Hi Guys.
OK, I'm new to this so call me niaive (don't all rush at once) but from reading your posts I'm a bit confused about how this all works.
I signed up to the site about a month ago, had a lot of emails from different girls and then the gorgeous Nataly (aka Natalia) from Teplodar arrived in my inbox one morning (If anyone else is in communication with her it would be great to know by the way).
We've been emailing for the last few weeks. She sounds very keen so I tried to exchange email addresses with her but she's told me she only has the agency email and goes there to type her mail in breaks from work in Odessa - Seems a bit odd, but hey, different country, different culture. To be fair it could just be she wants to get more comfortable with me before giving out private contact details.
She now has my mobile phone number so she can send me an SMS message if she wants to talk and I'll call her back at my cost.
She is absolutely gorgeous and sent me some really sweet messages (including one at the weekend apologising profusely for not having the time to write more and promising to write a longer reply on Monday - "I hope you won't be very angry with me" As if I would be!!!)
So it's not that I think I've found a bad'un'(!) - My non-template messages have been read and directly replied too rather than her just sending out templates herself, She's exaclty who I'm attracted to physically (I've had a few pictures from her) and she's so sweet as well.
My questions are, does this sound like someone anyone else is talking too?
What would be the appropriate thing to do next - Do I let her take the lead?
Are gifts expected as part of the culture and so am I being rude by not sending them at this stage?
What is the average timespan from first point of contact to suggesting a visit?
Who visits whom the first time?
She's a professional and seems to be earning good money, so am I expected to pay for her flights or would this be considered offensive?
At which point are engagement and then marriage considered the correct time? When we've met a couple of times; Whilst they're still in their own country; After living together for a period of time???????
I appreciate most of these questions have no right or wrong answers but some suggestion or a guide as to what's expected within local culture would be very much appreciated!!!
I'm a Brit living in Spain who also lives in Germany and spent five year dating/living with and eventually become engaged to a German girl so I'm aware there are massive cultural chasms in different parts of Europe just waiting to gobble you up!
If you want to read about a British guy who got it terribly wrong with a German girl, just have a look at this site belonging to a friend of mine www.thingsmygirlfriendandIhavearguedabout.com (As well as this he writes for the British newspaper "The Guardian")
Aaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! I have so many questions!!!
Oh yes; Also does anyone know how to get a reasonable flight from my home on the Costa Blanca (Southern Coast of Spain - Nearest aiports Alicante and Valencia) to an airport close to Teplodar - I'm guessing Odessa or Kiev would be favourite.
In my opinion, yes it is way way to early to be sending gifts.
As for Question about if she speaks to other men, do not be to shocked
if she is speaking with others.
You will have to visit her first.....
Time frame when your ready and she is ready
it is not that uncommon for A lady to not give you that much info
it takes time to get to know her and her to know you. At least in my case.
She might be professional but even Doctors Make Low wages
But this is up to both parties to talk about that down the road.
Take your time and Learn her first, and keep reading post
from hear.
Thanks David - Well it certainly seems she's been busy - Just bought her "Stats" - 1057 letters written to her since she joined in September last year - Does that sound normal?
First, most ladies do not have internet access in their homes. Second time is of an issue. With the agency it is convenient to send and write responses back especially if her english is not
very good. If she is going to the agency on her lunch breaks, which Larissa did with me for over a year, this beats standing and waiting for a pc to open up in an internet cafe. Hell I've waited and hour for a spot in Mariupol to transact some business I needed to do. Also internet access is not cheap for many of the ladies.
As for gifts, that's your call, I sent Larissa flowers, and some perfume in the first couple of months of writing. I wouldn't go overboard, but nice simple gifts are appreciated.
I can't speak for your situation since you are a regional dweller. As for me it was required that I go visit her in her country. I've enjoyed every moment I've been in Ukraine. If it is within your financial ability go as soon as you can. I'm not one that believes in time frames. If you were going to date a girl across the street would you wait for a month to go out?
I still SMS Larissa every day and call her everyday. As the old Mantra goes, Do Not Send Money, until you have met and have an established relationship with her. Then it still is a crap shoot.
The Majoy hub is Kiev and an excellent place to visit. Though I enjoy Yalta very much and I am looking forward to going back in Sept/Oct. Just use common sense and things will go well for you.
If you had to buy stats, you should just upgrade to the VIP membership. You get unlimited stats and unlimited mailings to agency girls for only 15$ USD more/month. I can't imagine how many add-in one would rack up w/ the Premium Membership.
Other than that, my experience has been similar, my girl had just over 100 letters in 3 months, which seemed pretty high, but things seem to be going well.
I'm also starting to see that the best idea seems to be renting an apartment in Ukraine for about a month or two and meet women the old fashioned way ;)
Cheers for the advice - Keep it coming please! This is all new to me.
