Anybody who enters into a marriage, already assuming that it will not last, should not get married at all.
You have put your finger on it: It is bloody difficult to find the right woman in the FSU and still a lot of the good ones are left on the shelf! I guess they have got the same problem as us: how to find the good ones among the myriads of time wasters, bad men, stupid men, scammers, etc.
The difficulty I have is with the women near the age of 40, who can be bloody demanding, as some of them have already been married to some guy with money (who dumped them for a 19 year old and the women want another one to dump them again) and they want the same or more from a Western man ('because they are worth it'). Even women with children can be more demanding when they are clearly at a disadvantage. A couple of them have told me: I want the best for my child, in the West, and nothing less. What? Like sending your little brat to Eton and then Oxford?
The younger ones are more easy going (I do not mean unrealistic 20 year olds). 25 to 35 year olds say things like: "You have two children and you want me to be like a mother to them? Yes, why not I like children, I have nieces, etc...." Admittedly some of them may not know what they are getting into.
WS I pm'd you because what I said applies to you. It especially applies to you.
Look, you're a 50 something trying to get married to a 20 something. The only thing you have to offer is immigration to UK. It certainly is not finances. I think you know that. I think you understand that.
The only thing is once she gets her immigration papers to UK, it's bye bye baby. Thank you very much sir, and she has all the rights under UK law.
You've never been married before to a FSU woman so you think you merely need to get married then live happily ever after. In most cases it doesn't work that way. 50% of marriages in general in Western countries end in divorce. I am sure that with these types of marriages the divorce rate is much higher. The odds are stacked against you any way you look at it.
Your strategy is to write one woman for nine months, go see her and hope something develops. If something does, invite her to the UK for trial living. Through this process the years pass by ...
Yes, the older women are more demanding because they know what they want and have experienced more of life. The younger ones think if it doesn't work I can always find a younger guy. So they are more easy going.
Your best bet WS, if you want a marriage to last is find a 30 something, divorced with a child. She'll have more of a vested interest in making the marriage work for the sake of at least her child.
I have to post here again as I am afraid that TomZ, with his lack of success, reasoning and his dubious morality is misleaing people, especially newbies.
You have to do the hard work that Tom Shea and Northkape have done and I think dcguy is doing: spend a lot of time and effort learning all about the girl(s) you are pursuing to find the right one. If you try to reduce it to going to a dating site and picking a Mail Order Bride following a list of criteria: age, status, children, occupation, etc. you are heading for disaster.
I can tell you, from experience, that an FSU woman of about 37 or so, with one or two children, already divorced, etc. can have no principles and behave much worse than a spoilt teenager or be a blatant gold digger/visa seeker or acammer.
It is all down to the individual, a girl of 20 (but not so likely) or a woman of 45, can be the ideal woman for you, as a complete individual, with no criteria applied to her. But you have to work to find her.
"You think you are Freud too?" No. I'm just telling you what I see. I've seen older guys get burned by the moderately older women and say, Oh what the hell. Why go to all this trouble? I might as well just go for the younger ones.
Frankly I don't care what you do.
My advice is for the benefit of others in the forum.
WS because you're a classic representation of misinformed guys who travel to the FSU in search of a wife, with all the misnomers, misconceptions and false assumptions.
So I can point to you and say, this guy is doing something wrong. Here are his mistakes and here is how we can avoid them.
You don't have much experience in travelling to the FSU. Maybe 5 years at best? So what makes you an expert?
You clearly don't want to take anyone else's advice and think your own is superior. But you've not been successful even by your own criteria. So do what you gotta do or what you think you should do. But I am going to be here to point out your errors especially when you try to correct those of us who have been at this longer than you.
The only reason you are talking about 'expert' is because you think you are one and you do not like 'competition' as you think you are the top dog here. I give advice or at least comment on what I know. I do not try to force me criteria on others. You do and it has not worked for you.
First get yourself an FSU wife, then give advice.
You keep saying it, you have been at it longer (20 years) and still have not achieved more than a virtual girlfriend. Is the longer you spend looking the more expert you are or the more of a failure you are?
Do you seriously believe that a virtual girlfriend, living in the FSU has sexual needs only when you go to see her? Does it not occur to you that she is no just going to sit there and reject advances or invitations as you may go there in a few months time to satisfy her?
Get real, you do not have a loving relationship of a couple.
But aren't you a relative newbie yourself with just a year or two experience under your belt?
You think dcguy is doing it right spending a lot of time learning, the same dcguy that thinks meeting a lady 7 months after first contact is "quick".
Do some of you guys really believe that an attractive lady is going to wait 7+ months on the offchance you might turn up, of course she's not, she'll be writing and perhaps meeting with multiple guys and the first eligible one to propose to her gets her.
We used to have an Australian guy on this forum, he used to write as if he had such a depth of "on the ground" experience of Ukraine, he would tell us the travelling time from Kiev to Krivoy Rog, he would send money and/or gifts to his "sweethearts" in Ukraine when the truth of the matter was that he'd never set foot in Ukraine, he'd never been there, his "sweethearts" were only cyber sweethearts and what knowledge he had of Ukraine he'd picked up from Google. ... "aussieman41", that was him.
So great to spend a lot of time learning but it doesn't achieve very much and won't find oneself a "sweetheart", only a "cyber sweetheart".
Isn't it funny that the same people who warn against professional daters who are in a hurry to get you there to make you spend your money are usually the same guys (I do not remember about you) that tell you that you must not keep the lady waiting?
My stance with ladies who want me to go to see them soon is: "I will need to tell you when I am able to go over there; if you are still looking for a man and you are still interested in me, then, I will offer to come to see you; if not, I will understand" If they wait and keep communicating with me, then I see a real interest, at least to meet me in person. There is no 'game' on my part in terms of keeping the ladies waiting to test them. I am honest with them, about what I can and cannot do, going to see other ladies, etc. from the beginnning, unlike a lot of other men purporting to be knights in shiny armour, then giving us other guys a bad name.
A professional dater is simply not going to wait. Did you read the story of that guy 4re? The one who jumped on the plane to see a girl only a few weeks after meeting her in the dating site? It was the worst train crash of meeting an FSU lady I have seen. The guy was so badly 'damaged' that he vowed never to seek an FSU lady again.
Like I have said about age, status, knowledge of English and other criteria: there is NO criteria for the maximum/minimum length fo time you have to wait before you go to see a lady, you just have to play it by ear and it is all down to individuals.
About the time you say I have been looking, I will say the same to as you as I said to TomZ: the longer you have been looking and found nothing, the more you prove you do not know how to do it. I will listen to Tom Shea and others like him, instead.
And who says that someone who has had experience in relationships with local women is a newbie? These FSU girls are not from Mars, they are women like all other women.
You need to address TomZ about having a 'cyber' sweetheart. People like me just accept that there will be no real loving relationship until the girl is with me. In the meantime, they are just nice friendly relationships if you get on well with them by phone and Internet.
"A professional dater is simply not going to wait." That is true. A pro-dater will want you to come quickly so she can quickly go to work on you.
That's why I said if you have a suite of meetings you will easily be able to detect the pro-dater and move on to the next one. What WS likes to do is put all of his eggs in one basket, write only one lady and go only see her.
It's not necessary to tell your lady that you're going to see other women. Most of them understand this already. Telling them that you're going to see other women is like rubbing salt into an open wound.
WS - let's be clear. I have a girlfriend and am in a relationship. It's not a cyber relationship. It's a real relationship.
You've been looking and still have nothing. If you continue to follow your own bad advice then you will still be in the same position a year from today.