I'm so glad that this question was asked now. I joined this site for some real useful discussion about FSU Dating and helpful information. it is obvious that this site is full of stupid guys constantly fighting like little girls. This question has saved me alot of wasted time. The moderator clearly doesn't do any sort of job sorting the crap out from the real point in hand and there is no way we can do anything about it. I am surprised this site is still working.
I agree. The only real questions seem to be about scams and getting scammed and preventing being scammed and I'm taking/took a trip and this is what happened.
Rarely to never are there any questions about what to do first and how to go about it or we've met and now we want to be serious, what do we do now, or we've agreed to get married, what about the visa process, etc.
Most of the folks here are either stuck in the rut and are the ruts themselves.
since there are many different ways to meet and or date women overseas people can use what ever method suits them. as for me I write a few letters to a few I find interesting then meet them on one of my trips. since I view letter writing as just a way to learn a little about who I want to meet and a way to weed out a few who are not so serious women. I try to not stereotype ( for lack of a better word) any of the girls I meet. I wait till I meet them then decide from there if we have any sort of connection. I also use it as a learning experience for me, I learn a little more about the culture language and places to visit. I always pick a city that I am interested in seeing so if things don't work out I do some sight seeing and have a great time anyways. I have made quite a few friends and met some interesting people I am quite enjoying my time spent there. I have also seen and done some things you could never see or do anyplace else in Europe. Since I am not in any hurry I am able to just enjoy my time with who ever I meet.
and really the whole scam and how not to be scamed is kind of burnt out topic , some advice on how to get russian women into a country where they can be transported to australia by boat for a small fee would be great
"Since I am not in any hurry I am able to just enjoy my time with who ever I meet."
I don't know how to exactly word this but I'll take a shot.
It seems that many also are not in a big "hurry" to meet their permament mate. The above poster seems to be one of those; writes some letters, some phone/SMS/Skype calls, maybe a letter, maybe some flowers and then jets over.
I would offer the suggestion that since this is the underlying fact, this same type of poster (not saying this particular one) may subconsciously set themselves up to only meet the same type of woman/women (those not really interested in being in a "hurry" to be serious and permanent). Therefore, I propose, they both set themselves up in the never-ending spiral of never really finding that "perfect mate".
Now from my own limited personal experience, I can't say that I did anything differently during the initial correspondence part of my search, except that I was serious about finding a serious mate, that I had taken some time to list out what I wanted, who I was, what I brought to the table, and what qualities were important to me. When I found those qualities and we both agreed we each met each other's criteria.
And, personally, I think the whole "cultural differences" thing is very overblown. These ladies are very informed and know all about and live very "Western" like us. Again, only my limited experience.
To the new posters looking for real information, as I've stated, VJ and RMP are way mo better than here. RWD is OK but the owner has some issues (big side-bar story).
To be fair VisaJourney is an EXCELLENT site - but it more technically oriented twoard the US fiance visa law, the process and has a bit of a cheerleading section (group hugs optional).
IF you have found "the one" and if you happen to be in living in the USA - VisaJourney may actually save you the trouble and expense of having to get an immigration attorney and as such is a WONDERFUL SITE.
But as far as meeting a Russsian lady? Not so much.
But as far as meeting a Russsian lady? Not so much.
Actually not so. The discussion usually centers around US immigration related issues but there are plenty of folks who have met their one and and just starting down the path. The discussions inevitably lead to relationships and such, and from the collective wisdom of couples who have been successful, they usually share what they did and what worked and didn't work for them
RMP on the other hand is universal in that there are folks, and sections there, that involve immigration for all different countries, etc.
But the basics of dating and in particular FSU men and women are the same.
Much much more real information than one can find here.
Yes this place could be good but the mods are not existant and the inmates run the asylum. Peruing any topic will show you this.
Most of the time, you can isolate what you don't want to get involved with. But, many times, these people want to impose their values on you. We go over here for opinion, guidance and ideas. The ultimate action should be up to us because it is our lives. Noone else will live it for us.