As I said, Nataly seems really sweet - and she's totally gorgeous too - Now I know you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket, but, whilst we're on the subject of food analagies, I've never been the one to eat the whole desert trolly either . I think I'm going to assume I've just been lucky in finding someone who (so far at least) meets the kind of person I've been looking for (there's only a very few years age gap which is a bonus)and work hard to prove to her I'm worthy of her.
Bloke ,
I was writing to her also , but this is just my opinion. She has been on three different web sites for almost 4 0r 5 years now. She is a former Miss Wow. I even have her in a catalogue. She is a nice person indeed if it is her who is writing , her letters are beleivable . I questioned her about why after 4 or 5 years she cannot find a man and blah, blah, blah . I hit her with some serious questions and she avoided them . My personal opinion is she is a professional web dater and making a career out of it . Can you imagine the amount of flowers and gifts she receives being on at least the three sites that i know of? Hell , why get serious? Why buy the cow when the milk is free.
I thought the policy on this forum was that personal contact info must be provided if you ask for it. I think our old forum friend Shaggy was having fun writing to her a while back and i think someone else here paid a visit to her and said she was a little shy , but in the Anastasia.com web photo she has her hands underneath both breasts holding them up for the world to see with a pouty look of i need it bad , very bad .
Hey , you asked and i am just giving you my opinion but i avoid the popular ones . Who knows you might be her prince charming.
The website is Anastasiaweb.com. I've never used this agency (Anastasiaweb), but judging by the number of complaints I've read about it on other forums, it seems to be somewhat disreputable.
I personally would prefer to find a girl that has not been in the MOB scene for 4-5 years and has received over 1000 (!) letters just from one site. Just my opinion, but when a girl has that many options she might not treat any individual man with as much seriousness as a girl that doesn't get as many letters.
Oh, and to answer one of your questions, don't let her take the lead. If you want to pursue the relationship, you take the lead. If you are serious about the relationship, I would suggest making a trip within a couple of months. You should tell her that you want to visit her in her city and make arrangements yourself. And always have a backup plan.
Hmm...Let's see she has been on several sites for 4 or 5 years now, and has received over 1000 letters on this site since September?
"My questions are, does this sound like someone anyone else is talking too?"....ah...HELLO? about 1000 times??
"What would be the appropriate thing to do next - Do I let her take the lead?" NO...look for another girl!
Sorry, I know you are a novice at this but you have to be realistic about things. Jmoluv is right, she is a professional dater. Don't "fall in love" with this girl. Best to move on.
This is what happened to me. The girl I met through another paying site and me became close,I spoke often with her and her family,and one day,months later, I see her on this site ( fiance). SO,I do a search and find that she is also a gamer ( professional dater)who belongs to many different sites,some of them in Germany too. The end? ( I still am not 100% certain) came when she started making lots of trips to Moscow ( for her job supposedly) I should have thought as Jaymo wrote above--that years on several sites would be very nice indeed when spring break is in the air. She could take 2 months off of work and live very comfortably as a date-ho. I have been as sensitive and edgy as OKM since this happened. It was a different kind of lesson-a different kind of deceit. Do not do as I did Bloke. Do not become emotionally ensnared,or you pain will be much greater.
Bloke, it sounds like you're shallow and are afraid to spend a little money. This may not be a safe service for you, I dont know how you feel about gamling with emotions or money, ask yourself that question then decide if you want to be real, or continue running through women like Liz Taylor did men in the 70's.
Not trying to be mean or anything bud, but I've only been on this site for a week now, and am already learning lots of things, and not allowing myself to become stupid over something, minor dissapointments already, but not letting anything bother me, I know its hard, I know im a rookie and a lot of vets have been through it all, but I'm just gonna try and play it as safe as possible.
Er....wow Plateus! That's a lot of assumption to make about my personality when I've only made one post on this forum!
I'm certainly not "shallow" - Far from it in fact. As for not being prepared to spend a little money, well that couldn't be further from the truth either (However, they say "a fool and his money are easily parted").
I think there's two ways of playing this game - You either play the numbers game and contact as many women as possible on the site in the hope that eventually you'll find someone you like, who likes you and is genuine. Alternatively you look a little harder at the photos and descriptions on the site and that arrive in your email, find a very few who you like and work hard on them to sell yourself.
I've never been a player (so the Liz Taylor comparison is way off the mark too I'm afraid) and prefer to go for the latter and be a bit more selective.
Just wanted to say thanks very much to JMO and John for emailing me - It does indeed look like "Natalias" on quite a few sites.
The letters she writes do appear to be personal replies to the letters I've sent which means in less than a year, if she's replied to every letter received she's written 4 letters per day every day on average...........Hhhhhmmmmm.
