultural differences" is way overblown. What I mean is that unless your SO comes from living out on the Mongolian desert in thatched huts, FSU folks are more "Western" than we make them out. Yes, there are learnings in the different "systems" we have, we don't use the metric system, etc etc, life here isn't so different than there (except for all the advantages we have on a lot of things).
We have had our frustrations with each other and there have been times when we've been somewhat curt to each other, but we don't let this fester and we don't dwell on it and definately don't "take it to bed". We understood and talked about (big important item) prior to us getting together that we would have these times and these tests of our relationship and that we needed to recognize and work through these.
We are friends first and a team second and then lovers third; we both agree that this is important to a long and happy relationship.
Cooper,
Maybe that is why my wife is planning to visit her family only after a year of being here :-)
I have offered her a month trip back, but she refuses. She says that she wants to pay for it herself and wait until our first year together.
Joking aside, I understand how tough it is for her. Despite my constant support, it is never enough, especially when she tries so hard but cannot accomplish what she wants: a job, a driver's license, etc. The biggest problem continues to be the language, and her shy nature among wolves (in my city if you are shy other people eat you alive). I need to find a way to get her out of her shell ... with moderation :-)
Fortunately, despite the difficulties, we are still happy. But I do noy fool myself because I know how tough it is to live alone on a foreign country for a long time.
Absolutely "do not" find a local Russian club for her to make friends at... this is a recipe for disaster. She needs to bond with American friends first not Russian friends! She needs to let go of her country and adapt to the USA. You do not want her going to dances and parties at the Russian club... especially alone... I know about these things.
I agree with Cooper. A Russian club is usually full of bad ideas. Most divorces are planned within those confines.
Instead, my wife bonded with other foreigners (especially Russian speaking) at her English school.
Fortunately the friends she found look up to her, so I am not worried about bad ideas. She will bond with locals as soon as she finds a job, but she will also realize how difficult it is to make local friends:
- Women will be jealous of her
- Men will only want her in bed
Therefore, it is good to know that she already has friends on equal footing.
We are friends first and a team second and then lovers third; we both agree that this is important to a long and happy relationship. - baron
The biggest problem continues to be the language, and her shy nature among wolves... I need to find a way to get her out of her shell ... with moderation :-) FSUlover
These are two things that are in my forefront. The language issue can be troubling. Because she is a very proud woman she hesitates to mingle because she is embarrassed that her English isn't perfect. Yet when I call her from work we have no issues. My sister spoke to her on the phone a few times already and there were no issues. But I agree moderation and not forcing the issue is paramount to her success or comfort level.
As for the driver's license issue. All I can hope for is a learner's permit within a month. I think she already has the manual memorized. I can't stump her on any question! All I can hope for is that she will be able my big RAM truck driving across the interstates on our way to the Rockies.
There is an amazing difference in the work ethic between my experiences of the past and my present wife. And yes --- time will tell. I said it before, I will know in five years. But I know already we are best friends and partners. The real test will be if she can handle a fly rod and land a three pound rainbow. Kidding of course.
The only advice I can offer to anyone is to find someone who has common interests and desires. Someone who is your equal in intelligence and knowledge. For me it was her insatiable desire to continue learning and exploring the earth. Yet also an appreciation of the simple things in life and and having an unassuming existence. More importantly she has become a FLYERS fan!
I do not argue with people who have no other argument than insulting people.
And I DO know how the local Russians tend to stir these new Russians to take advantage of their husbands and then leave them. I have seen it happen many times. They know well how to take advantage of the laws we have, that were meant to protect women but are used to abuse men.
In regards to your comment about Cooper's wife, mine is also many years younger than me, and that is an advantage because she appreciates that I am grounded, instead of crazy, young, and inexperienced. She told me at the beginning that she feels great next to the strong support I provide for her (emotionally and not financially). She said: "you are like a wall to me."
My wife does not have shackles on her leg. She's free to do as she pleases, and she always knows not to cross critical lines. Trust is key in our relationship.
Ralph,
Be ready for sticker shock when she gets a car. I ask my insurance agent and the insurance for my wife (unexperienced driver) ranges from $2,500/year (for a beat up car) to $6,000 for a new car.
What makes my wife perfect for me is that we are friends first and we talk openly about anything, including sex and money. So far our arguments have been related to very minor things, like her thinking that hot water and heat are free, like they are in Russia. The first month was in the winter and I almost could not pay it :-)
I'm not sure disallowing her to make contact with her own folk is good policy. If she's going to turncoat then she'll do it anyway with or without suggestions from her compatriots.
Wedded bliss can't take place without a little trust.