Why should I blame her that she filled my days with misery,
What could have made her peaceful with a mind
That nobleness made simple as a fire,
With beauty like a tightened bow, a kind
That is not natural in an age like this,
Being high and solitary and most stern?
Why, what could she have done, being what she is?
Was there another Troy for her to burn?
why does she not cook something from her own country? trying to win your heart by downloading a recipe -- sure it's cute ... never mind... a good gesture on her part. Hopefully she slow cooks the meat so it is not too tough. Have her make an authentic Irish stew. And if she can bake -- a good boxtie with beef or lamb... ;)-
In fact, I sent a dozen authentic Irish recipes to my lady in Russia. And of course she is expecting me to cook them all. :)
But I look more forward to her cooking for me. Can't wait for the cool summer soup and other dishes.
ye strange other women im fine around with her im anxious all time horrible feeling. All is good I took her to horse riding 2day her 1st time she became very scared and wouldnt do it. Overall we are getting on very well ,we havnt sleep together at all since she has come kiss alot and such but thats all.
So last nite I made a move on her and she left the bedroom and sat on ground crying.
After about 2 hrs of coaxing and being nice (and picking her up and carrying her to bed with her laughing),shes not a small lass at all either) she came out with it all.
She dosnt love me deeply shes knows what deep love is but does not feel it for me.
I said so you care for me 0 she said no not 0 when I was in Ukraine I missed you alot of times.
She said I see you how hard you try and how much you love me she said. Give me time she said, its hard for me because I want her all the time.
I knew she had a guy back in Ukraine b4 me maybe 2 3 years ago ,well she thinks she still has feelings for him and is still hurt from breakup. He has a another woman now so she said there was no future and he hurt her too much, Basically the story I was told by her friend was he was a soldier in the Ukranian army and she moved with him 2 a different part of Ukraine with him, different customs there etc. His family didnt take to her and he didnt support her with them. So she left and came back to mother after 6 months.
So basically now she says she wants to be with me and dosnt want to leave at all ,as I said we get on great, I suprised her yesterday and took her 2 a friends and she picked a small kitten for herself which she is crazy about. And she is really trying hard to be nice to be, I had a friend once from states who married a muslim girl while stationed in Bosnia and he got 0 sex from her to and I thought at the time what a nightmare life, could I live like that indefenitely?
Ive never been in such a situation when I lived with the Latvian/Russian it was a great sex life but now nothing ,the difference of course is I love this woman here so much. My son is a bad eater just picky she downloaded some receipes for children make funny faces from food and such so they will eat it.
geez thats a difficult situation Colin. Not sure what I would do in such a sitation. On the one hand you could say its not worth carrying on and send her home but on the other hand things could change. If it was me i'd hang in there and wait and see. Theres no hurry for the time being but i'm sure others would say differently. Sometimes if your too nice you can get taken for granted, so its a difficult. Certainly getting her talk to you is a good start. Given that you both jumped into marriage she didn't have time to doubt what she was doing and now she is doubting herself, but that isn't usual. Most likely girls tell their girlfriends similar things before getting married and go on to have a happy marriage in the end.
Let me just give you my advice from my experience. Take it for what it's worth.
You can not MAKE a relationship work. The spark is either there for BOTH or it is not. My one previous marriage and another very serious relationship were like this, I thought that I could make it work. It never did. Luckily in both we both knew what was happening and split up as friendly as possible.
So she sees how much you put out for her and she appreciates that and is of course comforted by that. But as she says, she does not love you. So it is one way.
Based on my experience, this will not work.
I'd say, be friends, don't try to be lovers where there is not two way love.
ye thanks baron , i hug her alot and kiss and she gives it back to me ,when I sleep I hold her
we will see how it goes. I will try do things together with her and be friends.
You say it will not work but it may later?
"ye strange other women im fine around with her im anxious all time horrible feeling"
Women tent to sync up emotionally with those around them - if you feel that way then eventually she will as well. Also being generally needy is a very unattractive quality to a woman so if shes ever going to fall for you, you need to "man up". You should check out some some "inner game" material from the likes of David Deangelo, seriously. Granted its billed as so called "pick-up artist" material but seriously you need to check it out.
For what is worth ...
... she may start "loving" you because she will get used to you. Relationships are habit forming. She already realized that there is nothing better back home. You are the "best" option for her ... right now!