I've made a deal with myself as a result - I'm going to see how this one plays out for the next month as a test. If it doesn't go anywhere or I feel there's anything wrong going on, on the basis that out of the tens of thousands of ladies "available" the first one I happen to pick is bad, I'm going to pack this entire thing in and go back to sites a little closer to home!
Ooooh and I'm going "speed dating" on the beach on Friday apparently so wish me luck - I hope the "speed dating" evening doesn't lead to too much "speed drinking" followed "speed shagging"......It could all get awfully messy!
Bloke,
I wouldn't get to worried about these comments. It is possible to write the most innocous thing on this forum and it will illicit replies that will take your breath away. You are left wondering if this person can actually read and write English. In some cases it is a very valid concern!!
I endorse everything that has been said above by the more experienced forum members.
There is a theory.
Which the websites propogate (including this one).
It is that you go into the database pick out some attractive women and start writing. They are just so willing to run off with a western man that they will fall at your feet.
All of this is complete nonsense.
The databases are full of time wasters, scammers, keyboard Juliets, loonies and other social rejects. Now don't get me wrong, there are also many wonderful women that are very sincere and really do want to find a man from England, Usa or similar.
HOWEVER !!!
Beware the hype and propaganda. Remember why these sites are there in the first place.
To make money!!
There are so many angles to that particular can of worms I wouldn't know where to begin.
Then we have the women that 'overstretch' themselves.
Anybody remember Elena Lebedova? She wrote to 1,000's of guys. Then she couldn't answer all the emails and got bumped off Fiance. She wrote to many forum members. Including me. We all thought she was a joke.
However when a women has a lot of letters in her stats don't rush to write her off. Tradman found a woman that had a large number of emails in her letterbox history. They are married now and expecting a child, he is English by the way.
Sometimes they might have had an involvement with a guy and the emails can add up quick. I was with a lady from Ekaterinburg and I would think that we exchanged somewhere in the region of 1000 emails.
Sorry but that is exactly what you are being to Bloke. Frankly ever since you said that you only earn $22k a year I am left wondering why you are even still here!! That isn't enough money to even think about doing and this has been pointed out by myself and another couple of members.
Bloke....
I know Nataly too. She approached me on fiancedotcom about 2-3 weeks ago. I have been writing to her during this time. I really do not consider her a serious prospect. Her letters are nice but she doesnt write often enough to show me she is really interested in me. I agree with JMO that she is a pro web dater. lets both continue to write to her and see what happens. Whatever happens, do not fall for her yet bloke!
Meanwhile back to my previous post and to try to offer a little advice to my fellow countryman Bloke on the radio. Incidentally what on earth does that name mean??
Everything I am about to say has been posted here before but to make it easier I am going to rehash it here.
Bloke,
Letters, calls and photos mean absolutely nothing. There is only one thing that counts meeting her. You have to just go.
In early September I am going to Kherson in Ukraine. So far I have had contact with 6 women. None of it looks good. I have one that is an extremely good candidate but she isn't writing very much. I have another who declares she is very sexy. 2 others who are 31 and looking for babies. (I am 50 and don't want a natural child I am too old).
However I have a feeling that when I am actually there thinking on my feet it will come together.
The reason that the good candidate is slowing her emails is obvious. It does not mean that she has changed her mind. No far from it. It is just that she knows I am coming and she doesn't want to waster her time writing senseless letters. We will go to dinner and we will size each other up.
Long protracted email exchanges with a visit are at best precarious. It happened to me.
You cannot predict so many things. Until you meet you will have no clue about her. She might be scruffy, or laugh like a donkey. On the other hand she might not come across in photos so well but has the abilty to just carry herself in a way that will make you desire her instantly. These things cannot be determined from a picture. I had a woman that was outstandingly beautiful but when I visited her it was a complete disaster.
I fell in love with pictures, phonecalls and letters. Don't make the same mistake I did.
Just go.
Now we get to the next problem that all of us make. So you discover Fiance.com or Elena's Models or East West Match and you start looking.
You comb the data bases and select women that are younger, beautiful and fit your general criteria. Then you start narrowing it down.
Oh dear this one is in Novorogod, another in Ekaterinburg, another in Gomel!!! What do I do???
It is the ususal trap. You have created your own nightmare.
You must settle on a particular city for whatever reason that suits you. Then select women only from that city. Contact them. Organize a visit with a local agency. At this point Fiance.com, EWM, etc have done their work.
Exchange a few emails with the women you have met and just go!!
The ones that are more experienced and knowledgable will know that you are not going to meet just them. They are not stupid they know that writing is a waste of time and that you will be meeting several women. If they don't and want to dominate your time and resources get rid of them. They are trying to 'capture' you. Again I made this mistake.
remember that the women that you come into contact with are all looking for a nice guy - that includes the interpreters.