You had better be very sure of a woman before you bring her to the USA. Because the most dangerous scam is after she is here. http://www.renewamerica.com/columns/roberts/070918
All she needs to do is get a restraining order and the Violence against Women Act will almost guarantee her permanent residence, welfare, medicare. This puts a carrot in front of an immigrant that whether the plan from the start or after a minor disagreement. You better believe that all of the ladies on the Internet know about this.
One call to a shelter and they will whisk her away and a few lies and a restraining order and you cannot even talk to her to find out what happened or to try to remedy the situation.
I was lucky enough she did not call the police and actually get criminal charges filed on me because true or not if a 911 call is made someone goes to jail and is charged with domestic violence whether they do anything or not. But I now have a restraining order on my record that in the hearing she admitted many of her claims were not true but the judge still issued the order. And I am here to tell you none of them were true but some things just cannot be proven in black and white.
Here are INS rules for victims of vawa to apply for permanent residence http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.5af9bb95919f35e66f614176543f6d1a /?vgnextoid=499a6c854523d010VgnVCM10000048f3d6a1RCRD&vgnextchannel=828807b03d92b 010VgnVCM10000045f3d6a1RCRD
So if you are not totally sure about your woman do not let her set her feet on US soil until you are.
you probably should not place that info on here because most American men are paranoid about this FSU dating process.
8 out of 10 think they wont get scammed.
9 out of 10 have been scammed.
10 out of 10 think they will succeed where others have failed.
If any American man is not sure, just ask Martin, he has a close friend to help.
You have to give credit where credit is due.
Fiance.com is a beaut site. No scammers and no pay_per_letters agencies.
I've thought about you many times, since you first posted the heart-rending news. I deeply appreciate that you've come back to inform us about your experience.
No man who is seeking a good marriage, will like to think about the ugly picture of such a cruel, exploitative and deceptive woman. But it is reality, and I am confident that thousands of vampires in the FSU are well educated in the process - they have already read web pages like those you linked.
If some time you can tell us more of what you have learned - for example, at what stage you believe she formed her plan, or if you see any warning signs that you had failed to recognize - it may help some other poor dumb bastard to save himself.
This is such true story one of my friend in Atlanta happened to him, he is living with his friend & the russian girl is claiming to get his house. I just don't believe the crap from these dating agancies end result. He is glad he didn't have kids with her otherwise US law say the mother is entitled to more of his income. BTW:she had knowledge of US law. Excellent post.
I agree with micheal -- you should not post that here, but for other reasons. It is a free lesson on how to get into America with a good plan and strategy to dupe some guy. However, it is sobering to say the least. My ex used something similar. One day the sherrif shows up at my door with a restraining order. I said what's this about? He said not to worry, they do it all the time. It is a lawyer ploy to use as muscle. Well shit! I lost my security clearance at my job, lost $1000s of salary because of a 'prank' that had absolutely no merit. When I showed up for the hearing -- I came alone and no-one from the other side showed up. It was dismissesd as having no basis. However, it cost me plenty. And it is also a permanent record.
We are taking a gamble to say the least. But one born of hope that it is a sincere and honest relationship. Who says you can't scam an honest man? The little devil on my shoulder still asks me if I am sure. Sometimes it comes down to fate. As I have always said, "Trust, but verify." Still it is a difficult and intriguing game(not really a game)we are playing. I am sorry for you OZ that you were made an example. Hopefully it does not turn into and epidemic. Thanks for continuing to share with us. Keep the faith in yourself.
I believe the scenario described in that piece can be attributed to any woman with their eye on the main chance.
Plenty of western men who married western women have been on the recieving end of the punishment meted out by the courts.
Only when it happens to be a foreign woman do people look on aghast.
Truth is more western women destroy the economy and future of their own menfolk than any scamming foreign bride.
Statistics of the foreign bride on this scam might be creeping up but the western woman still holds the copyright.
I'm holding out for a plateau followed by a backlash. I'd like to see that happen in my lifetime..but I doubt it.
RB If you call being served a restraining order getting in contact with her yes I did. She was at the hearing but I was not able to talk to her. I found out she was in Lincoln, Ne from the restraining order. And now for a year I cannot attempt to make any contact with her including email.