The problem with such relationship is that neither of you will be truly happy and every issue will be magnified, until she realizes that there are better fish in the sea (for her taste and not necessarily true) and she may fall for the next man who talks sweet to her.
Right now there is hope, and you will cling to such hope for dear life, without realizing that the ball is always on her side of the court and sooner or later she "may" find a way out that is satisfactory for her, regardless of what you think.
Read what Baron wrote 100 times. It is the smartest advice I have read so far.
We all have this altruistic nature and we think that if we put the right effort, people will change. Well, let me give you a reality check: people change ONLY if they (themselves) decide that they want to change.
I used to behave like you (and Baron). My life with women was always miserable ... until I finally realized that there is not only one woman in the world. There are many million women in the world, and among them there is at least one who will love me and care for me as much as I will for her. My goal changed from wanting to be with a <adjectives here> woman to finding the right woman. Now I feel a lot happier ... and I think that she's THE ONE!
It took time (and painful decisions), but it was well worth the wait and the effort. Ask Baron how he feels after he found the "right" woman for him.
I had a girl friend in my early twenties while I was in the service. She was also in the service, but she was not in my unit. At that time, 10% or less of the military were women, so I was fortunate to have a girlfriend. I was the envy of many.
I thought I was in love so I stayed with her, like Colin does no matter how shitty she treated me. (I am not implying here that Colin's girl is treating her shitty) We were off and on for a while. I missed her terribly when she was gone. Then we lived together for a few months. There were a lot of guys asking her out, so one day, she said she loved me, but she wanted to make sure. By that, she meant she wanted to go out with other guys. She moved out.
That was enough for me to realize that I was not in love with her. She got herself pregnant by someone who didn't give a damn. Then, she realized that there were no other guys that would treat her better than I did. I remember her coming to visit me and introducing me to a friend. They were going somewhere, but didn't tell me where. It was not until later on that I found out she went to get an abortion. Coming to visit me was a last ditched effort to give the child a home.
I went with out with her again, but I did not tolerate her treating me shitty. She actually asked me to marry her. I told her no. I got stationed somewhere else. She wrote to me several times, although I told her that I got married. She was terribly in love.
I'll answer that. When I met my RW first on EM, yes she was very attractive and she found me pleasant also. We communicated outside of the agency from day two. Our communication was very real and telling. We talked about all sorts of subject, what we liked, disliked, wanted in relationship, etc. etc. We both found out we liked virtually the same things and had the same interests. Never was there an I Love You or anything like that. Usually it was more like I find you very interesting or until the next time or I look forward to receiving your letters and photos.
Then we began to talk on the phone (about three weeks in) and soon after that began to Skype. After two months we both simultaneously decided we were attracted to each other and began an exclusive correspondance and promise to meet in person.
Still no I Love You.
Then we met in Kiev and we confirmed that we were physically attracted to each other and capable of making the other happy. We became engaged, but still no I Love You. Very close but we both knew that it was too early.
Yes, we both took the chance that by accepting the engagement at this time that we would be breaking all the "rules" of not having solid love in the relationship. We talked much about this and agreed that we would see how it goes through the visa waiting period.
Well, our correspondence racheted up quite a bit and our relationship was tested and challenged and many times we both offered to end it, but we both kept at it. We both agreed that there was this underlying feeling that this was right.
When did the I Love You's start? In June while I accompanied her via phone, email, and Skype on her vacation to her hometown and a week at the Black Sea.
It was then that we both knew we were right for each other.
To steal a saying from a fellow VJ poster:
I Feel Her. She Feels Me.
Now our love for each other increases every day. After her interview in Nov, we plan for her and the little boy to come here in early December.
So there is no thought of making it work. There is no obsession for the other. We only have feelings of intense love for the other. We think about each other every second of every day. We know what the other is thinking without the need to be physically present. It is quite scary actually.
I have never ever felt this way about a woman ever before.
I will keep everyone posted, as much as I will have time and don't expect to have much, on how it goes. I can only say that we both agree to devote our lives to each other, the relationship, and the family. We will be very happy.
Take it slow Colin. She is very comfortable with you since you are doing all the work. If it is one sided though, that may not make for a lasting relationship. It may happen also. I would not be too strong; let her see you for who you are. Let her know through your actions that you are perfect for her. She is obviously perfect for you.
I'm confused. Baron55 said first "based on my experience, this will not work" but then he gives and example of the opposite? Good story and pleased it shows there is hope. But based on his experience it can work?