I do have a reason for taking my time or should I call it being cautious. I know exactly what I am looking for and what I bring to the table, but it seems to me every girl I have met claims to have such quality's at least in the letters they write and profiles I have seen. only in meeting and spending time with them do I see if they are what I am looking for. I would say its the same as any place you would meet a potential partner. I have talked with many women here and abroad who claim to be this or that and try to put on an act for a short time only to find out there view of something is nothing at all like mine. I only want to do this once and I am sure when I meet the right one I will know. I guess what it comes down to is we are all different.
I must have missed the dark ages for this forum, but lately it has gotten much worse from what I've seen months ago. It has always been the same few idiots who keep harassing other members. I don't need to mention names because their trolling is so obvious and blatant. They need to get banned already.
There have always been periodic flaming wars in this forum. And I must admit I have actively participated from time to time in the past. Maybe I even instigated a few episodes. But lately it seems to have gotten WAY out of hand and even gone off the forum and into real life pursuit and harrassment. Thats where the line should certainly be drawn. And probably WAY before that.
A casual visitor who reads some of these threads would never guess what the forum was even about, save for the title page.
I always thought that the man should be the breadwinner. When this responsibility starts is the question. I chose to start it sooner than later.
I remember asking how the passport issuing worked, and I told how I was about to give my gf $200 for that. I thought this was a good decision to give her the money, and I wasn't even asking here if I should give it. I just wanted to know about the passport. I never heard the end of it. I ended up defending my position over and over again, especially when I lost track of my gf for a couple of weeks when she went to Italy. One person called it the passport fiasco.
Yet, now I told my story in two different threads and I wasn't flamed. In fact, I found agreement from many. I don't really care if anyone agreed or disagreed, I just want to tell my story to those looking for guidance. One can agree and follow my ways or disagree and don't.
Sure, there are flaming wars still going on, but I see them as largely isolated. Again, I don't know where this is headed.
EVER giving money to an FSU woman has become a hot button ion this forum. Somehow a myth was created that western style equality has to extend across the continents and that if you should even pay for a woman's subway token, you are BUYING her. Then the issue swung both ways and got more and more ridiculous.
And as another writer mentioned - this forum IS filled with a paranoi about scammers. I mean, scammer are out there to be sure, but so many men here are terrified of them that, again, if you give a woman a dollar - you must be getting scammed.
I remember one of my first experiences in Ukraine - another man and I were dating two best friend. Neither girl had a job or much money and after a couple of visits to a restaurant where we had the pleasure of having these wonderful women eat with us - my friend told me that it was his belief that we were being scammed. He said that so far WE had paid for the food and the girls hadn't offerend to take US to any nice restaurants. He wanted us to make a unified demand that thet the girls treat US the next time or we would not see them again. I reminded him that these girls had no jobs and not much money - and besides that it IS traditional that the man pays - but he would have none of it. It was one of the most bizarre arguments I have ever had.
I would agree with jet's comments. I think that RB's offer (only a measely $200; in the grand scheme a things, international dating related, that's a drop in the bucket) was fine.
My wife paid for her train trip to meet me in Kiev. I never offered and she never asked. I was ready to reimburse her for it when we met but the subject never came up; she had a good job and we were both meeting in Kiev where neither had visited. If our meeting hadn't gone well (we both knew from all our communication effors that is should have, and it did) then at least we'd team together to go sight-seeing. I did pay for her plane ticket back to Moscow and that in itself did cause our first challenge to our relationship; she got emotional outside the ticket office because it had hit her that if she did agree to marry and move to the US that she would be totally dependent on me and that fact was just hitting more home.
She's OK now and is studying her English like mad now because she wants to work and contribute to the family. I love her for it.
I do think that many of the frightened gents here are also just very inept at using modern communication means to vet out "the scammers" and maybe wouldn't know the difference between one and a real woman if they were put side by side. Most blame the women; I think they are looking into the wrong mirror.