Durak the first thing that really scared me that she was interested in this was an incident with her child. I always helped him with his homework and enjoyed it. I was driving 120 miles each way to work at this time so I could be home for his homework and take care of chores she could not yet master Such as putting gas in her car, bringing items from the store she could not yet locate and making sure there was still spending money in the drawer for her. I showered she fed me and requested I help him with his homework. I got my glasses set at the table but he refused to come because he was playing a video game. I wanted to read a manual to set the fan of the central heating unit to run all the time to filter the air even when the burner was not on and went to that. I had read 2/3s of what I wanted to when he finished his game and she requested I help him. I said in a minute. She insisted several more times and he was whining and complaining in the background and I said when I finish here. She said he needs his sleep and you help him now. I took one step forward with my index finger up and said I waited for him and he is no better than I am he can wait for me. She grabbed my finger with both hands and yelled he does not need your help. She tried to help him blew up and they went to his bedroom homework undone. She would not speak to me for 2 days and swore I wanted to hit her son which I definitely had no intention of doing. This made me think she was looking for an excuse to drop the domestic violence hammer but she did not at that time.
She spent 3 months in Ukraine this summer and I had her green card when she returned. That was when she truned cold leaving 3weeks later.
Early warnings were wanting to sleep on oppisite sides of the bed, not wanting to be touched other than for sex which she seemed to enjoy, especially being angry in the morning.
Whether she planned it all along, met a boyfriend during her stay in Ukraine, or when she decided I may never know. I do know she was a different woman when she returned from Ukraine and I gave her the green card.
Good link Oz, thanks, I saved in for later reference. The author of the site is also anti-socialist so that might be interesting material to read too.
It's a sad tale and without having more information and at the danger of totally getting it wrong, I think you "guys" were not a good fit. She seems too strong willed, in my opinion. The first thing I do is determine who is the "alpha male" personality; if the woman is too alpha, I pass, b/c I know I am and it will not work out in long term. If the woman is alpha and the male is not, that also will not work out.
Anyways, just my two cents and my apologies if my categorization of personalites is not applicable to your case.
Kirkland also has a valid point and one with which I agree completely having already met the local American equivalent in years past.
Mr. Oz, I have read that one who is likely to do what your wife did is she who is well educated and knows English well. She can then be independent when she gets her green card. Is that the case? Also, a liar in big things is also a liar in small things. Did she lie in small things?
Now, I will get attacked that I was looking for someone uneducated and knows no English. I was not.
? One cannot detect lies when they are lied to, assuming there is an established trust. Whether great or small lies. One who has an honest belief does not continually keep score of what may or may not have been a lie. It is something never to be concerned with. Yet to find out later than all has been a lie, then one must consider and reflect on events and what led to such a lie. One may or may not relive the experience and try to reason the events. But the fact is that one has been decieved. To ask of that person about the details when it is freshly in their mind is like asking a coach why he kicked a field goal instead of going for the first down inside the ten in the postgame interview.
Only to have lost the game by a couple points. Give the guy a chance to review the tapes. Maybe his coaching staff or advance team (spotters) made a mistake and did not see the weakness in the defense. Give the guy a break already.
I am not attacking anyone because they look for an uneducated woman. I am just saying, OZ has shared much with humilty. He does not need to second guess and tell you something he is still trying to figure out. Give it time. And by the way, love knows no boundaries of language. Plenty of deaf people fall in love.
She was well educated but did not know English well enough to communicate in public. She said she wanted to learn but did not seem real dedicated to it. When I tried to teach her such as repeating in English what I said in Russian she became irritated and told me I talked too much. She was very interested in politics, really liked putin, disliked Ushinko, and spent a lot of time searching for political issues.
She will have to stay in a Russian community to communicate well. One of her favorite movies was Dva brat (Two brothers) about two R mafia brothers who went to America to deal with a man who crossed them in Russia. They shot up the police, the blacks, and almost everyone else. There was a bald Russian prostitute in the movie that the two brothers wound up taking back to Russia. I told my then fiance that would not be her. But that haunted me when I said it and I shook it off. Sometimes I have premonitions like that and they come true. I fear it is possible this will be the case. I hope not but at this point there would be absolutely nothing I could do as far as discussing with her or helping her.
sjsj0908 she was strong willed.
She seemed to be honest enough until she was in Ukraine and even then she disclosed things that were not in her best interest to tell me but the atm withdrawals did not always come from the same city she swore to me she was in. She denied it until I told her the bank was going to have big problem reporting a wrong location at which point she told me she was having a friends husband take her card and get money for her. I accepted that answer. But other things did not add up.
You are right Ralph I make my share of mistakes and I try to see everyones side before talking but sometimes my insite is not perfect. Especially when trying to figure out a Ukrainian woman and do not take that as an insult to Ukrainian women only that my train of thought is not on the same track.