I communicated with at least 30 different women during that period, in various levels, and met two GTGs and one scammer. Saw them right off and never was affected by them. I don't see how hard it is so therefore I place the blame not with the women.
The scammers are there because they can be; there are many gents who are just made for the scammers and the two live for each other. Just nature's way.
I should point out that my method is completely different. Since I have known letter writers to claim to be something entirely different than they are, and since I hate writing letter in general (I don't mind writing in general - just hate letters) I decided to go with what I consider to be a more old-fashioned approach - I decided to meet the women FIRST, face to face from the get-go, to look for that special spark that people traditionally look for when they meet.
The problem with language also bothered me concerning letters. Since many women who SPEAK English fairly well, don't seem to write well or to feel comfortable with their writing I decided that using that method might prejudice me against a wonder (even English speaking) woman who's writing communication in a second language was not up to even her speaking ability. And the idea of using translated letters did not appeal to me as because I would never really know if I was truly hearing for m the girl or a translator who had every desire to keep me paying for translated letters.
That is why I generally go to Romance Socials without ANY precontacts before hand. Doing so removes a whole host of possible traps - while admittedly introducing a few minor new ones.
The first 2 sets of Romance Socials I attended (in 2003 and 2007) were wonderful. I met two incredible women and had that awe inspiring feeling of "falling in love" at each (its a wonderful feeling).
Regular readers here know that each of these two relationship lasted more than two years. The first hit a snag when I brought her back to America but unfortunately experienced a family tragedy. I maintained contact with her later (until this day) perhaps too closely which ultimately did in the SECOND relationship in a serious of errors of my doing that would have been amusing if they had happened in a romantic comedy movie. Unfortunately they didn't (happen in a romantic comedy movie).
SO I end up on the search again.
The Romance Socials held recently (February and March) in Kiev and Poltava were also incredible - I met four of the most wonderful women I could ever hope to meet. Unfortunately I did not fall in love this time. Honestly, I do desire to meet an English speaking lady and three of said ladies spoke no English at all. The fourth spoke excellent English but was really too young for me. (Though she continues to insist that she isn't - she is, trust me.)
This time, unfortunately there were only TWO Romance Socials as part of the event - I think I could have used three.
Dansing wrote: from what i can tell the only real life pursuit and harrassment here has been to me !
what this forum should do is ban the guys that have there shopping trolly succsess story and only allow the ones that are single .
Oh sure, ban the guys that have been there, done that and have actually married an FSU woman. To me, the "married" are probalbly the best resource here for those of us that haven't found our wife yet.
If you feel that we're all "wife buyers" or "shopping trolly succsess [sic] stories" then why are YOU here? Since you're being "harrassed" then why don't you leave us and take your pristine and innocent reputation to another forum?
"At least you admit you are not good at the letter writing thang. "
I didn't actually say that at all.
Its not that I am not good at it. Its just that I hate doing it. And to reiterate - I am concerned about "weeding out" some very wonderful girls, who may even speak English well, but who don't neccessarily write very well.
The WHOLE agency thing bothers me as well. It seems often to be a giant game where of course the agency has a differnt agenda than either the girl or YOU have got. When you meet at a Romance Social the agency affiliation ends with the meeting. You are free to exchange whatever you want - and that could include personal telephone numbers, email addresses and as the trip progresses you can even exchange kisses or EVEN DNA (if you know what I mean - though I don't actually recommend doing that too fast) in far less than the time period required by endless letters.
I've stated in this forum before that my goal has never been to meet Emily Dickenson - in otherwords a woman who is only adept at writing really nice leters. To me it is much more inportant to find that undefinable SPARK that only occurs by meeting, and that any letter writing experience inevitably postpones. (How many times has a letter writer talked about being so nervous about meeting the girl he has been writing to - because even though she writes well, he needs to see if there is any "chemistry" between them? By meeting right away the chemistry question is answered withoud any further adieu.)
But I DO agree that to each his own. I can point to success stories using both methods.